I honestly think that as guys, we have really been brainwashed to become EASY PREY for women with less than stellar character, but who know how to pretend otherwise.
It's not that good guys are weak.
It's that they are NOT INFORMED OF THE REALITY OF MANY OF THE WOMEN OUT THERE.
It's that good guys cannot BELIEVE that a woman can possibly be lying, can possibly be trying to USE him, etc, etc.
So what happens is that the good guy ends up thinking, "Well if this woman is with me, she must have good intentions, otherwise, why would she even be with me?"
But there are plenty of reasons why a woman would string a guy along and be with him even though she doesn't feel the passion for him.
What are these reasons? Things like keeping him around so she can feel emotional security, make her ego feel good, etc.
This isn't the stuff they put into Disney movies.
We are brought up to believe that for example, all women really want is a "good guy", a guy that will be faithful, a guy that will care about her, a guy that wants a real relationship without any "games". We are brought up to believe that women are somehow better MORALLY. That women are better behaved, that women are less selfish, etc etc.
But it's just NOT TRUE.
MANY women are NOT like that at all. Especially women who are in their "prime" and who are hot.
But most good guys believe that all women ARE somehow inherently "good".
I'm NOT saying women are "bad".
I'm just saying that women are clearly not one OUNCE better than men, and in fact because of our society that kisses up to women, women who are attractive are kind of spoiled, far more spoiled than most men.
But the thing is, this is not the main problem. The REAL problem is that guys are getting FOOLED by a lot of women.
You see, once a guy KNOWS a woman is no good, usually he has no problem passing her by and going on to the next woman to find someone better.
But because guys are so brainwashed, they actually end up accepting into their lives the kind of women that actually end up messing them up. All because the guy believes the hogwash the woman says. The woman is treating him horribly, but the guy still doesn't get it, because she has robbed him of any self-esteem, so he can't even SEE how badly she is treating him. It's as if he thinks that life with her is so IMPORTANT that it's worth selling his SOUL AND HIS DIGNITY to her.
I get TONS of email from guys about "this one special woman" that in reality is probably not so special. And the reason I say this is because usually the man is pining over her and she has done nothing for him. So what makes her so special?
The second problem is that as guys we tend to think we need relationships so badly, to the point of accepting bad relationships.
When in reality, if anything, men are the ones who really genetically can just enjoy having a variety of women. Again, I'm not saying relationships aren't great when they DO work, I'm just saying life is still great without them when you have tons of women for fun, and you can STILL go for a relationship if one of these other women turns out to be a great person for a relationship.
But in order to believe me, you have to EXPERIENCE it. You have to get out of the "soup" of one way of thinking (i.e. the brainwashed "ohhhh I need a woman to make me feel good and tuck me into bed at night and be my girlfriend") and jump into the other mode, which is more along the lines of "I'm a man, I enjoy women, and that's about it - and although I can enjoy a relationship as well and be the greatest guy on earth in one, there's no way in hell I'm going to settle for some woman who doesn't treat me as I deserve."
Again, don't get me wrong:
It's GREAT to meet a woman who IS all those good things, but the fact is, men are being held HOSTAGE to a MYTH. The MYTH that they NEED a woman's lovey-dovey Disney-style approval in order for a guy to feel 100% thrilled with life.
You see, as a guy, you have TWO brains:
The PRIMAL brain, which enjoys sex, food, the high that comes from exercise, and enjoys socializing, etc.
And then you have the "MODERN" brain, which enjoys the more "refined" stuff like relationships.
The reality is that the PRIMAL brain is actually more powerful than the "modern" one.
But we have been so BOMBARDED with feminization and brainwashing to worship a woman who is half-decently attractive, that we start to REALLY BELIEVE we need a woman to be our "Disneyworld" concept ideal partner.
And the thing is, once you fall into that mode, it gets hard to pull yourself out if you don't even have AWARENESS that your other brain needs to be turned ON.
And man, let me tell you something BIG:
A lot of women are using this brainwashing to MILK guys for everything the guy has- emotionally, financially, and taking all the guy's TIME and ENERGY as well.
What these women are doing is PRETENDING to be innocent and good, all the while NOT being such a person. You see, it's IMPORTANT for them to pretend, because they know that a GOOD guy is not a STUPID guy. They know that if the guy knew she was no good, the guy WOULD in fact dump her.
And not only would the guy dump her, but he would then realize that a lot of women are like this, and this would push him to adopt more of the Playboy lifestyle, where he would soon discover that as a man, VARIETY of women is actually a pretty cool thing too.
I'm not saying one is better than the other, just saying that as a man, it's pretty easy to NOT feel needy for a relationship if he just gets in touch with his primal self.
If all men did THIS, then you can bet your assets that most women would be busting their gut trying to EARN men's interest rather than EXPECTING to get it for NOTHING.
As men, we can all be pretty happy with variety of women instead of a relationship, once you get into it. This primal stuff is pretty easy to get into. Plus, since you have a variety of women, it's easy to not feel needy for any of them, and this keeps you in the playful sexual dominant state that makes you even more attractive.
And the ONLY kind of woman a guy would ever get into an exclusive relationship then would be a woman who TRULY was a "quality woman", a woman worth his time, since after all, he really didn't NEED a relationship.
So what I'm going to do right here is give you a few TIPS on how to know if you're with a quality woman or not.
Because really, if a woman is not treating you right, there's no reason on earth to be with her.
1. If you constantly feel bad around a woman, and she constantly claims to not have a clue about what she's doing to make you feel that way, chances are that in REALITY she knows EXACTLY what she's doing.
If your self-esteem was high enough, you'd see it from a million miles away, but since she has hacked away your self-esteem since you met her, you can barely recognize when someone is abusing you anymore.
WAKE UP, my friend, if this is happening to YOU.
If you ACCEPT this into your life, all you will do is activate cognitive dissonance in your own head and start to believe that in fact somehow she is WORTH the abuse, and that you are NOT worth more than this.
If this sounds like your situation, you definitely should download my eBook IMMEDIATELY at:
2. Here's another thing: ACCUSING YOU of what in fact is THEIR "Modus Operandi".
When a woman is doing something wrong to you, and she knows it, and you bring it up with her, the number one tactic that all abusers to their victims is accuse them of the very thing THEY ARE DOING TO THE VICTIM.
So, for example, if she is dishonest, she will accuse YOU of dishonesty. If she is making you feel confusion, she will accuse you of making her feeling confusion. Etc, etc.
So, if you see this kind of thing going on a lot, it's not some kind of coincidence, it's very much a part of her METHOD.
3. INCONGRUENCIES in their behavior.
You know how I always talk about actually BEING "The Man" rather than faking it?
How I focus on your ACTUAL development instead of on memorizing a pick up line?
It's because if you aren't REAL, it shows anyway!
Similarly, if a woman isn't REALLY a good person, it will SHOW no matter WHAT she says about how great she is as a person.
A lot of people lie to themselves and they accept the excuses that another person gives them, but ultimately, your GUT tells you a lot about a person. Your "gut" is really all the things you have registered about the woman but that you may not have formally recognized or observed consciously.
Plus, if you look to see if she is consistent or not, you will see if she is a good person or not. Do her words really match her behaviors? Forget about who she SAYS she is "deep down". Does a good person REALLY do and say the kind of things she does and says?
By the way, words DO matter, they reflect what's going on in her head. So words AND actions count. But those words really only count if the actions match
Regarding her behaviors, ask yourself, "Would a good person do this"?
4. Do they only respond to CONSEQUENCES?
If a woman only responds to CONSEQUENCES, she's no good.
You are not there to be her kindergarten teacher teaching her how to be a decent human being and giving her "hard lessons".
You will notice that when you are TOTALLY CONGRUENT to your values, and you actually walk away from a woman who rubbed you the wrong way, ONLY then does she start to respond.
That's when suddenly she starts to call you a lot, she starts to treat you right, she starts to act decently, etc.
FORGET such a woman.
This is a woman who simply is trying to get away with AS MUCH AS SHE CAN.
So when you lay down the law, she gets away with as much as she can in that situation, which of course, is much less than when you didn't lay down the law. But it's not a good woman.
It's a woman who KNOWS what good behavior is, but will only do it from CONSEQUENCES, not from her own natural desire to be decent.
So definitely, it's nice to see that she is treating you well when you lay down the law, but it's not the woman you deserve. You deserve better than that.
5. If the only reason you are with a woman is because she says she wants to be with you, it's not enough. Plenty of women can want to be with you but still have no desire to treat you right. Some women want to be with a guy because they feel they can control him. Not cool at all.
Okay, so those are some important red flags to watch out for with a woman, but as always, it's CRUCIAL to me to be as ACCURATE as possible about how things work and what's going on.
There ARE some QUALITY women out there, but they are as rare as it is for a great woman to meet a QUALITY GUY. The reality is that it's even harder for women to meet a guy that really has his act together and is cool and is still a GOOD guy --- much harder than for a great guy to meet a great woman.
And before you can even KNOW if a woman is good or not, you're going to have to MEET her and ATTRACT this woman.
And in order to do THAT, you're going to have to approach her in the RIGHT way.
And that means while you can't be NAÏVE, you also can go around with a chip on your shoulder. A lot of guys will hear the things I have to say above, such as how so many women can be so horrible, and then feel like acting like TOTAL A-HOLES to women.
But that's NOT going to work.
You can't have a chip on your shoulder, or you will turn OFF even the women out there who have great values and great personalities.
But at the same time, acting TOO smiley makes you seen NAÏVE, as if you are easy prey for a woman to take advantage of. Not cool.
This is part of the reason why going into an interaction TOO "smiley" makes a woman figure that you are either naïve or crazy. Especially when you approach a woman in a low key environment, i.e. a bookstore as opposed to a dance club. The overly smiley approach can make you seem pretentious as well.
But you can't go in with a chip on your shoulder either. Your past experiences with women, if not positive, still do NOT equal your future experiences or the CURRENT experience that you are having in the pickup at that moment.
One way to be in the right frame of mind is to focus on the vibe of the MOMENT and totally forget about thoughts of "Is this going to be my WIFE" or anything extreme like that, because those kind of thoughts will ruin any spontaneity and rob your interaction of the natural fun that it would normally be. To put it quite simply, SOCIALIZING is fun, in and of itself. It doesn't have to add up to anything beyond the moment, and that attitude actually makes it more likely for that moment to be a GOOD one, leading to ANOTHER good moment.
Which leads to the next step, such as having a coffee together and finding out more about each other, and laughing, which leads to holding her hands, which leads to kissing, which leads to making out hardcore, which leads to sex, which leads to more sex, which may lead to a relationship, etc etc.
Get the picture?
Step by step, as opposed to worrying about the massive and often emotionally overwhelming goal.
And, if at any time, you detect a woman is not good for you, you can immediately say "have a nice day" and good bye.
Catch my drift?
And by the way, when you do the pickup, NEVER qualify yourself. It's so sucky. Most of the time, what happens is that you feel the PRESSURE to show her you are COOL and that you have value. So you give into temptation and you try to show her you are cool by mentioning things about yourself as if you are selling yourself to her.
It's so rare when you see a movie that really shows the right vibe that is attractive. A lot of guys ask me what are good movies to see that show a good example of pick-up.
The answer is not too many, but one flick that definitely captures the "AURA" of personality that is attractive is "Out of Sight" with George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez.
It's not exactly pick up, but still, his PERSONALITY is very apparent.
In the first scene with them together, he locks himself in the trunk of a getaway car as he escapes from jail. She's an FBI agent, he's the guy she's AFTER to put him away, and yet still he likes her because he just does. In the entire scene, he is not talking about ANYTHING deep, he chats with her casually about if they met under different circumstances that she would probably be into him, and even though she says "no way", he is totally relaxed, just vibing with her, his voice very chilled out, confident, and yet friendly.
He makes contact with her, his fingers tapping on her thigh, not creepy but friendly as he casually chats about movies (like Bonnie and Clyde) with her that remind him of the current situation between him and her in the car and the escape. Within a few moments, she can't help it, she is conversing with him, and enjoying it, because she can tell that he is NOT TRYING TO CONVINCE her of anything, not trying to get her to be sexual with him, and in fact it's almost as if he is chatting more for his own self.
Now, later in the movie, there is a scene where her character, Karen, is sitting at a table in a virtually empty lounge and a group of a guys at the bar, executive-types, see her.
They attempt to pick her up, a few of them, and they make all the mistakes, yet it's so true to reality, to the way most guys act with women who are beautiful.
One guy tells the waitress to tell Karen he'll pay for her drink. Karen tells the waitress she'd rather pay for her own.
The next guy walks up to her and is all smiley telling her that he had a bet with his friends on whether he could "read her situation" and determine what she does for a living, and exactly how she is feeling right now, and exactly why she is feeling that way.
His body language shows that he is trying to make a SHOW and also that he thinks he is "all that" in a way that actually says he is not "all that". He's also wrong about all his guesses about her, which is because he went too specific.
He does his whole act and tells her what he thinks her job is, why she has the current expression on her face, etc. She turns him down. But you can see from his demeanor that he is trying to impress her and that his own ego is being affected by it, i.e. it matters too much too him.
Another dude comes up and introduces himself and starts telling her that he's come in from some business campaign and he goes into detail about the "cute" advertising campaign that they've developed, hoping this will impress her. He goes on and on, qualifying himself to high hell, as if he is so great and that she should be so impressed.
She sits there, patiently listening to this guy go on and on about himself, till finally, she tells him to go fly a kite.
It's interesting, because when a guy acts like this, he's simultaneously showing that he not only is not cool, but that he is actually arrogant, even if he isn't - but it just SEEMS like he is.
In reality, it's insecurity that makes him feel the need to act all high and mighty. And that's not cool.
Then, after they all disappear, Clooney's character slowly steps in, stands at the table for moment, silent. Then, calmly, offers her a drink, but the difference is that she already KNOWS him, and also that CLEARLY he is not trying to manipulate her.
He is not putting on a show. His tonality says, without actually saying the words "I already know you like me, so clearly this offer of a drink is not to impress you, it's rather how I actually want to treat you even though I already have you."
Has he tried to show off? No.
Has he been dishonest? No.
Has he established innocent physical contact?
Has he focused on the moment? Yes.
And if you want to get results like that in REAL LIFE, I encourage you to GET OUT THERE FOR REAL and start applying the things you are reading about here.
It's good stuff.
If you haven't yet downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then do that first. This book is the foundation on which all my other programs build upon. You can download it within minutes of now, and start using it to attract the women of your choice today.
Download it now at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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