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Here are some issues that often plague the beginner, and can really hold someone back if they're not addressed. I suffered from these myself, and once I dealt with them I felt like my game went to a whole new level, and I had much more fun going out and practicing.
1. Relax! If you make meeting women so important that you feel like every interaction is the Super Bowl, then that's exactly how each one will feel. After just a few weeks of going out with that kind of pressure following you, it will only be a matter of time before you will no longer enjoy going out. Then you'll just be burnt out, unhappy, and feel like there is something wrong with you.
"Why am I not learning this? How come it's so hard for me? Maybe I'm just no good at this. Maybe I need to go home and read books for six hours per day instead of five hours per day." This is ridiculous! Reading more will not fix this issue. What you need to do is refocus your mind.
Go out with specific goals for the week. (Example: "I am going out for the next two weeks and I will use X approach, X transition, X story, X cold read and I will try to get into a private conversation at least one woman from every group and I will try to bounce at least one woman around the club and get into deep comfort with her. If I do most of these things then I will know that I was successful on the night.")
By setting goals like these you have measurable, attainable, realistic benchmarks for the night. Do not set "goals" such as "I want to have sex with a 10 and I want to go 10 for 10 with groups I approach and get 10 phone numbers" or "My friend started reading this when I did. Look how good he's doing. If I don't do at least as good as he does, then I'm terrible."
This kind of goal setting will really mess with your mind! The goals are unrealistic, you don't allow yourself room to grow, and no matter how great the outcome, you don't allow yourself to build momentum from the small (yet important) successes. What if you spoke with an 8, approached 5 for 10 and got 3 phone numbers and one of them was a 10? Wouldn't that have been a good night? Not if you are putting ridiculous restrictions on how you measure your own success.
Ever play sports? If you went 2 for 5 in baseball with a double and a bloop single to win the game, but you struck out 3 times, you would not be down on yourself because your friend went 5 for 5 that day. See how ridiculous that kind of thinking is? I used to do that all the time. I wanted to be as good as the masters after the first night, or else! If I had a great night, it wasn't enough! How long do you think I lasted like that before I had a meltdown? Not long.
2. Learn in the field. I know everyone says this, but this is by far the biggest mistake everyone, including me, makes. If you think you are going to read for 6 months, buying every product ever made, and then one day you will compile the master routine that will allow you to walk into a venue and rattle off this phantom sequence and women's clothes will just start falling off, you are very sadly mistaken. You do need to do your homework, but you will learn more in 1 set in the field than in 60 hours of reading.
In fact, the reading really won't make that much sense or even help that much until you have been in the field and experienced the exact situation the author is talking about. You could read for the next 7 years about how to play tennis and then go play against someone who had read nothing but took a 30 minute lesson and he would likely beat you soundly. The same concept applies here. Books that I thought were useless when I first started mean a lot to me now, and books and lines that I thought would be amazing in the field now make me laugh at how lame they are.
It's so easy to peg the guys in live workshops who have read everything but haven't done much field time. They know all the theory, know all the routines by heart (usually better than I do), and love to correct the instructors and other students on what they "think you should do" in a given situation. Then when you go out that night, they either look gun shy, make tons of rookie mistakes, or they think they are much farther along than they really are.
I can watch a guy talking to women and tell you if he is in a "friendly conversation" or if he is making progress toward getting the woman. These guys have all the advice in the world and a million stories that nobody can confirm. Don't be like that! What a huge waste of time and life. Even if you don't brag and correct others, you are still dying inside knowing that you should be doing more. Why read all of this if you aren't going to use it?
I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to make a point. I know why they don't do it, and it's the same reasons I didn't. You still only half believe it's real or you are scared of it not being real. Furthermore, you are scared of facing the inevitable rejection associated with risking your ego and putting it on the line, or you have read way too much and your brain goes haywire just trying to remember every routine you ever read!
I know the feeling. Promise yourself that you will change all of that.
You are talking about me! What do I do, Braddock?
First, as I've said, set realistic goals! Go out a realistic amount every week. Make it fun. Set small goals that add up to equal your big goals. Add just one piece of material every couple of weeks and only add a piece after you have approached X number of groups. Going out 3 times per week doesn't really count as 3 times if you only approached 2 groups each night. Go out and do the dirty work and pay the price, but do it in small chunks while realizing that not any 1 approach matters. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Next, stop lying to others and more importantly stop lying to yourself! I have friends who lie about how many women they've slept with in order to impress others. So you know, nobody cares and they probably know you are lying and just aren't calling you out on it to avoid an awkward intervention over something stupid. So, stop doing it. Just worry about your progress. Stop caring about what anyone thinks about you. Stop worrying about how well your friends are doing. Stop talking about it with them altogether!
Your friends will not be much help. If you do great, they will find a way to tear you down a little. If you are having problems, they will be full of advice that is horrible. Nothing makes me laugh harder than when one of my friends gives me or someone else in my circle advice on how to pickup women when he hasn't put in the time to know if what he is saying is even true!
My point is this: you are your own best compass. Only take advice from those who have been in the trenches and earned their stripes. Donald Trump doesn't ask me how to buy real estate and I don't read his book hoping for advice on how to pickup women. Find your own center and go get your hands dirty in the field. Do that until you can look yourself in the mirror and truthfully say, "Wow! I've done a ton of approaches. They haven't all gone well, but I have honestly done a ridiculous amount of approaches."
When you can say that, then go back and grab those pickup books and start reading. It will all make so much more sense and you will be able to go apply the material at a much faster rate, because you will have a point of reference. Also, you won't have to take everything they say as fact! I remember when I first started I thought some of the stuff I read sounded really stupid, but I had to take it as fact in my head because the authors were supposedly gurus. After I did a bunch of approaches I could look at material and tell what was really useful and what was just garbage. I had no idea what was what until I had extensive time in field. So, put the books down and go out! Stop reading this post and go out!
I'm serious. Life is not lived on the computer reading about how someone else is leading the life you wish you had. Steal the knowledge, but go create your own stories and experiences. The only difference between a guy with an awesome lifestyle and a guy with a boring one is action. His life wasn't always great, I promise.
Here are some final thoughts:
- Of the time you allot to trying to pick up women, read 20% go out 80%.
- Don't beat yourself up over rejections from women that you'll never see again.
- Have the frame of mind "The first 2,000 approaches don't count." How can it be the Super Bowl if you still have 1,999 approaches to go before it even matters?!?!
- Set small goals you can reach and keep a journal. Look back in a few months and I think you will be surprised at how much closer you are to reaching some of the larger goals.
- Stop bitching about other people, and making excuses like "if only I had a wingman" or "if only I did this or that."
- Stop the excuses. They are just things you are choosing not to overcome, because you don't want your goal bad enough. Just put in the work and the time to develop the lifestyle that you want and deserve. Otherwise, what are you doing?
None of this is meant to be mean. Looking back at how bad my situation was, I realize that I just needed a push in the right direction. Maybe you do too...
I'm a training instructor for Love Systems . Listen to my audio interview series:
• Vol. 19 Friends With Benefits
• Vol. 24 Jealousy Plotlines
• Vol. 25 How To Be An Alpha Male
• Vol. 27 Sticking Points
• Vol. 30 Teasing
• Vol. 31 9 and 10 Game
• Vol. 35 Humor
• Vol. 37 Issues In Qualification
• Vol. 40 Turning Things Sexual
• Vol. 42 Takeaways and Boundaries
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