Years ago, back in 2003, when just like now, I was too busy actually doing this stuff for real rather than worrying about the marketing craziness that was going on around me by supposed dating gurus, author Neil Strauss then wrote something to me on an internet dating forum a little before the release of his bestselling book on pick-up artists, called "The Game".
He said that he agreed with 95% of what I wrote on the forum but that he disagreed with one thing- my belief in learning how to trigger attraction in a woman using strictly wisdom and insights into human feelings, into women, and into using your developed identity, so that you can come up with fresh things to say on the SPOT to a woman.
I believe that this way, you can be ready for ANYTHING with any woman, rather than relying too much on pre-rehearsed lines or routines, which was the all the rage with the pick-up artists and this memorizing routines stuff is clearly promoted heavily in his book.
"And, fact is, of all the people I've met (and I've met lots of guys), the ones who are the most successful are the ones who say the EXACT same things all the time. Why? Because they work."
Well, time has proven that in fact the TRUTH IS QUITE THE OPPOSITE. I honestly don't think Neil meant any harm to anyone, he's probably a cool guy who wrote what he honestly thought based on his limited experiences of reality.
The guys who are the best with women, the true naturals, NEVER use the exact same thing all the time with women. IN fact, this would seem ABSURD and GEEKY as hell to them. Never mind the fact it would make them feel FAKE.
This is a big thing to realize, because you see so much of success has to do with what you are FEELING inside, and how the heck can you be feeling charismatic, masculine, secure, witty, when you know that you are relying on a TRICK????? When you REALLY feel like you are hopeless on your own???
I teach guys to FISH for themselves, based on developing the best parts of their own identities rather than memorizing anything trivial.
This not only gives you a FRIGGEN' TOTALLY KICK-ASS edge in terms of your feelings about your self, it also allows you to build long term with a woman, because if you built everything on being fake, you feel very weird about ever revealing your true identity to a woman since you are not sure if she would find that cool.
I promise you that the guys who are most successful with women, not only don't NEED to use and say the same things all the time, they wouldn't even WANT to!!!!!!!!! It would be too boring! And the very fact they enjoy having FUN is part of what MAKES them attractive to women!!! Because states are catchy and being in a great fun and relaxed state is SOMETHING THAT WOMEN WANT TO FEEL FOR THEMSELVES AS WELL!!!
In fact, even the pick-up artists who used to say otherwise, well they all now agree with me. If you don't believe me, ask them yourself. I'm not afraid of the competition, in fact I suggest you check them out yourself and I'll see you back here very soon. Read between the lines of their hype.
And then find out who was saying this all along- it was me, and only me. The only other guy on the planet against routines was a guy who oversimplified the entire attraction process, who claimed all you had to do was say "I like you". If you think saying "I like you" is enough to get a non-drunk, and psychologically healthy, woman to want to jump into bed with you, just try it. A woman needs to know more than the fact you have the confidence to state your desire for her and your intention. It's a good start, but not enough.
The belief in saying the exact same things to every woman you meet, referred to the idea of you MEMORIZING routines and lines to say to women, was clearly emphasized and promoted in the book called "The Game" where these ideas were glamorized as having insane success rates..
TONS of guys around the world started adopting this robotic memorized approach to approaching women. I even had a few clients in several cities where I did bootcamps who believed in this and didn't want to take my advice, only to have their fantasy come crashing down on them when the girls started saying they HAD HEARD these lines before from tons of other guys. Only then were my clients fully convinced of the insanity of trying to get a woman without actually having developed your REAL self first.
Not only this, but also when a guy hears this from a girl, when he has been "caught", his self esteem plummets, ruining his charisma.
Plus, he also feels, even he is lucky enough to happen to meet a girl who hasn't heard the lines before, he feels that he is not cool, it's only his LINE that was cool so he feels like a fake, like he is not desirable, it's only his FAKE stolen ACT that was desirable, and this in itself ruins his vibe and charisma and his tonality and his body language, and his sense of humor loses all hope.
And the great thing is that there is in the END no faking it. Sure you can fake it for a bit, and you'll get some results, but for the GREATEST success, you must ACTUALLY GIVE VALUE, and not just fake it.
So the key is to first get into a specific combination of STATES, that slightly depend and vary from situation to situation, but definitely include playfulness, upbeatnes, sexuality, security, and other states as well. Then on top of that it's important to ALSO know a lot of important insights into female psychology and culture so that you understand a bit about what's going on internally with the woman you are chatting to.
I explain all of this in my materials and programs, but I'd like to shed some insight into how this idea of STATES are so important at EVERY point of the "game", from the first moment you meet a woman till FOREVER.
There is no way that a robotic approach could possibly handle the complexities of the way human emotions work.
Here's a fresh letter that has a situation that I can use to help show the point:
***LETTER FROM A READER***
Michael, your eBook and Dating Spells emails are amazing! I'm looking to buy the Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship CD Set in the next few weeks too. You have uncovered something special here!!
I know this email is slightly long but even a brief answer would be much appreciated!!!
Here's the deal, I've been reading all your material over and over and although I've still got a lot to learn, I think you would be proud of my progress. I now no longer experience feelings of jealousy or insecurity, or if I do, not to the extent that it becomes visible or effects my actions. You've helped me realize that such feelings only exist in people who do not have enough self-worth in the first place.
I now am SURE of everything about me, and any negative comment that comes from a girl doesn't get to me at all, and you're right, girls experience even more attraction when they see you're not affected by their attempt to put you down!
Now I know you're not going to like reading this, but Michael, my question is regarding my ex. We went out for 17months, have now been apart for 4, I've experienced many other girls, started reading your materials, and have developed significantly since we broke up (her reason for ending was "i no longer feel attraction for you").
Last night we caught up and went to the movies (now normally, i know the movies aren't the best but i asked her, as I really wanted to see the film and was actually considering going with or without her anyway), the movies went really well, we laughed, and connected again, not once bringing up the relationship or our current sex lives or anything like that. The entire night I was confident, in control, and just enjoying the interaction, and not once kissing up to her.
The thing is, i no longer need this girl Michael, all the neediness, clinginess, jealousy I used to show her while we were going out is GONE and I want to be with this girl again because of how much I enjoy being around her.
So i went and bought a subway from next to where she works today (she works at a butcher), and I came and visited her. I made sure not to be needy, I really wanted that subway, it was lunchtime, and again, I just wasn't dependent on the outcome, I know there's plenty of good girls around, and so I was in exactly the right state.
When i approached her, she was surprised, and asked why i was there, and I teased her, holding up my subway while saying she had really good food shops near her. She laughed, and i then told her, "besides, don't pretend like me visiting hasn't made your day", and again she smiled.
Then the other butchers (young guys) out the back, saw us and began teasing her too about us talking and she went immediately red, and couldn't keep the smile off her > face. My problem is... I know we can have so much fun together, I just feel she's reluctant to catch up and give me that chance cos of what's happened to us in the past.
Michael believe me, I wouldn't waste my time or yours, this girl is incredibly smart, gorgeous, fun to be with, she's the real deal, and as my friends are all of her friends too, we're always going to be seeing each other... what is my plan of attack?? I know how to be the man... its almost happening instinctively now, but how do I get to catch up with my ex and just have fun with her more and more, w/out her being cautious and reluctant?!?
I hate to call this entire field a game, because the fact is, whenever you are dealing with any emotions, it's never a game, especially in a relationship situation which you had with this girl. So I'm just using the word "game" since it might actually HELP you realize that you are getting SO CAUGHT up in this situation that you don't realize your EMOTIONS are actually PLAYING A GAME with you.
This entire "game" when it comes to success with a woman is about EMOTIONS.
The reality is that you were doing DAMN WELL that first night you reconnected with her at the movies, BECAUSE you WERE BEING IN A GREAT STATE, "not once bringing up the relationship or our current sex lives or anything like that. The entire night I was confident, in control, and just enjoying the interaction, and not once kissing up to her."
And since she already KNOWS you obviously STILL care about her, (or why would you be back with her) you ALSO took care of her desire to feel VALUED.
But, and here's the big BUT- you SANK BACK into the OCEAN of TURMOILED EMOTIONS, you started getting SWEPT UP IN THE TWISTER OF EMOTIONS THAT ARE YOUR LOVE FOR HER CONTRASTED WITH HOW SHE HURT YOUR EMOTIONS SO BADLY BEFORE.
And this made you feel EXTREMELY NEEDY. So you did the MASSIVE MISTAKE of ACTING UPON THAT NEEDINESS.
This is NOT your fault for FEELING these emotions, because when you have a relationship with someone, the feelings can become so strong that they become ANCHORED DEEP INTO OUR SUBCONSCIOUS and so just SEEING HER again and BEING with her again totally screwed your internal wiring.
The only thing that you DO have to take responsibility for is not following my advice in the book about this, about not going back to exes, no matter what unless YOU screwed it up by being a jerk and you totally have changed now.
But I can already see that you were not a jerk.
So why did you go back to her?
And you know this, as you said in your own letter, that you knew I was not going to like that move- you're right, I don't like it, because I CARE ABOUT YOU and about ALL GOOD GUYS who go through HELL with women. I wanted to spare you the pain.
So I don't say any of this with anger, I say it with the desire to spare you one more ounce of pain.
Emotions make us feel that the emotion is more true than any fact. So even though you know the fact is that going back to her the next day was a bad move, your neediness for her made you feel that it was the RIGHT MOVE, and you rationalized it as being the right move.
This entire game is about giving women awesome emotions. So how can you give her awesome emotions when just SEEING her and being with her triggers all those ANCHORED needy feelings in you?
I want to make it clear that I am totally not into GAME or tricks or gimmicks.
The problem is NOT that you are interested in her. The problem is that you are behaving in a way that stems from not feeling the value in yourself.
That's why the movie thing with her was still okay. (Although I still think you should not have gone back to an ex.) At the beginning, you were still feeling all the rights states INSIDE of you, but they were being PRESSURED like a submarine under a billion tons of water, by the NEGATIVE ANCHORING of your relationship history by her.
You see, there is no faking with women.
You simply end up showing who you really are by virtue of your body language and tonality, and there is no body language trick in the book that can solve it. Your end goal should always be how to improve your state, and going to a woman who ripped your state to shreds is ultimately a self-defeating move no matter what. Why are you doing this? If you feel the NEED to prove it to yourself, then you are actually proving to YOURSELF that you are still inferior to her. And this very action is a form of "body language" that works against your OWN psychology and ruins your own state and thus ruins your body language and shows her that you are inferior.
It's OKAY and GOOD for a woman to know you like her, as long as it's coming from a totally positive and secure place. BUT it's almost impossible to feel this when you crawl back to a woman who mistreated you - the very act of crawling back is sending a message to YOUR brain that makes you feel inferior and thus ruins your ability to FEEL charismatic and worthy and thus you end up not being able to attract that woman.
So the problem is not with showing a woman you like her.
I mean, if showing a woman you are interested in her ruins things, how do you explain the success of clients at my Bootcamps who are having their arms around and kissing girls within minutes of meeting them? Are these girls thinking that this is a sign of being NOT interested in them??????????
If you REALLY felt your own value, you would have chilled out a bit for a few days after enjoying the movie with her. (And at this point, you WERE still in state, which is why it was all going well. You were still resisting all the opposite emotions that were CRUSHING into you, including not only the anchored emotions, but also the very fact you were going back to her was having a slight negative effect on your vibe and your self-concept --- you NEED to get my CD set man to get this stuff sorted out, it will make a MASSIVE difference)
You should have chilled out about her for a few days, and not gone back the next day. If you felt massive value about yourself, you would have wanted to let her chill out and come to a decision on her own.
But since you felt so needy for her, (again, not your fault, because you have these feelings anchored in you about her as a result of the way the relationship ended) you felt UNWORTHY and subconsciously felt that left to her own devices, she would NOT WANT to be with you, so you felt the need to PUSH it.
And the irony of course is that this is what actually pushed her farther away.
So the way to be the MAN now, is to LET go for at least a while and definitely to go for other girls so you can get total emotional perspective. That will make her less "cautious and reluctant".
And definitely get that CD Set, it will help you get the deeper picture of what is going on here, not only on an academic level, but on a level that actually HITS YOUR EMOTIONS, so that you NEVER make this mistake again.
And if you are reading this right now and feeling finally AWOKEN to CRUCIAL insights for your success with women, I assure you that this is just the BEGINNING.
My SEDUCTION MASTERY APPRENTICESHIP PROGRAM is finally complete, and will give you the FULL PICTURE.
This program is a quantum leap forward in the very way attraction is thought of and mastered. Your understanding of every emotion that is part of attraction, from humor to intrigue, to bonding, and much more, as well as your understanding of how to TRIGGER all these emotions of attraction, will be REVOLUTIONIZED.
And you can now own it and have it delivered right to you.
Just go to:
Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program
And if you have not yet read my revolutionary eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then do that immediately. It's the DNA of attraction, and the foundation for understanding and applying everything you learn in my programs.
Download this special eBook NOW at:
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Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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