If you think about it, the bottom line about dating these days is that women, if they are attractive, are given almost infinite power over men’s emotions, by the men themselves.
Most men do it, without thinking. It’s a combination of:
1. The fact that women’s lib helped to make men feel GUILTY about being MEN, and so men started to kiss up BIG TIME, ESPECIALLY to the women they were interested in.
2. The fact that not only did men start to now kiss up, but ALSO women were given MORE power!
3. The fact that “women’s lib” ended up becoming less about dignity (women had plenty dignity before) and more about celebrating stuff like “Promiscuous Girl” and ‘I’m not that Innocent” and it all being supposedly so cute. But of course when men do similar things, men are called “evil pigs”. So men, if not armed with knowledge and skills to counter this, are easily duped into feeling helpless.
Personally, I believe women can be “special” if they deserve it. Or, they can be equal, in the sense of equally as bad as the negative stereotype of men, (because no one ever stopped women from being equal to men from a good standpoint, so the only thing equal that was left was to be equally bad to bad men) but then they can’t be given “specially virtuous” and ALSO be equally bad as the worst men on the planet.
So for example, the old society where women were not competing with men, and women tended to act a bit more lady-like, and men treated women “like a lady”. That's fine.
Or you can have a society where women are allowed to be “equally bad” to bad men, but at least women are not kissed up to.
That's would also be fine, a kind of wild west society where no one tells anyone what to do, and people do whatever makes sense for them.
But we have neither now.
What we have is a society where women must be treated “special” as if they were more virtuous while at the same time many women have never been less virtuous in history, in general.
And it’s not women’s fault, as it was men who created this whole system to begin with, but the fact is this is the reality, and I am here to give you solutions.
Again, I’m speaking about women who are decently attractive. Although I have met quite a few guys who are in love with, and being abused by, women who really don’t seem hot at ALL. This also goes to prove just how crazy the situation is today between men and women.
And that’s why it’s not a coincidence that I’m talking with you today. There was no NEED for it before.
The thing is, after becoming aware of all this, which is a great first step, a lot of guys are MAD AS HELL and don’t want to take it anymore.
And I can relate to that, as I used to be the exact same way. The thing is, that’s not going to lead to the best results.
It’s not going to lead to the best results, because it will make RAPPORT impossible. You can’t naturally develop RAPPORT with someone if you HATE their guts.
You may create some initial attraction from your dominance, you may get sex, but you will also be ruling out any woman who doesn’t “get with the program” of your style, and many woman will not get with that program.
The reason is because all that anger is actually not the sign of superiority. It’s a sign of things being out of control.
The anger will simply teach you to avoid being a sucker. Which is pretty cool, but it’s just not ENOUGH.
So the key is to EXUDE AN AURA OF POWER as well as sexuality and yet ALSO create a powerful sense of connection and rapport.
Don’t get me wrong here:
Power IS the name of the game here.
The whole problem stems from the fact that women who are even half-decently attractive have way too much power today, power that men hand over willingly, giving over their dignity, self-respect and everything else to women, and giving it to women nicely on a silver platter.
And power corrupts.
Doesn’t matter who you are, man or woman.
And, because attraction is all about superiority, it’s damn hard for a woman who is attractive to feel anything for most men, because right from the get go, most men are coming across as inferior, unworthy, needy, etc.
And in fact, it’s not only that most men are coming across this way, but also that in fact most men FEEL this way.
So the simple solution is to TAKE BACK your power, your PERSONAL power, which is the most important one you have, over your OWN VALUE, over your own emotions, as this not only gives YOU your own emotional power back, but it actually ALSO makes WOMEN feel and see you for the VALUE that you REALLY ARE.
When you effectively do this, all of a sudden women treat you with RESPECT, all of a sudden women feel ATTRACTION for you, all of a sudden women seem to become NICER.
It’s the simple result of VALUE.
Whereas in general women who are hot feel they are getting “ripped off” with most guys they meet, because society has inflated these women’s egos, when a woman meets a guy who she deems is SUPERIOR in value to HER, then everything takes an immediate REVERSAL and now SHE starts acting like a desperate guy.
It’s just the way it is.
And in my materials, and in these articles, I often focus on HOW TO CREATE THAT INITIAL IMPACT, because that's the first thing a woman will know about you. So is your VOCAL PROJECTION, your sense of style, your massive confidence, your body language, your sexuality, and much more, all this is very important.
But there is something else that is so important as well, that often goes overlooked.
You will not exude a sense of power if your vibes prevent you from creating a sense of CONNECTION, i.e. DEEP RAPPORT.
You MUST create a powerful CONNECTION. You must have that rapport happening.
And this is where most guys fail.
They can sometimes do one, or the other, but not both.
Some guys are great at rapport.
Some guys are great at being dominant.
But few can be the COMBO package of dominant, great at rapport, confident humor, INTRIGUING, and sexual.
And it’s THAT combo that makes a woman feel ATTRACTED.
The reason rapport gets misunderstood is because it gets SEPARATED from attraction, since it is not exactly the same thing as LUST.
However, attraction is far more complex than most people realize, and in fact rapport is PART of attraction. It’s part of the DNA of attraction.
Without it, there is no VALUE. It’s like having a Ferrari but no steering wheel.
And if you do the other stuff but have no connection, then in general most women will still not feel comfortable pursuing something with you.
But when she DOES feel that deep sense of connection as well, it INTENSIFIES the emotional impact of all the other cool things about you.
When teaching these skills, we break things down into parts, such as “attraction” and “rapport” and “comfort” etc. And that’s useful to help make some distinctions, to help develop the various skills.
But the reality is that every component of attraction really overlaps into each other, as the whole point of ALL this stuff is to create EMOTION.
To get women feeling ATTRACTED.
To get women feeling GOOD around you.
To get women feeling INTRIGUED about you.
To get women feeling SEXUAL around you.
And in fact, all those emotions just mentioned OVERLAP.
And without RAPPORT or “connection” if you prefer that term, none of those emotions can last for long.
So you see, these models where we break things down to very linear terms, well they are similar to the models scientists often make of their theories, which is to say that the models are helpful, but they are not necessarily reflecting the universe 100% accurately. The models are just USEFUL learning tools.
Attraction is not a linear process. Emotions are like molecules, and one second you can be here, and the next second there, and the next second back to here. So you can get her to go from chilling out, to laughing hysterically to kissing you passionately, etc.
So what I think is a more useful analogy is to look at the various elements of attraction, such as your understanding of style, of your internal thoughts, of your body language, tonality, sense of confident humor, lifestyle, comfort in your own skin, conviction in the purpose of your own life, your ability to earn a woman’s trust, your ability to help her come out of her shell, and to help her become more sexual with you, and so on and so forth are all like individual MUSICAL NOTES, and yet even though these notes are limited and finite, you can create INFINITE music and INFINITE different emotional impacts from them.
This is why I was never very big on emphasizing the “NOTES” for the sake of THE NOTES themselves, (i.e. the theories and models and the fancy jargon) but rather whenever I mention those things, the emphasis is on the CREATIVE use of them.
I don’t believe in a static method. That would be like saying there is a certain rock band’s method of making music, and telling everyone that they need to copy that method. What a tragedy that would be. Similarly, I don’t want to create CLONES, I don’t want to create a “method”, rather I want to create individuals who understand how to CREATE awesome emotional impact in women in INFINITE different ways. I want to make the Earth a COOL place, not a place of CLONES of a bunch of guys all saying and doing the exact same thing.
So what I focus on here at The Dating Wizard is teaching guys how to become awesome with women by understanding the components and then learning how to USE them to creating infinite impact on women in a billion different ways, each way creating a slightly different HUE and FLAVOR of attraction.
Just like a character like James Bond is a different type of cool than say, Han Solo.
One of the key factors for effective RAPPORT/CONNECTION is understanding how it is NOT a form of kissing up.
Usually, when guys think of rapport, they get scared nowadays that it is a form of kissing up. They think that is the ANTITHESIS of attraction.
But that is only if the rapport comes across in a way that IS kissing up. Yet, the truth is that there is a way to create rapport in a way that not only doesn’t say you are kissing up, but actually says you are EXTREMELY cool.
So let’s say for example you meet a girl, and you like her. Well, one of the biggest things you can do is to make her feel COMFORTABLE with you.
Not in that way where she feels, “I can walk all over you”.
But rather in a way that projects the following message about you:
“I am so secure, that I can handle YOU being the REAL YOU, and I totally won’t judge you for that. As long as there is mutual RESPECT, I totally accept you for who you are.”
(Of course, if a woman is not showing basic respect, she is out of the game.)
Yet almost no one does this.
The reason why is because unless a guy is TRULY cool with her as a person and is NOT intimidated or scared by her identity, he will project through infinite subtleties in his body language and even his conversation that he in fact is intimidated by it.
So for example, let’s say you met a woman who was beautiful, intelligent and all sorts of other good things. And then you found out she was a sex therapist. Or she was a rocket scientist or surgeon Would that intimidate you? Would it get a big emotional reaction out of you?
The temptation to say a bunch of things to show that you CARE about her being a rocket scientist is just as bad for rapport as showing that you HATE it! Because you see, MOST guys she meets are probably all doing the same thing, so the way she feels is that she is not standing out as a person, but rather that her JOB is overshadowing her character and her identity to you.
That makes her feel CREEPED OUT and JUDGED and feel as if she is not a human individual.
Or what’s interesting is that sometimes I meet guys that want to meet bisexual women or women who are strippers. Or any situation where the woman stands out in some way.
In each of these cases, very often, the tendency is to instinctively reveal your TRUE thoughts.
So if you are GENUINELY cool about what they do and who they are and you are not intimidated by it, then in fact you would NOT need to make the whole discussion revolve around who they are and what they do.
So for example, telling a bisexual girl “It’s great that these days society has become more accepting of these things” actually tells her that her bisexuality is a big topic for you.
If you really were cool with it, you could just have a normal conversation with her, and in fact this is what would be more productive.
Similarly, if you meet a girl who is a stripper, one of the most important things is for her to know that it’s NOT A BIG DEAL to you that she is a stripper. Because if it IS a big deal, then it makes HER feel weird. So it’s not that you need to COMPLIMENT her and at the same time it’s not about putting her DOWN, either.
Because if it’s really not a big deal to you, then it’s NOT A BIG DEAL and in fact the major thing is to move on to discuss the REAL things that matter between the both of you, to discuss the REAL stuff that is relevant to both your personalities.
So you see, this rapport stuff not only is “rapport” but can also be a huge part of “attraction” because it says you are a cool guy that is above getting all reactionary.
And I don’t believe in TRICKS. Rather, I believe that it’s important to REALLY grow as a person, so that in fact your cool reactions to women, no matter who they are, are REAL.
And a huge first step is AWARENESS.
Isn’t it great to see that attraction, at the HIGHEST levels, TRULY is not about manipulation?
By the way, I just got a letter about strippers, so this would probably be the right place to feature it:
***Letter From A Reader***
You're an incredibly smart guy. You caused me to completely change my attitude and turn my life around, and that's no exaggeration. I started reading your articles a year ago, and I can't imagine where I'd be if I'd never encountered your wisdom. Thanks.
I have a question for you about dating strippers. I'm friends with an intelligent, fun, hot girl who strips for college money. She's foreign, and I think to her it's not as trashy as it is for us in America. I was just curious about your opinion on this: What do you think about dating girls who are strippers? Would you ever do it or no? Thanks for all the priceless advice.
Michael: My Comments
First of all, thank you for the kind words and the props. I’m trying to get to the point where I don’t need this praise, but it’s nice when it happens.
To answer your question, I think that there are always exceptions to any rule, which is why I will not make a sweeping judgment, I will just say that in general, dating a stripper, in the sense of seeing her regularly, is usually inviting a whole lot of drama into your life.
But if she’s an awesome person who respects you and respects herself, and you are cool with everything, then that’s great.
In general though, if a guy is dating a stripper, he needs to ask himself why.
Is it because he really likes her values?
Is it because she’s hot?
Would he date her if he knew other girls who were just as cool?
Is this just an easy way to avoid having to search for quality women who are also hot?
A way to avoid getting the skills?
I’m not saying there aren’t any strippers out there who are not emotionally stable, (I haven’t done formal stats on this) but in general, you have to ask yourself why a girl who is in fact as intelligent and cool as you say she is chooses to do it “for college money”.
It seems every stripper by the way says she is doing her thing for college money to get through medical school.
So that would make for a lot of doctors whose specialty practice is the pole.
She couldn’t find another job? She was starving? She has three starving children or her mom or dad needs the money for life-sustaining food and medicine?
See, I don’t judge people so fast, as you have to know their situation. But I do believe you are the company you keep, and the most important thing about who you ARE is your VALUES.
This is what defines the REAL you. People think they can flip this around at convenience, i.e. “now I value SEX” “and later I will value deep connection”, but the truth is that you can’t be in two places at once, and our psychological makeup is such that we tend to KEEP GOING in the direction we are, and NOT change around so fast.
Often resulting in “Man, did I waste a lot of time doing THAT.”
This is why it’s important to know what you really want and what you really value, or you will end up with something else.
So you have to choose the company you keep by the VALUES you share.
This is why I make a distinction by the way between two kinds of party girls, the kind that are clean and honest and just like to party till they meet someone they want to be serious with. And the kind that are really messed up.
So use “the force” and your gut instinct about this person’s values, be fair to her and be honest with yourself, and decide whether your primary values are congruent to hers. In fact, if your primary values are not congruent to hers, and you are AWARE of that fact, you won’t even want to hook up with her.
But if she really does seem to be a great girl, then it’s REALLY CRUCIAL that the whole stripping thing is NOT a big deal to you, as that’s the only way she will feel comfortable with you.
This is why strippers tend to date guys who date lots of strippers. Because the strippers at least feel that those guys know the score and accept them for it and also can handle them. And you have to SHOW that you know the score and that you WON’T TREAT THEM LIKE A “STRIPPER”.
i.e. When a guy buys dances from them, he is in fact MAKING A BIG DEAL about the fact they are strippers. He is willing to PAY for it.
That destroys the “real life” rapport even though it may increase the “customer/client” rapport. It turns the interaction into a client/customer EMOTIONALLY LIFELESS THING, the rapport being blown into OBLIVION.
You must take the conversation PAST the whole lifeless customer/client thing and avoid all that stuff, you must establish REAL rapport as opposed to giving her money and other forms of ass-kissing that are in fact RUINING rapport just as much as they are ruining attraction.
And of course, you must ALSO do the other stuff that sparks “ATTRACTION”, like teasing her playfully, or giving her your really intriguing perspectives on things that are emotionally relevant to her, such as TELLING her interesting things about herself that even she doesn’t realize. And of course being dominant, using the right tonality and body language, etc. (I get into full depth on how to do this by the way in the Seduction Mastery Program.)
The decision is up to you. And if you go for it, also make sure to double up on the condom thing.
Hey Michael, as one of your customers, I thought that you would find this article interesting since it backs up the points in your programs.
I found it on MSNBC.com
P.S. Here’s a quote from the article:
“What an ovulating girl wants: Manly men A woman prefers a more masculine man when she is fertile and looking for a fling rather than a mate for life, according to a new study.
Thanks for that email, I read the article and absolutely, it backs up a lot of this stuff.
The main point I would draw from there is that when a woman is REALLY HORNY, she wants a man for whom she feels ATTRACTED to, and when she just wants to “bond”, she is looking for a guy that can provide her security.
So the key is to be the guy who becomes the guy TRIGGERS her feelings of ATTRACTION and who ALSO understand how to give her the feeling of CONNECTION/RAPPORT.
And be that guy ALWAYS.
Because if you just go the “bonding” route, all you end up doing is spending tons of cash and then find out she wants to have sex now and then with someone else, someone who is actually cool who knows how to give her the “sexual turn on feeling” she craves.
And if you go ONLY the “attraction” route, then you end up with a woman who feels she cannot rely on you at all, so she looks for some other guy who she may not be attracted to, but who gives her that emotional security.
At least with this option, you know she is actually attracted to you, but it still sucks because she is always fighting with you out of insecurity.
And if you would like to become the kind of man that is the rarest breed of all – a guy who is the ALL IN ONE PACKAGE that women DREAM about, then I seriously recommend you get the most respected program on the PLANET:
The Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program CD Set
These articles and my newsletters are just the tip of the iceberg compared to the FULL DEPTH contained in this awesome training Program.
You’ll learn how to create the most POWERFUL connections with women AND create the most INTENSE attraction. You will also learn how to creating INFINITE varieties of attraction and how to understand the type of girl you are with for maximum rapport, as opposed to using the “one size fits all” tactics that tend to be taught in the mainstream.
This program is for guys who are serious, who are ready to LEARN, and are also prepared to put it all into ACTION in real life.
And if you haven't done so already, download my eBook NOW. This book is the DNA of attraction, and sets the foundation before you move on to my other programs.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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