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QUESTION FROM A READER:
Hey Carlos, this question is about how to handle objections a woman gives when you ask for her number or a date.
I've heard a whole plethora of different opinions on how to handle this. If you go for the #, and she says something like "I don't give out my #" or "I have a boyfriend" or whatever, is it best to address these objections logically?
What I mean is, do I want to give her the logical reasons why she should give me her # (addressing objection #1), or the logical reasons why she should give me her # even though she has a boyfriend (addressing objection #2)? As a context, I do mostly day game in stores, etc.
Is logic and reassurance what she needs to get over this hurdle and get her #, or is some other method better?
I've also heard the saying "Don't change her mind, change her mood" when you get resistance. That contradicts the logic thing. I interpret that to mean that if she gives an excuse, I ignore it and try to get her to laugh or something, thereby changing her mood. Is that correct?
I've heard another method where you joke about HER being the one that you have to be careful about. So for example, if she said "I don't give out my #", I might say "Oh, you know that I like challenging girls, that's why you're acting challenging isn't it? :) Then change the subject, get more conversation, & try again in 3 or 4 minutes.
Please give me the best method for handling this as this is a current hurdle for me.
- Don S.
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS - HOW TO GET A GIRLS NUMBER:
Great question, Don.
A lot of guys wonder how to REALLY answer the question of the best way to get girls number - and I'm going to explain which ones work and which ones do NOT work.
First of all, you ask a really big question that we need to cover right away. You asked: "is it best to address these objections logically?"
If there's one thing I want guys out there to understand, deep in your bones, it's that objections from a woman should NEVER be handled LOGICALLY.
If you need any reasoning for this, just ask yourself: When was the last time you actually got a woman interested in you by being LOGICAL?
(Sound of crickets chirping here...)
Okay, there you go.
Women are not LOGICAL. (Neither are men, but that's another subject of discussion.)
Attraction is NOT logical, and therefore you must tap into your emotional awareness. Remember, emotional intelligence is one of the Alpha Male traits that men MUST have in order to get women. (And especially to get a girls number.
By the way, if you're running into the "I've got a boyfriend" response from women, there's one of two possibilities happening here:
1- She's really got a boyfriend. In which case, move on.
2- She's saying that because you gave off a "pickup" vibe too hard and fast. Again, move on. But also re-calibrate your approach on the next girl so you don't give away an agenda so obviously.
Now let's break this down....
METHOD 1 to Get Girls Number: Change Her Mood
Let's think about it from the standpoint of "emotional logic."
In other words, which of these two options do you FEEL is likely to have the most effect on a woman:
- Coming up with a bunch of REASONS she should give you her phone number - hoping to win by debate...
- Getting her so excited about having fun with you that she WANTS to give you her number...
It's not a hard choice, especially if you ask yourself who YOU would respond to the most.
We are most interested in hanging out with people that we think are A) fun, and B) aren't out to GET something from us.
If you're pushed into the position of having to logically reason with a woman why she should give you her phone number, you MIGHT get the girls number, but she probably won't answer your call. Because she gave you her number just to get rid of you.
And if she does answer, and you make some kind of "date," it's almost certain that she'll flake on you.
Because you never gave her a strong enough incentive to overcome her built-in natural fear of strange guys.
In other words, she doesn't feel any trust or connection with you.
METHOD 2 to Get Girls Number: Reverse the Roles.
This is the technique of getting a woman to have to QUALIFY herself to you as a diversion to get her past her own lack of trust.
This is a good technique, and it can work.
However, in my experience, most women do not respond to qualification in the first few minutes because they haven't been shown a reason WHY they should prove themselves to you.
I see this happen a LOT with guys. They think they're being smooth when they use a technique like:
"I don't know if I should get your number, because then I'd have to give you MY number. And you might be one of those 'chick stalkers' or something..."
And then she wrinkles her forehead and looks at you like you're a bug. "Yeah, whatever. I actually didn't WANT your number." And she goes back to talking to her friends.
You can't get a woman to prove herself to you if she doesn't see any value in you yet. And when you first approach a woman - especially when you approach women during the day - you have almost zero value to her. You're just Potential Dorky Guy #438.
Remember, attractive women are approached all the time. (Usually badly.) So she's looking for a demonstration of your value FIRST to separate you from the weenies out there.
And when I say a "demonstration of value," I'm NOT talking about bringing her flowers.
The best answer to a woman who tells you she "doesn't give out her number" is this:
"Sure you do. You just don't want to give it to me yet because you're not sure I'm a fun dude. That's cool. Look, do you have 2 minutes? Let's go over and get a coffee and we can see if we have anything in common. Fair enough?"
Most guys are afraid of the directness of this, but I guarantee you that if you confront the REALITY of the situation (that she doesn't trust you yet) you'll either get a YES to your offer, or you'll have eliminated a woman who isn't willing to respect your masculine initiative.
In which case, good riddance, babe. NEXT!
A lot of the "techniques" out there to get girls numbers are flimsy at best because they fail to address the simple truth that if you're having to overcome objections or push to get a girls number from her, you actually made a mistake BEFORE that point.
Yup, that's right. You're now in the "damage zone," as I call it.
It's just like martial arts. The first rule of a self-defense situation is to NOT put yourself in a situation where you have to get into a physical altercation.
It's the same with approaching women. You put yourself in a bad situation, and now you want help out of your mistake. Instead, let's NOT make that mistake in the first place!
Hey, I do realize that these situations will come up from time to time. And you'll want to have some options for how to deal with them.
There is no such thing as a "Best Method" to get a girls number. There is only the method that fits the situation - in the moment.
"Best" implies black & white thinking, which means that you're not being flexible in your approach. You want to learn how to deal with the gray zone and have a variety of tactics and techniques to use.
I just put the finishing touches on a program that will show you how to approach women, how to talk to women, and how to get girls numbers anywhere and everywhere you go.
This skill is called Real DayGame.
And all that really means is that you can finally walk up and talk to ANY woman you see - ANYWHERE you see her.
Tired of the bars and clubs?
(Did you know that less than 5% of guys meet a girlfriend there?)
Would you like to find out how all the other guys meet women and get girls numbers all the time?
Obviously I don't have the space to list all the tips, secrets, tactics, techniques, and strategies that I cover in this program here, but you can learn more about how to get girls numbers and how to approach women without anxiety here:
Wishing you confidence and success with women - With HONOR and integrity.
If you liked my advice, you'll love my FREE ebook I'm giving away for Seduction Tuition readers:
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Put your email in the box above and I'll send you my Approach Anxiety eBook directly to your email inbox right NOW.
And, on the next page, I want to explain one of the most painful experiences a guy can go through when approaching women - and how it can be completely avoided...
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