I’ve been reading your articles and finding that I can get a girl’s number or email after chatting a bit with her and using some humor, but I notice that things fizzle out after a date or two.
Suddenly, they have other plans, or they tell me they met someone, etc. I get the feeling that I must be something wrong from the time of getting a girl’s number to the actual dates, because this keeps happening to me over and over again. I try to keep things going smoothly on the dates, I try to keep the conversation going, etc. I really don’t give the women any reason to not want to go out with me again. Any ideas to help me out?
I’m glad that you’re putting the advice into action, but there is something very, very important that you are missing here: You mention how you “try to keep things going smoothly”, trying to “keep the conversation going” and how “you don’t give the women any reason” to not want to go out with you again.
Ironically, you have already actually HIT THE NAIL ON THE PROVERBIAL HEAD. You have just stated what you are doing WRONG. What is this thing that you are doing to SABOTAGE (albeit unknowingly) your success?
I’ll tell you: You are trying to “FIT IN” with HER. In other words, she gets the feeling SHE is leading the show here. She feels SHE is dominant.
Get ready for this: If there is one thing that turns women OFF more than anything else, it's a man with a lack of DOMINANCE. And an attractive woman can smell a lack of dominance like a shark smells blood.
This is one of those unspoken truths that should be explained to all males on the planet earth as part of their formal education.
Now, most guys totally misunderstand what dominance really is. It's not about being a tight-ass or an insecure control freak who yells and screams and dictates to a woman everything that she should do. It's not about being domineering. No, that's just insecurity.
Dominance is about CALMLY taking control as if it NATURALLY belongs to you. And it's about CONVEYING that you are this type of person, through SUBTLETIES in your gestures, movements, voice tone, language, and facial expressions. I state “subtleties” because it’s all in the DETAILS….
It's an ATTITUDE.
Being dominant with women isn't easy when you grow up being told for most of your life that women want a man who is sensitive, who is considerate of her wants and desires. It ain't easy when you grow up being told that women want equality, and that only jerks disregard their desire for total equality.
This is a huge topic, but let me give you some examples of things you might see in a dominant man: Men who are dominant tend to smile at a woman at very DIFFERENT times and for very DIFFERENT reasons than men who aren't dominant. Men who are NOT dominant will smile in a way that shows they are "trying to fit in" with a woman.
In other words, agreeing to everything she is saying, and WITH A SMILE, no less. Or nodding a lot, WITH A SMILE. And laughing at all her jokes, even if they're not funny. And just smiling sometimes for NO REASON, other than the fact the guy is SO HAPPY to be with this beautiful woman in front of him. I'm NOT saying that you shouldn't smile or laugh with a woman, but only do it if you would smile and laugh at the same things she is doing even if she was also 300 POUNDS.
Because otherwise, you are really just kissing her ass. A guy who is dominant might smile at a woman in a SLY WAY if he just busted on her big time. And even then, he might not. Because for him, he is so USED TO BEING IN CONTROL, of getting the responses he wants, that it takes a little more to impress him. It's more like "Of course she is enjoying being with me- what's the big deal." A guy who is dominant makes decisions with women. He does NOT say "Honey, where would you like to go tonight?" or "It doesn't matter to me, where would YOU like to go?"
He does not get steered off course when women test him on his commitment to those decisions. I know many women who have confidentially told me that when a guy asks for their number, they will purposely say they don't give out their number, JUST TO SEE IF HE IS DOMINANT ENOUGH TO NOT TAKE ONE "NO" for an answer.
In other words, they want to see, "Is this the kind of guy who means BUSINESS, or is he wishy washy?" Women don't mind giving out their numbers, emails, etc, but they want a man WHO ISN'T A PUSHOVER.
Now, I think that some guys may have a bit of a dilemma: They really are just happy-go-lucky guys who smile a lot. My advice for them is to hold back a bit when they first meet a new woman or the smiling behavior will be misinterpreted as weakness. Dominance also means NOT LISTENING to every complaint that women give you, since half the time, women are complaining only to see if you will kiss their ass! If you ever sense that a woman's complaint is sounding like an attempt for control, you better make sure to stick to your guns (unless she points out a valid criticism, etc) or you will find that she will start to nag you even MORE....all to see if you are losing your touch as THE MAN.
Your BODY LANGUAGE also conveys your dominance or lack of it. If you tell a woman "I will not accept x behavior", but you are at the same time looking down at the floor, or are fidgeting your hands it's like you've destroyed any impact your words could have had. If you are speaking with a woman, if you are nervous, your facial muscles will often clench, your forehead will wrinkle, your eyebrows will be raised in alarm, etc. Now, by consciously CHANGING your PHYSIOLOGY, and by RELAXING those facial muscles, you will ACTUALLY CHANGE YOUR PSYCHOLOGY as well, and truly start to feel more relaxed. So watch your facial expressions and consciously relax them, and soon you will actually feel more calm and confident in front of her.
Listen, if you think I am exaggerating, think about this: The CIA has special agents trained in lie detection. They don’t look only at a person’s WORDS to tell if he is lying. The behaviors that give away someone as a liar may be as simple as a person tapping his foot against the floor. Such “evidence” is known as a LEAK, since the truth is LEAKING… These experts look at everything from body language to body temperature to heart rate.
Now, attractive women are SO EXPERIENCED WITH DATING, and have gone out with SO MANY MEN, that these women have “seen it all” and are pretty darn good at telling which men are full of it and which men are the real deal. These women can see the “leaks”. They KNOW when a man is confident and when he is just acting, because they have seen the “signs” a million times. These women look at your body language, your facial expressions, your nose and forehead as they wrinkle in tension. So pay very, very careful attention to being TOTALLY CONGRUENT in your facial expressions and body language.
Being dominant also means not willing to compromise on your principles. One thing I notice: The more compromises you make regarding your own values in order to "keep a woman happy", the GREATER are the chances she will grow MORE irritated and bored and not sexually interested.
On the other hand, the greater your standards, the less you compromise, the more control you take, the BETTER a woman will treat you, appreciate you, and feel sexual desire for you. Here's another thing about men who are dominant: They don't feel the need to talk too much, they don't need to become chatterboxes to “sell" themselves. They don't need to qualify themselves to a woman, these men behave as if it's the woman who must qualify herself.
And lastly, dominance is not only about having control in the relationship, it's also about being the type of man who is in control of his own emotions and his own life.
He who conquers his own heart, who is in control of his own emotions, is the real victor in life. Women can't stand a man who is always complaining and whining about his problems. Not only is it a bore, but it's a sign of him being UNABLE TO COPE, and the most important sexual criteria for a man has been his ability to survive and pass that ability on to his children.
I know a lot of guys who feel that part of being with a woman is to be able to share your sorrows and your triumphs with her- well, save the sorrows till after you have already celebrated your 1 year anniversary, because otherwise you'll never get to that point. (and even then, keep the whining to a bare minimum). This goes back to forces beyond our conscious control. It stems from what was from an evolutionary point of view, the mark of a man who could SURVIVE and provide SURVIVAL for his family.
DOMINANCE was part of that sign of such a man, and for a man, was far more sexy (read: useful for survival and hence an element of adaptation) than the notion of "being considerate" or "sensitive". And if you want to know more about this and how ELSE to be TOTALLY successful with women, I suggest you download and read my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women.
I spent years observing and researching what works for real men in the real world. It was a process that required me to actually experiment with the ideas myself to know if they worked or not. If an idea or concept did not work consistently, it did not make it into the book. The result is a work that I honestly feel is the most solid, all-in-one eBook. There's no hypnosis involved, no tricks, just solid material that works. You don’t have to be a comedian to make it work, either.
Everything you need to know is clearly explained inside. I give you step-by-step details on how to approach women and get their numbers and emails, how to get physical, and how to get her to want to see you again and again. I've explained everything in a way that is thorough, yet NOT COMPLICATED to understand.
This is the book for guys who are sick and tired of being the good guy who gets left out. And, if you ever have ANY questions at all about something in the book that you read, just email me and I will answer you the same day. How's that for service?
And on top of THAT, if you feel that the ideas and principles in my book aren't useful for you, just email me and I'll refund your money.
You can begin reading this important information within MINUTES of now.
To download the eBook, just go to:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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