The greatest life lesson I have learned is to never think you know it all. It’s the only way you can be a life-long learner and continue to grow.
It’s kind of funny when guys who for years have been claiming to be know-it-alls when it comes to this field, are only NOW acknowledging things that I have been teaching for YEARS in these articles and in my material.
For example, the idea that attraction is ultimately about making women feel GOOD and that if you have to resort to negative stuff to get a woman’s attention, it is a sign of very WEAK game.
And the idea that you really should be working toward SPONTANEOUS AND SITUATIONAL conversation rather than “routine based conversation”, and the idea that this is a SKILL in itself that is acquired with PRACTICE. And that it’s NOT enough to just BE BOLD and go up to a woman while you are still CLUELESS.
And the idea that you should be a MAJOR learner, learning about all kinds of interesting things, from the humanities to pop culture to art to you name it, so that you have ALL KINDS OF INTERESTING things to relate to in your conversation. So you don’t have to be a robot memorizing lines.
Another critical idea is that you must FIRST create the best inner and outer YOU, which flows from the VIBES you emanate, (and developing this takes EFFORT and practice) in order to create the Superior Intrinsic Value which will attract her, instead of focusing on trying to “slam her ego DOWN” in order to make yourself SEEM superior.
When you REALLY feel awesome about yourself, teasing takes on a very PLAYFUL FORM, not a MALICIOUS form. The teasing takes the form of RELAXED, CONFIDENT FLIRTING, not of “SLAMMING HER EGO”.
There is nothing worse than witnessing a guy who really has horrible inner beliefs and negative attitude using stuff like teases or even worse, using downright “ego-slamming tactics”. All the guy ends up doing is seeming very creepy.
It’s NEVER about being mean, unless you are dealing with a few very sad cases of women with horrible self-esteem issues which I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
When you come from the attitude that you are going to “SLAM a girl’s ego”, then your teases come across as MEAN, not playful. And the bottom line is that this creates an aura of INFERIORITY of the guy, since only people who are INSECURE would be MEAN.
Girls know this on a GUT LEVEL. And it’s not like girls sit there THINKING about this, they just FEEL it. And if a girl FEELS a guy is insecure, then that is far more devastating to his power than anything logical she might say, for this whole “game” is about emotion.
This is a huge problem and guys have to wake up to it. I have guys coming to my bootcamps from all over the world, and I am finding that I am spending a great deal of time DETOXIFYING them from the NEGATIVE brainwashing they got from “gurus” as WELL as the other type of brainwashing they got from the mainstream media, society, etc. Both extremes are wrong- the mainstream society/media that brainwashes guys to be wusses, as well as the negative stuff about thinly veiled insults and about slamming women’s egos that many gurus promote really is no good either.
The FIRST level, the foundation, is to ERADICATE all the negative stuff: Having a negative attitude about women, being needy, being TRY HARD, having stressful or non-relaxed expressions on your face, wearing boring clothing that screams “I want to make sure I don’t stand out”.
ONLY AFTER you have this stuff DOWN PAT, can you UNDERSTAND exactly what is meant by PROPER teasing, because you will FEEL the vibe of what this is, it is something that is a sign of YOUR FEELING GOOD STATE, where you are secure in your own value and you are not “walking on eggshells” so afraid of not saying the right thing, to the point you feel comfortable enough to tease her. THAT’S the point of this.
The irony is that any “negative” tactic that is out there could only have a hope in hell of working if the guy was already in a POSITIVE frame, and this would then make the tactic unnecessary.
This is not to say you are supposed to go up to women all “nicey-nicey”, because that “nicey-nicey” stuff is usually just fear and insecurity and lacking dominance and masculinity.
But the point is that the negative stuff is A FORMULA FOR DISASTER.
When you are in the RIGHT state, which is a combination of sexuality, dominance, playfulness, confidence and security, and relaxed with pep, what happens is that she feels that YOU are this superior guy, and it’s A SELF-ESTEEM boost to her when she THEN sees that YOU have CHOSEN HER to spend your time with.
SHE feels BETTER about herself because she FEELS that YOU have superior value, and that YOU have chosen HER, so therefore SHE must be worth more than she thought before. She feels BETTER. So the idea is to be SUPER SECURE and feeling great YOURSELF, or she cannot possibly feel better about herself when she finds that you have chosen to be with her.
So much for theories that promote negativity as the solution for attracting the best women.
Maybe I should write a “mainstream” book for bookstores, to counter current guru trends and prevent a few thousand dorks from creeping out a few million women. In the meantime, at least I can help everyone who has already managed to find their way here.
Right now, though, I’d like to get to some OTHER important points, based on the years of experience in the FIELD.
Yes, the field RULES. It’s where things are proven. The problem is that a lot of the things written about the “field” are only coming from certain parts of the field, and certain types of women in those venues.
This can cause mass confusion for guys who may be operating or trying to pick up in completely different environments, or with guys who are interested in a very different kind of woman.
On that note, let me share with you some CRITICAL things that have been learned IN THE FIELD, things that I have seen OVER AND OVER again from being out there not only for myself, but also from doing hundreds of bootcamps personally:
ALWAYS USE MINIMUM GAME
This was a huge thing for me, because I actually HAD this going for me when I first started out, but then got caught up in all the guys swearing about all their “cool routines” and “tactics”. It took a few weeks for me to get back to my OWN conclusions and get results again.
I used to open up girls with something interesting, perhaps a tease, perhaps something intriguing, but INTERESTING always, then would as soon as possible go to NORMAL mode of just kicking back and chilling out and developing a connection and rapport.
Then I started doing all kinds of crazy other stuff that was “cool and in vogue among pick up artists”, and it got greater IMMEDIATE REACTIONS from women but then backfired, because it caused them to feel the whole thing was a bit too much to be natural, which caused me to have to pull out all the stops on reestablishing rapport so that the trust was there again. When I could have just avoided the whole problem to begin with by using MINIMUM game.
What do I mean by minimum game?
I mean you should use the LEAST energy you need to get the job done, your facial expressions need to convey emotion, but only the LEAST amount necessary. The LESS you use, the more CALM you seem, the more COOL you seem, the less you seem to be TRYING, the easier it is for her to not only feel greater trust, but also the more attracted she can feel since you are obviously so confident in your value because you are not trying. Which is how it SHOULD be in the first place!
If you are in a set, chatting up a woman, and your eyebrows are constantly furrowed, your face always very intent, it’s not good.
Regarding minimum energy, obviously in a loud club, where the awesome music is playing and the girls are laughing, etc, it just makes SENSE that you would be in a good mood too and in higher energy yourself, so the energy and facial expressions would NATURALLY be higher and more energy, in fact it should be just a bit higher energy even than the girls are having themselves, so that you are raising the energy level and the good times instead of lowering them and being a party pooper.
In a bookstore, the energy level would obviously be more laid back.
However, in BOTH ENVIRONMENTS, your INTERNAL STATE needs to be tip top, you need to be in a good state, yet also feeling the DOMINANCE as well.
START WITH RAPPORT IN “EXCLUSIVE” ENVIRONMENTS
When you are in the more exclusive environments and venues, it often comes across as TRY HARD if you don’t just open up with something very low-key, rapport related, etc. The reason is because it’s ASSUMED you already have VALUE walking in, because it’s an exclusive environment.
So you in fact have a free pass for OPENING, and putting in more “game” simply seems like you are weird, you are trying hard, etc.
However, this is just for your OPENING. Everything else is the same. There’s no excuse for weak game or boring game.
Your delivery, your body language, all count just as much as always.
And you can still tease too, in fact if you DO have your inner game down as explained above, it’s a great idea AFTER you have opened with rapport.
And all the other emotional stuff like being intriguing is still a great idea.
So for example, you could open with a bit of rapport and then attract and then go into deeper rapport. And of course this is just an example, in real life there is always overlap between attract and rapport/connection. In fact, many times you will be doing both at once, because for example your body language is so good that you are attracting even as you are chatting rapport stuff. And that’s just one example.
ENDURANCE IS CRITICAL
Endurance in every respect is IMPORTANT when it comes to the game. Clients have seen just how much I mean this in real life as they watch me demonstrate. So many guys will EJECT out of an interaction just because the woman is not initially doing CARTWHEELS for them.
If you can’t endure a little heat, you can’t expect to really develop any of the various skills involved in mastering pick up or long term attraction.
For example, many times, a woman simply needs MORE TIME and MORE QUALITY rapport before she is ready to progress the interaction to a higher level.
So for example, she might question your motives, or, she might be comfortable but not sure if you are THE MAN or not, and she might test to see how confident you actually are. Or she might just be testing to see if you are a fun and playful guy as opposed to a guy who takes everything so seriously.
If she is doing any of these things, instead of wanting to eject, you should WELCOME the situation, because once you recognize these things for what they are, you can easily address them and then progress the interaction with her.
Another important point about endurance is that you must not get lazy. Sometimes a guy will finally develop the attitude of being indifferent toward the outcome, but he then uses this to become lazy and sloppy in his interactions because he doesn’t care what happens.
Just because you are no longer insecure about getting a woman’s approval does mean you can run a sloppy pickup because you are tired or feeling silly. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had a long day or if it’s your first pick up of the day or your hundredth. If you are going to do it, then get yourself together and do it RIGHT. Be a professional.
Think of it like lifting weights:
Even if you are tired, you still have to watch your FORM or you can do more damage than good. Don’t give in to the temptation to get sloppy on your form in your pick-ups either.
On to the next point!
DO YOU WANT IT? THEN DO IT.
This is my basic philosophy regarding approaches in all supposedly “weird” situations, and in fact ALL situations.
There’s really no excuse NOT to approach.
It costs you NOTHING.
It takes very little TIME, unless it’s going WELL, in which case that’ exactly what you WANT.
It’s FUN. Seriously, this stuff is FUN. It wouldn’t be fun if there was no drama or excitement. I think this is just one of the reasons I prefer real life rather than online, because it’s actually FUN.
Even if let’s say your approach requires you to do something “weird” like going into a store where only women go, like a makeup store, who cares? Although it is true that these environments require that you calibrate your approach for the environment, i.e. “you are there waiting for your female friend (not girlfriend) to get something”, it’s not as strange to the women as you might think. Moreover, if you are doing a proper pick up, they won’t care much, because you will have them emotionally compelled and the logical stuff of what the heck you are doing there will be irrelevant.
And it costs you NOTHING. It’s just that you THINK “oh my gosh my big fat ego might not be able to take it if it doesn’t go well” or “what will they DO to me if I get “caught” trying to pick them up”? And this is the funniest thing of all if you think about it, because you are falling for what women have CREATED as an illusion:
The idea that they don’t want men to approach them.
By creating this illusion, women are able to “raise the cost” of being with them. After all, if they don’t want men and sex, etc., and you DO want it, then THEY are in the driver’s seat. I don’t blame women for creating this illusion, because it was a way women were able to survive in an old society where women had little power, but today it’s RIDICULOUS!
And yet STILL men are falling for it!!!!
Women want to be approached by guys, but it has to be by guys they think are COOL, meaning guys who totally get all this stuff and don’t use it to make women feel bad, but use it to make a woman feel good.
To enrich your life with the caliber of women you deserve, visit the Dating Wizard Website:
And if you would like to start getting results TONIGHT, I can think of no better way than by downloading my eBook IMMEDIATELY. This book is the DNA of attraction, PACKED with the info you NEED to KNOW to get RESULTS with women.
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2. The Real World Bootcamp
In the Real World Bootcamp, I will serve as your exclusive instructor for three days and nights as you learn everything about pick up in real world venues such as taverns, bookstores, clubs, and the street. If you want to learn all the complex dynamics of attracting a woman and taking her through all the stages of the rollercoaster, then it's best to learn from someone who's actually "in the ring" on a regular basis and DOES it for real, and knows what he's talking about so that he can fill in all the CONTEXT that's missing from what you might be reading elsewhere. You can now do that in my ONE-ON-ONE bootcamps where I will work exclusively with you in real venues such as clubs, malls, streets, cafes, and even trains and buses.
The bootcamp will get you to where you want to be in the most efficient manner possible. I'll teach you HOW to deal with all the unpredictable situations that can arise, I'll show you HOW to deal with challenges such as loud music where it's difficult to be heard, and HOW to actually isolate girls, HOW to deal with her friends, and of COURSE how to pick up in daytime as well. And you'll also get to learn how to REALLY create a natural vibe to the whole interaction so that she doesn't feel weird about meeting you the next time.
I wish somebody could have taught me all this stuff at one shot over a weekend instead of having to learn it piece by piece, from various different guys and from tons of my own mistakes and experiences over YEARS. During those years, it was often like walking blindfolded into the lion's cage, where I got ripped apart. If you want to avoid the feeling of being punched in from all sides at once, and if you want to learn as fast as possible, I recommend you sign up for the bootcamp as soon as you can.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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