At ALL times you are interacting with a woman, and even when you are AWAY from her, the only thing that matters is that she feels she is GETTING something emotionally awesome from you.
From the very first instant your two universes collide, from that very first LOOK between the two of you even, till the very LAST moment, the ONLY thing that matters is what she feels she is GETTING from you.
And what she must be GETTING must feel to her like it is something she can CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT, or at the least, you must be TAKING THE INTERACTION in such a direction so that she will be feeling that very soon.
Now, let’s take the AVERAGE way a guy interacts with a woman, and let’s see what the WOMAN is getting from it.
Let’s say he sees a woman crossing the street toward him, and he feels the desire to speak to her. He looks at her in a way that implies SHE is far above him in value. So HE seems, to her, like something that would DETRACT from her value. After all, he communicated that all by himself. He has given her the FEELING of REVULSION. Or maybe at best, a feeling of PITY. In a fraction of a second, it’s OVER.
Or, let’s say he looks at her with an expression on his face that implies he HATES women. So NOW, even if he truly believes that HE is superior, it’s STILL no good, because he has communicated that he is NOT going to be GIVING, that things won’t be FUN, so she might feel CREEPED out, or even threatened.
Also, he communicates by his anger and hatred that in fact he most likely is inferior, because if he wasn’t, he would probably be in a better mood, and that he would probably like women more since they would like him back.
So his negativity only goes to make her feel that he is inferior.
All this before even a word has been uttered.
Now, let’s say he has a relaxed smile on his face because he’s in a good mood where things are in control, or even he might not be smiling but just calm, and as she approaches near him, he casually asks her for directions or for her opinion on something that is interesting.
She is FEELING at least NEUTRAL at that moment. And then, let’s say he gets her LAUGHING by either the topic he is discussing, i.e. about who would kick the other’s ass in an ultimate fighting match between Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson, (a la their recent catfight at an LA club) or because he is teasing her on something in a non-malicious way, which simultaneously shows his own value, since he’s not afraid to be informal and to not take the whole thing so seriously. Add to this a voice tone that he has learned to project and use in an expressive way rather than in a robotic monotone.
Maybe he also ties in some intriguing comments on the local environment or even better, about something to do with HERSELF that even she didn’t realize.
She is now FEELING IN A POSITIVE STATE since she’s laughing, she is also feeling INTRIGUED, and she’s starting to feel vibes that HE is desirable as well because of his non-creepy, non-demanding, non-pressure, yet confident demeanor.
Contrast that with a guy who puts a woman on the SPOT by directly asking for her number after almost no connection or emotional triggering whatsoever. When he does that, she now already knows she has him, and she also wonders why he would want to get her number so fast without knowing anything about her.
Are his standards that low?
That makes her feel CREEPY AND REPULSED.
So, she now focuses on what she can LOSE by giving it to him, she focuses on all the negatives that might come from being with this guy. In other words, she puts up RESISTANCE internally because he is CHASING without having given HER anything good yet.
He wants to TAKE and he hasn’t GIVEN.
She’s feeling “What if this guy is nuts? I don’t know him at all.”
Whereas when a guy shows he is not taking the interaction so seriously, she feels that he is obviously not needy, so now she starts to RELAX and she actually starts to ENJOY herself some more.
She actually NOW starts to focus on what she will lose if SHE doesn’t impress HIM somehow.
She wants to find out more about him since he has been giving her good emotions, including the emotion of FREEDOM since he has indirectly made it clear he is not CHASING her in a way where she will be pressured.
He is showing her that if at any point it’s not working, she won’t have to feel weird because he is not needy for it and he can move on easily without calling her a b**ch, etc. This ironically gets her worrying about the opposite problem, which is: “What if he is not interested in me, what am I losing now?”
A woman is either going to worry about how to KEEP you or how to GET AWAY from you. She can’t think about both at once. Which one would you rather have?
Similarly, if you are online and contacting a woman, you have to be thinking of how you are making her FEEL at the moment. Most guys’ profiles make a woman feel NOTHING, which is not good.
They are all the same, so it’s like looking at a tissue paper. She doesn’t start to think about how this paper is different from all the other paper she has seen.
Now, imagine a profile that gets her CRACKING UP, or gets her FEELING intrigued, curious, or inspired.
THAT will make far more impact.
For example, if in the section on what makes the ideal relationship, and you wrote, “kick ass pillowfights” as part of the description, THAT would say a hell of a lot more about you than a description of “long walks on the beach”, etc., which every desperate guy genuinely writes.
Obviously, this is just the TIP of the iceberg, honestly there is so much more, but the point here is that the EMOTIONS she is experiencing from what you are writing are the ONLY things that count.
Guys tend to write what THEY are feeling, and what THEY want, but the problem is that who THEY are at the moment is a VERY WEAK VERSION of themselves. So what they are THINKING and what they are WANTING actually end up reflecting these weaknesses and traits that are anti-cool.
I repeat: Their weaknesses and anti-coolness comes through LOUD AND CLEAR, it comes through in NEON FLASHING ALARM SIGNS, it comes through in DEAFENINGLY LOUD volumes to the women with whom the guys are interacting.
Whether it’s online through instant messaging or whether it’s in person in real life. It comes through.
It comes through in the typical things that guys say they are looking for in a woman, it comes through in the neediness, in the lack of passion for anything else in life, in the lack of a cool lifestyle or goals, and in what seems to be a lack of fun and positive emotions being experienced in the guys’ lives. It comes through when on the internet, in the guys’ nicknames on the online dating sites and in the details of their online profiles, for example in the sections called “what I am looking for”, and in the “ideal relationship”, etc.
Ultimately it’s really not much different when meeting women “in real life” in person or through the internet. It’s all the same thing, because it’s all about what you are conveying about yourself and the resulting cool or yucky emotions you are giving women.
The irony is that guys who feel that a woman is the greatest thing because she is “hot”, end up getting hurt at first, because by putting such an emphasis on looks only, they give all their power away to women who happen to have some “looks”. Guys need to see the bigger picture not only to be mature but in order to really attract a woman who DOES have the gorgeousness as well.
Otherwise, the woman truly gets the vibe from him from his body language and demeanor, no matter what he says, which communicates that the guy is clueless, desperate, and inferior, because any guy who wasn’t those things, in her mind would not behave in such a manner to worship looks.
Let me give you living proof:
Find the woman that you think is the hottest thing. Now, do you think she chooses her man by looks only? Yes, I know women, especially “hotties” are different from guys, but still, one of the BIGGEST reasons why they are different is because they are not brainwashed to feel inferior or desperate in these specific arenas at least. And because of that, a guy’s looks are only a starting point. He HAS to have the personality as well or it’s no way. Seriously, think about some of the hotties you know, and how much fun the guys are, if they are with any guy because it’s damn hard for quality women to find quality guys. You’ll notice that the guys are usually cool people, good sense of humor, interesting, overall good vibe.
You should have high standards in these respects as well, and you would naturally, once you start to know what your real worth is and what the overall value of things are in the big perspective.
At EVERY stage of the interaction it’s about how you are making her FEEL. For example, if you DON’T know how to shift the vibe from playful/interesting/fun/intriguing state into a SEXUAL state, she will feel WEIRD: “Ummm, is this guy happy being my friend? Umm, is this guy expecting ME to shift the vibe to the sexual???? Ummm, is this guy expecting ME to kiss him first???? Ummm, this is WEIRD!!”
So she then is feeling WEIRD.
THAT’S the emotion the guy is giving her then, the emotion of feeling WEIRD/AWKWARD.
This is why it’s important to know how to transition things to the physical in a smooth way, escalating in a way so that she is feeling comfortable yet excited about it. If a guy is out with a woman on their first meet-up and for three hours they don’t have any physical contact, it’s going to be WEIRD at the end of the night, although not necessarily beyond damage control.
When a woman TESTS you, to see if you are the kind of guy who is a wuss who will take her b.s., you are GIVING HER a POSITIVE emotion when you DON’T GIVE IN, or when you are playful about it and make her laugh at the same time, depending on the situation. You are GIVING her the emotion of ATTRACTION, which feels AWESOME. She feels she has an obviously superior guy on her hands- YOU.
The thing to remember is that at this point this all might sound a bit strange to you, but in fact if you just KNEW YOUR OWN WORTH, you would do all this stuff NATURALLY.
The decisions and thoughts you have now are NOT totally your own, they are products of the matrix to which you have been exposed to for your entire life. The clothing you are wearing now, you probably had VERY LITTLE CONSCIOUS THOUGHTS about why you “must” buy THOSE SPECIFIC clothes as opposed to others. You probably never ANALYZED why you never wear a completely DIFFERENT style of clothing and accessories. You might THINK at this moment that what you are wearing SUITS you, but in fact it most likely only suits the FALSE VERSION of yourself that you are at this moment in time.
And the stuff you are wearing now might be saying all the WRONG things about you without you realizing it. As you start RECONSIDERING your REAL identity, you’ll start to see how little of it was made by CHOICE. And as you start CHOOSING your REAL identity, you should start experimenting with better ways of reflecting that in your clothing as well as your behaviours and attitudes. (And I provide one-on-one coaching in all these areas, including the customization of your wardrobe and accessories as well.)
I’d like to close this article by explaining one more thing:
Guys think that attraction is all about what you look like. Or they think it’s all about money. Or that it’s all about fame.
The truth is, there are a MILLION ways to skin a cat as they say, and the ONLY reason why you here about CERTAIN “requirements” for attraction is that those things are ONE way to demonstrate SOME value, to give her SOME emotion.
But there are INFINITE ways to demonstrate value and to create EMOTION, in fact I believe the human brain developed it’s super powerful creativity in part ONLY to devise ways to create emotions in women and in others to help our survival. Otherwise, why the hell would we have it???
Also, even if a guy has “model” good looks, the thing is that you have to remember that WOMEN WHO ARE GORGEOUS can easily get these “stereotypical” things from guys, like looks or money, and so therefore women who are “hotties” get DESENSITIZED to it. So it becomes more and more important to be the kind of GUY who KNOWS HOW to give women awesome compelling EMOTIONS, all the TIME.
See, it isn’t about taking, it’s about GIVING AWESOME EMOTIONS that she feels she can’t live withOUT.
And if YOU would like to learn how to DO this in a way that is the product of your new-found and GENUINE identity, then I recommend you download my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, IMMEDIATELY:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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