There are some really important things I want to get to in this article so let me QUICKLY take care of, once and for all hopefully, the endless flow of a certain “relationship question” that seems to be the same question over and over again in different versions. They ALL boil down to the SAME situation, and for the most part, they all have the SAME solution: If a woman is MISTREATING YOU, get the HELL OUT OF THERE!
ESPECIALLY if you do not have KIDS with this woman!
I mean, it’s one thing if you have a whole family with some crazy woman, and you are finding a way to be with the kids and give them the whole mother father balance thing. I respect that stuff.
But 99.99 percent of the time, I get emails from non-married guys without their own kids who tell me how horrifying some woman is, but who also quickly follows it up with “but the good times with her are way better than with anyone else”.
You know what that is?
I know, because I’ve BEEN there.
When we talk that way, it’s because we have been somehow CONDITIONED to believe that things are so crappy out there with women, that we are somehow still LUCKY to be with this chick.
OR, what happens is that the woman has managed to convince the guy that HE is so worthless, that he is somehow LUCKY to still have her, even though she is mistreating him. Of course, she will deny that she is mistreating him, she will pretend that she believes she is treating him great, and will argue to high hell that she is a great person, OR she will say stuff like “she can’t help it” and that you have to ACCEPT her the way she IS if you LOVE her.
What sick, twisted, crap.
You really shouldn’t hate them though, they need help. Spread the love, yo, but that don’t mean you have to be there to be a punching bag, man.
And when a guy says “the good stuff with her is way, way better than with anyone else”, that’s like saying “I’m getting my head smashed in every day, but the BAND AIDS are so AWESOME!”
If you are not getting treated with total dignity, just get the hell OUTTA there. There are better women out there, but you won’t meet them or attract them if you stay with an abusive person, or if you think you are unworthy of being treated with total dignity. If you think that you are unworthy, you will behave that way, and attract only unworthy women.
I hope that takes care of this issue, at least for a while.
Letter From A Reader:
Let me start first by saying that your book has worked wonders. It took me a while to get the concepts down, but I did a few years ago and now things are good.
I like that your way is first, dealing with your insecurities and extinguishing them instead of the other books that preach being something you are not.
So this letter is about two things:
My game and how I'm doing now.
First the game. After learning the ways of your book and field testing them until I had it, all was good. I had women fighting over me, etc. And I realized something after letting a girl win me and after we had been dating a bit.
Most of the girls said something like this:
"I liked the fact that you had no game." I was shocked the first time I heard this and quickly tried to understand her meaning.
Then later, I realized that her and most women's perception of the game is all of those stupid pick up lines, manipulations by men, and anything else that pick up artists, etc. hurl at them on a daily basis.
So I sat and pondered this and came to the conclusion that I do have game, but since I am for real (like your book says to be) that I in fact do have game.
I have a real game that does not include the usual lines, etc. MY game is a reflection of me and the superiority value added person I am. You see I had all of this from day one (the day I bought your book), but I did not know how to put it all together in order to get women. Now I do.
I can insinuate where things are going to go and guess what? That's what happens. I see myself becoming attracted and my subconscious makes it happen and I win the girl every time.
My game is subtle and non-threatening to them, so then they assume I have no game, but end up dating me and feeling attraction for me anyway.
I explained this to a girl once and she disagreed, but then I said, but we are dating and you are attracted to me. She agreed and then understood what I meant. I then said, "Babe, that is game."
So I think most women's idea of game is some guy trying to pick her up with cheesy weak ass s**t. So like you once said, the trick to the game is actually having no game or something to that affect.
Part two: Thanks to you, I have become real intuitive around women. I know if they are attracted or like me now without much conversation. I can read body language, etc. But the difference now, is that I can tell if a girl is for me very quickly.
Since I am out trying to find ms. right, this leaves me with a lot of alone time. To be honest, since I know what I want and what attracts me, there just is not a lot of chicks who really impress me. So I get bored with most women in 3.5 seconds of contact because I can tell.
The good news is that this is a great filter and I don't have to waste any time. A girl has to show me her value before I can become attracted to her and ya know what? A lot of women I have been around simply think that their looks are all it takes! Wrong! So Wrong! Some wonder why I don't act interested in them, especially if they are hot.
My good friend's girl tried to hook me up with one of her friends once. She was all beauty and no display of any ambition, or energy. (damn girl, are ya dead? haha!) I asked her questions that were light and that did not allow for a simple yes or no answer and she could not or would not answer them! I was done in 3.5 seconds and stopped qualifying her.
She later thought I was shy or something, but I had told my buddy's girl that I did not think we were compatible shortly after I stopped qualifying her in those few seconds. She was like "no worries" and told her friend that I was not interested and of course the girl said "how could he turn down a hottie like me?"
Well Michael, I can turn them down and I do all the time if I don't feel any attraction to them. I love that I am in control and that I don't need a woman to validate me on whether I am good enough for her or not in anyway.
I am the man and I know what I want from a woman. If I don't get that from her, then she is off my radar screen. But now I am bored because I fully realized that a woman of quality is hard to find, but at least now I have the intuitiveness to be able to save myself so much time and money. No longer do I sit and wonder after spending time and $$ if the girl likes me or not.
Its great! Thanks a Billion, no a Trillion man!
Name Withheld, “who wishes a woman of quality would enter his life”.
Thanks for the major recommendation. Yup, the thing that makes me different from what’s out there is that I don’t try to force guys into becoming something they are not.
What I do is I FIND AND THEN ERADICATE THE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL TOXIC WASTE that has been screwing up their “game”, the same way a computer virus screws up a computer. Remove the virus, and suddenly the computer is moving at super speed and giving you great results.
I also actually help guys ENHANCE the things about them that are ALREADY cool, and help guys learn to bring this out.
And yes, as I have stated in my articles and other materials and in my coaching services, the best “pick-up” is the one that you never see, because it doesn’t look, feel, or sound like a “pick-up”. Because the way I do things, it isn’t a cheesy pick up, it’s about giving off vibes and actually finding out about the other person as well, to see if you really do want to meet up again and take things further.
Now, if a guy is the type of guy who REALLY THINKS THAT BOREDOM is his identity, then he really should be congruent to that and not be interested in women who rock, since after all, they would be adding excitement and fun, and that goes against his life philosophy of boredom.
So for all the guys who really think that they LIKE to dress in a boring way, or behave in a boring way, or who like being negative, and not being fun at all, well, they should please continue to do exactly as they have been doing until now.
Having fun, exciting, sexy, intelligent, great women (or woman) in their lives will totally RUIN their congruency to the boredom identity which they crave.
One thing though regarding your letter, and that is you CAN find exactly what you are looking for, you just have to get OUT there and do more pick up, in the venues or locations that are more appropriate for what you want.
Do NOT rely on friends to hook you up, because it’s obvious they do NOT know what you like or they cannot find the kind of quality you like.
I mean, for example, personally I like the kind of women who hang out in the award-winning literature sections than the kind of girl who thinks that MTV is the meaning of life.
Also, regarding asking questions right away, even if they are light, it’s better to actually stimulate a conversation through an interesting and fun TOPIC rather than to get into a series of questions right off the bat, with a total stranger. Coming in with a flurry of questions makes her feel a bit weirded out. I just thought I should mention that in case there was any confusion on that topic.
And let me know when you meet that first awesome woman! I estimate, with your skill, that should happen FAST. Like, within a few weeks TOPS.
And now, for our concluding letter for today:
Letter From A Reader:
I appreciate your newsletter and articles tremendously.
What are some good ways to "become a fun guy"? I liked what you said about how guys don't exercise their mental frame muscles, and their fun emotion muscles. I know a little about the mental frame muscles, but I think that's the "easy" part.
This is a great question, one of the MOST important questions actually. One of the HORRIFYING REALITIES regarding this is the fact that the total jerk-offs of this planet have no problem laughing and having a great time and being selfish and not giving a damn about anyone except themselves.
This often lends them an air of fun, which is attractive on many levels that go right back to evolutionary hardwiring as well as a ton of other things that are very, VERY deep and beyond the scope of a single article.
Good guys are often so serious, they are conscious of all the problems in the world, they want to help, etc, etc. They feel the pain of others, etc. They worry about everything.
The thing is, I could never CHANGE who I was and become an uncaring person, just so that I could be care-free and fun.
So how DID I learn to get into the right state?
(And by the way, I’m not a robot, I’m not ALWAYS in the most awesome state, but I do my damn best and don’t tolerate any of my own bull**it.) And how did I learn to do this and ALSO still be a good guy, even when it’s not easy?
It starts with first changing the way you THINK.
For example, years ago, before I had figured out what was going on with attraction and women, I once stepped into a pizza joint, and saw this guy that I remembered from years before that, who was a total jerk-off, the kind of guy that enjoyed putting down others, and who happened to have a hot girl with him.
Except I started to realize that maybe he didn’t just “HAPPEN” to have this hot girl with him.
This guy wasn’t even GOOD LOOKING!
I couldn’t figure it out right away.
It just somehow really pissed me off. That these fragile, supposedly nicey-nicey girls would hook up with scum.
Then, a crazy thought hit me:
What if all these jerks weren’t attracting women IN SPITE of their jerkiness, but somehow it was RELATED to it?
Pieces of this gigantic puzzle slowly started to fuse together in my mind, all the various pieces, from past girls that didn’t work out, to the way I got treated by a lot of people, to the nuances in the ways certain jerks behaved and the responses they elicited. I didn’t figure EVERYTHING out in that moment, but the mental wheels and gears started to turn...
Anyway, this isn’t my biography, so let me cut to the chase: I eventually started to realize, that all these hot girls didn’t actually LIKE the EVIL of these guys, it was just that they were NOT MEETING ANY GOOD GUYS who also had that that fun AURA or “VIBE”, that radiates so MANY things, including sexuality and conviction in their every action and word.
Now, years later, the most amazing thing for me is taking on guys who are great guys, real giving people, who seriously apply my coaching, and who can now waltz into a club or any environment on earth and attract the kind of women they had thought were out of reach before.
And, all the while, there is no “jerkiness” involved, and no forced behaviors, and instead they are actually just being fun, charismatic, classy, and dare I say it, they are GOOD. It feels GREAT for me to observe this.
Things like being fun and playful, having good times, and radiating conviction in everything you do, have nothing to do with being a creep. You don’t have to be a CREEP to be FUN or charismatic.
It’s pretty sad that I have to even SAY that, but it needs to be said.
The problem is, so often, it’s only the jerks who feel ENTITLED to HAVING SOME FUN and to getting what they want.
So you see, I suddenly started to realize that JERKS were winning the game only by DEFAULT.
That realization hit me pretty damn HARD. Basically, what I realized was that if good guys DON’T TAKE ACTION AND ENTER INTO FUN STATES OF MIND AND TAKE UP A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT, then we are basically GIVING every woman out there AWAY to these jerks!
So, the way I look at it, it’s YOUR DUTY as a good guy to get your ass motivated and learn to get into the right states of mind INSTANTLY.
It’s that simple.
DO OR DIE.
Take action and ironically, the most serious action you can take is to lighten up a little and get out there and socialize, or be OBLITERATED in this game, leaving a bunch of jerks to hook up with all the women who really wanted to meet a good guy who just understood how to create attraction.
There is NOTHING ON EARTH to me like the feeling of taking a client who is a GOOD GUY, to the level of HIGH ABILITY WITH WOMEN, and doing this without changing his personality and without making him have to stand around memorizing lines all day.
What I teach guys is something that is DIFFERENT from both “DIRECT” METHOD, and different from “INDIRECT” method. I don’t just get guys to APPROACH, a la “direct”. And I don’t emphasize memorizing material, a la “indirect”. I teach the realities of women, and I also FOCUS on fixing each guy’s internal and emotional wiring, so that everything that they think of and everything they do flows through that new awesome mental filter, making everything they do work great with women.
It’s about building the most UNSTOPPABLE, EMOTIONALLY COMPELLING version of yourself that you can actually BE.
And, of course, since it IS based on yourself, you feel BETTER about it, which makes it EASIER for you to ENTER the more FUN states of mind that you need for success with the kind of women in which you are interested.
So, the FIRST thing you must do if you want to get good at exercising these “FUN” emotional muscles, is get the INTERNAL LEVERAGE, you must REALIZE JUST HOW DAMN IMPORTANT IT TRULY IS.
And guess what?
Just because you are a FUN person does not at ALL mean you are not a GIVING person, it does not at all mean you are not a good person. In fact, some of the most AWESOME people I know, people who put their lives on the line everyday to protect other people, are VERY FUN PEOPLE.
I actually think that being in a FUN state is pretty NATURAL, if you can just STOP the world from taking OVER your thoughts. Play and fun is NATURAL. But if you have been in SERIOUS gear your entire life, it’s going to take some INERTIA to start changing. That means changing the kinds of THOUGHTS you focus on as well, and the kinds of things you DO in your free time as well. It means you have to also start hanging around the right people. These are just some BASIC FOUNDATION ideas to get started, without even touching on the more advanced levels of this.
So let me make it clear:
Women DO want GOOD guys, they would PREFER good guys, but they have to be just good guys who know how to trigger their emotions of ATTRACTION.
You can’t blame women for that, right?
Do you think romantic movies do well because women DON’T feel lust for heroic and fun good guys? Trust me, women WANT good guys, they just want good guys who “GET IT”.
Also, one final point:
You mentioned that the mental frame muscles are the easy part, but I’m not so sure if that’s the case for most guys. Knowing how to CONTROL THE FRAME with women is very important, and being able to do this to the point it feels natural takes practice.
Women will try to steal the frame from you, because it’s their way of showing they are “hard to get” and this is simply a ROLE they feel they MUST play to varying degrees, depending on the woman. You have to realize that women EXPECT A MAN who is seriously interested to OVERCOME her own frame smoothly in a classy way.
This controlling the frame stuff is ANOTHER thing that jerks really don’t have a monopoly on, but it just SEEMS that way, because they are often the only guys who exude ANY frame of their own with women, and also it seems as if jerks have a monopoly on this controlling the frame stuff because NO ONE even CHALLENGES their frame.
If someone WOULD challenge it, it would crumble to pieces, because they are not used to BEING challenged.
No good guys even SHOW UP to play, or if they do, they have NO CLUE on controlling the frame when interacting with a woman. And women WANT you to do this, because when a woman is attracted to a guy, (which you can learn how to do) it’s still up to the GUY to make the interaction happen and to LEAD THE SHOW. Good guys tend NOT to do this. So the jerks win.
The truth is, most jerks have VERY WEAK frames, but they have no competition from any other guys! So if their frame is just a bit stronger than pathetically weak, they are still SEEMING TO WOMAN AS IF they are more “manly” than most guys!
But if good guys just KNEW HOW F***ING SUCCESSFUL they could be if they just were willing to LEARN, I really think that every guy on the planet would learn this stuff.
You have to WANT to get good at this game, though. You have to be willing to LEARN, and to listen, and to LIGHTEN UP.
What I teach is NOT ROOTED in learning “material” and is not rooted in saying teases. More important is the FRAME you must have about yourself and about women.
Without this frame, most guys ruin their teases and whatever else they say.
Also, regarding teases that are delivered from the wrong frame and are not congruent, most guys never learn about how USELESS and unproductive their teases are, because these guys practice exclusively on these poor female employees who are tolerating it because they are just cool women or because they are paid to be polite!
Also, I have some serious NEWS that is going to come as a shock to certain guys who are FANS of using the “NEGATIVE” approach to attracting women, by slamming her self-esteem with backhanded compliments that aren’t even FUNNY at all. And even if they were funny, the blast to her self-esteem is a huge mistake.
Also, if the only way you can get a reaction out of a girl is if you use NEGATIVE stuff, it’s a sign of WEAK GAME.
If you need to PUT DOWN a girl to get her INTERESTED in you, it’s WEAK game.
And it is destined to crumble.
It means that your VIBE was WEAK. If you had STRONG ENOUGH VIBE, you could carry INFINITE attraction in that alone.
My rule of thumb is to NEVER give a girl a tease that she might think is TRUE. EVER.
This way, it’s all on the up and up, and it’s NEVER malicious.
Ding Ding Ding!
I can hear those game show bells ringing as the “money” statements of the year have just been made above.
And while we’re at it, let me unleash another shocker:
The “in vogue” mentality of PUSHING “escalation”, i.e. the “I have to get laid mentality” etc, is counter-productive and misguided.
What “escalation” REALLY means is moving to the next stage of the interaction when it makes the most SENSE, i.e. when the woman is READY to be escalated. Not all women are the same, not all women are ready at the same times.
The real reason this whole “escalation” stuff is important is because TOO MANY GUYS are not escalating out of FEAR.
So guys have to learn how to be COMFORTABLE escalating into the physical contact stuff.
THAT’S the bigger deal. Being comfortable with it.
You see, a woman will give you CUES that she is ready for escalation, like wanting to extend the time she is spending with you. (i.e. coming up with excuses to stay out later with you, things to do, etc.)
And IF you are not comfortable with escalating at that point, well then that is definitely something worth working on: The skill of smoothly escalating and feeling comfortable doing it.
But it’s not about PUSHING the escalation at some arbitrary time. You have to get SIGNS for escalating, or you can even CHECK to see if she is ready by doing things such as having a playful kiss or massage or even hug for crying out loud!
The thing is, so many guys are totally oblivious to the signs because they can’t believe that women are as sexual as they actually are.
Also, regarding teases, and in fact everything you do with women, CALIBRATION and CONGRUENCY are key, so if you are not properly calibrating the woman you are dealing with, and thus coming on too HARSH with your teases, or if you are coming on as if you are TRYING to be cool, because your body language and tonality shows just how crappy you really feel, then you would be WAY BETTER OFF just acting NORMAL around women.
That’s why in my book, I go into detail on detoxifying your mind of all your insecurities, which are the real breeding ground of the behaviours that are repulsive to women.
When you get rid of this negative stuff, your “normal” behaviour on it’s own is pretty powerful as well, even without the most powerful insights into attraction, which of course when you DO learn those insights from me as well, will take you into the STRATOSPHERE of success with women.
And if YOU are reading this right now and want to learn the SKILLZ so that you can go way BEYOND just basic confidence, so that you can truly make girls AWED by the sum total of your CHARISMA, then I recommend you take the following steps:
The first thing to do is download my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, and do it IMMEDIATELY. This baby has TONS of POWERFUL and CLEAR STEPS for you to take on your journey to being the man you were BORN to really be. You'll be coming back to it again and again, even years from now.
Download it now at:
Inside, you'll learn:
-How to trigger attraction instantly.
-How to approach women and create "instant dates."
-How to get physical.
-How to handle tests.
-How to create a powerful sense of connection.
-And much, much more.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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