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This article will help blow apart one hell of a lot of myths, and bring greater clarity to so many issues regarding dating, relationships, attraction, and much more. By far, the most powerful force that controls people’s lives and behaviours is their need for feeling worthy, for feeling validated.
Ultimately, if you have SELF-acceptance at the highest level, you will radiate so much attraction, you will begin to attract women with very little conscious effort. This happens for a very solid reason, as I will explain below. This is not just new-age hocus pocus.
The biggest myth people believe is that in order to accept themselves, something has to happen. And usually, it is more than just one thing. In fact, so many things, in their opinion, have to happen, that they make it impossible for themselves to ever reach a point where they will allow self-acceptance.
Now, this feeling is often the motivating force for many people. People will work really hard to make money, to impress women, to do whatever needs to be done to get what they believe will be validation, in order so that they themselves can feel SELF-VALIDATION.
The problem is though, and you may have heard this before, that if you don’t accept yourself first and foremost, you will find that it is almost impossible to feel validation no matter how much external validation you get.
This is the reason most “players” are hooked on “picking up women”. Sex is the smallest part of the motivation, and validation is the biggest. Constant re-validation. In this sense, picking up women becomes a source of validation similar to how making money or bodybuilding or anything else might provide some validation for others. Nothing is “wrong” except that it doesn’t work as a source of validation if it is the primary source.
Again, it’s a question of balance. No one is saying that these things don’t help, but when out of balance, it’s a sign that validation is becoming externally driven, which is dangerous.
In fact, most people, including the “hottest” women, are on such shaky ground when it comes to self-validation, that they are easy prey to those who know how to manipulate this need. I am not an advocate of playing games on women, because not only does it feel creepy, but in the end, those who need too much external validation are very bad choices for partners.
They will need endless validation tricks by you in order to stick around, whereas if they were high self esteem to begin with, they would not need it.
This is why you can actually treat SOME women well, and they will not feel like changing, for they expect to be treated well, not because they are spoiled but because they are high self esteem. Again, treating a woman well is not the same as kissing up to her or feeling the need to buy her presents all the time or crap like that.
Such women, just like men, are hard to find.
Okay, so now I want to get into phase II of this article.
THE IRONY OF ALL THIS IS, IF YOU HAVE SELF-ACCEPTANCE, YOU WILL NOT BECOME LAZY, IN FACT, YOU WILL BECOME EVEN MORE EFFICIENT AND PRODUCTIVE THAN THE OBSESSED VALIDATION SEEKERS.
Think of your mind as a computer. Think of the need for external validation as a virus or spyware on your computer.
It slows down performance, makes you sluggish, causes mental programs to act strange, sometimes causing a mental crash.
Now, think of eliminating this crap from your mind as the equivalent of having all the junk screwing up your computer completely cleaned out.
And since MOST of attraction these days, for most people, is triggered by needs for VALIDATION, far more than by needs for sex, guess what comes across as the ultimate “babe” magnet?
I’ll give you a hint:
It’s called having S-E-L-F V-A-L-I-D-A-T-I-O-N.
Now, the first thing that’s gonna happen is a barrage of guys saying “You mean I can look like crap and attract hot women, as long as I have self-validation?”
This question comes from not understanding the full power of self-validation.
Remember the computer virus analogy?
When you are cleaned up from the wrong way of thinking, suddenly you become INCREDIBLY RESOURCEFUL. Your mind truly is more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
Since I started out, I have always recommended that guys learn how to succeed with women by acting as if they were already on cloud nine where everything was perfect. And the funny thing is, if you truly act this way for long enough, you will feel that way too. Until you allow someone or something to break your frame. Usually it will be someone who has a very strong negative frame and can’t stand your positive aura for it means they are living the wrong way. And that would mean they have to change, which is hard.
Moreover, most guys have no real clue of just how powerful the aura is of someone who truly has self-acceptance. You have to experience it, genuinely attempt it, or observe it, to believe it.
You see, what we all want is that awesome feeling described as “totally worthy”. This is why some people who are insecure will gravitate towards others who are insecure. At the same time, those who are a little more secure but not totally secure will seek the validation of others who are similar to themselves, because for them, the validation of an insecure person does not mean as much as getting the validation of a secure person.
This validation/security/self-worth thing is almost like a currency. Different types of validation have different worths.
Now, here comes another big part of the puzzle:
If you are doing all this to get women, you will never get to the highest level.
Yes, a good woman will enhance your life. But she will not make you or break you unless you allow it.
This whole sex thing has been taken to the hilt in our current culture, where sex is used to sell even things like cola, toilet paper, cigarettes, and nail clippers, as if one brand will make you sexier than another brand. And the crazy thing is, that because of the power of association and marketing, some folks really do judge people on this.
So, at first to learn, you must imitate.
So how does a guy with total self-acceptance behave?
Well, for one thing, he doesn’t knowingly let his own life get out of balance. He doesn’t allow his beliefs to get compromised. He won’t compromise his dignity in order to get on a woman’s “good side”. He can focus on work, but he is not obsessed to the point that he is addicted, for it is not his sole source of validation.
He will not try to show off to a woman to get on her “good side”.
Showing off, unless you are talking to a woman who believes she has no value, and deserves to be treated like crap, showing off is always a downer. You see, let’s say you really are telling the truth when you show off. Then it sounds like you are boasting which seems insecure, or just seems like you are plain mean.
If she finds out you were not even telling the truth, then you really come across as pathetic.
In fact, by being modest and yet acting confident, you are REALLY conveying that you are simply a cool guy who is not into making people feel crappy.
How else does a guy with total self-acceptance behave?
Well, if there is a woman he would like to speak with, he will speak with her to find out more, and not worry what her reaction is. He is not so caught up or serious regarding her reaction, because it really has nothing to do with him.
Think about why a guy might worry about his math test because he didn’t study, but will not worry so much about it if he knew he studied his hardest. Even if he fails the test, if he knows he did his part by studying, he won’t worry as much. He did his part. The rest is not up to him. We tend to worry when we feel responsible for everything. You are not responsible for a woman’s emotions, you are only responsible for doing your best, and for controlling your own emotions. This is in fact the best way to influence a woman’s emotions.
A guy who is self-accepting is not into “cheating”, or “seducing” married women, or women who are in relationships, because he has no need to “prove his value to himself”.
This brings me to a finer point:
In life, you ATTRACT something by BECOMING it. This is why bitter people hang out together, back-stabbers hang out together, cheaters hang out together, etc.
What most guys do, is they want an attractive woman, and then they try to reverse-figure out how to get her, instead of just being the coolest versions of themselves that they can be.
So these guys copy typical women’s mannerisms, belief structures, value systems, lingo, etc. EVEN IF IT IS A DAMAGING BELIEF SYSTEM, etc.
These guys end up attracting these women, and having the exact same ISSUES as these women. They will complain that every woman is a cheater, because in fact, these women seek out men who cheat. Since the over-riding value system is all about external validation, which is a bottomless pit, the guys who emulate these values end up with the consequences of those values.
Now, there are SOME behaviours, such as a certain amount of confidence in this specific arena of dating, that attractive women often have, that are good to model. However, for many attractive women, this confidence is shattered the moment their worth is seriously challenged, for so few guys challenge the worth of an attractive woman. Even the “players” don’t really challenge it ultimately, they just ACT like they are challenging it.
Since most guys are looking for long term success with women, I recommend becoming what you really want.
I’m not here to tell you what to want. Just remember, you get something by BECOMING it.
If you want a woman who is INTERNALLY validated, who is relaxed, who is happy, who is at peace, who is fun, who has a sense of humour, who will not cheat, who takes care of herself as best as possible, who is confident, who doesn’t kiss up to people, who doesn’t need to get validation every second from every guy, who has a solid sense of where she wants her future to go, who has friends of good moral standing, who stands up for what she believes in, who does not have a quick temper, ad INFINITUM, then become that person yourself.
Trust me, a woman who has all those qualities can pick up pretty damn fast if a guy does NOT have those qualities.
I have never been a fan of “fooling women” into anything.
FOOLING WOMEN IS FOR GUYS WHO THINK THEY NEED TO FOOL WOMEN.
WHEN YOU ARE “THE MAN”, YOU DON’T NEED TO FOOL ANYONE BECAUSE YOU NATURALLY ATTRACT THE KIND OF WOMEN YOU WANT AND WHO WANT YOU.
I get a good laugh everytime I hear about guys who promote “player” tactics. It seems like their whole agenda is how to SEEM genuine, how to SEEM as if you are not just trying to get her into bed.
The truth is that “player women” are looking for “player guys”. There is no need for either of them to pretend. In fact, “TRYING” to be GENUINE comes across as WEIRD and NOT genuine. What these “gurus” are really trying to do is teach guys who are not players and don’t want to be players how to imitate player behavior.
Of course, when a guru is then asked to teach a student how to meet normal girls, the advice is then “just be normal”. Again, how to ACT normal.
I say, forget all the *&(*^$ acting.
If you really get happiness from a player lifestyle, then just find those women. And remember, make sure you are doing it for yourself, not for validation, or the only person who REALLY gets screwed will be yourself, in more ways than one.
And if you really want something MORE than that, then be that person and let your real personality shine.
Not the ass-kissing, scared, needing approval for who you are personality, but your REAL personality, the one you’d have if you KNEW that you could NOT FAIL.
How would you dress if you were EXPLODING with confidence?
How would you talk?
How would you act?
What kind of values would you have if you KNEW you could be successful in finding a QUALITY woman?
I hope you’ve enjoyed this article and I hope you will use it to better your life.
If you would like to learn MORE, on an even deeper level, then you really owe it to yourself to download and read my eBook,
It will teach you how to succeed with women and find the right woman by being THE MAN. You won’t have to resort to any hogwash like hypnosis or strange lines, and it will work ANYWHERE, whether that happens to be a crowded restaurant, your local sidewalk, a party, or any other place you can possibly imagine.
It really is that powerful.
I explain all of this stuff in detail in my book, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women. it’s jam packed not only with the specifics of what to do to approach women and bridge into getting physical, but also with how to get into the right mind frame and keep your mind that way. Remember, the greatest gift you can give a woman is the feeling of POWER that you will resonate as THE MAN. And that’s all in the brain, so watch what you feed it.
You can download the book right now and be reading it in just a few minutes.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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