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So, you’re determined to get “this dating stuff” handled and you’re going about it the right way. You’re going out lots and approaching a bunch of women every day and night. You’re able to get into good, attractive conversations with girls. You’re even starting to get phone numbers consistently.
Then you start following up on these numbers… and they don’t respond. You don’t get call backs and they don’t respond to your text messages. In other words, every number flakes.
How to deal with flaky numbers
When you get to this stage, don’t fall into the trap of obsessing over your “precious numbers”. Don’t be the guy who agonises for hours trying to construct the perfect text message or structure the perfect phone conversation.
Don’t be the guy who persists for weeks with girls over email, text and phone, exhausting yourself emotionally and mentally to try to come up with ways to “win back” the girl who you thought liked you but hasn’t responded to your last 48 text messages.
I’m not an expert on text and phone game, but I know that Braddock and Savoy have that stuff nailed. If you haven’t already, read their article on phone game to figure out the best ways of following up with women.
But no matter how tight your game is and how strong your follow ups are, you will still never be able to get every girl you take a phone number from to meet up with you again.
Maybe she just wasn’t that attracted to you and you just didn’t read the signs right. A lot of women give out their number because they don’t want to be rude, even if they never plan on answering when you text or call.
As you get more success, you’ll learn to recognise signals of attraction that mean a woman really does want to meet up with you again, instead passively agreeing to give you her phone number just so she doesn’t come off as rude.
For example, when I set up a date, I make sure she genuinely is interested in talking with me again. If a woman starts telling me, “Oh yeah, you can try calling me and I’ll see if I’m free,” that’s not enough commitment for me. I’ll walk away rather than take a flaky number.
Or she may have been into you in that moment (she was attracted to you) but you didn’t build enough comfort with her. So later on, when you contact her, that spike of emotional attraction is gone and she can’t logically rationalise why she likes you.
There could also be something completely external going on. Maybe an ex-boyfriend got back in touch with her, she met someone else, she’s busy or she lost her phone. Who knows and frankly who cares? There are so many other things that could have happened, why waste your time trying to figure it out?
Obviously you should keep continually work on your social skills and your ability to build attraction, comfort etc. (if you don’t understand these critical phases of the Emotional Progression model, you need to read Magic Bullets ). But given all this, you should MOVE ON from flaky numbers.
So long as you are consistent in who you are and what you do, there will be a steady stream of women you meet who are into you. The trick is to focus on these girls and cut the flakes out of your life quickly.
The 80-20 rule
Let’s apply a sales analogy.
In sales, you start out trying to make every sale work. You hang on every phone call and every hint of a potential sale. You chase and follow up everything. You keep chasing until you get a clear “no” from the customer. Even then, sometimes you stay in touch and chase from time to time.
You learn very quickly that you’re wasting a lot of your time. You’re chasing bad leads. It is better to move on quickly, stop wasting your time and spend time finding GOOD leads.
Ever heard of Pareto’s Law? It’s also known as the 80-20 rule. In a business context, it’s the principle that 80% of your sales revenue comes from 20% of your clients. Applied to your dating life, it is the principle that 80% of your successes will come from 20% of your efforts and prospects. If one in five girls you talk to ends up meeting with you for a date, you are doing something right.
Throw out any ideas you have of being a “pick up artist” with a 76.4% close ratio. That stuff will mess you up. In the real world, you talk to a bunch of woman, be the best, most attractive man you can be, and you find women who are into you. You will also, along the way, meet a bunch of women who aren’t into you.
The best guys with women in the world still can’t get EVERY woman. Who the hell wants every woman anyway? Looks aren’t everything. Even if she is hot, if she doesn’t dig your sense of humour or the kind of person you are, do you really want to pretend to be someone else just so you can sleep with her?
Talk to all the women you find attractive, and focus on the ones that you click with. These are your good leads.
As you get better, you’ll be able to filter out the women that you’re not going to click with more quickly and waste less of your time.
Use your resources wisely
So if a girl doesn’t respond to your initial text or phone call, don’t bother chasing her – it is almost always not worth following up. If a girl doesn’t initially agree to meet for a date or seems to be forever “busy”, she is most probably blowing you off but trying not to be rude about it. If after one date she’s flaky about meeting up again, again don’t waste your time.
A girl that wants to see you again will make it reasonably easy for you by agreeing to meet up or, if she is busy, by suggesting an alternative.
It may be worth occasionally touching base with people (sometimes their situation changes, e.g. they dump their boyfriend), but don’t agonise over it or make it a priority. You should focus your time on stronger, more immediate leads.
Good luck, and remember that time is your most precious asset in this life.
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