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One of the most important elements to being successful with women is learning how to not be so serious all the time. And the great irony that I’ve discovered is that often, the folks who have to deal with the most stressful careers or situations are AWESOME at understanding this.
This was a hard concept for me to initially internalize. I used to have this impression that being more cold and stone-faced and serious all the time was the way we were supposed to behave.
Not only was it because it just FELT right to be serious, but I also figured that being NOT serious would make people treat you with less respect.
Well guess what?
Not only is learning to be more light-hearted HEALTHY for you in your ability to DEAL with stress, but it also conveys to OTHERS that you in fact ARE “significant” and “worthy”. Acting all serious all the time doesn’t necessarily make others want to respect you any more at all.
In fact, being too serious in your social interactions with people conveys that you don’t understand social interaction, and also that you cannot control your own emotions and your own life. Bad bad bad.
There is a time for being serious, sure. An air traffic controller obviously must concentrate on what he or she is doing, but does that mean when off work he has to be equally serious? Of course not, and in fact it would probably be a good idea to decompress with some light stuff.
And definitely you don’t want to be in a serious mood when you are first chatting up a woman.
Ever notice how even Presidents and Prime Ministers when they start a speech almost always have some humor in it at the beginning?
Not only does this help relax the audience, but it also conveys PERSONALITY and makes you feel closer to that person. It in NO WAY makes you respect or care about that person any LESS. It only INCREASES your interest in that person.
And it shows you are confident enough to not have to show the world how serious your life is to get respect. It also shows you don’t need pity.
So, in many ways, a sense of humor shows STRENGTH and SUPERIORITY.
And hence, it’s a sign of THE MAN.
As a guy who used to be way too serious with girls himself, I can truly understand just how difficult it can sometimes be to let go of that attitude. It took a little while for me to get really comfortable letting go of all that seriousness with women. In the workshops, bootcamps, and consultations I have been giving for well over a year now, one of the areas that I focus on changing most for guys is this over-seriousness, especially seriousness about women. Weeding out all the elements such as incorrect body language, tonality, and socially-off behaviours that SHOW over seriousness is a major part of becoming successful with women.
There are tons of ways to convey light-heartedness, from your voice tone to body language to facial expressions and of course the things you say. And you can learn to automatically trigger a lot of these things when you understand the exact MENTAL FRAME you need to TRULY be in to attract women. And the greatest thing about this frame is that not only does it attract women, but it makes YOU feel great as well!!!!
Instead of feeling creepy or manipulative, it just feels natural, and it feels GOOD.
This is not just about teasing girls in a playful sense, which is effective as well. For example- if I see a woman who is really gorgeous buying chips at the drugstore, and I tease her for starring in the sequel to 'Supersize Me', and she laughs and hits me, and I tell her that obviously her junk food diet is making her hyper and violent, that is way more fun and relaxing and enjoying the moment than 'Uhhh, what aisle did you get those chips in?'
But at the same time, I don't need to only tease girls, it's all part of a much larger IDENTITY of what kind of attitude you take with you everywhere- this is where the REAL attraction kicks in big time.
Some guys think that this teasing is about making girls feel bad. That is NOT what this is about. If your aura and vibe is giving off negative emotions, it will fail, no matter how brilliant you think your tease is. All this stuff has to be coming from a very good place inside of you, especially for LONG TERM success. It comes through in subtleties in your voice tonality, in your body language, in your timing, in your expressions. There are a ton of things that happen in an ATTRACTIVE tease that ensure the feelings she gets are only GOOD feelings, not negative ones.
Remember, this is about an IDENTITY of who you ARE. You take this attitude with you everywhere instead of allowing yourself to get sucked into the 'matrix' of the mundane.
And even in the beginning, while you are just LEARNING this frame, the very fact you can at least UNDERSTAND the frame will enable you to get some pretty cool results immediately.
There's a whole universe of reasons for this that I explain in far further detail in my book and live courses, but the main point I want to make here is that you will not create the OVERWHELMINGLY POWERFUL EMOTIONS OF ATTRACTION in a woman if you come across as too serious, especially in your initial pick-up.
It just says all the wrong things- it says you are uncomfortable, it says you are afraid of approaching her, it says you are lacking something, it says you are not socially experienced and thus you are somewhat socially “out” (which is a huge issue to women for reasons beyond the scope of this article), and it says you are not fun. It also makes her feel SCARED in the sense that she is thinking “Why is this total STRANGER being so damn serious??????????” That makes her feel as if you are desperate or just plain creepy.
Plus there is one other issue:
Seriousness can easily trigger her anti-slut radar. She’s thinking “Well, since he is not having fun in this conversation, the only motivation he has is sex. He is not enjoying the conversation itself. He is either needy or a creepy psycho.”
Now, of course, this is just what she is THINKING. No one ever said her thoughts were correct. But you have to understand that to a woman, it can feel pretty scary to be labeled a slut, in fact it’s scary for her if she even thinks that she MIGHT be behaving like a slut according to herself.
This is just one more reason, by the way, why you should relax no matter WHAT a woman’s response is to your approach.
You see, the truth is women and men don’t go through the same socialization process. Men are expected to take action, women are expected to try to attract men. I’m not saying that men and women don’t sometimes break these social “rules”, but in general that’s how it goes. And the one OTHER thing women are expected to do when a guy takes action is show the guy she is not easy.
THIS is a HUGE reason why there are so many games being played between men and women.
This anti-slut or anti-“easy” thing is powerful stuff. It’s not that women don’t want you to approach them, it’s that they are conditioned to show you they aren’t easy.
So you have to remember that even if a woman doesn’t seem thrilled with your approach, it is NOT necessarily because they wouldn’t want to be with you.
I MEAN THIS HONESTLY.
So don’t beat yourself up and start whining just because the first girl you went up to didn’t grab you by the shirt and drag you to the nearest bed.
Of course, if you don’t know how to bathe or if you walk around with a psycho smile, then this doesn’t apply. But VERY OFTEN, the ONLY reason a woman will act aloof is because you approached her in a way that made her feel like you just want to use her for sex.
Because you were too serious and not just enjoying the moment for its own sake and letting HER decide if she wants to find out more about you or not.
Now, some guys actually understand the PROBLEM, but their SOLUTION is no good either. They decide to become her FRIEND.
Well, sure, a woman will let you become her friend, because that does not violate the “anti-easy” principle, but that doesn’t help you of course.
This is where being more PLAYFUL allows her to not take the interaction too seriously and gives her OPTIONS and breathing space.
It lets her know that you aren’t DEMANDING anything, it lets her know that you are probably a desirable guy if you don’t need to push yourself so seriously, and it lets her know that you aren’t TAKING anything from her.
And all this lets her know that you will in fact BOTH have a FUN conversation regardless of what happens. Which buys you the time to show your sexy personality.
With her shields down now, THIS allows her to actually let her REAL ATTRACTION to you naturally grow.
Nature is powerful stuff, and works best when you don’t try to seriously tell it what to do. Let the NATURAL VIBES flow from just being there with her in a non- uptight fashion. THIS is the stuff that has kept the human race on this planet.
One part of what I do is help guys get BACK to nature by eradicating all the artificially learned negative behaviors guys got brainwashed to believe. The way to MAKE attraction happen is to stop INTERFERING with it’s natural process. Most of the modern stuff guys learned to supposedly attract women actually INTERFERES with attraction.
If you’d like to learn all about how to be playful in a powerful confident way that has nothing to do with being a clown, and if you’d like to learn how to prevent triggering her “creepy-guy radar”, then I suggest you download my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women.
It’s packed with the hard-core information on how to develop the type of understanding of attraction so that you don’t have to use lines- you’ll be able to use your UNDERSTANDING of attraction to TRIGGER it whenever you want. Download it now at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
- Holy Grail
- Video Camera
- Breaking Cycle
- Living A Dynamic Life
- How To Impress Women
- Better Appearance
- Three Seducive Characters
- Build Identity
- Social Circle Mastery
- Be Dominant Not Domineering
- Light and Dark
- Paradigm Shift
- Reap What You Sow
- Become What You Want To Attract
- Stop Hanging Out Unsuccessful People
- Alpha Male
- Don't Be Serious
- Beating The Game