WOW. It works. I started by reading part of your book, and used some of it, and it worked great. I couldn't believe that it was your advice that helped me, I thought it was a shift in the universe or something. It was amazing. So, I went back to being a wussbag. The girl who accepted me one day rejected me the next. Bewildered, I continued to read your book, applied it once again, and I now get plenty of wonderful feedback from women of all sorts (not to mention the wonderful dates).
But, my question is this. How cocky is too cocky? I have stated the meekest positive aspect of myself and other times flouted my greatness. I do not know what the limit is, and I know it must exist. Mustn't it?
MSY, from Maryland
You're asking a good question here.
Remember, the formula isn't "Cocky".
The formula is "Cocky PLUS Funny".
You can say just about ANYTHING as long as what you are saying is actually FUNNY.
Remember, this technique is very powerful. It's a way of communicating with women that actually TRIGGERS and then AMPLIFIES ATTRACTION.
I've learned that "arrogance" or "cockiness" is NOT unattractive to women... as long as they're not an obvious over compensation for INSECURITY.
When you ask me what the "limit" is, what I hear you saying is, "I'm afraid to push this too far".
Don't let your own insecurities and doubts stop you from using a great technique.
Use it. But make sure you add the all powerful ingredient: HUMOR. The humor is what makes this technique magic.
I've been enjoying your advanced series very much, and have found a lot of success over the last few months. All this success is exciting, but I'm finding that I have to rethink my usual responses to just about everything. A case in point:
Last night over the phone, the woman I've been spending the most time with lately spent a lot of effort telling me how much she loves me. In fact, I think she's really falling for me hard. The question is, though, how do I respond to a woman that gets all mushy without spending all of my attraction points? If she says something like "I've fallen in love with you" or "I love you soooooo much", what are some examples of things to say back that will keep the attraction building?
Your devoted fan,
A in Oregon
Yeah, that's one of the fringe benefits of learning these concepts... women actually start to LOVE you.
You left an important part out of your question...
You didn't mention how you feel about this girl yourself, and what YOU want out of the relationship.
I'll have different answers for you based on what your intentions are.
But to give you the most direct answer to your question of how to respond to this... take a page out of the "Han Solo Manual For Responding To Women Who Say That They Love You".
Remember at the end of Empire Strikes Back when Han was about to be frozen in Carbonite, and Princess Leia said, "I Love You"?
Remember what Han said back?
He said, "I know".
Cocky, Funny, and Evasive.
"I don't blame you."
"Well, I would if I were you."
...these are all fun.
One warning: If this woman is ACTUALLY falling in love with you because you've been seeing her five times a week for the last six months, then you need to remember that this is a serious thing.
If you've gone out with her 4 times over the last 3 weeks, that's different. But, if she thinks you're getting married soon, then you might want to consider what you really want out of this, and act accordingly.
I must commend you on that masterpiece you wrote, your Double Your Dating. You captured my attention and maintained it through out the entire reading! I actually downloaded it this morning 'round 8:00 or so and you kept me reading it until almost noon! I don't think there's another person out there that has EVER kept my attention so intensely though such a restricted and normally dry medium! I found much of the thoughts you expressed to be very insightful and exceptionally well communicated. This being said, I find myself in a conundrum that seems like it would lend itself to your expertise. A bit of pre-amble.....
I'm 22 years old and I live in Ontario, Canada but only about 10 minutes from the Michigan border. About 3 months ago I joined some sorta gay-assed meeting service online here more out of curiosity than anything else but I came across this one wonderous lady from Michigan who lives about an hour and a half away. We've emailed each other probably 60-70 times and we've talked on the phone quite a number of times as well but we've never met in person yet. Well that day is to be approaching soon and I've come across a conflict of ideas now that I've read your book. For the most part, everything I do is the opposite of what you suggest with the odd exception like my humorous nature. The problem lies in the idea of changing my character to suit what you described (in a VERY logical manner) to be the ideal actions a fellow is to take. I have an interest in her, and she (as far as I can tell) has an interest in me... but the idea of being very nonchalant and sort of distant/hard to get although it appeals to me GREATLY with someone new, I'm not sure would be advisable in this situation. If you could give me some feed back I would be greatly indebted to your wisdom even more.
Thanks for your time, J
In your email you said, "I don't think there's another person out there that has EVER kept my attention so intensely though such a restricted and normally dry medium!"
I'll tell you what man... if you keep talking this way the "medium" isn't the only thing that's going to be dry.
Someone get this guy a copy of the "How to talk like a normal guy that most people don't think is a JACKASS" manual.
Look man. You can't go through life trying to sound like you're more intelligent than everyone else... especially when you're 22... unless you want women to respond to you the way the woman in the bar responded to Russell Crowe's advances in "A Beautiful Mind". Watch the movie if you need the specifics.
It's OK to be smart. No problem.
But when you try to TALK like you're smart, you usually end up coming off as insecure and nerdy.
Case in point: Your email.
And no, saying "gay-assed" doesn't make you cool.
Now, as for your girl situation...
If you've met a girl on the internet and emailed her back and forth 60 or 70 times, then you should probably do what has worked for you so far, and don't change what you're doing just because you read my book.
You're going to want to practice for a little while before you go completely changing your entire personality with a woman who thinks she's going to be marrying you soon. (Did I say that?)
You're dealing with a classic problem:
You don't know how to meet women effectively, so this one woman is VERY IMPORTANT.
If you start doing the things that I recommend with her, and it doesn't work out, you'll blame me... when it was probably your fault for acting like her girlfriend for the last 47 years by email.
Go meet more women. Practice what you've learned. And do what you've been doing with the girl you met online, because if you change into a different person right before her eyes she might think you're psycho... and get a restraining order against you. Hell, I'm trying to figure out why she doesn't have one ALREADY the way you talk...
I know, I know. I'm a funny guy.
I just used cocky+funny in an email to an ex-girlfriend. She wrote back saying, "what's with the attitude? Do you find it increases your client's confidence in you when you comment on their rack?" Not a good sign. What can I do? She is getting married in two weeks, but I am hoping she eventually gets back together and/or has lots of sex with me. She broke up with me five years ago because I cheated on her. I've been trying to save it ever since, but up until now, had totally turned into a wuss in my contacts with her. Can I save this one?
lol... OK, your question fits into the "You're the dumbest person I've heard from lately" category.
Let me get this straight...
Your ex broke up with you FIVE YEARS AGO, because you CHEATED ON HER...
Then you turned into a WUSSY, and have behaved that way towards her EVER SINCE...
Now she's engaged to be MARRIED in two weeks...
Then you emailed her recently and commented on her RACK in an attempt to get her back (or at least get her to have "lots of sex" with you)?
And the best part of your email:
"Can I save this one?"
That's your answer. You can pay me later for it.
Now that I'm attracting women like crazy thanks to your info and especially the DVDs, I'm wondering how to approach scenarios where women who I see on a regular basis are flirting with me big-time, specifically waitresses in bars I hit on a regular basis, girls who work in my neighborhood Starbucks, etc. Every time I come back the flirting gets more blatant and intense, and most of these girls are college-age (I'm 30) and VERY attractive. On one hand, I feel like I should hold off on getting their email/number and let the suspense and attraction build, but on the other hand if I wait I think they may interpret me as a Wussy and think I don't have the balls to move in for the kill. To complicate matters, these girls all happen to work in places that I use to meet women and so there are all the obvious issues that arise if I hook up with a waitress and then she sees me getting other women's numbers a week later.
Well, good job "attracting women like crazy".
That's a good thing.
Now onto your situation...
1) Don't wait 100 years to get a woman's number. Do it NOW. Letting the "suspense and attraction build" can wait until you've gotten her number and gone out with her...
2) Your issue of avoiding the women who work in places you frequent is probably sound. I personally don't date women that work in my favorite restaurants and coffee shops. But, keep in mind, these types of jobs are usually SHORT-LIVED. In this situation, it's a GOOD idea to tease and keep the attraction building. It's fun as hell, and it can payoff in the future.
I am out on my own after nineteen years of being a Provider and have found I need a new paradigm shift in my thinking when it comes to dating and being a Lover. So, blah blah blah and kudos to you from all of us suckups out here who are being de-wussified under the tutelage of your information.
I bought the ebook and the advanced techniques cd and it has been great learning this material. I work in a place that provides internet access to some students so I am actually paid to be online at work. If nothing is going on with our network I have lots of downtime with nothing to do so decided to start practicing online with women. It is amazing what that one word "brat" can do in a fun playful situation of C&F.
Here are a couple of my successes with just that one word....
ME: So, you aren't a brat are you?
HER: See for yourself. <file transfer..she's sending me a pic without my asking>
ME: This isn't one of those nude pics is it? It's way too early in the relationship for anything like that.
HER: LOL, no. Did you get it.
ME: Yes.<Open up pic to see photo of a bikini clad hottie>
ME: I was right.
HER: About? ME: You are a brat!
HER: What do you mean?
ME: I can see it in your smile and in your eyes. You're a brat!
NEXT MORNING...receive instant message from her HER: Hey Sweetie, how are you doing?
ME: You aren't one of those bratty girls are you?
HER: What if I want to be?
ME: Because then I'd have to spank you...
ME: nah, you might like it too much if I did (TOOK A SHOT IN THE DARK ON THIS ONE)
HER: You're right, I would (BINGO! HIT THE JACKPOT)
HER: You can't handle it?
ME: Oh that's not the problem, I usually don't have sex on the first date...
(Needless to say, we are getting together very soon)
I wasn't trying to do anything but have a little fun practicing online and...well, go figure. :-)
Ah yes, another guy who "gets it".
You've obviously paid attention to the subtle things that I teach in my Advanced Dating Techniques Program.
Good for you.
It is amazing when you treat women like your "Bratty Little Sister".
ESPECIALLY women who are used to having guys chase after them and compliment them constantly on their beauty.
And the kind of conversation you're using with her works PARTICULARLY well ONLINE. It's COMPLETELY different from what all the other loser guys are saying.
Good job, and thanks for the killer examples.
As a guy who used to be scared to death to approach women, to being that suave "Bad Boy" that isn't needy and throws out the C&F like he was born with it took a lot of work, and your series DEFINATELY helped speed the process along. The biggest advice that I got from one of your newsletters that helped me climb out of my shell was the realization that I really didn't have anything to lose when approaching women. Rejection did not put me at a loss at all, and this same attitude gets me numbers, emails, and TONS of dates every time.
My problem now is my male friends. Going from a loser to the ladies man was great, but I can't bring girls around my friends because they act like total wuss bags, and it makes me look bad. I tried to convey your wisdom to them myself, and they seem to understand, but they lack confidence to try things with women. What recommendations do you have for ways to gain confidence? One guy in particular has some major issues. He's been courting a girl now for 4 mo. Hasn't kissed her more than just on the cheek. He says he doesn't want to screw it up by being too forward with her, mostly because it's his first "girl-friend" in the last 4 years. If he'd have a little more confidence in himself he'd be either move his courtship into an actual relationship, or end it completely and find a girl worth his time, since I think this girl is just playing him. I told him to just kiss her and see what happens after that, but he's the kind of guy who waits for something to happen to him, and then take it with a grain of salt rather than making decisions that will direct him where he wants to go. It pisses me off that he's such a wuss, and I'm really good friends with him, but he needs to get his game together real soon, cause it's throwing a wrench in my game when I try to bring women around him. Any advice would be really helpful.
thanks again Dave.
J Spokane, WA
Yeah, you're welcome.
I feel your pain.
As I made this change in my own life, I found the exact same thing happening to me.
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" goes the old saying.
I have a suggestion...
Try some of the new things you've been learning on your GUY friends.
No, don't kiss them...
Instead, don't talk about your success very often, and when they ask, just say "Naw, you probably wouldn't understand".
They'll start saying "What, what? Tell me!"
Only after they've promised to respect what you tell them and actually listen should you share the info.
Your buddy with the girl he's been dating for 4 months is either going to wind up with:
1) A wife who OWNS him.
2) A girlfriend who cheats on him.
3) A broken heart.
4) All of the above.
95% chance. Mark my words.
***COMMENTS FROM A WOMAN***
I am one of those women fortunate enough to be what you call exceptionally attractive. I've done modeling for years (mostly lingerie and swimsuit). I've read several of your newsletters and I must say congratulations. You always hear that no man will ever understand women, but you have come closer than any man I've ever known to pinpointing exactly what works. I sent a copy of your newsletter to the man I'm currently dating because a lot of the things you say remind me of him. The cocky & funny bit is awesome. Men have to do something unexpected to get and keep a woman's attention. Showering with gifts and basically being a pushover gets BORING very quickly. I've dated the most attractive men, and some that people would actually say to me "What are you doing with him?" It's all how you come across to a woman and the confidence you exhibit. You are absolutely right by saying that men have to make a woman want them and keep the attraction building.
In fact, the man I'm dating made me want him more by backing off from sex. I literally had him naked and very able to perform, but several times he backed away with some cocky/funny excuse. Now we have the most awesome physical attraction and sex just keeps getting better. If some of these guys don't believe what you say, then let them continue to have their boring lives as "wussies". Once again, I must say Congratulations.
NEW RULE: Beautiful women who email me are REQUIRED to send pictures. I get some, but now it's the law.
I mean, how can I REALLY, REALLY know if you're telling me the truth?
OK... on to your letter.
I appreciate your comments and compliments.
It always amazes guys when they finally have that "Ah Ha!" moment and realize that beautiful women are NOT attracted to men who act like WUSSIES.
The sad part about this whole thing is that most guys act like Wussies as their MAIN STRATEGY with women.
The ONE THING that can NEVER work is also the one thing that most guys do most often.
Thanks for your letter.
And get rid of that loser you're dating so you can pursue me.
...and that about wraps it up for this week... except for one more thing...
I was reading an email that I got from a guy recently.
In the email, he said, "It's funny how women say that there's nothing you can do to become better at meeting women... and that you just need to learn how to "be yourself and things will work out".
If you're like me, then you've heard this about a bazillion times from women.
Well guess what?
"Being yourself" only works if you're one of the guys that naturally attracts women.
Duh. I mean, if you're not meeting any women in the first place, then how is acting even MORE like yourself going to change things?
Here's the deal:
If you want to learn how to be more successful with women and dating, then you need to LEARN how.
It will NEVER happen "on its own".
Problem is that most of the materials out there that teach "relationships and dating" SUCK.
Trust me, I tried most of them.
Go into any bookstore and wander into the "Self Help" section... and find the area called "Relationships".
Flip through some of the books you find there.
Read things like "Honesty and good communication are the foundation for a mutually satisfying relationship" and "Women need compliments to validate their own sense of worth and beauty".
It's almost enough to make you PUKE.
Well, the good news is that SOMEONE has taken the time to figure this stuff out, and then explain it in easy-to-understand language that any guy can understand.
Before you start thanking me, remember that I didn't do it for YOU originally.
When I started learning this stuff, I did it for ME.
It just so happened that after learning all these amazing things about how to attract women, I realized that other guys need to know this stuff too.
SOOOOO... I wrote a book and put together an Advanced Program. Inside, I reveal and explain all of the different techniques that I discovered and developed to meet and attract women like crazy.
Probably the most INTERESTING thing that I learned was that most of this stuff is "COUNTER INTUITIVE".
In other words, it doesn't MAKE SENSE when you first hear it.
The things that work to attract women aren't at all "logical" in the obvious sense.
They often go against everything you've been taught about how to interact with women.
And they're things that you'll never figure out "by accident". It just won't happen.
If YOU have made the decision that it's time to learn how to meet and date women ONCE AND FOR ALL... then you need to get a STRONG START.
I had to spend YEARS figuring this stuff out for myself... because I couldn't find anything that worked PREDICTABLY and CONSISTENTLY...
Fortunately, you can "take cuts" and take advantage of all the time, effort, energy, mistakes, and money I spent on this "research project"... and just get the programs I've created to teach you what I learned.
If you're just getting started, then I recommend the following:
Go and DOWNLOAD my eBooks. The first is called "Double Your Dating" and the second is called "Attraction Isn't A Choice". You can download them in a few minutes and literally be learning how to meet women TODAY.
I'll talk to you again soon.
If you'd like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well your stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics... because this helps other guys to see what's working in different situations.
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in the subject line of the email. I read these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you're from.
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