Charisma is a crucial part of being able to pick up and date women. You have to find ways to appeal to them. Deep down, we're all self-interested individuals, meaning that we all have a need to fill our own needs first.
This isn't bad in any way, really. It's what's kept us evolving and striving for better for countless generations. Where most guys end up making a big mistake is thinking that they get women to like them by LIKING THEM a lot. In other words, they come on strong, thinking that if they show the woman they are interested enough, she'll HAVE to be interested in them.
So how DO you get women to like you?
The first step is to appeal to their needs. The first need a woman has is for her validation. By appealing to a woman's vanity, you can get her attention, but if you go too far, you come across as a supplicating wimp (not desirable.)
The way you do this is to find things about her that others would never see as attractive. It takes a different insight than just spotting how nice her ass looks from across the room. You demonstrate perception and make yourself look different than the masses.
Here are a couple examples that can be applied to most any woman:
"Hi, you know, I just happened to notice you out of the corner of my eye, and I think you have a very graceful way with your gestures."
"Hi, I just happened to notice you. I'm a photographer, and I wanted to let you know that you could make a very interesting subject." (Note that this doesn't come on with all sorts of praise and admiration. In fact, it will leave her wondering why you said "could.") You never flattered directly, but she gets the point.
The next part of being attractive to a woman is showing poise and self-confidence. You have to be able to demonstrate that you are a capable and confident man before she will really start to show interest.
The way to demonstrate this visually is to:
1) Dress nicely. A woman respects and admires your attention to detail and appearance. She knows that a guy who attends to the detail of himself will attend to her.
2) Move slowly and talk slowly. Most guys get all jittery and spastic when they start getting nervous around a woman. If you move with slow deliberation and choose your words carefully, you come across as a thoughtful, confident man. Relax!
3) Ask directly for what you want. A man is confident when he asks directly and clearly for what he wants. You make decisions, and you don't hem and haw around it, second guessing yourself. Show this by telling (not asking) her to give you her number. (And email, if you can.)
The last part of being attractive is knowing how to keep a constructive distance from her so that she doesn't feel smothered, or that you're coming on too strong. You never paw at her or fondle her body uninvited. You joke with her if she starts to show interest in you by teasing her gently about HER coming on too strong. Most guys hook on to a woman who shows interest, then proceed to burn out their chances by trying to go too far, too fast. Don't call her three times the day after you meet her. Don't follow her around like a sheep dog. Give her a lot of space to wonder what your interest in her is. The more she wonders, the more you win.
Using these strategies will improve your success with women, and they'll find you irresistible if you step back, demonstrate some confidence, and be a little different than the other guys out there.
And then don't write me complaining that you wound up with too many women calling you and no time in your weekends to play x-box...
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Carlos Xuma®.
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