Average Rating: 3.48 [Total Votes: 23]
***QUESTION***
Dave:
I'm sure there are a lot of guys out there that would like your input on this question.
There is something that I haven't seen addressed in your mailbag or your e-book and that is what to do when the woman you've have e-mailed or called didn't reply to the e-mail or phone call and yo see them again. Two personal examples:
Example one:
I meet this girl at my job. Start doing C&F routine on her: "Why do you look so serious, are you trying to scare people away. I know inside of you there's a nice girl that's just dying to come out." She laughs and I say "That's more like it, now you don't look so scary." To make a long story short I ask this girl Friday to give me her phone number so that we can get together the next day. She gave me her number and I called, left a message on her voice mail and she never got back to me. Saw her the following Monday (she sits right across from me) and she didn't say anything. No reason why she didn't call me back. Nothing. I ended not talking to her. I thought that if I asked her about why she flaked she would've given me a lame excuse anyway. I haven't been giving her too much attention since.
Example two:
I go to this club on a regular basis. I saw this one girl and started dancing with her. Did some C&F routine like "Don't get too close", "I don't even know you that well". She was enjoying it. I asked her for her number before I left (she didn't have e-mail). Found out after I called the number that she gave me a wrong number. I saw her two weeks afterwards in the same club and just ignored her.
Now for my question. What should I do when I come across situations like these again? Act like it never happened and ignore them or call them on their bullshit. Sometimes I think women flake as a test to see what the men are going to do if they happen to come across them again. I know some guys will just tell them off? What have you done in these situations?
RF NYC
>>>MY COMMENTS:
First, thanks for this question. I have had this situation happen to me personally many, many times, and I'm glad you asked.
One of the things I've talked about before is how once a person believes something to be "true" or believes that they understand how something works, that they tend to make other information or new things that they learn, fit that older model, rather than being open to change.
For instance, people who become part of a cult will tend to take the advice from others, evidence that they're not doing the right thing etc. to help convince them that they ARE doing the right thing.
The reason that I bring this up is because it sounds to me like you're looking for an answer to how to solve a problem that you should actually try to PREVENT in the first place.
I'm going to talk about how to prevent this problem first, then tell you a few things you can do when you run into it again in the future as well.
Here are two things to keep in mind:
1) Women give out their numbers to guys A LOT (on average). A woman can have all kinds of reasons for giving out her number. She might like the attention, or it might even be just to get rid of a guy.
2) Women expect men to call THEM. And if a man doesn't reach them when he calls, a woman expects the man to TRY AGAIN. (In the book "The Rules" - the book for women about how to get a man to marry you - the authors tell women not to call men and rarely return a man's call, because it makes him think about you and want you more).
If I were you, I'd start thinking about two approaches:
1) Figure out how to make it so that women WANT to give you their REAL number and make them WANT to call you back based on the first meeting.
2) If you got a number instead of email, call her at least 3 or 4 times before you give up.
To figure out how to make women WANT to call you back, you might have to work on improving your humor, your personality, your appearance, or whatever. In short, you need to learn how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you when you first meet her. If you don't, she's not likely to call you back.
Don't go too overboard on this one because a lot of this issue is just the fact that women don't return calls as often as men do... but think it through.
There are probably a few things you're doing that make women feel a little strange at first (this is just a guess, as most guys have things they could improve).
Maybe you're acting a little too nervous.
Maybe you're acting too "nice" or like you're "awed" by women.
Maybe you're not making eye contact directly, and you're giving off a "not-very-confident" vibe.
Think about it.
But the best thing you can do is to just call a woman on the phone 3 or 4 times before you give up! (That is, when a woman gives you her REAL number).
Women expect men to keep trying, so they just don't call back.
Remember, SHE'S THE WOMAN. She's the one who's getting approached by interested guys, and who probably sees you as "just another guy" calling her.
You must be persistent, keep it cool and low-key, and keep calling until you reach her.
If a woman gives you a fake number, it just means that she wanted to get rid of you...
You need to think about how the interaction went, and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for the behavior and communication that made her want to give you a fake number.
Again, think about it and make improvements.
And to answer your question directly of "What do I do if I see her again afterwards", I'd say that it all depends.
If you would consider going out with a woman who has the ethical standard of giving out fake numbers, then I'd say you might want to reconsider your choice of women...
And if you would like to talk to a woman who didn't call you back (maybe you left her a message, etc.), then I'd come up with something funny. Cocky & Funny, that is.
Walk over and make fun of her because it's obvious that she didn't have enough money to pay her phone bill and when she tried to call you back she found that her phone was disconnected but that it's nothing to be ashamed of and you'll take pity on her and buy her some ramen noodle soup while she's broke and hungry.
Just make sure you're lighthearted about it, and you communicate that you could really care less that she didn't call you back... but that you're going to take the opportunity to bust on her because she's in your presence.
In the seminars that I teach, we do some exercises around body language and other non- verbal communication.
Your body language says SOOOOO MUCH about you, and women use body language to decide many, many things about you.
If your body language and communications aren't working together to create ATTRACTION, then you're going to get a lot more fake numbers and a lot fewer calls back from women.
If you haven't read my eBook "Double Your Dating", then you need to do that NOW. It's my original manual for success with women and dating, and it's the place to get started if you want to take your success with women to the next level. You can download it right now:
Free Newsletter And Download eBook
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Double Your Dating ®
- How To Call A Woman
- How Long You Wait Once You Got Number
- When To Call A Woman
- Zombie Game
- Phone Game Text Principles
- Delete Those Flakes
- Why Women Flake
- Talk Over The Phone
- Phone Guidelines
- Phone Game Logistics
- Text Game Done Right
- Phone Game
- Text Messaging
- Text Game
- Voice Disqualifier
- Phone Conversations
- Phone Game Investment
- Woman Does Not Call Back
Its crazy how this is happening,i almost think am jinxed!..Anyways what to know is,at the moment i have an average girlfrend at the moment,i dont fancy her as much thats why i guess am open to new comers,she loves me like hell/atleast thats what she's showin me...idk about my looks and attributes but i've had about up to 5+ women get attracted to me on first sight in the last 2 yrs!..i've had people tel me i look good,am kinda smart too,so maybe its my brains,but am no geek tho,i got style,i also produce pro hip hop/rnb/crunk/pop music too!
Anyways my problem Sir is that i've had 2 similar NO CALL BACK scenerios in this year,and its scaring me cause its never happened before!..The first case is unimportant but this new one is totally unexpected!
Its this girl,not Beyoncè hot but perfect.We used to be classmates about 7 yrs ago.I had a thing for her and i think she did too.Smartest boy in class,whats not to like!Either way,we went separate ways.About a year ago,i got her digits from a friend and called her,she wouldnt pick up first even after introducing myself but later she called bak and we talked,i can flirt so it was gud fo a while then smthn happened and we stopped that...Now a year or so later,about a week ago,she sends a Gudnyt text msg,i had deleted her ID so i called to ask who it was.We talked gud,then she asks to see me the next day.I said i had to meet people so we planned next day.
On the next day,we meet,we stay for app. 2 hrs,we flirt,she laughs,i totally thought i hit bulls eye on her...When i she was leaving she called on the way just to tel me she's almost home,when she gets there she texts and i text back..next i didnt call!
Since she hasnt picked up my calls and her messages have been weird,she sends Gudnyt texts only and nothing else..infact now she's not sending any msgs at all!
Whats up with that huh?
If she doesn't answer, she's not interested. Are you serious telling ppl girls expect the guy to make like a stalker? How is the line between enthusiasm and harrassment defined before its crossed?
If the girl is serious about you, she'll let you know. If she's just jerking you around, then she needs to take you more seriously. If she's not either, then you need more time together first before a relationship is on the cards.
We're talking relationships, right? Not just being on the pull...?
She did not call back when expected to, reasonably, because:
1. She's dropping the 'connection'...
a. No longer interested (I screwed up, she found a more attractive/interesting stud, whatever...)
If you don't mind rejection, try again till you get an answer or an explanation and move on, otherwise walk away.
b. The 'thrill of the chase' got to her head, and she's making me run. Very exciting for women to do and natural.
Play the game and the rule is simple: 'keep the string taught' neither break it nor let it loosen up. Try again but tread lightly... in other words: act like a man and don't get mad, it's just a game.
c. Toying around with me. That's mean and unacceptable. I deserve better - however desperate and unlucky I might be.
Walk away and don't even look back. Other clues/red flags should have warned you of it.
2. She's having problems with her emotional upheaval; she is in love and does not know how to deal with it.
a. Conflict between her mind and her heart. Cases abound: she's young and I am older, I have a connection with my ex because of kids - a serious mental obstacle, cultural differences, religious differences, diametrically opposite interests, family expectations... you name it!
Some conflicts can be obstacles to love and should be respected. Love does not solve all problems. If obstacles can be overcome, make sure to convince her of that.
b. Fear or even panic is sometimes expected when a woman loses control of her emotions.
Be gentle and reassuring, be her rock, you'll need all the confidence and wisdom you can muster. True at all times but most importantly here. Being gentle and reassuring would absolutely not work for 1.b.
c. Inadequacy, shyness, as in "I don't deserve this guy!.."
Same solution as for 2.b. but add honest and believable praises and compliments.
3. She has another 'good reason' for not calling back.
a. She did not get the voicemail.
b. Her phone got stolen...
c. Your number is 'blocked'... duh!
Find the reason why she did not call back...
Summary: Don't get all tied-up about it, be a man. Be solid and take the blow of rejection, if that's what it is, otherwise work through it carefully, wisely, and appropriately. Don't blame by starting the inquiry with "Why didn't you..." It could start, for cases under 2, with "Is everything OK? I did not hear back from you!..." For cases under 1 it could be "I guess you were busy..."
Good luck.
I think that it is just completely impolite not to return calls. I mean do you not call back your friends? Your parents? Family?
In my mind it's either bad manners or then no interest. And thinking about it, if she really was really interested she would call back. Also this not calling back has a negative impact on how I view that woman.
This afternoon she brought it up in our convo that she was really working.. I was messing in the text that she was just making excuses :P
I didn't make a big deal out of it.. This evening I called her again and my phone told she was already calling.. And that while she texted me 1 minute before I called..
So or she is flaking on me.. Not comfortable with calling with me.. Or it's 2 times coincidence.. Im really like bye bye..
I dont like giving attention to woman which don't give it back.. Im really trying but somehow the 2nd time really pisses me off.. Just trying to ask her out.. And maybe in person is better but I don't see her that often at school..
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