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I am going to disagree with conventional wisdom on Day Game here and say that I am against instant dates. An instant date is where you go for a coffee or some kind of mini-date with a woman immediately after having met her in the daytime.
Traditionally, a lot of guys that practice Day Game advocate going on instant dates with women. It’s said that they progress the interaction, build comfort and reduce flakiness.
Indeed, I used to be one of the guys that advocated insta-dating girls. But everything evolves and over time I’ve discovered instant dates to be less efficient than setting up dates for later on, preferably in the evening that night or if not, an evening within the next few days.
When you meet a woman during the daytime, chances are you won’t be able to get physically intimate with her until nightfall. Part of this is down to simple logistics: she is most likely in the middle of errands, on her break from work, or in between meetings. You may well be busy too. For most people, the evening is when they have the majority of their downtime, when it’s likely they’d be able to spend a couple of hours getting intimate with you.
Part of this is down to the psychology of sex. People associate nightfall with intimacy. Therefore if you are going to spend time with a woman with the possibility of sleeping with her, you should arrange for that time to be in the evening.
The final reason is that women like the element of mystery, the feeling of not knowing exactly what is going to happen. If you spend a couple of hours with a woman in the afternoon, taking a long walk though the park or chatting over coffee for a couple of hours, a lot of that mystery is gone. Suddenly, she knows a lot about you and you’ve become that “really interesting guy she spent an afternoon chatting with” instead of the guy she met up with in the evening and went home with.
Of course there are always going to be exceptions to this. It certainly is possible to meet a woman in the middle of the afternoon and get her home before it’s nightfall. It’s also possible to go on instant dates that last until nightfall and then take the woman home. But these are exceptions rather than the rule.
In most cases, your best bet for securing a solid date and for not wasting your time is to build a connection based on Attraction and Qualification (see the Love Systems Triad if you don’t know what these are) for about 5 minutes and then set up a date for an evening sometime soon (ideally that night).
I don’t think instant dates should never be tried. They’re certainly good for showing you what’s possible: that you can go on a random date with a woman you’ve just met in the middle of the day. But instant dates should be a feather in your cap rather than the arrows in your quiver.
This is probably going to be a controversial post and I’m sure there will be those that disagree with me. I think continual experimentation is important to develop any skill, so I invite you to experiment: if you have never tried instant dates, try going on a few, and if you usually do a lot of them, try avoiding them completely. See what happens.
Credit to the Asian Rake for encouraging me to write this article. I recently met him in Singapore and after talking about day game, it became clear that we shared some similar views. David – I hope to see you next time I am in Singapore.
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