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In a topic that so many others make CONFUSING, I want to SMASH through all the obfuscation and give you CLARITY and IMMEDIATELY APPLICABLE tips that you can use to get results NOW.
1. First of all, the mere ACT of getting out there and approaching women takes a lot of guts if you are not used to it.
And at the moment of truth, you will ALWAYS have the option of wussing out, and you will ALWAYS take the wussing out option unless wussing out means THE WORST to you.
But usually, at the moment of truth, when the woman you want to talk to happens to appear out of nowhere, the stress of taking action is HELL compared to the action of WUSSING out, even though of course wussing out feels very crappy AFTER.
But at that MOMENT of stress, AVOIDING ACTION feels better, because at least you KNOW what it is, you know what to expect, you are FAMILIAR with not taking action.
So I am here to tell you today that the only way you are going to take action is if you look at it from a point of SURVIVAL.
We are all hardwired the same way pretty much in the sense that for SURVIVAL we will take action.
So you must start to view this area of your life as SURVIVAL itself.
You must look at NOT-APPROACHING as a form of DESTRUCTION.
It's the ONLY way that you will TAKE action, in the beginning.
And the thing is, taking that approach, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, actually helps LIBERATE you, you feel FREE. EVEN IF YOU DON'T GET THE GIRL FROM THAT APPROACH!!!
You feel LIBERATED FROM THE FEAR. And that in ITSELF is a huge step to becoming the kind of MAN that is NATURALLY ATTRACTIVE to women.
Obviously, there is a heck of a lot more to it, but it's a GREAT first step.
It's part of learning to control your own STATE of mind.
Before we can get into all the cool stuff of how to make the most impact on a woman, we have to develop STATE control. Control of inner state.
And getting back to the feeling of being LIBERATED, honestly, it IS the HIGHEST FORM OF LIVING!
Living a life where you don't approach a woman because of FEAR that she might not GO FOR it, if you think about it, is silly. Life is not about what OTHER people do, it's about what YOU DO.
All you have control over is YOURSELF.
So focus on THAT.
Liberate yourself on your OWN actions.
Otherwise, if you live in the shadow of what a woman thinks of you, that is not even EXISTENCE.
So, before becoming a "pimp" with women or whatever, FIRST focus on becoming FREE.
So to sum up number one- take the perspective that this is about SURVIVAL, because in many ways it IS - your FREEDOM to be YOU rather than live under your fears.
And if you find that you are constantly' wussing out, well the survival attitude is the ONLY attitude that will lead to action. Otherwise, you will wuss out for the rest of your life.
There is also a second CRUCIAL part to this point:
2. APPROACH WOMEN FIRST THING EVERY DAY!
You see, every single day, from the moment you get up, your psychological and emotional energy is being SUCKED up. And usually by all kinds of TRIVIAL things!
So you are in line at the bank, or in traffic, or dealing with some incompetent person, or some other challenge, and then after a whole day of this nonsense, your emotional state is pretty "blah" and it takes MORE energy now to get yourself into the right state of mind to do a proper pick-up or to behave in a cool way.
The KEY is to make some approaches FIRST thing every day. Before I was in a serious relationship, I would be doing pick up on the way to work every single day with every woman I'd meet and was interested in. I did this for YEARS. (Now, I work on other habits every single day first thing to improve my relationship skills, including some meditation, learning to see things from all other perspectives, learning how to let go of irrational thoughts, become calmer, etc.)
And here's the KICKER of good news:
Although INITIALLY you are drawing upon WILL POWER, (which you will have a LOT of, since it's early in the day), after a while, you will actually feel bad only if you DON'T take action and do the approaches!!!
It will become such a natural part of you, that it would feel BAD to NOT take action!
This is how our brains work and how we are designed.
So for example, many years ago when I started working out, it was pure will power. I would lift weights in the morning even if I had only slept 5 hours. It was crazy.
But now, after doing it for so long, it actually feels PAINFUL to NOT work out! So for example last week I was a guest speaker at a dating seminar in LA, and the hotel gym had no weights, and I was busy as hell with work and planning and preparation for my contribution to the event. It was also tough to find the right kind of food in the area, it was mostly fast food that makes you feel sluggish.
All this would have been the "perfect excuse" to slack off and not hit the gym.
But the reality is that I just couldn't take the idea of "giving in". It pissed me off more than it tempted me! So I made sure to FIND a proper gym, then I hunted down places that had more nutritious food, I HAD to do it.
And in it's own way, it felt GREAT.
Not just physically, but psychologically as well, knowing that I was not giving in to excuses.
Was this "will power"?
Kind of, but it was the kind of will power where it was so important that there was no other choice for me, on a deep level.
So the key to changing your behavior, to making approaches to women when you don't feel like it, is to first make those approaches EARLY in your day when you have the emotional reserve there inside of you. Then do this long enough until you no longer feel like you are forcing yourself, but rather you feel like this is the ONLY way to live!!!
And guess what?
You will ALSO find that this GIVES you energy, as approaching women, (and ALL other good disciplines) actually ends up feeling GREAT! So you are no longer draining your energy reserves but actually CHARGING THEM UP!
3. DRESS COOL
It's kind of crazy, because the truth is that ultimately your INNER GAME is what counts the most, but the thing is, if you REALLY HAD INNER GAME, you would ENJOY dressing COOL.
Also, I don't like it when guys use "inner game" as an excuse for not dressing cool. Too often, it's just an excuse for being LAZY.
Or, for being ignorant. And that's NOT YOUR FAULT if you were not in the know, because MOST GUYS were not in the know - there is no real education given to guys on this whole topic of women, but now you DO know better.
Also, if you are currently in a relationship, do not trust your GIRLFRIEND by the way for asking HER what she thinks you should wear. Some girls PURPOSELY want you to NOT LOOK AS COOL AS POSSIBLE so that you will NOT GET ANY ATTENTION from other women.
So the very things that actually attracted her to you, if you WERE dressing cool to begin with, she might complain about, but if you start to become boring and dress boring, she will actually start to feel she OWNS you and since you will in fact NOT be getting as much attention, she will find it easier to take advantage of you.
Not all women are like this, by the way, but a lot are.
So go out and check a LOT of stores, and see if you can find clothing that REALLY APPEALS TO YOU that you would not have worn in the past because in the past you just wanted to "fit in" to be on the "safe" side.
SCREW THAT ATTITUDE!
Get the stuff that you find COOL, that stands out in a way that YOU like.
This is not even about spending tons of money, it's about taking the time to find stuff that makes some IMPACT.
Whether it's the shirt, the pendants, the shoes, the buckles, the pants, the jacket, you have so many options. And if you can't find stuff in the stores around you, that's still no excuse, as you can use the internet and hook up with the world from there.
By the way, not only does wearing cool clothing and accessories make you STAND OUT rather than BORE women to sleep, but it also makes YOU become more congruent to being the type of MAN that stands out. It affects YOUR state as well as it makes an impact on the women around you.
4. FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT
This is huge, because otherwise you are chasing someone ELSE'S dream.
Although I do enjoy going out to clubs, because of the music and the energy, and I do enjoy of course beautiful women being all over the place, the fact is that unfortunately there are very few people, men or women, who are VERY OUTGOING AND SOCIAL and FUN and know how to PARTY and yet who are ALSO very balanced, and can be very laid back, calm, and who don't drink or smoke.
In general, the women who are HOT who are at the clubs tend to fall into the party zone, not all of them but most of them. It's rare to meet a woman at a club who is HOT and who does not smoke and who does not drink a lot and who has great LONG TERM potential.
So if you are looking for that kind of woman who HAS long term potential, chances are, unless you are relying on your social circle for meeting women, you will have to meet her and pick her up during the DAYTIME, while she is going about her regular life.
See, the quality women who have long term potential and who are HOT really don't enjoy the whole club scene all that much, and chances are they are either in a great relationship already or they are getting out of one but they are not searching for Mr. Right in a club. These quality women are probably within a five mile radius of you right now, but they are not so visible, as they are not out at the club shaking their ass every weekend.
Which leads me to number ...
5. EXPERIMENT WITH LOCATIONS AND TIMES
So in order to meet a quality woman during the DAYTIME, you have to BE where a lot of people ARE.
So you have to experiment with times and locations. Try different areas of the city. The business district. The fashion district. Uptown, downtown. Food courts. Cafes, Bookstores, Colleges, and more.
Some malls will be great at certain times of the day that you wouldn't expect- for example, you might think evening is the best time, but I remember for a long while at a certain mall, the best women tended to be there at 2 in the afternoon! Don't ask me why- maybe it was that these women WANTED to avoid huge crowds.
But my point is, you have to try different times and different locations, and you have to know what you want.
Also, even if you are INTO THE TOTAL PARTY GIRL, the fact is some clubs almost NEVER have women that are really beautiful, and other clubs seem to have EVERY SINGLE WOMAN WHO IS HOT ON THE PLANET UNDER ONE ROOF!!!!!
This was a huge learning lesson for me, I remember going to a different club every week until I finally hit PAYDIRT as far as women who are STRIKING is concerned. I hear a lot of guys saying "there are no hotties in my town" but usually it's BULL, because the truth is if you are in ANY major city, the real question is not IF there are hotties there, but rather
WHERE they are.
6. DON'T FEEL "OUTCLASSED" BY ANYTHING A WOMAN SAYS OR DOES.
It's very easy to feel overwhelmed when Interacting with a woman who is very beautiful. Never mind the sheer fact of her looks, but there is also the fact that usually a woman who is hot has TONS of guys around her, including lots of guys that SEEM to the untrained eye to "have it all".
I've gone out with girls who have dated professional baseball players, who have been part of national televised model searches, actresses, etc. And honestly, I HATE talking about my personal life, I only bring it up because I want you to know that if you feel PSYCHED OUT at first, I totally know that feeling.
So for example, when a girl happens to mention that her last boyfriend was a pro baseball player who obviously was earning in the millions, or a girl is on national TV where you know that she can have just about any guy, it's not that easy at first to FULLY REALIZE YOUR OWN VALUE.
You start to think about what you don't have.
UNTIL you start to REALLY think about it.
For one thing, a lot of guys who have all the stuff like money and fame going for themselves often don't feel the need to work on their personality- which leads to arrogance without humor, which is not cool. Or it leads to laziness, like the guy will get the girl interested, but out of laziness, he just won't do the things to make a connection. Or he will just want to sit around and not actually do fun stuff with her. Or he won't bother to challenge her in a way that escalates sexual tension, figuring he has so much value that he doesn't have to do anything at all, so he just does nothing.
Or he's rich, but has no cool ambitions.
And so on and so forth.
By the way, there are a LOT of hot actresses who do NOT date or marry or hang out with actors! You don't have to be a CELEBRITY to be a cool guy.
And on being a cool guy, this leads me to number...
7. DON'T PLAY OVERLY "FLASHY" GAME
Attraction is not created by being a "clown", it's creating by displaying EXCELLENCE.
Even a great comedian knows that in fact things are more powerful when he is NOT laughing as his own jokes. He in fact seems very calm, unless he is acting out a role of a person in his own joke or routine. In other words, even a "clown" or comedian or performer always wants to make it look as EASY as possible.
Similarly, when you do pick-up, you do NOT want to come across as flashy. Many times, guys will be impressed by a guy teaching pick-up by getting the girls to do outrageous stuff and getting them MASSIVELY LAUGHING but he has LOST the pick up in fact because he is also coming across as trying too hard.
In other words, when he calls her up later on that night, or the next day or whatever, she is thinking "That guy was a bit WEIRD."
In a combat situation, you want to end the situation in AS FEW MOVES as possible. Flashy stuff is not smart. Similarly, but in a more upbeat way, you want to accomplish the pickup with the LEAST amount of STUFF.
Ironically, though, in order to do this, you have to have had EXPERIENCE and YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE INSIGHT and the KNOWLEDGE.
Just like martial arts. The master can gently end the situation swiftly. Nothing flashy.
Does that mean he is "simple"?
Does that mean he knows "very little"?
Of course not, in fact it is a sign of his expertise and wisdom.
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Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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- Love Approach Anxiety
- An Approach To Approach Anxiety
- Overcome Nervousness
- Cure Your Fear
- Socially Awkward
- Change Your Shyness I
- Change Your Shyness II
- Change Your Shyness III
- Surrender Moment
- Overcome Approach Anxiety
- Conquering Approach Anxiety
- Defeat AA Forever
- Failure To Deploy
- Understanding Rejection
- How To Overcome Fear of Approaching Women
- Smack That Ass
- Destroy Approach Anxiety
- State Control
- Attitude For Effective Action
- Charisma Is Made Not Born