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A direct opener is a way of starting a conversation with a woman in which you express immediate interest in a woman and an”indirect opener” is one in which you conceal your interest in a seemingly innocuous question or statement, e.g. asking a woman her opinion on something or commenting on a particular situation in some way.
Debates have raged on whether it’s better to use direct or indirect openers when approaching women. I don’t care for debate. I do what I enjoy and what works best for me.
I prefer to be direct most of the time because it requires less cognitive energy for me and it suits the rest of my interactional style. That said, I know a lot of guys that are amazing with women and use indirect openers most of the time. It’s all about personal preference.
If you want to try direct openers, or are using them but find that they’re not working as well as you had hoped, then this article will help you.
Direct openers can work in most situations so long as you get the fundamentals right. Most men will find it easier to apply the following fundamentals in the daytime, e.g. approaching girls on the street or in bookstores, but they can work equally well in bars and clubs (it’s often just harder to get the fundamentals right).
Here are the fundamental things to be aware of when using a direct opener.
1. Have strong body language
If you slouch, place your hands in a supplicating position (e.g. with your palms facing up) or avoid eye contact, she will immediately think you are a low value man. Concentrate on pushing your chest out, keeping your shoulders back, holding your head high and moving at a slow pace at all times; especially when you are delivering the opener.
2. Have strong speech
The most important things in your speech are to slow it down and include pauses. If you rush the wholeGirl in the Street opener out immediately, it sounds like you’re afraid she is going to run away before you have a chance to finish. Include pauses for dramatic effect between parts of the opener, e.g.
- Excuse me… [pause] I just saw you walking past… [pause] and I had to come tell you… [pause] your outfit is incredible. Also, don’t raise your voice at the end of the sentence; it sounds like you are supplicating if you do.
3. Compliment something specific
It’s very easy to tell a woman she’s beautiful but it takes a high value man to notice the specifics of what is attractive about her. A man that pays attention to detail in the first few seconds is normally a man that pays attention to her in bed. You will generally do best to compliment a woman on her style, her hair or her body language. Use unusual words that most men probably wouldn’t think of using in a compliment, e.g. “elegant”,”graceful” or “alluring”.
Here are some specific examples:
1. You have an incredible style. It’s clear that you have good taste and a sense of coordination.
2. I love the way your hair just cascades off your head like that. It’s so alluring.”
3. You carry yourself with such confidence, and yet without any hint of arrogance.
4. Show that you have high standards
In addition to making the compliment specific, you can also show high value by incidentally mentioning your Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mindstandards. For example, after she responds to the initial compliment you could say; Seriously, It’s so rare where I’m from to see a woman with this kind of style; you have something unique about you that most women don’t have.
By pointing out that most women you meet don’t have the quality that you’ve complimented her for, you’re showing that you’re able to meet a lot of women but that most of them, the average ones, hold no interest for you. You’re after something special, and therefore you are unlike the average Joe.
5. Show that you want more than just looks
The ultimate goal of the opener is not to impress her or to begin the process of seduction. It is to start a conversation in order to find out whether you want to get to know her better. This is a frame that most guys don’t even think about: they’ve already decided just from the way she looks that they want to sleep with her. A man with abundance and real choice in his life wants much more.
Set the frame that you started the conversation because she’s physically attractive but that you want to find out more to see if she is your type. I usually tag on, “I had to come and find out some more about you”, into the opener or the first minute of conversation. For example, “Excuse me, I saw you walking past and I loved your style, it’s so elegant and well coordinated. I wanted to find out some more about you.”
Contrast this with, “You’re beautiful. I had to come and ask you out on a date” which shows that you’re willing to commit your precious time just on the basis of her being good looking. That’s not a trait of the high value man.
6. Be ready to move on after the opener
Most guys expect a direct opener to make a woman magically jump you or exclaim, “Wow, you’re so brave! Take my number!” after delivering it. But the ideal and most common response is simply her being pleasantly surprised and saying, “Thank you.” After this, it is still down to you to lead the conversation and have an attractive interaction.
You can take it where you want after the opener. I tend to ask a few questions to figure out what the woman’s personality and lifestyle is like and whether she’s someone I want to get to know better. I might also get some banter going by making a few situational jokes. The important thing is to have some follow up immediately after the opener, otherwise you will get just a “Thank you”, and the woman will turn back to whatever she was doing.
7. Believe that she is going to respond positively
This is a hard one. Openers work the best when you believe they are going to work because your body language and speech are aligned in a way conducive to it working. That belief only truly comes when you have enough positive reference experiences of it working.
So realize that the first ten, fifty or hundred times you try it, it might be tough. But at some point you will get into few really good conversations and start to see it working. At this point, you have good reference experiences and you will feel more confident to approach a woman directly.
I am the creator of the Love Systems Day Game Workshop, the author of the new book Daytime Dating (download free sample chapter).
Also check out Love Systems Magic Bullets , the Routines Manual , and Routines Manual 2
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