Sometimes, it’s really helpful to hear from other guys out there who are dealing with the same issues as all of us with women. So I’d like to include some powerful recent letters in this week's article.
One thing though that I’d like to mention before we get started is a bit of perspective on all this stuff:
The idea of using “techniques” versus being “natural”. The important thing to understand is that this is about feeling AWESOME yourself. When you really feel this way, you WANT to exude that energy. And others certainly enjoy receiving it.
What a lot of guys find is that after first LEARNING these ideas, they eventually discover that they have REDISCOVERED their TRUE SELVES in the sense that they can let their real personality show, the personality that wasn’t TRYING so hard to be cool, to be funny, to be anything, but just rather expressing their inner vibes without worrying about the results.
Naturally, as kids, most of us already understood this stuff intuitively, we knew how to enjoy the moment and how to feel all the good stuff going on around us. That’s because as kids, we have permission to be kids and feel like a kid. Of course, kids have a lot of tough times, too, but you get my point.
Back to my main point though about feeling AWESOME.
I’ve noticed, for example, that some of the most awesome women I’ve met personality wise happen to also be gorgeous. And sometimes the most nasty personalities are shown by women who unfortunately are not that gorgeous. Then it hit me—sometimes the women who don’t have the “looks” get their jollies by being really nasty and mean.
When you feel like crap, you want to make others feel like crap. So a woman who is not validated at ALL might behave in a bitter cynical way.
Whereas a woman who is totally validated might be a bit spoiled, and expect everything should be coming her way, but yet not be mean or nasty.
People reflect the states they are in. My point is this:
If you want to be successful with women, it’s CRITICAL to realize how you are being affected by your beliefs about yourself, as well as your states of mind.
The worst behaviours, the biggest “anti-attractants”, are the ones that show creepiness or insecurity. Creepiness is born from insecurity.
Do some guys who are jerks attract women?
Yeah, but these are women with low self esteem, and who have serious psychological issues and who are NOT fun to be with.
The kind of women you want to meet and attract are the ones with high self esteem, and a lot of integrity and sense of playfulness as well.
And there is no way in HELL that a quality woman like that will go for a jerk. Thanks to time and experience, I can verify that there are quality women out there with great values as well, but these women are (rightfully) highly selective about who they let into their lives. They can see creepy behaviour a mile away.
And the ONLY way to make sure you are not doing this creepy stuff is to ERADICATE all behaviour that emanates from insecurity.
If you are on a date with a woman, and some innocent guy with a great car, or great looks, or whatever, is in the area, or is walking by, the WORST thing to do is try to PUT THE GUY DOWN or say something to try to make his car or house or whatever seem inferior.
It looks PATHETIC.
It achieves the opposite result.
You don’t have to go around looking for ways to be “a nice guy”, but you see even that idea of “nice guy” is not a problem, it’s only a problem because most “nice guys” are in fact clearly coming across as only being nice out of FEAR.
But what if being nice to COURAGE?
So, for example, being the guy to have the balls to do the right thing in a crowd that didn’t have the balls to do it, believe me, is VERY sexy, especially to the quality women in the crowd.
Think Superman here.
Superman isn’t “a nice guy”.
He isn’t nice so that he can “avoid risk”.
He’s SUPERMAN, and LIVES THE RISKS FROM BEING GOOD.
No wonder’s Lois is getting steamed up for Superman all the time.
Any woman, especially an intelligent and good woman, can see right through bitter cynical remarks as a sign of insecurity, and evidence of guy being mean streaked and nasty. Not fun.
One of the interesting things I noticed a few years ago about all the cool guys I met was how easy it was for them to give ME props on things. It took me awhile to realize how intelligent actually THEY were by doing this. They helped make me realize my own value, because they were secure with their value, and they also know that secure people are better people.
All the cool people I know are never cutting other people down. When they are teasing each other, it’s OBVIOUS they don’t mean HARM, and they would NEVER say something that they thought could be malicious.
Okay, on to the letters:
***Letter From A Newsletter Member***
Hey Michael, how are you?
I work in the social work field and I gotta tell you, your ideas are on the money. Stuff I never thought about, stuff that goes against everything I thought and believed "till now.
I was in a short relationship, 2 months, about 3 months ago. It just recently ended and I'm really feeling it. Had I had your eBook beforehand I think things would have turned out differently.
She was everything I could ask for, beautiful, smart, nice. We both fell for each other, so it seemed, really fast.
Thinking back now I realize that she put me through what you refer to as the tests. I thought I passed them, but looking back I realize that I failed every one of them.
I'm not gonna go into details about why she broke up with me, but I'll tell you that it was my lack of self-worth that caused me to put her on a pedestal and pressure her away via my insecurities.
My question is this, does your "stuff" work on a guy who's 40 years old? I mean, do the dynamics change for different age brackets? I keep telling myself, "man, if I only had this 15 years ago I would have saved myself a lot of grief". I need to fix some things about me and get in the game. I'm just wondering if this all applies at 40.
By the way, I've got it pretty together, I look much younger than I am, I'm considered attractive and I have a good career. I just got to get some game.
***Michael, The Dating Wizard, Replies***
Thanks a lot for your email. I thinks you made a powerful growth when you realized that the problems ultimately started with a lack of feeling self-worth, which is the greatest enemy.
Realizing this is the foundation to your growth and success. And as you get better results with women and acquire greater self worth, in a never ending positive loop, you start to realize that all this stuff I teach is not “manipulating” anyone. In fact, the ONE person you are telling a lie to is YOURSELF, if you CONTINUE to believe that you are not worth a LOT.
And the answer to your question is YES, this stuff DEFINITELY works on a guy who's 40 years old. It all applies ALWAYS because everything that I teach is based on CREATING EMOTION, which bypasses all "rational" or "logical" discussions with women.
REGARDLESS of what women say, it's the SAME stuff that attracts them, and in fact this is what guys tend to FORGET. They think that they need to start becoming more formal and serious when starting an interaction, when in fact they need to be the opposite.
Guys try to get all logical and “common sense” instead of focusing on what REALLY WORKS TO CREATE ATTRACTION as well as to create a sense of TRUST.
It's important on every level, the way you speak, your sense of humor, the way you dress, the way you handle situations, etc. And after a while of practice, you don't even have to think much about it, because you in fact will have developed internally so that it's now a part of you. It's the you that you were actually meant to be.
Think of it as training muscles you didn't even know you had.
***Letter From A Newsletter Member***
Before I begin, I enjoy the emails and I read your book. I skimmed through local bookstores and your book is the ONLY one that tells the truth on the subject. So many "nice" guys refuse to believe it. You give every guy hope, where those manuals say "If you don't this, this and this then you're hopeless and you have to settle for what you get."
My confidence was in the gutter, I had little self esteem. I was a total nice guy. But after I read your newsletters and read your book I'm a whole new person thanks to you. My confidence is incredible, I'm eating better, dressing better, working out when I have the time and I'm not intimidated talking to women. It sucks to know how society has brainwashed men.
You can call this letter "Pitfalls of the promise ring"
This situation happened to two guys I know in the order their stories are posted. the first is a little long but worth the read.
Let's call him John and the girl he liked Jane. John and Jane met on public transit, after their chat Jane gave him an incomplete phone number before she left because she told him she was in a rush.
They met again two weeks later at school (since they both attended the same university) and John was almost star struck over her when he saw her the second time.
John believes in soulmates, however, the way he goes about them is drowing the women he meets with poetry, compliments (I'm talking endless here ...it got sickening).
This all happened before I saw your promo on BT on CityTv. (THANK GOD I saw it).
John got her email from a coffee date at school....
here's where it goes downhill.
We all went out (Jane invited her friend so we could double) to see a movie and John referred to it as a date, however, Jane referred to it as "friends getting together". I knew right here the date and the relationship were toast.
But he persisted. I didn't care about my date since you could get more personality out of a rock.
He told me over the phone that he emailed her 6 times a day for a period of 4 months (10 on Christmas day). I am not exaggerating....I saw his sent messages. He emailed her about being his soulmate, how God made her specifically for him and the such, drowned her in poetry..... He was being the ULTIMATE NICE GUY.
Jane's family went to visit relatives in another country and he tired everything to get her to stay, even lying about things to get her to stay here. It didn't work.
At this point Jane HASN'T sent one email in correspondence to him all this time. He told me he could feel her "presence" and that she was REALLY in love with him.
When she returned, he started making up scenarios why she couldn't contact him (I was drilling John your advice from the newsletters. I told him NOT to focus on one girl and explore other options).
This is where he went full force. He talked about getting promise rings with her and how their wedding would be (and she still hasn't returned one of his emails for well over a year now--which totaled well above 1,000.)
Then John stopped telling me about any scenarios because he thought I was jealous of him since Jane and I liked the same show and I had broken up with a girl....I wasn't jealous. Jane wasn't attractive to me in the least.
John even told me that he wanted to pick her up since she was less than average looking and she would be insecure about her looks and told her repeatedly that she was hot. (Giving her false validity because he was chasing her---you even covered this in one of your newsletters).
She finally returned about 5 emails, mainly concerning the promise ring, and then I learnt that worse came to worse and John fell into legal trouble with her.
I told him it was the way he behaved needy to her with the culmination being the promise ring--which is where the legalities came in.
There was soooooo much drama/jealousy in this relationship that we arely speak to each other anymore.
Let's call him Adam and her Eve. Adam met her on the chatline and saw a bit of each other since their meeting. He spent a lot of money on her (since she didn't work and had NO desire to work --despite the hourly pay).
I told him to cut her loose since she had no prospects about working or supporting her children since she was abusing welfare. (I even gave him some of your newsletters--but he remained stubborn).
Adam fell deeply in love with her after only the first month, they even talked about marriage and promise rings. I specifically told him to get to know her better and that one month doesn't mean anything and that once he mentions a promise to her then it'll be curtains.
He was afraid to tell me that he purchased one at her insistence a few weeks later. I learnt from Adam's mother that she had cheated on him and he caved in and went back to her. Then I learnt from Adam's mother (a month later) that she cheated on him again with more than one guy (so you can imagine what her situation was).
He was needy with her too, always buying her things and following her around and always doing what she wanted to do not to make her upset—even if he didn't like it. She rarely went to places that he wanted to go. And she wasn't very social with "good" people.
Eve's youngest child broke so many things in Adam's apartment that Adam requested Eve or Eve's parents pay for it. Her excuse was "You make money, pay for it." I'm talking major household appliances here.
As he approached her apartment to claim his things, he saw her from the window removing the promise ring and denied him entry into her apartment. He later learnt she had pawned the ring off.
Keep up the great work!
***Michael, The Dating Wizard, Replies***
Thanks for sending that email with both of those detailed stories of how innocent guys who are uninformed and who refuse to believe how things work end up getting hurt.
It's important for guys to see this stuff so that they can see where the pitfalls are and they hopefully will learn to raise their standards regarding women - especially things like a woman who abuses welfare and/or a woman who does not treat the guy with even a SHRED of respect.
It's terrible that guys actually FALL for women like this, who are not even necessarily HOT!!!! Even if they were the HOTTEST thing on earth, no woman would be worth it, but the fact that they aren't even that hot and STILL they are getting away with abusing guys is crazy, yet true.
And yet I remember the days where I believed in all this insane version of "soulmates" simply because I was brainwashed and somehow believed that because I felt a certain way about a chick, that therefore she in fact WAS special. What bullshit lol!!!!
If there is a such a thing as "soul-mates", of which I have no proof, then at least let's make sure that the MAIN criteria for that is how well she is treating the guy!!!!! Not the other way around!
And of course, the harder the guy works for the girl, the more he thinks she MUST be special, horrible vicious cycle there and cognitive dissonance kicks in as well, as I explain in detail in the book.
And if you want to bring YOUR game up to it's highest level, I suggest you download my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women,
Download it now at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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