In my last newsletter, I spoke about how ultimately attraction boils down to conveying POWER in various forms and how being THE MAN embodies all of them. This is an extremely complex topic, and it's impossible to do it full justice in a newsletter, but one thing I need to point out is that POWER is not always about being "tough" or "mean".
I need to make sure that no one got the wrong message thinking you have to be a jerk with everyone.
If someone is GOOD to you, you'd have to be INSANE to NOT BE NICE to them. Or THEY would have to be insane to continue to be good to you if you are being a dick to them.
IF a woman is showing interest in you, and treating you well, it's INSANE to make her feel that you don't give a damn about her. Unless she has extremely low self esteem, in which case you shouldn't be with her anyway. (this is a whole other HUGE topic)
You have to know when to give.
The problem is that most guys have got it all backwards, they go up to a woman who knows nothing about them, they kiss up to her, hand over their balls to her, and she then rejects them, THEN the guy tries to act all high and mighty as if he doesn't care.
But when a woman wants you, it makes sense to reward her for that, and not punish her for it!
Of course, you have to learn to keep her hungry for you using all the methods I discuss. The fact about human nature is that we DON'T just want something, get it, and then stay happy. As humans we don't want only want "more" power, we tend to want MORE power than somebody ELSE.
This is why most chicks will ignore a guy who seems unpopular, and then fight over him as soon as a pretty girl likes him.
This is commonly referred to as "jealousy". Women know this tactic very well.
The women didn't want the guy till they saw that someone ELSE valued him, so he was obviously worth something, and yet now they could not have him even if they WANTED to. This makes them "love" the guy. For real, the women will literally tell the guy they love him.
It was all RELATIVE.
That pretty thing Disney sells called "love" is really just nature's way of motivating people to survive and be attracted to power.
Our brain TRICKS us into thinking something is valuable when certain things occur. As humans we tend to want what we CAN'T HAVE. The value of something is relative to our perspective on it.
This is why a billionaire might kill himself if he loses his money and still has one million left over, but if a poor guy found a million bucks, he would be ECSTATIC.
OKAY- BACK TO WOMEN AND MEN: If a woman has the "man of her dreams" I assure you like the moon stands in the sky that she will NOT CARE LESS about him if he is TOO EASY TO GET and if he is too easy to maintain.
He could be the APEX of her supposed fantasy, and it will be all be WORTHLESS unless he knows how this stuff works.
I swear to that.
So you see, there is no "perfect guy" no matter WHAT a woman is dreaming about - there is only longing to have something/appreciating that something out of fear of losing it or there is no feeling at all except boredom, revulsion etc.
Now, there are a FEW RARE EXCEPTIONS. There are a FEW PEOPLE ON THE PLANET who are AWARE of these processes going on in our brain, and therefore are INTELLIGENT enough to SELF-REGULATE themselves- in other words, they will APPRECIATE someone who is good to them and NOT get bored of them because they are AWARE of the human tendency to NOT appreciate something and so they actually DO appreciate the person.
They KNOW if their mind is playing tricks on them. And they don't lower their value of a person with time. They actually VALUE that person MORE with time because they see that person as proving their loyalty, etc etc. If you ever meet a woman like that, WRITE in!!! I'll make you a guest star columnist!
Hint: People that are more stable tend to be "self-directed" and tend to feel based on their own perceptions of things, and not other people's.
Men and women could get along MUCH better if EGO was not so BLINDING.
Society in general could be doing better if ego didn't get in the way. There is actually MORE than enough food for the entire planet, yet people go starving every day. As humans, we are attracted to power, whether it's good looks or any other form of superiority.
So even if let's say you were EVERYTHING a woman dreamed of, she would get bored in a heartbeat if you didn't know how to regularly ignite her attraction. Going TOO FAR is where you get situations of ABUSE. I am adamant that guys take the principles I teach and use them wisely. Not only is this an ethical issue, but it's COMMON SENSE.
As soon as you see that a woman is REALLY RESPONDING to you, there is no need to go overboard with these principles. Once she is attracted to you, it only makes sense to give a little too! Think about how it feels to really want someone and they don't want you. It's really not going to make you happy and eventually you will need to break out of that situation.
So don't put a woman in that situation either. Don't SPOIL her, but don't go into abuse for crying out loud. While we're on the topic of being "harmonious", let me get into how this applies when going out to pick up women with a "wingman".
The problem is that so few people are emotionally intelligent enough to know how to co-operate.
If I am out with a "wingman" to meet women, we HELP EACH OTHER OUT. We NEVER make things worse for each other. (I discuss how to do this for optimum success in my seminar)
Plus, we help each other's state of mind. We give off POSITIVE ENERGY to each other which makes us both do even better. In other words, be good to your friends! Don't be a prick! This way, you will all multiply your power.
But if someone has a big case of EGO, (i.e. INSECURITY) they would rather LOSE out on the benefits, even lose out on the power, just to cause damage to others.
That's just plain stupid.
So don't get the wrong idea thinking that being THE MAN is all about being a JERK. A guy who is REALLY THE MAN will seek to build HARMONY wherever possible.
Ever wonder why the guy who is really great with women tends to be really popular with the guys too?
Being able to create harmony among people is SEXY. That's what a leader does. THE MAN is a leader, he's not a jerk. He's tough when he needs to be. Think about that the next time you see a woman who is not "your type"- if she isn't so pretty, treat her like you would a friend.
Okay, now that we've got that straight, let's get to some letters:
***LETTER FROM A READER***
Firstly I'd like to say thanks for all your tips and advice, you are SO right with the way women behave!
Recently I had a chance to hook up with an ex girl friend of 13 years ago. We had a 2 week vacation planned in Europe together. Sadly in the start of the vacation I found myself being very kind and ass kissing towards her, I bought her chocolates and perfume, and kept asking if she wanted anything I would often be the first to wake up and ask if she wanted coffee and I even massaged her feet twice.
Now I know that some (probably most) women really enjoy being spoiled, I personally think I overdone it a bit. It's very weird though, it felt that I had to really impress this woman.
After a few days we felt more comfortable with each and it's exactly like you have said earlier in other emails I should be the one playing hard to get, I did and I also stopped the ass kissing and it was amazing, she couldn't keep her hands off me, it was like an instant turnaround!
Also a weird thing happened one night we were talking and kissing and she was saying something and I said "shut up, I'm busy here". She instantly replied "I like this, so forceful". I know it's a simple example, but just the fact that I was forceful in a playful manner gave me a good reaction.
It's just like you said, men will become a male girlfriend if they let themselves become that. I believe that men have to make a point of distinguishing themselves as MEN and not some lapdog that will give everything and give in to anything that a women wants. To be strong minded, confident and don't try too hard to impress. I also got a chance to catch up with my mom and told her all about the vacation and my mom said that's the way women think, if a man appears too eager and tries hard to impress a women loses interest, the challenge is gone.
It's actually sad when you think about it, a guy wants to be sweet and wants to impress his woman so that she will be impressed by his actions and "accept" him. In reality I believe this does work but there's a fine line when a man steps too far and gives too much. I guess from a woman's point of view she probably feels she has him wrapped around her finger and that she can do whatever she wants. Once again power, I feel the man has given her power and control.
I have one particular ex that I didn't treat all that well and what's strange is to this day she still phones me and asks me if I'm available. Seems weird to me that a girlfriend that I treated not so well keeps bugging me. But I guess it's what you've been saying all along, with here I never appeared over eager to impress and I pretty much called the shots.
I'm gonna stop here now, once again thanks for the tips and advice, certainly works just like you say!
Keep up the good work!
Thanks for your email- I think it's great that you truly have a solid grasp on these concepts. And it sounds like you have one cool mom!
Attraction is a very powerful force, and it can be triggered at will when you understand what to do, how it works and why. This is the reason why people do things that seem illogical-
for example, as soon as something is prohibited, people want it more. So for example many kids who are forbidden to experience alcohol often go crazy for beer, etc, when they hit 19 or whatever the legal drinking age is, but if you grow up with wine, etc, at the family dinner table, it's not nearly as big of a deal.
Emotions of attraction are so strong when the right "switches" are pushed, that logic is useless. For example, Pepsi used to have the Pepsi taste test challenge, and they kept on proving that when given BOTH Coke in one glass and Pepsi in another, people preferred Pepsi. However, Coke still sells more than Pepsi!!! Maybe that's because as Coke said, Coke is IT! Regardless of logic, it's IT!
Coke doesn't waste time on logic! Now Pepsi is pretty smart too- they use a lot of "social proof"- "if Britney and Beyonce etc think Pepsi is cool, than so should I" which is similar to how if a chick sees ANOTHER chick kissing you, she now wants you too.
I used to work in advertising, and it's amazing how much impact this stuff has. As a man, it's your job to be your best publicity agent. There is so much to this stuff, it truly is fascinating. It's awesome to see how the girls are treating you so much better, man.
Keep it up!
***LETTER FROM A READER REGARDING THE COLUMN "POWER, THY NAME IS ATTRACTION" ***
Just thought you'd appreciate some feedback. You've had many great and insightful columns. But I think this truly one of your best. I know when I've been truly in control of a situation with a female, those are the times when things worked out the best.
My question is...(You may have answered this, I don't know.) Do you think it's possible using your techniques to meet a girl whose somewhat younger than yourself and get somewhere with her. It has happened to me as a fluke. But very few times. Is showing your power enough to overcome a wide age difference.
Thanks a lot for your email, I appreciate you letting me know that the message made an impact and has meaning. The answer to your question is YES, absolutely it's VERY possible to meet a girl whose "somewhat" younger and sometimes even much younger- it just boils down to having enough power, enough of the combo that it all comes out as you STILL being the superior "prize".
And a HUGE portion of this is your "inner game" -not being a slave to your insecurities if you have any, and actually BANISHING your INSECURITIES as well as being TOTALLY CONGRUENT internally with your projected image so that you really have integrated your identity in your mind.
The inner game also helps you pass her "shit tests" with FLYING COLOURS.
Most guys fail on these tests, because they let insecurities warp even innocent remarks into what they think are insults. Also, women often test you in the sense that since MOST guys let them walk all over them, they expect YOU will too. if you LET her, she will NOT FEEL ATTRACTION to you, if you DON'T let her, she WILL feel attraction for you.
Of course, it's essential to learn how to SMOOTHLY handle these situations.
And of course, your "outer game" counts too- i.e. the actual words you say, the way you dress (your choice of clothing and accessories), learning what it means to dress cool, creating a powerful image and being congruent with it, a cocky attitude, a good sense of CONFIDENT humor.
Also, understanding the reality of women, understanding how women think, what they perceive to be desirable, etc.
All this is the reason why you see super hot girls who are EXCITED to be with guys who don't "seem" on the surface to be what you would "expect". By the way, MOST of the guys that I know who are AWESOME with women are NOT what you would "expect".
And if you haven't downloaded my book yet, then do that immediately to get your foundation:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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