When a woman is presented with signs of your EXCELLENCE, she will feel ATTRACTION. Period, end of story.
Now, one of the major OBSTACLES in the way of conveying excellence is when a guy is actually telling a woman in all kinds ways that he is NOT excellent.
So, for example, if a guy is being so super careful in his conversation not to "rock the boat" with anything edgy or fun to his conversation, he is showing that he is AFRAID of screwing up and of being rejected.
So his conversation sticks ONLY to the extremely "safe" topics such as the weather or asking her what time it is. Also, his tonality alone seems to convey fear of stepping on her toe by accident. (figuratively!)
This shows the woman that there must be something intensely "NOT EXCELLENT" about him.
She feels there must be something wrong with the guy, otherwise, "why is he acting so scared of being rejected?"
"If he was excellent, he wouldn't behave as if he was crap."
I'm not saying women actually are CONSCIOUSLY thinking this, they are just FEELING repulsed without knowing why. But that is pretty much what repulsed feels like if it could be put into words.
This is why I believe that single guys should EMBRACE any opportunity to chat to a woman, and not even be focused on "how to avoid rejection" because the types of behaviors that flow from "how to avoid rejection" are all VERY UNCOOL.
So, for example, if a guy wants to chat to a woman who works in a lingerie shop, he might feel WEIRD doing this, so he waits outside for five minutes trying to come up with the perfect thing to say. She sees this, and then figures his own belief in himself is not high.
Then, if he DOES go in, he keeps the convo TOO SAFE, asking for things like "do you guys carry gift certificates", and then politely saying thanks, and then, out of things to say, he leaves, frustrated and pissed off at this whole process.
When he would have been much better off to FOCUS on SUCCESS rather than on AVOIDING FAILURE.
Now, still, the fact is, that a guy in a lingerie store by himself MIGHT seem a tad strange, so he should avoid acting GOOFY, but this in no way means he should ever behave all ANTI-SEPTIC and boring.
He can still be fun and playful and ask the girl something like "if all the girls working here get paid 8 bucks an hour, but the lingerie here costs 50 bucks an OUNCE, how the heck would you girls know what to recommend to a female customer???" And then playfully tease her for stealing all the stuff and taking it home and selling it on eBay.
But there is NO WAY on EARTH that a guy will enter in the right state of mind to come up with that if he is thinking of ways to avoid rejection. If he is thinking of ways to avoid rejection, he will instead be focused on how to NOT look like a guy trying to pick the girl up! As if that was a crime or something.
And remember, a girl KNOWS this, she can TELL the guy is looking for a way to avoid rejection, that he is looking for an escape in case it doesn't work, and it's actually much cooler to go into the situation as if you were sure you were going to win, EVEN IF YOU AREN'T NECESSARILY SO SURE!
And by the way, THIS is the way to change yourself INTERNALLY as well, because you ARE what you DO. If you BEHAVE in the way that is secure, you will ALSO FEEL secure as this becomes a NEW habit.
And all actions are HABIT forming if you do them often enough. You get addicted to the emotional state (whether that state is good or bad!) that you get from any action, and the more you do it, the easier it gets to do it again, and to WANT to do it again.
You ARE what you THINK and DO.
Similarly, if a guy is looking for ways to AVOID rejection, he will start to FEEL like a guy who NEEDS to avoid rejection and of course this creates a self-fulfilling prophecy since it affects your perspective, your state, your beliefs, your tonality, your body language, etc.
Similarly, in any actual CONVERSATION with a woman, if you act all too concerned and too afraid of seeming WEAK, then you are going to come across as an A-HOLE! You'll end up showing off and being a jerk, and that's not cool either. If you are too concerned about being NICE, you are actually going to convey the WORST sin of the "nice guy" which is seeming like you have no identity of your own and that you are in fact so desperate for her approval that you are even acting like a jerk just to PRETEND that you don't care about her approval--hence she will feel that you actually are the "nice guy" in a negative sense.
It's not about nice vs. not nice, it's about BELIEVING IN WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.
When what you have to say has WORTH, then you don't have to be NICE or MEAN about it, you can instead let the NATURAL EMOTION of whatever it is you are saying come through.
You can be VERY WARM AND GOOD TO A WOMAN and NOT seem "NICE".
For example, let's say you are at a restaurant, coffee shop, or anywhere else, where there is a bathroom and you see a woman waiting outside the locked bathroom door, waiting for it to be empty. You can SYMPATHIZE with her and be PLAYFUL at the same time - i.e. you can say "Just give it the ol' karate kick and knock it down- I can do it for you if you like."
Say it with a serious face, which makes it all the MORE funny.
She will GET it, and you are being emotionally RELEVANT since she really WANTS the washroom, and since what you are saying is funny as well. Then if you happen to be sitting nearby, when she gets out, you can FOLLOW it all up with that wink and say "ahhhhhhhhhhh" and she will laugh FOR SURE, she will totally "GET IT". You've now broken the ice AND bonded over a very basic human thing that everyone knows.
So, you have shown excellence here with wit, with warmth, with humor, with social skills, with the courage to speak up and not fear rejection, all in very brief amount of time! You have gone from total stranger to a guy with cool PERSONALITY in a super fast time.
There's SO MUCH MORE, but one final point I'd like to bring up is the importance of NOT FLEEING from the pressure of the situation. Sometimes, so MANY times, actually, the guy EJECTS because the girl might say something that doesn't seem to be feeding the conversation.
i.e. The girl says "that's so rude!" and the guy starts saying right away "oh sorry sorry sorry" when often SHE herself is just joking! And even if she ISN'T joking, it's important to not FLEE, but rather to CONTROL THE
FRAME of the situation, the perspective of the situation.
So for example, you can say "It's so true, I grew up with a very RUDE parrot, you should have seen HIS sense of humor!"
So by doing this, first of all you are not GIVING IN to the frame of you being some bad guy, because you know that you are NOT a bad guy! Plus, you give her some new visual image that is a funny image to replace the one she had tried to pin on you.
It takes a SECURE GUY to do this, and so by doing this, she feels you MUST actually NOT be some "bad catch" and she starts thinking that you might be a pretty damn good catch.
She feels that if you were really what she said you were, you would act that way. But since you are acting in a way that shows awesome personality, she now starts to see that in fact it was just you being a fun guy and that in fact it was her who had the issues.
I have to get going here, but if you'd like to learn the FULL PICTURE, there are three steps to take:
The first is downloading my eBook,
"THE DATING WIZARD: SECRETS TO SUCCESS WITH WOMEN".
This book will enable you to actually get IMMEDIATE results with women. It's packed with practical ideas that you can use TONIGHT to meet and attract and get physical.
The NEXT step is to get the ADVANCED TRAINING:
THE SEDUCTION MASTERY APPRENTICESHIP PROGRAM
This program will allow you to have even GREATER CHOICES for your dating life. It will take you to the DEEPEST LEVELS of attraction so that you are prepared for ANY situation, with virtually any woman, giving you EXPLICIT DETAILS OF EXACTLY WHAT TO DO, whether you are meeting a woman at a club, online, or the coffee shop.
This program will ALSO teach you the TRUTH of how to KEEP a woman attracted to you for a LIFETIME.
The final step is to get CUSTOMIZED coaching for any particular area you want to POLISH to perfection. You can do this through my Bootcamps, my Consultation service, or my upcoming Seminar.
You can find out about these services at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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