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Double Standard

Author: Carlos Xuma

I was sent an "article" (I use quotes because the value of this information is in doubt) about men who "step out" on their women.

Step out. You gotta love these old terms that journalists keep using because they evoke emotional pictures in your mind.

The woman's question to this - (COUGH) - "advisor" was "I don't know why, but I keep attracting jerks."

Now this advisor is a "VP of Romance" (Yeah, right) of a very popular online dating site. (And since we all know that men don't know anything about "romance," this advisor is a woman.)

She proceeds to describe bad boys and why women are attracted to them, because they are "philanderers and con artists."

Wow, strong words.

Well, I cover this in my e-books, along with the breakdown of the "bad boy" and how you can use the good parts of his personality. Her use of the term "con artist" is out of bitterness. Some "bad boys" are just plain criminals that women fall for because they lack the self-esteem to hold to a higher standard. Bad Boys are not necessarily those penitentiary romances, folks.

Bad boys are men that have the right combination of qualities to make them interesting to women, but some character flaws that make them unsuitable for a long-term commitment. These guys are like ecstasy for women primarily because there are so many guys that BORE the hell out of them.

Bad boys attract women because they have all the right confidence traits that women genuinely desire. The downside is that many of these bad boys are genuinely assholes.

I believe that most guys out there are good at heart. We want a good woman that won't nag or control us (and they don't WANT to do this, but most guys let them, so they oblige.)

If we find a truly amazing woman with her sh*t together, we know we'd gladly trade in the case of Trojans for a more established "relationship." And I hear about these all the time from guys who find her, but then proceed to get obsessed with her and scare her off.

This is why I always tell you to D.O.W. - Date Other Women!

It keeps your perspective, allowing you to not scare off the really worthwhile woman when you meet her. It keeps you from doing all the crazy obsessive things that push them away and ruin their attraction.

In this article, this writer then finishes up by saying: "While you're working on all this, don't stop dating. But do be a little choosier. ... Resist the temptation to jump right into a relationship with the first decent guy you meet, however."

Huh? So if a guy dates around, he's a philanderer. He's a bad-boy and not desirable. But she's saying it's okay for a woman to date several men and that makes her "choosy."


Welcome to the Double Standard that NO ONE talks about. It's okay for women to date a lot of guys and be choosy, because MEN are the ones to be watched out for, but a man has to woo her and romance ONLY her to see if he passes her tests for true love.


I smell what you're cookin', honey, and I'm leaving the kitchen.

While I'll agree that there are guys out there who do fit the role of the man who "sleeps around" on women, he's pretty darn rare in this day and age. And getting rarer every day thanks to our cultural awareness and a society of men that are now afraid of date-rape charges, sexual harassment lawsuits, and getting their balls cut off at the root in the new dating world.

It's only one guy in twenty that knows how to stay cool without getting giggly around a really attractive woman. And one in ten of those guys is even capable of the "player" lifestyle.

Think about it: How many guys do you know that you could honestly call "players"? And how many are really "bad boys"?

In reality, these terms are thrown around as labels for guys after the fact. If she couldn't keep him interested, he becomes a "player." If all her girlfriends thought he was hot and knew he wouldn't stick around, he was also a "bad boy."

Most guys I've seen out there who DO have the skill and qualities to date many women are:

1) Up front that they're not looking to settle down with one woman yet (which makes most women want to date and tame him even MORE), and

2) if a woman is lucky enough to find one of them, she KNOWS what she's getting into here. She's just happy to have found a guy who doesn't try to propose or pledge his undying love on the second date.

It's time to realize that you're grown ups, ladies. You're adults. We're all responsible for our actions. Nobody made you go crazy over that guy you KNEW wasn't going to be a long-term commitment. He didn't manipulate or trick you. You jumped in like a nine-year-old kid doing a cannonball dive in the deep end of a pool.

There's a saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ME.

Gentlemen, I'm not into Female Bashing, I'm into MALE EMPOWERMENT. I tell you the things you need to hear and understand to feel good about being a MAN again. This world we're in has suddenly made it unfashionable to have an XY chromosome.

Being a man is cool, Beavis... it absolutely ROCKS. And I know that the best thing is to LOVE women for who they are WITHOUT hating that I'm a red blooded MAN.

Love the smell of women, their crazy tests and head games, and love their soft squishy parts. But be sure you love the fact that women still want and need real MEN.

In this month's Playboy, Christina Applegate says: "What if we had a bunch of guys trying to be more feminine to fit in with us? We like the maleness of men - the take-charge, take-care-of-everything attitude."

Damn straight.

So here's the deal: While it's generally accepted that women can date around and be more "choosy," men have to deal with the universal stigma that they are expected to date only one woman. And, if by some stroke of fate, if you happen to have the abilities and skills to attract more than one woman, you might get labeled "bad boy."

But women will love you anyway, no matter what the label is.

Face it: Women like "bad boys" because they know how to make women happy. Women will take the chance that he might not stay with them for the fun they give them in return. They're REAL men.

Women also love bad boys because OTHER WOMEN love bad boys! Always remember that women want what other women want.

Carlos Xuma