***DATING QUESTION FROM A READER***
I want to say thank you for the Advanced CD Series. The more I listen to it, the more I get out of it. Its like when you watch a movie about 53 times, you'll always find something new that you didn't notice the previous times you watched it. When I first invested on your book, I thought that it was fantastic chic bible, now that I've invested in the CD Series, I understand more of what you talk about in the book. The DVD Series is next...as soon as I get the ins...lol.
Anyway, to my question. You talk about how body language will affect the moment, if you will, while conversing with a woman. Perhaps I still do not understand how the process works, or maybe its just one of those things that men aren't supposed to understand, but if you're talking with a woman, oh lets say at a baseball game, somewhere where friends may spot you, and you wonder off to your friends without her as if "you don't care," you say it is creating tension between the two of you, because she's wondering "where the hell did he go?" but is that not creating some sort of negative body language in a way at the same time?
A little help understanding this will greatly be appreciated, Dave. I'm sure I'm not the only one who doesn't capture this concept.
Thanks again. D. Yuma, Arizona
Thanks for your email, this is a great question.
I think that the reason you don't "get" this particular concept is because you're trying to fit what I'm teaching you into your way of seeing the world, instead of the other way around.
You're looking for how I'm WRONG instead of how I'm RIGHT.
And I'll bet you dimes to dollars that you have not spent much time TESTING what you've learned in the real world.
I can sit here all day long and explain to you what it's like to drive a car. I can tell you how it's different steering a car when you're driving 5 miles per hour than it is when you're driving 55 miles per hour... and how it's different to back up because you have to think in reverse...
...and you could ask me questions like "Well, how do you mean it's "backwards" when you back up? Wouldn't it just feel the same?" and "Wouldn't it be distracting to turn your windshield wipers on while it's raining and you're trying to drive?"...
...and I could answer all of your questions...
...you could just get in a damn car and go see what it's like to drive!
If you want to "capture this concept" you need to get out in the real world and DO IT.
In your example above, you asked if you're also creating "some sort of negative body language" at the same time by walking away from a woman.
What do you mean by "negative"?
And if it WORKS, WHO CARES?
Do you mean that if you walk away from a girl that you're talking to, are you going to make her think you don't like her?
GOOD, if she thinks that. Who cares?
If you walk away from a woman because you want to go talk to your friends, it's HER DEAL if she doesn't like it. Not yours.
If, on the other hand, you see your friends, but DON'T go talk to them because you don't want to offend the girl you're talking to, you're going to probably also give her several clues that you're a WUSSBAG, and that you don't have any spine or life of your own... and that you like to live in a way that pleases other people.
And guess what?
That is NOT an attractive quality.
Everything is a trade-off in one way or another.
Everything involves risk.
Everything you do can backfire.
Most guys are painfully aware of these issues.
But, the problem is that most guys take this knowledge and use it the WRONG WAY.
Instead of doing what WORKS, and not caring if it "backfires" or "fails" in that particular situation, they do the "safe" thing.
Of course, anytime you "play it safe" around anattractive woman by being a "nice guy" and trying
to "follow her lead" you are almost ABSOLUTELY going to
do something that's going to backfire on you MOST
of the time.
In other words, by playing it safe and being a
"nice" guy, you won't get any "negative" responses
or "rejection" in the moment.
But, she's NEVER going to feel ATTRACTION for
you, either (unless you look like Brad Pitt, or
you're in Cold Play).
Before I tell you, I want to suggest that you don't understand one other KEY element of creating ATTRACTION with a woman. And you can learn about that key element by going HERE:
Stop worrying about "failing" or doing something that doesn't work.
It doesn't MATTER if you "fail" in a particular situation.
You didn't have anything ANYWAY.
If you want to succeed with attractive women, you're going to have to realize that things don't work the way they SHOULD work.
Attraction doesn't happen when you're a "nice, appropriate boy".
Here's an example of "being nice" vs. being a guy who lives in his own reality and does what he wants to do:
You're talking to a girl, and you decide that you like her.
You want to get her phone number and call her sometime.
Nice guy says, "Um, maybe you could give me your number, and I could call you sometime and take you out".
Guy who lives in his own reality says, "Give me your number" with a tone of voice and body language that is EXPECTING her to comply.
But, you might say, "Hey, wait a minute here... if you just try and tell her what to do and ASSUME that she's going to go along and give you her number, she might be offended".
But, if she's offended, then she wasn't going to go out with you anyway.
On the other hand, if she WAS going to go out with you, the direct "Give me your number" will make her FAR MORE attracted to you.
In other words, the things that work BEST will get you MUCH BETTER and MUCH WORSE reactions from women.
Women who have boyfriends, are married, are lesbians, or whatever will RUN away... (that is, if they can overcome their emotional attraction to your communication style).
And women who are available and interested will only feel MORE attracted to you because you are just naturally assuming that you're going to get what you want.
If you really take the time to think about it, and think through the different scenarios, you'll realize that being direct and assumptive will work better in the long run.
Now, let's talk a bit about the specifics of what it "says" to a woman when you "walk away" from her in a situation like the one you've described...
You're talking to her for five minutes. She's laughing and you're being Cocky & Funny... you're teasing her, she's responding by hitting you and opening her mouth with the "Oh-no-you-didn't-just- say-that" look.
You see your friends.
You say, "Hey, good talking to you... I'm going to go talk to my friends" and you walk away.
Does she think, "That jackass! I'm so offended that he didn't ask for my number!"?
Does she say to her friend, "That guy is stupid because he could have gotten my number and he didn't even ask for it"?
Does she immediately walk away and leave?
No, probably not.
In fact, what she will MOST LIKELY do, if you were being interesting and attractive, is think to herself "What just happened? Why did he leave? Should I go with him and keep talking to him? Should I just leave because he probably doesn't like me? Did I say something wrong?".
In other words, she's going to stand there thinking about YOU and what she can do to start the conversation again.
Is this creating some kind of "negative tension"?
Yes, it is.
But, it's not the kind of negative tension that makes situations with women go BAD.
It's the OTHER KIND. It's the kind that leads to SEXUAL TENSION and CHEMISTRY.
Now, the BEST thing you can do in a situation like this one is to say "Hey, I'm going to get back to my friends over there... good talking to you..." and then turn to walk away.
Right after you've "broken the connection" and she's starting to go into the "what just happened and why is he leaving" mode, you turn BACK around and say "Hey, do you have email?"... then go into the 3 minute email/number technique that I talk about in my ebook and Advanced Series.
Another important thought...
When you have to "say" something about who you are as a man, how interesting you are, or how much she should feel attracted to you with WORDS, it automatically creates doubt... because if it was true, then you wouldn't need to SAY it.
It would be OBVIOUS.
In other words, the best way to communicate all of the most IMPORTANT things is through your BODY LANGUAGE.
What most guys try to do is CONVINCE a woman to feel ATTRACTION by telling her all kinds of things about themselves and trying to subtly drop little hints about making money, driving a cool car, etc.
And worse, it usually BACKFIRES.
Women can smell the "I'm actually insecure, so I am trying to cover up for it by bragging" rap a mile away.
It makes them RUN (unless they're out to use you for free food and entertainment).
If you want to say all the right things in the shortest possible time, then you need to learn how to communicate with body language and voice tone ALONE.
WHAT you say isn't very important at all.
It really isn't.
HOW you say it is EVERYTHING.
Go back through your copy of my Advanced Series and notice all of the subtle body language points that I make, and think about what you've just read... it will pull everything together for you.
As you probably know, I also have a complete program that's dedicated to teaching you how to use Body Language to create ATTRACTION.
I highly recommend that you go and get yourself a copy of that program. It will help you out TREMENDOUSLY. You can check out some video clips of it here:
Oh, and if you're reading this right now and you would like to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you, then you need to check out my Advanced Dating Techniques DVD/CD program.
I spend a lot of time going over the specifics of how to communicate beliefs, status, and self- image in a way that really triggers the "attraction mechanism" inside of women. I'll give you a great introduction the how to use Body Language as well.
This material isn't available anywhere else, in any program, at any price...
This is part of what makes my program unique...and when you see the body language of some of my special guests, you'll immediately "get it", and begin to understand how you need to modify your own body language to trigger ATTRACTION with women... rather than triggering FRIENDSHIP.
All the details, plus some great audio and video samples are here:
...and if you haven't downloaded your copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating" yet, then you need to do that immediately. You can download it right now and be reading it within just a few minutes. It's here:
P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well your stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics... because this helps other guys to see what's working in different situations.
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in the subject line of the email. I read these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you're from.
5) Send it to me at:
...don't just hit "reply" to this email.
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