One of the great paradoxes of being successful at the various stages of meeting a new woman is that on one hand, you don’t want to create RESISTANCE by TRYING too hard, and on the other hand, the only way to get ahead is to LEAD the show. Women don’t want guys who need the WOMAN to lead them. This just plain turns women off BIG TIME, and who could blame them?
Women want MEN, they want LEADERS. Being dominant and leading is SEXY in a man.
Not only is it SEXY, but also, if a man does NOT lead her from meeting, to getting physical, etc, what he is implying is that SHE must lead him to sex, and that just plain DOES NOT GO well with women. Women tend to like to have feelings of SPONTANEITY regarding sex- this makes them feel like “it just happened” and thus they are not guilty for it. Yup, many women still have a lot of socially-induced guilt when it comes to this arena.
The more you LEAD the show in a SMOOTH manner, where one thing just seems to lead to the next, the more a woman will feel it was “not her fault” and that it was “spontaneous” and “just happened”. But as soon as a woman has to actually make DECISIONS and be too conscious of what is going on and she has to LEAD the show, she tends to SHUT THE SHOW DOWN.
Again, it’s because women feel kind of guilty about being the ones to DIRECTLY lead things to sex, they prefer to be indirect about it, or even better, completely passive until sex actually begins.
So much for the women’s movement, it basically has resulted in women SHIRKING sexual responsibility, not taking more.
Anyway, let’s get back to our main point:
So how do you LEAD things and take things to each next level WITHOUT coming across as being pushy, desperate, creepy, or “coming on too strong”?
The answer is to look at the whole dynamic of meeting a woman as a journey over several streets with several traffic lights. The only difference is that these traffic lights are affected by both YOU and HER.
Now, if you want to meet a real quality woman, there are going to be more red lights along the way. She is going to be more cautious about allowing things to proceed from one traffic light to the next. It’s going to take a quality guy to get her light to go to green.
With other women, you will have a lot more greens right off the bat. Some guys call these women promiscuous. Well, I try to reserve judgment here, but if you go for these women, just be EXTRA EXTRA careful to wear a condom. (you should always wear one anyway)
But EITHER way, regardless of what woman you are dealing with, unless the light is green, nothing is going to happen, and trying to force things of course will only make things worse. The thing is, there are things that you can do to help make that light turn green.
Now, here’s what is crucial to remember:
1. If you try to go on a red, you can make an ass of yourself.
2. But what’s even worse, is that if you DON’T GO on a GREEN, you have just SCREWED yourself with that woman, and NOT in a GOOD way, unless you actually did NOT want her to begin with, which happens sometimes. I’ll get more into this later below.
Okay, so let’s start at the beginning of the journey. You see a woman you’d like to approach. This is called APPROACH STREET. Think of this as an amber light, (for any folks where there is no amber, here in North America, this yellow light means slow down, the light is turning red). The light is neither green nor red.
If you stand around for a long time doing NOTHING, especially standing around just looking at her, she will sense it and her light will turn to a very strong RED. So you must approach her. THAT is leading.
Don’t wait for her to bat her eyes at you, for her to walk by you, for her to smile at you etc. She might do these things, but don’t wait for it, or you fall into making HER the leader, and you know what that means. It means NO FUTURE with her. Okay, so you approach her. You now must convey that you are a cool guy. So you open her up with some fun playful chat, or something intriguing, but not something too strong or WEIRD.
You don’t kiss up, you don’t get too serious, etc. The whole approach is actually a HUGE topic to itself, but the point is, as you do this, you must pay attention to the color of the light.
Is she smiling a lot?
Is she touching you?
Is she engaging you seriously in the conversation?
Is she playfully going along with your frame?
If yes, well then, you now have a GREEN LIGHT to move to “Getting To Know You Street”.
Not a green light for Sex Street, in case anyone thought that. And even THINKING that way, thinking that you should jump for the opportunity for sex, is not the way of THE MAN.
Why would you be so quick to have sex with a woman who has just started showing legitimate interest in you? Typically, only guys that perceive themselves as having LOW VALUE act this way. Kind of like accepting the first job offer that comes your way- have some more faith in your abilities before selling YOURSELF out so fast. Only if you think lowly of your worth would you jump so fast, right?
If you jump so fast with a woman who has just given you her first green light, you will make her not only feel you have no idea about women, but that you are desperate. The first green light is typically a green light to the NEXT LEVEL, which is basically getting to know her more.
If you are in a bookstore, this might mean suggesting you carry on the conversation at the coffee shop nearby. If at a 7-11 on a hot summer day, it might mean a walk and chatting some more. If at a club, it might mean walking to find a quieter area where you can sit down and chat. If none of this is possible, you might have to just get her number and continue the green light journey to the next level LATER.
But the thing is, a lot of guys simply EJECT for no good reason, even though there was a green light. They either feel self-conscious, or don’t know what to say, etc. If you feel self-conscious or don’t know what to say, there is nothing wrong with actually having some prepared fun stuff to chat about. Again, this is a huge topic in itself, the point here though is to realize that this is a STAGE.
If a guy does not proceed to escalate when the green light was there, if the guy leaves, he may never see the woman again. Plus, she won’t be too impressed unless it was clear he left because he WANTED to leave. Now, as the journey continues to each successive level, it becomes even MORE important to escalate to the next level, to proceed while the green light is ON before it turns to RED.
So for example, if you ejected at the club at the first green light of i.e. as you were first chatting with her but then somehow felt you ran out of things to say, she might still see you later and give you a cue like a smile to let you know you should not be a dork and that you should chat her up some more. This is if no one else came by who caught her attention and did not eject on her.
But if you eject at the NEXT stage, when the green light was on, let’s say the next stage for is that you took her to a quieter area of the club to chat, and then you EJECTED while she was still receptive, a la she was smiling and touching you, and thus gave you the green light to go the NEXT level, but you didn’t take advantage of it, she will be more upset and disappointed than if you had ejected at the far earlier stages and green lights.
This is because she psychologically invested more in the interaction and journey and now she wants to get to her destination. Like if you traveled halfway or more to your desired destination, you would seriously want to GET there already.
THIS is the answer to the mystery of why you might see a chick who you chatted up a lot and was getting along with GREAT, and if you for some reason left, some other guys swoops in and takes off RIGHT where you left things without doing an ounce of work for it. And she seems to be REALLY into him!
See, she wants to GET what she feels she EARNED with you so badly and anticipated would feel so good.
SHE IS ALREADY ON THAT STREET CALLED “I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU A LITTLE MORE THAN JUST CHAT STREET”.
It’s all to do with what she was getting ready psychologically to enjoy- she was getting ready to enjoy the NEXT STEP, and you didn’t give it to her. So now, she is going to GET the next step if it’s the last thing on earth she will do!!!
You see, at the moment this occurs, HER STATE OF MIND is far more important than WHO she is with.
In fact, if you think about it, when you meet a woman and make her feel attraction, what you have really done is gotten her into a certain STATE that feels damn good. This is similar to how if you are at the store to buy some stuff and you are in a certain good mood, you will sometimes buy all kinds of other stuff that the clerk shows you because all your mind can think now is BUYING IS GOOD.
It’s just the PSYCHOLOGICAL FRAME you are in of wanting or needing things.
That’s why the cashier asks you “anything else”? That’s because the owners know that you might already be in the RIGHT STATE OF MIND, you are already in the mood, and it doesn’t matter so much WHAT the product is anymore!!!!!!!!
By the time you realize you didn’t want it, it’s often too late, just like by the time the girl finds out the guy was a dumbass, it’s often too late! He already got what he wanted!
This is how some morons get far with women by the way, they just happen to accidentally take advantage of other guys’ mistakes. Basically, they fall upon a woman who is already psychologically at an advanced stage of the seduction.
Now, the bottom line is that if you DON’T see any signs of the green light, you simply DON’T escalate. There are many ways to see if the light is green. For example, let’s say I am at “stage two” with a woman, chatting her up at a coffee place or in a quieter area of the club. I might come in playfully, closer, WITHOUT kissing her and judging by her facial expression, her eyes, her breathing, her relaxed state, I already know I can kiss her.
There are MANY ways to test to see if the light is green or not, by the way. The above is just ONE example.
If the light is NOT green, you simply DON’T escalate until it IS.
If you DO try to escalate when it’s red, you can create resistance and creepy vibes.
If you DON’T escalate when the light is green, she thinks you’re playing games with her or she just gets PLAIN OLD FRUSTRATED. This is REALLY TRUE at the FINAL STAGES, or “Final Traffic Lights” stages.
In other words, if a woman REALLY REALLY WANTS SEX and you DON’T GIVE IT TO HER, she will get ANGRY.
Can’t really blame a woman for that either, can you? All she wants is sex now, and here the guy is yapping away - he might as well be singing nursery rhymes – “London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down la-de-da.” It’s that absurd.
There’s a time when chatting is definitely over-rated.
With some women, you will notice that the lights go from one green to the next pretty damn fast. If you haven’t witnessed this before, you might feel the PRESSURE to take advantage of it. But the fact of the matter is that you don’t HAVE to do anything!
As THE MAN, you also reserve the right to NOT have sex with a woman, and what is interesting is that sometimes although this will make a woman angry, she might end up being even more attracted to you. It all depends on the FRAME you have set, the AURA you are exuding.
Is it clear that you are not having sex because you don’t feel she has EARNED it, or because you are CLUELESS as to how things work?
One way demonstrates superior value, the other demonstrates inferior value.
But if you ARE interested in taking things to a physical level, you MUST realize that it is going to be YOU who leads or NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.
Many nice guys simply don’t get this. They don’t want to do something “disrespectful” by escalating. In fact, women find it REPULSIVE if you DON’T know how to escalate.
Again, remember how this ties in to both the female socially induced guilt complex, and also the fact that it is sexy and masculine when the guy is LEADING, okay?
So if you REALLY don’t want to offend a woman, and if you REALLY want to attract her, then START LEADING HER, INTELLIGENTLY, because NOT DOING SO is what offends her the MOST
explain all of this stuff in detail in my book, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women. it’s jam packed not only with the specifics of what to do to approach women and bridge into getting physical, but also with how to get into the right mind frame and keep your mind that way. Remember, the greatest gift you can give a woman is the feeling of POWER that you will resonate as THE MAN. And that’s all in the brain, so watch what you feed it.
You can download the book right now and be reading it in just a few minutes.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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