Today I first answer an email and then I'll tell you about a customer of mine that I met. Both hit on the same thing; being comfortable with sexuality.
***EMAIL from Jeff:
Recently you posted a letter by a woman saying that her man was too quiet during sex. I myself am a quiet one, and was told this often by my recent girlfriend (now ex girlfriend).
When she said this, it messed with my enjoyment of being with her, as I just felt stupid and not authentic trying to be more vocal. This led to mediocre sex and then her complaining that I wasn't into her (even though I was).
I now feel unsure of myself, as my style has been changed. Any advice on being more expressive? (without feeling like I'm putting on a doggy act).
Your email illustrates yet another example of a woman who left because the sex was mediocre because her man couldn't be expressive.
Jeff, if your woman laid there like a peice of carboard, and then she told you that you turn her on, would you believe her? Would you feel insulted because she was not expressive? Would you feel further insulted because you thought she obviously lied to you about it?
And how frustrated would you feel if she continually insisted that she was into you, but she continually laid there like a peice of cardboard?
How many times do I have to explain it...
WOMEN WANT YOU TO BE EXPRESSIVE
They want to know that they are desired. They want to know that they turn you on. And actions speak louder than words. She's going to go by your actions.
You think of being expressive as a doggy act because you are not comfortable with it. You are not comfortable with it because you are not comfortable with your own sexuality.
And that has very deep roots.
And I will discuss that now as I tell you about a customer of mine that I met.
I enjoy meeting my customers in person. Tonight I met a guy who I'll call "Tom." (Not his real name. I always change the first name in a newsletter.)
Tom is a well educated professional. A really great guy. Certainly a good catch for any woman looking for a good man with strong morals and values, and a desire to really connect with a woman and make the relationship truly successful.
He explained how he had shame and guilt around sexuality because of his strict religious upbringing. He said he came from a good loving home, and he knew his parents meant well, but he ended up having hindering beliefs from it.
Here is the really interesting thing that Tom said; he said that he feels that if he tries to get a woman into bed, that he is trying to get something from her or manipulate her in some way, because it is not in the context of love.
I know there are a lot of guys who have the same shame and guilt. They believe they have to be in love before even trying to do anything sexual.
I explained to Tom that Reality is out there for all of us to observe. Reality is telling us something. The Reality of the situation is that most women (I do not mean ALL woman, I mean MOST women) will sleep with a man on the third date, but will not decide if they love him for another six months (at least for the ones who are not needy.)
Most women are much more sexual than men. Most women require that they be treated with respect for the lady that they are. And if he treats her with respect, and she feels comfortable and safe with him, then she is completely comfortable with sleeping with him.
As for love, most women are completely turned off by men who fall in love with her in the first few dates, or even weeks. For her, it cheapens the concept of love. Most women understand that it takes really getting to know someone before falling in love. And that can take six months, or even a year.
(I'm talking about high quality women here, not the needy ones who need to be in love.)
The Reality of the situation is that women will not wait very long to have sex, but they will wait a long time before they fall in love. So if women don't have a problem with it, why should you?
I told Tom to look at it from a new perspective. Look at it in terms of respect. Have respect for her and for her beliefs. Treat her with respect. And, respect her desires to be a healthy expressive sexual creature who wants to be with a man who treats her with respect and who himself is also a healthy expressive sexual creature.
Your parents had good intentions for you. They wanted the best for you. They have their backgrounds and their beliefs. And you respect that about them. But they had no idea how their teachings would affect you.
They certainly didn't want you to manipulate anyone. Any parent would teach that. And they figured that if you were in love, then you would not be manipulating a woman. They only knew what they knew from their experiences.
Look at it from the perspective of respect. If you respect your woman, you could not possibly manipulate her.
IN THE CONTEXT OF RESPECT THERE IS NO MANIPULATION
Take it from a new perspective. In the living room you treat her with respect like the lady that she is. In the bedroom, you respect the fact that she wants to be fvcked like the slvt that she loves to be (in the context of respect.) And you respect that about her.
Tom also told me that he has listened to my "Dirty Talk" Audio CD three times. He said that the first time he listened to it, he thought it was very alien to him. He wondered how anyone could talk like that. By the third time he listened to it, he really started getting it and saw how he could use it.
He has been talking to a few girls online and on the phone. He is starting to get more comfortable with phone sxx, and was surprised how powerfully it worked. And he was really surprised when the women starting telling him their fantasies! A long string of fantasy after fantasy! Really bizarre stuff!
Isn't it interesting that when you allow a woman to feel comfortable about talking about sexuality, that they start telling all these bizarre things?
It only seems bizarre at first. Eventually you understand that women are HIGHLY sexual creatures. They crave to express their sexuality.
Every man has a job to do. He must satiate that craving! It is the only respectful thing to do.
Go forth! And satiate!
To learn more about building sexual confidence and in learning sexual techniques, check out my "Give Women Wild Screaming Orgams" program.
To learn more about my "Dirty Talk" audio CD, check out
my Audio CD set. Also included is a CD where I explain all of this in much more detail. I talk about what women expect early in the relationship, and how to satiate her desires for a highly expressive sexual relationship.
And by the way, there is nothing "dirty" (in a bad way) about dirty talk. It really should have been called "emotionally healthy sexually uninhibited ruthlessly expressive" talk. But that's not sexy. So, it's simply called "dirty talk" (in an emotionally healthy sexually uninhibited ruthlessly expressive way.)
When I receive your question, you will receive an invitation to a free upcoming teleseminar, where I will address all the questions. Plus, you will receive a link to listen to my most recent teleseminar. And if your question is on-topic, I will personally answer your question in email.
And I love to hear success stories too. I want to hear all the per.verted deme.nted things that you and your woman have experienced together. Those stories always get a personal response.
Stay tuned for my next newsletter where I present an email from a pathetic lover and an email from a Masterful Lover, and I explain the one single contrasting critical ingredient that makes them who they are.
Give women incredible pleasure,
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