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Learning To Love Approach Anxiety

Author: Adam Lyons

Approach anxiety is something everyone new to game has to deal with.  And it’s necessary.  After all, if you don’t deal with that discomfort, you are never going to get better with women.  But, at the same time, approach anxiety can be debilitating, and the last thing we want is you sitting their gnawing on your lip and stuttering through your words.  Here are three ways you can manage this paralyzing emotion and even use it to better yourself.

Embrace It

The first thing you need to realize is that this type of anxiety is a good thing.  The more nervous a woman makes you feel, the more you are attracted to her, so that woman that has you shaking in your boots is pretty close to your ideal woman. 

Running the other direction is probably the worst thing you could do, and if she’s got your blood steaming and hormones boiling with just the hint of a smile, imagine what the sex is going to be like.  What you are experiencing is chemistry—this is the stuff it’s made of and the reason we learn game.  Keep your cool, but ride that high for all its worth.

Leverage It

The feeling this powerful emotion gives us is not that different than having an adrenaline rush once we jump in there and confront it.  The same thing happens when you bail out of an airplane for the first time.  You’re talking tough and loud in front of your friends, but once it’s time to get in the plane you are all quiet and probably sounding like an idiot when you do talk.  Then, when the door flies open and its time to look into the wind, the surge takes over and you just jump into the nothing.

You can learn to love the way women make your nerves jump just like a good jump from a perfectly good airplane.  It will never go away completely, and the women that make you nervous with just a little flirting are going to be the ones that really knock your socks off.  This is when it really is a game, and a heart-pumping one at that.  Divert your energy into flirting.  Search for that balance in yourself where your anxiety fires you up and puts you in a good reactive state.

Reframe It

If you’re having a real hard time working up the courage to talk to anyone, you are likely just making a big deal out of nothing.  Look at this individual before you.  Who the hell is she?  If you talk to her and make an ass out of yourself, what are the odds of you ever seeing her again?  Pretty slim.  So why do you care what she thinks? 

Even if she loves everything you do and say in the conversation there is a strong chance you may never see her again.  Even expert PUAs talk to plenty of women they never do anything with—it’s the volume of approaches that really gets results. 

So don’t put so much at stake in the outcome of approaching.  Make your reason for approaching be to meet new friends or to simply practice approaching.  Don’t put more energy into it than that.  Adjust as you go along depending on how the situation unfolds. 

If you’re feeling it and she seems to be responding well too, than go with that.  Get some good kino going and move it along.  But the last thing you should think about when you open your mouth to talk to her and her friends is how the night is going to end.  There are way too many variables to know that.

Exploit It

While even the top pickup artists out there still have approach anxiety at times, the best way to deal with it is practice.  Start off slow, but whatever you do, start off.  Go to the local mall and practice starting conversations with random strangers.  It doesn’t even have to be women to begin with. 

Just talk to people you don’t know—that’s really what approach is all about.  Develop a genuine interest in people and practice establishing rapport in a short time frame. The more you expand your circle, the more women you meet, and the more you will likely sleep with. 

Over time, you will get used to talking to people you don’t know.  Step it up a notch.  Ask random women for their phone number.  Walk up to someone and tell her she’s beautiful with no intention of getting her number and then walk away.  Joke around with servers at restaurants and make everyone’s day a little brighter. 

With every new connection you are getting more comfortable with the art of approach.  And if you get comfortable enough, you begin to thrive on how much fun this one single part of game can be.  

Adam Lyons

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