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A brilliant man named Stephen Covey once said, “Begin with the end in mind.” Knowing what you want out of any endeavor before you take it on is the best way to walk away with results you can be proud of.
So what do you want out of learning pickup? Do you even know? Just saying you want to be better with women is a lousy way of saying you don’t know what the hell you want, so sit down and put some real thought into why you’re here. One important answer to define is what type of woman you are searching for.
“But I don’t even want a relationship,” you might be thinking. I just want sex. I just want options. So, why is it important to define what type of girl we’re looking for?
Well, for one thing, it gives an edge most men don’t have—standards. When you have standards, you don’t head out on the town looking like you’re after the kill. The sad truth is most people in our society hook up with someone on a drunken Friday night and wake up in a relationship. Few people go through the actual dating process, which is great for getting laid but horrible for finding someone actually worth a relationship.
For all the patience it took, the dating process was good for was screening potential mates. You got a chance to talk to them and find out if they had the qualities you were looking for. As time went on, and you learned more about them you could choose to keep working on the relationship or scratch them off the list because they weren’t worth the wait.
But now with insta-relationships, you never know what you’ll end up with. Sure, it’s easy to say you’re not going to settle down with a casual sex partner, but the reality is male and female hormones mix up a strong concoction, and once you’ve slept with a woman multiple times it’s easy to get sucked in, whether or not it is the best choice. Emotions are powerful, and we like to rationalize them to hide that fact.
Of course, part of this is about not having options, which will change for you, but in the beginning it’s easy to stumble off track if you have not been with many women. A woman’s charms can be mesmerizing.
So take some time to think about what you want out of a relationship. It doesn’t mean you have to go out there looking to settle down, but at least make a decision to hang out only with women worthy of your time. That way, if life catches up with you in the form of an unwanted pregnancy, you aren’t stuck sitting in your garage with your head in your hands while the worst thing that ever happened to you is inside beating the children.
Knowing what type of woman you want is also a time-saver. Maybe you’ve decided you don’t want to date anyone who isn’t at least an 8 or even sleep with anything less than a 7. Great, now you don’t have to waste your time on those women.
That doesn’t mean you should completely ignore anyone who doesn’t meet that “grade” for you—you should treat everyone with respect, and everyone is worth knowing—but it means you aren’t going to drink too many beers and spend the night trying to get in pants you don’t even care to be in.
And higher standards don’t just apply to looks. Perhaps there are other characteristics you want nothing to do with. It sure saves a lot of wasted time if you’re seeing a girl for about a week and then find out she snorts lines in the bathroom at the club. Hey, maybe you’re right there with her, but many of us don’t want that in a woman. Now that you know, you can focus your energy on something else.
So, put some real though into it. Sit down with a paper and pen and write it out.
—If you were ready to settle down, what kind of woman would you want to be with?
What characteristics would she absolutely have to have? Does she have to be intelligent? University educated? Do you prefer women who failed high school? How beautiful do you want her to be? What values would she have?
—What characteristics would send you running?
Are drug-users totally out for you? Smokers? Is the boyfriend in prison thing a little too much Jerry Springer for your taste? How about children? While forming relationships with children that are not literally yours can be as rewarding as having your own kids, some men don’t want children in their life at all. Get specific.
Surprises will still happen, and you may end up with someone you never imagined. And as I said, you may not even be ready to think about all this. But if you want to play the game, playing it with risks you can live with is a wise decision. Lots of sex with less than desirable women can put you in a bad situation if something goes awry, and with the powerful knowledge you will be learning, it’s easy to get carried away.
Set yourself some limits, know your standards, and abide by them. In the end, you’ll be much happier with the results, and not feeling the need to pursue every woman who presents the opportunity offers an inner power all its own.
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