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I have a concept, and it goes like this . . . There's a kind of build-up of attraction that happens when a man and a woman meet. You could say that the more attraction happens, the more attraction it creates. This process happens very differently for men than it does for women. For men, it can happen instantly, and be over instantly. For women, it tends to build up over time, and then go away over time. I call this concept: “ATTRACTION MOMENTUM."
Men are very visual and they are instantly attracted to a woman, sometimes so much so that they lose all sense of reality and their surroundings. Women are initially attracted to a man's looks, but beyond that something else is also happening. Women are also attracted to a man's energy, confidence, the tone of his voice, and the way he listens when they speak.
A woman's attraction to a man is complicated, while a man is overstimulated on the visual side like a giant Scooby Doo. To attract a man, a woman needs to be able to seduce his eyes with her sex appeal. To attract a woman, a man needs to intrigue and seduce her mind.
This is where men lose the connection. They tend to try to “wow” a woman in the same way they would go about trying to impress a fellow man.
Let me go further into this. A good woman friend once told me “The more a man speaks, the drier I get. I wish sometimes he would not say a word so I can remain turned on and attracted to him.” This is the cold hard truth. Most men have no idea that in order to create attraction, they need to shut up and listen.
Men tend to try to close a woman by selling themselves to her. What happens in reality, however, is that the more they sell the less the attraction to them becomes. Men are what I call “wing flappers.” They think that by trying to impress a woman with their life accomplishments, they will seduce her and attract her . . . which is far from the truth.
The key to attracting women and creating the “attraction momentum” is a 3 step process.
Step 1 is the initial approach. Women can see you coming from a mile away. They smell you, and if they are attracted to you they want you to approach them. But it is the way you approach that will cause the attraction momentum to either rise or fall.
Men that walk over immediately are ones who tend to be received well by women. Ask any woman what her feelings are about the way a man approaches, and she will tell you that if she hears the “Jaws” theme playing in her head she will lose any of the initial attraction that she was feeling. Most men tend to circle like sharks for hours before they approach, and by the time they finally do approach the woman is turned off by him.
What happens next, i.e., Step 2, is another attraction key that will either raise her level of interest or decrease the attraction.
Most men will talk at a woman with random thoughts. Men tend to speak in random circles . . . That works in the man world. Take the following example. Two men are sitting in a café watching a game on TV. This is how a conversation would typically go:
Man 1: “You hungry?”
Man 2: “Yes.”
Man 1: “Wow! Did you see that throw?”
Man 2: “Yes, that was great. Hey . . . Check her out!”
Man 1: “Hot!”
Man 2: “Yeah, really hot. So, how's work?”
Man 1: “Good. Any you?”
Man 2: “Good. What do you want to eat?”
Man 1: “Sandwich maybe . . . Wow! Look at that play.”
Man 2: “Forget the play. Look at her!”
Man 1: “Hot.”
Man 2: “Yeah, I think I want a sandwich too. Let's order.”
So now that you've seen what “man talk” looks like, let's look at the conversation of two women in the same café so you can understand how women react to each other and how they speak to one another.
Women 1: “How was your date last night?”
Women 2: “It was ok.”
Women 1: “Just ok? Why? What happened?”
Women 2: “He was really funny, but …”
Women 1: “But what?”
Women 2: “He did something when the waitress came over that
really made me think.”
Women 1: “What did he do? Was he checking her out?”
Women 2: “I am not sure. I have been running it through my head,
and I just can’t get a reading on it.”
Women 1: “Details please! Let’s figure this out . . .”
Do you see the difference? Women get deeper in one conversation, while men talk in random circles eventually getting back to the original conversation.
So now you can see how attraction momentum works. Men need to learn the trigger points in women . . . how they think, how they react, and how they speak. Most men will talk to a woman in “man talk” and when they do, they will cause the attraction momentum to go down instead of up.
For every woman that is sitting in a café reading the newspaper, there is a man thinking that he can just walk over to her with some canned line and a few follow-up questions. Men believe that there is an approach that will work in all situations, or that there are custom approaches that will work regardless of what she says. It’s that mindset that kills all attraction for women, yet men think that there is some magic approach that will work in all situations.
Men will actually spend time looking for someone who can give them that answer, that “magic approach,” so they will be attractive to all women in all situations. Men will use an approach over and over, memorizing it so they can perform it in front of a woman. The truth is that women are looking to connect with a man . . . not to watch a one man show.
That alone will kill the attraction momentum for women. Women are present in the moment whereas men think about what they have to say.
So let's see how the attraction momentum is killed in a café . . . and this is after a woman has smiled and checked out the man.
Man: “Can I borrow a section of your paper?”
Woman: “Yes, you can.”
Man: “Are you having a good day?”
Woman: “Yes I am . . . but this story about Iraq is really disturbing.”
Man: “Do you live here?”
Woman: “Yes . . . around the corner. I love this area.”
Man: “What do you do for work?”
See, a man walks over and he has these predetermined questions that he wants to ask her already in his mind. And not once did he pick up on anything that she was saying, which in turn is causing the attraction momentum to go down as each word comes out of his mouth. Because they don’t listen, men tend to kill the attraction once they open their mouths. Step 3, therefore, is to remain present in the moment and to listen to what a woman is saying.
There are also many other ways a man can kill attraction.
Another way that a man kills the attraction momentum is when he looks at a woman like a desperate, hungry wolf staring at its next meal. Or when he's out with a hungry testosterone-laden wolf pack, he will poke a friend five times before talking to a woman. Women don't communicate like hungry wolves about to eat a meal.
Women communicate in a whole different language. When they look at a man, they admire a man. They don't look at him like he's about to be put on the grill.
Women like to be looked at a certain way in order to build attraction. By looking at a woman with a very seductive, sexy, George Clooney smile, you will be able to turn her on in ways you've never imagined! In order for attraction to build in a woman, you need to do it slowly and seductively. You also need to jump into her head and start a conversation based on thoughts she's already having. So . . . how do yo do this?
First, you need to observe what she's doing so you can jump into her head when you talk to her. This way, the conversation is based on something she's already feeling or doing so it's natural. Most men will walk over to a woman and do the exact opposite like the example above. In a second, I am going to show you a conversation that you can have anywhere that will get you to bond with a woman and create far greater attraction than you've ever had before.
The second tip before we go through that conversation, is to keep present in the moment so that the conversation is just an extension of her thoughts. If what you say is an extension of her thoughts, she won't even realize what's happening. She won't have her defenses up, and by doing this you will be bonding with her about the things she's already thinking.
The third, and most important, thing that makes the attraction meter go up instead of down, is to listen and to react to what she is saying. In my earlier example, I talked about two women and how they have a conversation. Women start on a subject and then go deeper into it, creating a bond between them. That is the exact type of bond you need to create with a woman in order to cause the attraction to rise instead of fall.
Most guys when they approach a woman, create a whole new feeling, thought and conversation. Take, for example, a woman who might be eating a peach at a farmer's market. A typical guy will walk over and ask her a question about the weather, instead of picking the obvious thing like I'm about to show you.
Let's take the peach example. You see a woman eating a juicy peach at a farmer's market. So how do you come across as the confident male instead of the bumbling guy that has nothing to say? The first step you've already done, i.e., observed what she's doing. The second step is to walk over immediately. Walk over with authority and confidence. When you approach her, be playful and say:
Man: “That looks great. Can I have a bite?”
Woman: “I don't know . . . I don't know if I'm in the mood to share today.”
Man: “What, you don't like to share?”
Woman: “I love to share, but I don't even know you.”
Man: “What do you need to know in order for me to get a bite of that peach?”
Woman: “Well, we could start with your name.”
Man: “So all I need to do is tell you my name, and I'll get a bite of that peach?”
Woman: “Maybe . . .”
Man: “I'll tell you what. Take me to where you got that peach and I'll get my own. Then we'll compare and see who got the better peach. We'll go bite for bite.”
Woman: “You're on . . .I'll go bite for bite. I believe in my peach.”
Man: “What else do you believe in?”
At this point you've now segued away from the peach, and opened the door to her sharing her thoughts with you. You've also been very playful and you've challenged her. You've turned a simple approach into a fun game. Plus the game was all about something she was already doing. Most men fail to create attraction because they talk in random thoughts, which is not “woman talk.” I have found in coaching thousands of women over the last 10 years that the only way to build attraction in a woman is to bond with her in the moment and jump inside her head.
Don’t believe me..... So you have to understand, to meet the most amazing women everyday and have them desire you, you have to connect with them on a higher level than you ever have before. It’s not about what to say it is how you approach and how to say it!! I go over all this in great Detail in my Mens Master series audio program
Talk to you soon and looking forward to hearing about all of your success with women!!
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©David Wygant®
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