What I want to get at today is the something that most guys ultimately REALLY want:
An awesome relationship.
To my mind, NO ONE OUT THERE is really dealing with this issue on an honest level.
They can teach you how to MEET a woman, maybe, but they know pretty damn little about what it takes to keep it going. Now, I believe it’s VERY important to know how to meet women, and create attraction, etc, and I have spent YEARS on perfecting this stuff. But that stuff is not enough for a long term relationship.
You see, the "games" will only last for so long before the candle starts burning on both ends. The cliché answer you keep hearing from the "gurus" is to just move on to another woman, which is fine if that's what you REALLY WANT.
But what if you really want to actually HAVE a relationship, and you're NOT desperate?
Is there a way of finding the RIGHT woman?
Is there a way of KNOWING if you have the right woman?
Is there something that we must KNOW to make relationships work?
No one is putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. Maybe they're scared of being called "wusses" so in fact they become wusses by pandering to popular trends that keep on preaching relationships are for wusses.
I guess Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Cameron, Mel Gibson, and hundreds of others are all "wusses". And I guess THE ROCK is too. Oh yeah, and that guy who is married to Heather Locklear. I guess all these guys were just "desperate".
All these guys are either in long term relationships or married and have been for some time now. Many years.
As you hopefully are aware of by now, yes, the FIRST thing you have to understand is how to be THE MAN. It's not the ONLY thing, as you will see soon below, but I just want to make it clear that it's a huge thing.
Here's a fresh letter from a dude who's putting this stuff into action and gets the big picture:
Over a weekend I read your eBook. One week later I met a hot, rich, snotty blonde (probably an 8.5). I did all the SIV stuff. I really didn't care because she was so far out of my league. I accused her of all sorts of things, including being a kleptomaniac because she took one of my cigarettes without asking. With this she stood up, got in my face and told me to F OFF!
Most men would of stuck their tail between their legs and said they were only kidding, begging for forgiveness. But I just smirked at her and handed her my empty beer bottle and told her I could use another. She stormed off to the bathroom in disgust. She then comes out of the bathroom and marches over to my table, grabs my empty beer bottle, and comes back with a full one. "I don't know who the hell you think you are, but I don't buy drinks for men" she said.
To make a long story short, her friends were leaving and she had to go, I said "adios". She walked out, then came right back in and whispered in my ear, "you are coming with me and my friends to the next bar where I will buy you another drink. Then we are taking a cab back to your place and you will make love to me." In the car ride with her friends she was all over me like a crazed nympho and to make a long story short, I never paid for another drink the rest of the night, and we woke up together the next morning.
While I was driving her home that next morning, she kept begging me to tell her what she could do so she could be "my girl". I answered "You're gonna have to earn it, cause I got 10 other girls asking me the same thing." It is almost too easy. For the past 10 years I've been your standard wussy.
A word of warning, if you truly don't believe you are the superior man, her tests will expose you.
Awesome stuff. Now, I know that some guys are probably saying "bull*(&!", but the truth is that incidents like this are nothing new and not surprising. Yes, many guys indeed DO get results THAT FAST from using this stuff.
You know, I have to admit, the kleptomaniac thing brought a smile to my face. I think I'm going to use that one myself and add it to my repertoire lol. It's perfect, because it's NOT MEAN, it's f*(&ing FUNNY and shows CONFIDENCE. It's NOT BITTER.
Also interesting how you are aware of the fact that this worked because you REALLY DIDN'T FEEL YOU HAD ANYTHING TO LOSE. Although I don't recommend the belief of thinking a woman is out of your league, in your case you at least framed that belief in a positive way of you NOT BEING STRESSED OUT ABOUT IT. As humans, we tend to only get stressed out about things that we think are just barely out of reach, but not the absolute impossible.
And your CONGRUENCY with it all, being totally prepared to let her WALK AWAY, only made you THAT MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE to her.
There is a REASON why this stuff works:
It's because most guys WANT something from a woman, and this makes women feel PRESSURED. But there can be NO PRESSURE when there is NO FORCE, RIGHT?
Also when a guy is pressuring a woman, it makes her feel that he is needy and desperate and thus UNDESIRABLE.
At the same time, exerting NO FORCE does not mean to be an ass-kisser. It means instead that you are DAMN HAPPY being YOURSELF. All this makes her FEEL that you ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE DESIRABLE, and that you are FUN. It says you are HIGH VALUE.
It flicks all her emotional "attraction" buttons ON. It makes her have to WORK to get you, and the more you WORK for something the more you appreciate it. That's why a wealthy man who is wise does not spoil his children with too much money, he makes them WORK for it so they will appreciate its value.
So congrats, dude, and keep it up.
I wanted to start off with that letter to make it CRYSTAL CLEAR what type of behaviour creates attraction in the first place, so that there is no confusion as I explain the most important concept for successful, long term, satisfying, awesome RELATIONSHIPS.
A recent letter conveys the problem in most relationships:
** LETTER FROM A READER**
Doubt you remember me; had a problem a few months back, had some great responses that really helped.
Anyways I just want a bit of advice to find out if i'm normal? By the way your eBook has done wonders for a talent that I've always had and that a lot of us have but just don't know exactly how to use it. Anyway I have a serious... "WANT what I CAN'T have" syndrome ( well that's what I think it is).
Now I've recently pulled a hot bird, drives a nice car and has a real good personality. When I first met her I was getting pretty bored of playing the field and thought I'd try see if I can actually maintain a long-term Relationship as I usually I get bored after like 2 weeks.
Now with this girl I thought it would be different but its ended up just the same as the other....she's got all into me....
wants all this attention.....keeps playing silly games to get it the attention, then when I say "you gotta go" she comes running back etc etc trying be such a good girlfriend. I really am not into her how I was in the first week or two.
Now this seems to always happen to me...Im starting to think if even J Lopez fell in love with me I'd go off her.. and that I'll never be able to do a long term relationship, even though that wouldn't bother me at the moment being 19 and all.
Do you think its that I haven't found the right girl for me or that I'm just a pure pleasure seeker and can't do relationships?? All this " I love you so much" crap has put me off her so much.
Sorry this is a bit of a long e-mail, but I know when I get into a real sticky situation in life that I can't figure out to do with women, You normally have the right answers!
Name withheld upon request
First of all, thanks for props on the eBook. The answer to your question regarding "wanting what I can't have", is that instead of worrying about "wanting what I can't have", simply don't get into a serious relationship until you have KNOWN a woman for a good while. Once you REALLY get to know her, let's say over several months, you will have a much deeper understanding of her personality, and you will probably also see if you two have more in common than just sexual chemistry.
Don't get me wrong, sexual chemistry is important, and is a HUUUUGE part of what I teach guys to create, but a relationship is about chemistry PLUS other things. Even if she is JLo, a fine lookin' woman, dayum! ...So the answer is to get to know a woman before starting a serious relationship with her.
This also usually means getting physical with her, otherwise you tend to get blown off into the friends zone. The exception to this is if she is a woman who SINCERELY has principles of no sex with anyone before being in a serious relationship, etc. Basically, if she is not a super religious woman, that will not be the case, so I do NOT recommend waiting before getting physical unless this specific situation arises.
So, by not allowing a woman to gain that ELITE status of being in a "serious relationship" until she has PROVEN that she is WORTHY of it, and you have BOTH proven that you get along well, you prevent problems.
By giving it the test of TIME, you'll know if she is "different" than the rest, if she has something that is "special" about her, that makes her a specially good match for YOU.
Finally, I will also say that it IS important to have maturity and not only want what you can't have, and learn to appreciate what you do have, but FIRST make sure you really KNOW what you have before jumping into a relationship, otherwise the whole "relationship" is very shallow and based strictly on validation.
The MAN looks for more than just getting validated by a woman, so if you TRULY share the VALUES for a good relationship, you will STILL want her even after you got "validated" by her desire for you.
In my own experiences, when I have gotten to know a woman over time, there were times when I found out I really did NOT want to continue things with that woman, and other women who I found out that I definitely enjoyed being with and that it was not just about her validating me, I simply enjoyed her company, her values, etc.
This brings me to a MASSIVELY SUPER HUGE POINT regarding anyone who wants to make a SUCCESSFUL LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP.
What I'm about to say will shock some of you. It will come as no surprise to a few of you. It is something I believe in WHOLEHEARTEDLY, and has been confirmed by my interviews with people who have been happily together for at least 10 years, if not longer.
If you want to make a relationship WORK, you need to also meet someone else who is ALSO MASSIVELY COMMITTED TO MAKING IT WORK. Everything boils down to the power of DECISION.
Maybe that seems obvious, but apparently, it's one of those obvious things that just about NO ONE pays attention to.
When most people get together for a relationship, they aren't THINKING long term. They are only FEELING what they feel at the moment. So if at any point in time those FEELINGS aren't there, it's goodbye relationship. But the ludicrous thing is that keeping those FEELINGS BURNING STRONG for a lifetime takes WORK. The same way anything else worthwhile in life takes work.
Now, this is a huge topic beyond the scope of this one newsletter, and something I deal with in greater detail in my seminar and consultations, but let me just say for now that if two people want to make a relationship last, then they better be damn careful where they are spending their RELATIONSHIP ENERGY.
When I see folks in relationships or marriages who are spending a lot of their free time AWAY from each other, i.e. in bars, clubs, or even spending too much energy socializing at work, etc, what I see is a WEAKENED NEED TO RELATE to their partner. See, let's say I spend an hour everyday telling my female co-worker all about personal stuff, and then I get home to a girlfriend. Do I feel the need to tell all those burning issues and stories to her? After all, I have ALREADY told the stories, the thoughts already.
Allow me to give an analogy:
Screenwriters know to NOT discuss their new script with everyone before it is written. NOT because people will copy the idea, but MORE because the NEED TO TELL THE STORY weakens once you ALREADY HAVE TOLD IT. They have NO NEED ANYMORE to RELATE this burning issue, this burning story, that was in their mind all this time, since they have ALREADY “RELATED IT OUT OF THEIR SYSTEM” from saying the story so many times, verbally, to others.
In a very SIMILAR way, a RELATIONSHIP is about RELATING, and when people spend their energy relating to other people all day, especially in subtle sexual undertones with members of the opposite gender, there is not much NEED to relate to their supposed "relationship" partner.
In fact, this does not even need to be about "cheating" in the sense of actually having sex with someone else.
It's simply about ELIMINATING THE NEED TO RELATE by getting those needs taken care of elsewhere.
Most women are known for having lots of girlfriends who they gossip with. Ever wonder why it's women who are able to move on to relationships faster after one breaks? It's because they CHAT ABOUT IT ALL WITH THEIR GIRLFRIENDS till they "RELATE" all their emotions and get it out of their system.
The truth is, if the guy and girl were LOCKED UP IN A ROOM TOGETHER with no one else to turn to, they would be FORCED to relate to each other and not anyone else, and they would work out the solutions if both parties genuinely wanted to in the first place.
It's NOT a coincidence that in the current era of weakened marriages and relationships, there are also INCREASED "casual relationships", and girls having endless girlfriends and social groups, etc. The fact is, that as humans, we need to RELATE. All that has changed now is WHO the relating is mostly done with, and how frequently the partners change. People think the solution is to just “move on”, and sometimes it is, but more importantly, the solution is to gain INSIGHT into relationships and have a partner with EQUALLY INTELLIGENT insight.
In this era of MASSIVE IGNORANCE, the results have been disastrous, leading to marriage break-ups, bad parenting, screwed up kids who grow up screwed up, and on and on and on..
The “gurus” keep on emphasizing sex. That’s nice, and definitely, to a degree, establishing your relationship as sexual is CRUCIAL, but it’s NOT enough, and the gurus are also the first to admit they typically don’t know much if anything about relationships, especially those that are long term and exclusive.
That’s because relationships, to LAST, need to be about MORE than sex, because the truth is, sex is pretty easy to get, especially these days. In fact, that’s kinda the whole problem here, the whole sexual energy being diffused everywhere and on everyone, and confusing sexual desire with authentic relationships-what is really happening in the “early stages” of relationships is usually just hormones. This stuff is never enough to make relationships last. Never was, and never will be.
In cases where relationships LAST, the relating energies and sexual energies are focused on the partner. And it’s not just the BLATANT MANIFESTATIONS of these energies, such as all out sex, that are reserved for the partner, but even the most SUBTLE manifestations of these energies, such as a sexual look, or sexual VIBE - are reserved exclusively for the partner.
When you see the celebrities who are always out on the social "scene", you know their relationship is headed for disaster.
So, before you make that decision to enter a long term relationship, not only do you have to know what kind of person that woman is, which means you can't jump into a relationship, but you both must also possess MUTUAL WISDOM regarding what I call "relationship intelligence".
There must also be a clear understanding of the MASSIVE WEIGHT OF THAT COMMITMENT to not go off the path when things get rough.
There must be a MUTUAL PROMISE to keep that commitment, to keep that appreciation of the other, NO MATTER WHAT.
Anything less than that will FAIL.
If the woman you are with does not understand this, then there can be no relationship long term with her.
If you are looking for a relationship that will last, you must be THE MAN and dump her fast and invest your energy on a better woman who is on the same wavelength. Unless you call relationships where everyone is sleeping with everyone a relationship.
This brings me to an important quote:
"I didn't marry you because you were perfect. I didn't even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn't a house that protected them, it wasn't our love that protected them--it was that promise." -Thornton Wilder, The Skin of Our Teeth
In today's society, although in a few ways we have progressed, in many ways we have REGRESSED. There is a lazy tendency to believe in "instant orgasm" solutions to everything, without any work or intelligence.
There is no such thing, and never will be. There is only massive commitment to WORK at relationship success by keeping the energy WITHIN the relationship and then to REAP THE MUTUAL REWARDS of a solid relationship.
The good news is that being THE MAN will allow you to enjoy all your interactions with women, and enable you to be secure and not needy at all so that you can quickly pass over the wrong women, and reserve your energies and abilities to create massive attraction for a quality woman only.
If you would like to learn more about attraction, getting physical, and relationships, so that you can get success like the dude in this newsletter who turned a hot, rich, snotty blonde into a woman begging to know what she could do to become "his girl", or if you just want to be able to have a stronger relationship, then you owe it to yourself to download and read my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women. It's the DNA that unlocks the code to attracting women and succeeding at relationships.
Get it at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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