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I have to let you know something. To me, the whole point of learning about how to be good with women was always about what I could do to improve myself to actually ADD attractive value. It was never about "how to get sex".
If a guy just wants to get physical, all he has to do is actually LOWER his self-esteem and LOWER his worth, and accept ANY treatment from ANY woman who is willing to GIVE him some "action". He should keep his mouth SHUT as she abuses him. Of course, what he is getting is not a woman who is ATTRACTED to him, but rather a woman who is abusing him.
As crazy as it sounds, this is EXACTLY what a lot of people are preaching to guys nowadays!
So, let's not even waste our time on stuff like that, and let's stick to the SCIENCE of actually IMPROVING your skills at interacting with women in a way that actually triggers ATTRACTION.
First of all, let me make it CRYSTAL CLEAR that indeed this IS a science, with QUANTIFIABLE results. Improvement and progress CAN be made.
Allow me to give you some documentation:
"Legendary psychologist Albert Ellis pioneered the "shame-attacking exercise" in 1933 at age 19, when he decided to approach every woman who sat down alone on a bench at the New York Botanical Garden.
"Thirty walked away immediately," he told the New York Times. "I talked with the other 100, for the first time in my life, no matter how anxious I was. Nobody vomited and ran away. Nobody called the cops."
And Ellis learned he wouldn't die from rejection. Of the first 130 women he went up to, he got only one date, he said, but "with the second 100, I got good and made a few dates"--and, eventually, got to be "one of the best picker-uppers of women in the United States."
- Psychology Today Magazine, Mar/Apr 2007 by Erika Casriel
Now, this is a guy who had ZERO information on pick-up, and strictly worked on GUTS alone. When I started out, I had no one to really learn from, so I had to do the same thing, learning it all the HARD way. If I could go back in time, I could help his results MASSIVELY by letting him know GUARANTEED ways to get into the conversation without getting shut down so that he buys himself the required two or three minutes to actually SPARK attraction.
I would teach him all the various ways to disarm her and charm her that would at least give him a fighting chance, ways to take her automatic responses she gives all guys to shut them down and slip right by those statements.
For example, if she says that she is in a rush, then the best thing to say is to actually NOT ask her for a favor for a second, but to actually let her know that you're in a rush as well, (so that she can relax and not feel this is going to take forever). If she says anything that is defensive, the best way to diffuse it is to use warm humor (i.e. if she says that she doesn't talk to guys because guys are jerks, you should say something like "I agree! That's why I'm talking to you and not them" with a smile.) because you need to change her emotional state not even TRY to engage her actual argument or her logic.
If she's smiling, she's no longer going to WANT to shut you down.
The fact of the matter is that there are MANY factors involved in a successful pick-up, and KNOWING these in advance will HELP you get more consistent results.
And one factor IS getting over your anxiety, yet at the same time, it's important to realize that a BIT of anxiety and fear is actually a GOOD thing!
It can work in your favor. Ask any martial artist or any performer of anything and they will tell you that fear, when controlled, can actually ENHANCE your performance. It can help you stay alert and be on the ball. For example, if you are interacting with a woman and you start showing off without realizing it and she starts to roll her eyes, it's GOOD that you feel a bit of discomfort at this, as it MOTIVATES YOU to STEER THIS PICK-UP PROPERLY and change gears to showing that you are not full of yourself, for example, by making a joke that is SELF-DEPRECATING.
i.e. You're accidentally showing off about your prestigious education and you then see her roll her eyes, so you then say something like "And of course, I then got my PhD in useless facts, as we all know we learned more about real life outside school."
This actually shows that you are far cooler and also far more understanding and that you have more empathy as well, all in one swift move.
Again, normally you wouldn't have to engage in self-deprecating behavior, but in such as situation it would be the right thing to do and would actually make you seem cooler.
Now, if you have suffered major abuse yourself (and I know what that is like, so I am absolutely NOT making light of this) then the anxiety of a social interaction may be overwhelming, in which case you should first work on building UP your self esteem even higher and stop blaming yourself for everything, so that you can take the anxiety of a social interaction and use it to actually help you gauge what's going on in the situation. Once you're ready, you should then learn to USE a CONTROLLED level of anxiety in your favor.
If we never felt ANY discomfort in a social interaction, then we'd think we were PERFECT and never adjust our behavior to help make the other person feel the good vibes, and our social life would then SUCK.
Also, don't try to be PERFECT.
Don't try to build Rome in one day, or you will feel that much FARTHER from progress and you will feel even MORE anxiety.
Instead, what I want you to do is become AWARE of the fact that progress CAN be made, STEP BY STEP. The best way is STEP by STEP.
When you are first learning these skills, you should each day push your envelope a little farther. Start by chatting up the clerks at stores, then work to starting conversations anywhere with anyone, then work to short conversations with women you're interested in, then longer conversations, then to first dates, then to getting physical, etc, etc.
THE KEY IS MOMENTUM.
DON'T STOP THE DAY TO DAY PROGRESS.
And if you don't believe me that great CHARISMA is MADE and not BORN, let me give you some examples from that same article:
"Conan O'Brien has said he knew that performing live comedy was what he had to do because there was nothing in the world that terrified him more. But when he first debuted as host of NBC's Late Night in 1993, ratings were abysmal and reviews were even worse. Washington Post TV critic Tom Shales wrote that O'Brien was "a living collage of annoying nervous habits" and implored him to "get the heck off TV." But he stuck it out, and years later, the critics ate their words. Shales himself wrote that O'Brien became "one of the greatest examples of a self-makeover in television history"
Cool, isn't it.
By the way, Conan is happily married, (a pretty cool feat in today's society) but if he wasn't, I assure you, his savvy social skills would make him AWESOME at attracting women.
In fact he proves these skills on national television, demonstrating outstanding wit, social skills, humor, timing, and the ability to both be a winner without every seeming egotistical and in fact is able to make fun of himself at just the right moments to endear him to millions.
Here's some more:
"Comedic superstar Will Ferrell, who once considered himself painfully shy, forced himself to do crazy things in public. "In college, I would push an overhead projector across campus with my pants just low enough to show my butt," Ferrell told People. "Then my friend would incite the crowd to be like, 'Look at that idiot!' That's how I got over being shy."
I remember while I was coaching a group of men who were part of a team selected by the Toronto Star for a contest called "Get A Relationship Challenge" where ten men and ten women were selected from the city, and they were to get out there and find someone special. One night, while coaching the guys at a popular night club, and demonstrating some fun stuff, one of the guys gave me a huge compliment without realizing it- he said something like "Yeah, you could do this pick-up stuff because you're a natural frat-boy, you're in your environment, you love this, but this is not me"
I smiled because the reality is that CLUBS used to be the FURTHEST THING ON EARTH from me.
This is the HONEST TRUTH.
So it was PROOF that this stuff COULD be learned and MASTERED to the point that it became effortless and natural.
Not only was I not interested in that type of environment, but I had no clue how the heck you can have a conversation with all that noise and all those distractions and how you can go from that to having not only a conversation but to getting a real interaction and taking it to a physical level all very fast. There was a time you couldn't pay me a million dollars to be in that environment.
So, if I could get over that, I knew that normal environments would be SUPER EASY for me. That motivated me to get good at that stuff, and the reality is that it does NOT take that long, but it DOES take MASSIVE DESIRE to succeed. The more you have the "eye of the tiger" for it, the faster you will succeed.
So DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND that "picking up girls" and being able to attract the kind of woman you 'want is beyond your ability, or beyond your personality. Don't think that your anxiety is a BLOCK, because it might just be the BEST thing you have going for you.
YOU can be the guy that OTHERS will say, "Oh but he's a NATURAL at this, he's in his environment" because you will have improved THAT MUCH that others will think this must have ALWAYS been something you were great at.
And if YOU want to learn the DEEPEST levels of how to be successful at pick-up and how to attract the kind of woman you are really interested in, then I suggest you take advantage of my programs.
Years ago, I was training guys to not rely routines, even as a bestselling author had written a book that swore by the value of memorized routines for picking up a woman.
This same author now agrees with what I said YEARS ago that routines are actually not necessary and that is very possible and in fact PREFERABLE to not rely on them.
I've never resorted to manipulation or abuse of women and I have always been repelled by that idea, as well as repelled by the idea of guys selling their self-esteem just to get any "action" from a woman, because they refused to learn how to actually spark ATTRACTION.
Only by understanding the deepest levels of attraction and human communication can you create a HARMONIOUS and awesome vibe with women.
This is about creating attraction on all levels in the most powerful and meaningful way possible, for the most lasting results with the kind of woman you truly want in your life.
Somewhere, right this very moment, the woman of your dreams is out there, WISHING that you knew all this stuff so that you could take effective action and MEET her and enjoy life together!
So I suggest you take advantage of my SEDUCTION MASTERY APPRENTICESHIP PROGRAM for the most IN-DEPTH understanding on Earth of how to SKYROCKET your results with women.
Make that reality happen NOW.
For fine-tuning a specific skill that you would like personal attention with, I suggest you take advantage of my ONE-TO-ONE live coaching service at:
And if you haven't yet downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, do it IMMEDIATELY at:
It's the place to start before moving on to my advanced programs.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
- Reasons Women Reject Men
- Negative Feelings
- Women You Always Wanted
- Love Approach Anxiety
- An Approach To Approach Anxiety
- Overcome Nervousness
- Cure Your Fear
- Socially Awkward
- Change Your Shyness I
- Change Your Shyness II
- Change Your Shyness III
- Surrender Moment
- Overcome Approach Anxiety
- Conquering Approach Anxiety
- Defeat AA Forever
- Failure To Deploy
- Understanding Rejection
- How To Overcome Fear of Approaching Women
- Smack That Ass
- Destroy Approach Anxiety
- State Control
- Attitude For Effective Action
- Charisma Is Made Not Born