Here are two highly contrasting emails....
***EMAIL from Mike:
I ordered your manual today and I think I have an important question. Your answer might be very interesting for at least some of your customers:
How am I able to avoid the girl/woman who wants a relationship???
I've been into a serious relationship for more than 12 years (I'm 32). Me and my girl broke up only a few months ago. So all I want to have at the moment is a good time. I'm successful with women, even the very beautiful ones, I think too successful...
I don't know what I'm doing "wrong". They all want a relationship with me. (I know this sounds weird since a lot of men out there would give their right arm for having my "problem".) I have not met a girl within the last few months (and there've been a lot) who would be satisfied by just having fun with me.
Since I'm not the type of guy who lies to girls to get what he wants there are only 2 things that happen again and again:
1. I know/feel what she really wants and I withdraw because that's something I don't want.
2. We do have "a good time" (at that point she already knows I do not want a relationship). The girl falls in love and there's drama afterwards. (I guess I better not read your book - it might be even worse afterwards. lol)
What can I do to avoid the girl/woman who wants more and still feel really satisfied? What can I do to prevent her from feeling like a slvt by having a one night stand or an affair with me?
Thanks for your help,
It is ok to not want a relationship. And you certainly are not in any condition to have one, since you recently ended a very long relationship. I hope you spent some time alone to get to know yourself again.
It is perfectly normal for a woman to want to have a relationship. And, certainly, her being in a relationship reduces her "slvt" concern.
But there are plenty of women who don't want a relationship, but still want to have intimacy. They just want someone they are attracted to, that they feel comfortable with, and that they feel safe with. They don't need all the other stuff that comes with being in a "relationship."
This can be found with women who just got out of a long relationship themselves (and had taken sufficient time off to get to know themselves again.)
Or this can be found among women who are very busy with some educational or career goal. They want to have fun, but don't want to be dedicated to a relationship. And a lot of these women are high self-esteem women.
High self-esteem women who WANT a relationship are not going to waste their time with you. High self-esteem women who do NOT want a relationship would be happy to agree to your terms.
But you're not attracting them. (Or you are, but you don't recognize it or you give up too quickly.)
So that leaves low self-esteem women. Low self-esteem women would put themselves through the agony of trying to convert you so that they can get validation. They don't think enough of themselves to avoid the drama.
And speaking of drama, you mentioned that term. It is a term typically used to describe the lives of women who have low self-esteem.
You need to improve your screening skills. When you receive my book, read the chapter called "How To Identify The Really Worthy Ones."
Or another possibility is that you are "doing" things that are in contradiction to what you "say." Women, with either high or low self-esteem, are going to go by your actions more than your words. You may "say" that you don't want a relationship, but the things that you "do" are viewed by the women as being congruent with starting a relationship.
And finally, yes, you absolutely must read my book when
you receive it. Interestingly, when you give women pleasure beyond anything they have even dreamed of, they are much more flexible about arrangements.
***EMAIL from Gary,
Hello there, Mr. Shade,
I've been reading a lot of your material, it's certainly helped me to have more fantastic one-night stands (many, many of these!) - I still feel that I'm having trouble turning these into relationships though - I'm not sure if I'm going too far on the first night (i.e. offering everything, becoming a girls dirty, domineering fantasy straight away) or, perhaps more likely, mishandling things over the following days (I normally text the girl within 48 hours).
Was just wondering what you thought about
1) how far to go on the first night, and perhaps in more detail,
2) how to handle the follow-up if I am interested in repeating the night, with the possible view to turning it into a relationship (gradually of course)....
Btw - its not that I go explicitly puppy-love on the girl straight away, far from it, but after a great night I can't help feeling enthused and texting sooner and perhaps more excitedly than I would otherwise, fearing that it will go dead if I don't.
Well, many thanks for your time, they should teach your stuff to guys in schools, really, would save us all so much time and would probably get us evolving faster....
Most men eventually find a really exciting woman that they are very interested in and wish they could see her more. Unfortunately, that outcome seems to elude some of those men.
In order to feel those really deep emotions that are really exciting, and in order to do the "really advanced" stuff, it requires an interaction that goes far beyond one night. So let's talk about how to make that happen.
First let me say two things; do not be in love with the idea of being in love. A lot of men have that problem. What they end up doing is choosing a person who is not right for them. And certainly the relationship would be for all the wrong reasons, i.e., out of need. Being in a relationship is a reward, it is not a goal to seek. It is something that two people create together based on what they develop together as a result of who they are. To just seek a relationship is to take away from the genuineness of it.
And second, do not be afraid to be alone. It is better to be alone than with the wrong person. Believe enough in yourself to know that you will find what it is you require in a person. Have the self respect enough to not stay with a person who is wrong for you, and have the self-esteem enough to be attractive to the really worthy women.
Now to answer your two specific questions:
1) how far to go on the first night?
If you want to see her again, do NOT go all the way on the first night!
2) how to handle the follow-up?
If you violate 1), then no matter what you do for follow up, you won't see her again. Usually.
From your email, it sounds like you regularly violate number 1).
For some women, if she has a one night stand, no matter how good he was in bed, she feels cheap. She will not see him again because she knows that he will never respect her as much as she'd like.
For other women, whether she specifically set out for a one night fling or not, if she meets a man she finds attractive, and he pushes hard for the first night close, she just may take him up on it, for the fling of it. But that is all she sees him as. She has made the conscious decision to reduce the respect she has for him. He is not good enough for a relationship, he is only good enough for a one night stand.
Now there are exceptions. I know a young couple who consummated their relationship the first night they met, and have been together for over a year and are very happy. But is the exception.
And one very important thing to keep in mind. If a woman decides that she wants a relationship with a guy, she is going to see to it that it happens. She is going to do what women do well, and that is to win him over to her.
You MUST give her the opportunity to do this! Do NOT take that away from her by rushing into things.
And her perceived value of the relationship will be higher if she had to work for it. I'm not saying make it too hard for her, and certainly don't make it too easy, but let her do what she does best. Enjoy the process. It's fun!
I discuss all of this at great length in my book "The Secrets Of Female Sexuality." The key to success with women is to understand them.
And in my one hour long audio CD called "How To Set The Foundation For A Wild S*xual Relationship" I tell you the things you need to work on, why they are important, and specific examples of things to DO.
In there I discuss follow up, and I have a specific thing you would do on the second night that will GREATLY increase her s*xual responsiveness to you. You'll love that one.
In my next newsletter, two guys ask me if they should break up with their girlfriends. The news is bad, but the advice is good.
Give women incredible pleasure,
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