"I have had in my lifetime the great privilege of the mentorship of the most brilliant, inspiring, persuasive and effective people my era has ever seen, but few approaches to life (if any) that I have found are empowering as those of David Shade. His ideas have freed the confused and directionless person inside me and have set me on a journey which probably would have taken me years to embark upon if left to my own devices. There is so much left for me to do in life that only I can do on my own, but David helped me become focused on the path that leads to true fulfillment and happiness.
Like me, David is a deep thinker and a philosopher at heart. Many of his ideas did not immediately take hold for me and I had trouble grasping them, but as my life goes forward I notice that the things he taught me have become deeply rooted within me. That is to say, the things David taught me I believe not because David taught it but because the ideas have manifested themselves in my own life in such a way that they mean something to me that is truly unique to me and my own way of life. What makes this possible is that the David Shade approach to life (in my interpretation) revolves around the idea that the key to HAVING what you want is not GETTING what you want, but BEING the person for whom getting what you want is a mere bi-product of the reality they create simply by the way they live life.
Unlike many others with great ideas, David reminds his students that it's not enough to KNOW. You also have to BE. And to BE means that you DO something. David uses exercises to demonstrate what he teaches. The exercises are activities that take place in the real world and, for the most part, produce repeatable results for anyone willing to do them. The exercises serve to demonstrate the reality of what goes on in the world. By establishing comfort with the real world, the student is able to conquer certain dis-empowering beliefs that may be creating obstacles for him.
An example of such an exercise is the Daddy's Girl Test. When I first met David, one of the first ideas we discussed was women's self-esteem and how you can tell how much is really there. He gave me an exercise. I was to approach a multiplicity of women on the street (at that time I was comfortable approaching women in that setting) and say "Excuse me. Could you do me a favor? I am curious. When you were a little girl, about eight years old, did you have a good relationship with your father?....(they answer)....I have a theory that women who have a good relationship with their fathers as little girls grow up to have a good self-esteem." I was shocked by the kinds of conversions that this would start. It becomes very obvious that a girl's relationship with her father has a profound effect on her self-esteem in her adult life. For me, David's exercises have been helpful not only as something to do for the first time but also as a way to recalibrate and remind myself of the conditions in which I operate in life. It builds a foundation of belief that is very real and a relationship with reality that is very empowering.
Many people may claim to teach you great things that will change your life, but David simply points out that what you are seeking so relentlessly is nothing that comes from outside you, but it's something you already have. David's motives are as close to pure as motives come. He is a leader who wants nothing more than for his students see themselves as their own leaders and he takes great joy in seeing another person discover in themselves the same feeling of personal empowerment that he found in himself. Anyone who has the opportunity to know David Shade should take every advantage possible to do so."
Portland, OR, Dec 26, 2004
I want to thank Nick for sharing that. I especially liked how he put into words his perspective on it all. I could not have said it better myself.
"True fulfillment and happiness." Nick had asked me to help him get better at meeting women, but what I set out to do was discover what he REALLY needed to get. I knew that getting girls was just something that would make him think that he had what he really needed. But I know from being in this business for a long time, that deep down inside, most men are looking for true fulfillment and happiness. And most men think that getting girls is going to get them that.
Unfortunately, even if they DO get girls, they still have the same problem, and it is still keeping them from true fulfillment and happiness. They need to fix their problem BEFORE they involve real people. And interestingly, they really don't get girls, and certainly don't get into quality relationships UNTIL they fix the underlying problem.
"The key to HAVING what you want is not GETTING what you want, but BEING the person for whom getting what you want is a mere bi-product of the reality they create simply by the way they live life."
That is the key point. It is not about GETTING, it is about BEING. Because GETTING things, like lots of money, or lots of women, never actually solves the underlying problem. And relying on the approval of others puts all the power in other people, not in you. But in BEING, you assume the power. You are reliant on only YOU. And that is the cornerstone of being personally powerful.
"It builds a foundation of belief that is very real and a relationship with reality that is very empowering."
And that is the cornerstone to self esteem. Be real. But I prefer the way that Nick put it.
"David simply points out that what you are seeking so relentlessly is nothing that comes from outside you, but it's something you already have."
That line sums it all up. So many men are looking for that magic bullet, the easy way out. But few have the courage to assume responsibility and realize that it is all up to them. And few have the belief that they are even up to the responsibility of being personally powerful.
Coming to the realization that it is all within you is very empowering.
"He takes great joy in seeing another person discover in themselves the same feeling of personal empowerment that he found in himself."
And that is the greatest thing about being personally powerful - helping others find it in themselves.
And to repeat one thing Nick wrote: "The key to HAVING what you want is not GETTING what you want, but BEING the person for whom getting what you want is a mere bi-product."
Yep, getting girls is a mere bi-product. Imagine that. But when you are personally powerful, you find that it is really more about savoring women.
Thank you Nick for writing. I wish you all the very best.