Attraction revolves very strongly around the feelings of raised self-esteem that one gets from winning the approval of someone they feel is SUPERIOR to them. This is a huge part of the reason why women who are attractive respond so powerfully to men who seem ABOVE them. Men who don't seek their approval, men who playfully tease them, men who aren't fazed by them, men who are more dominant than them, and I could go on for HOURS on this topic alone, but I think you get enough of the idea for now.
Also, of course, it's important to give women the feeling of YOUR approval of them ONCE they are RESPONDING with ATTRACTION to you, otherwise they feel BAD again, because it's clear they will NEVER get that good feeling since you will NEVER give them ANY approval, and that's a mistake that some men make as well. You want to REWARD a woman with your approval when she has EARNED it.
But for now, let's focus on the idea behind this whole feeling of attraction in general- the idea that it's based on the feelings of raised self-esteem that come from winning the approval of someone that is deemed to be superior.
A lot of guys will think, "That's IMPOSSIBLE! A girl who is HOT will truly RESPOND to this? No way, they aren't STUPID!"
And my response is, "True, women who are hot are NOT stupid at all. They are HUMAN, just like YOU, just like ALL of us".
Yes, ALL OF US respond to the power of self-esteem. This is one of those areas that is INFINITE, you can always be HIGHER internally in this feeling.
Sadly though, most human beings are SO WEAK in this department, that it doesn't even have to be a HUMAN that we seek validation from!
Yup, let me give you an example:
I used to be a video game ADDICT, by the way, back in the day when ARCADES had the coolest games. I used to be ADDICTED to video games, I HAD to beat the game, EVEN IF IT WAS A GAME THAT NO ONE PLAYED or cared about!
It didn't matter how ARBITRARY the skills were that were required to "beat" the game. Every time I would get "defeated" by one of the advanced levels, I would feel "DAMN, I KNOW I CAN BEAT THIS THING IF I JUST KEEP AT IT!!!".
I was a pretty damn good student, but I used to sneak out of classes in a tiny super-strict private school where it was impossible to go missing without being noticed, and I would risk getting in trouble JUST TO BEAT THE GAME!
And when I DID finally beat the game, I felt LIKE A MILLION BUCKS. And I would put my name on the list of high scores and feel as if I was THE MAN! (Which ended up as pretty tough evidence for me to refute when the principal himself found this!)
Now, this is RIDICULOUS. It makes no sense, but it's TRUE. And it's also true for millions of other people. All because we are HARDWIRED to VALUE that which is HARD to get.
And since BEATING the game is DESIGNED to be difficult, we VALUE it, we not only value it, we judge our OWN worth on it, i.e. OUR OWN FEELINGS of VALUE flow from our ability to beat this thing, even though whatever it actually indicates is usually a very arbitrary set of skills that we might NOT care about otherwise.
This is not even a PERSON!
It's a machine! And it affects our self-esteem!
Now, similarly, with woman who is HOT, it's SO EASY for them to get a guy, including a guy who is "good looking" that it really doesn't mean ANYTHING to them on its own.
For a guy to make impact on a woman who is hot, he has to be MORE CHALLENGING than that. In fact, as I have explained before, a guy who just has LOOKS would probably do better with girls who were NOT all that hot, if he wanted to just rely on his looks, because to THEM, it's a bigger challenge to get a guy who is "hot" since these girls are the ones with the issues of NOT feeling as if they are hot themselves. See that?
So a woman who is HOT will respond with feelings of ATTRACTION to a guy that demonstrates all the behaviours and signs of superiority as defined by her brain, which is the results of evolution and culture. The thing is, the brain is not always logical, it simply is HARDWIRED to feel attraction when presented with certain visual, auditory, and other sensory and behavioral cues. INCLUDING when a guy behaves in a way that CHALLENGES her so that he is not so easy to get.
In other words, when a guy does all the things that seem to be the signs of superiority.
Now, HERE is where there are two ways of going about TRIGGERING this attraction:
One way is by consciously doing things that are totally CONTRIVED and that you would never normally do. This is the fake way.
The other way is by doing things that you would do INSTINCTIVELY once your self-concept vis-à-vis women is up to full strength, and once you understand women better.
If you do it the FAKE way, what you do is CONTRIVE the behaviors, even if you don't feel them in your heart at all. What you also do is CONTRIVE the scenarios and situations to make you LOOK superior. You ACT like a guy who REALLY is superior, and you make it look like you have the approval of other people who are superior to her, even if you really don't. This fake stuff can go on forever depending on how much of your life's time and energy you want to put into it.
The problem of course, is that as soon as she discovers that you really are NOT this act, she is out of there faster than you can say "Wait!"
On the other hand, the OTHER way to go about attraction is to develop the self-concept and where you REALLY felt internal value with women, with 100% conviction, and then the behaviors that naturally flow from those beliefs will be attractive as well, because they will REFLECT your value.
This doesn't mean that you don't at first need a MAP of where to start, because in the beginning of this process, a guy doesn't even RECOGNIZE himself, so he needs to have someone let him know what to do, but the MASSIVE difference between this and the fake method, is that in this method, you will never do anything that goes against who you really are, so for example, you will never LIE in order to attract a woman. That's one example of an action that will NOT be on this map.
So the natural method means working on the DNA, the very BLUEPRINT, of your ACTUAL SELF-CONCEPT, especially vis-à-vis WOMEN.
For example, a lot of guys think that being RUDE to a woman is the best way of showing her your superiority.
So for example, cutting her off in mid-sentence and interrupting her a lot.
This would be an example of BREAKING RAPPORT.
In general, when you "break rapport" with a woman, you are showing that you don't need her approval, and that in fact if anything she should be seeking YOUR approval.
Now, the fact of the matter is that breaking rapport CAN be attractive, but it all depends on the REASON for the breaking of rapport. When you break rapport in the right way for the right reasons, you don't come across as rude, you come across as having self-belief, of having your own identity, of having VALUE.
Here's the thing to understand:
Human communication works on INCREDIBLY SUBTLE LEVELS and there is no NEED to have to be so PRIMITIVE and RUDE in your behaviour to show that indeed YOU have value, and in fact, SUPERIOR value.
BUT, in order to demonstrate superiority without being a shouting, interrupting prick, you have to actually FEEL that superiority inside, you have to KNOW it.
Let me give you an example:
I was recently at an event where a guest speaker was explaining the data from his archaeological finds, and a few experts with PhDs were challenging him in rude ways. They were creating attacks on his character (which were made up), not on his arguments. One PhD guy barked out to him, cutting him off in mid-sentence "What you're doing is not archaeology, it's archeoP-O-R-N!" To which the speaker remained totally calm and composed, and said "I'm not sure what that is, as I don't watch porn". This not only made the rude guy silent, but also got the entire audience smiling and on his side as well, thereby NATURALLY creating social proof as well, something he didn't even TRY to do, but got anyway.
The absolute calm in his tonality was SOAKING with value and superiority, as opposed to the shaky loud voices of those who were so nervous that their OWN value might be somehow challenged by this guy who was not even trying to put anyone down.
Similarly, when you are chatting with a woman or a group of women, this idea of BREAKING RAPPORT is CRUCIAL, but it doesn't have to be malicious or callous, and in fact would work MORE effectively if the breaking of rapport was a natural product of the dynamic.
You see, most of the time, guys are trying so hard to GET the woman, and trying so hard to WIN the approval of the woman, that even when they do CONSCIOUS "breaking of rapport" they are SUBCONSCIOUSLY still showing that they are INDEED STILL SEEKING RAPPORT!
They do this through the most subtle of things, from microscopic details on the expression of their face, to the subtle nuances of their behaviors and tonality. Sometimes, for example, the guy tries so hard to "slam" her ego that it's OBVIOUS the guy is TRYING HARD, or it comes across as him just being bitter. And remember, the human mind may not be perfect, but she can PICK UP on the inconsistencies between his act and how he REALLY feels insecure, she can pick it up subconsciously from all the subtle cues in his behaviors and tonality.
Rather than trying to MAKE up ways of breaking rapport, you should be living in your OWN reality, so that when situations come up in the conversation or the interaction where your opinion differs from hers, you do NOT try to FAKELY accommodate her just so that you could win her approval.
This is by the way also a great way to INCORPORATE playful teasing into your behavior in a non-manipulative way. So let's say she tells you about a certain movie, you can bet that most guys would TRY TO WIN HER APPROVAL and tell her how they LOVED that movie, or how they liked this scene, or how they "didn't see it yet, but really want to".
You see, THAT is FAKE.
So instead of fakely agreeing, I would be HONEST and PLAYFUL.
"You actually LIKED that flick?????
Oh man, we are NEVER going to the movies together!"
To which she might reply:
And you could reply with:
"Well, I suppose if you PAY, and you buy me dinner, maybe I could sleep through it," and say this with a mischievous smile.
So here, you are breaking rapport, but it's HONEST and it's GOOD FUN.
And also, there will be times when you will break rapport matter of factly, simply because you do NOT agree. For example, let's say you are speaking to a woman on the phone and arranging when and where to meet, and she wants you to come all the way downtown to meet her, and you live uptown and are busy that day as well.
Most guys would TRY TO SEEK RAPPORT by saying "Oh no problem, I can come down there and meet you." even though it TOTALLY makes no sense for him, but he is living in a frame of SCARCITY and he is afraid that if he doesn't try to keep things "smooth" with her, he will lose her. So he KISSES up, he PURSUES RAPPORT.
The thing is, this is actually FAKE.
He is being FAKE.
He really does NOT believe he should have to do this, but because he wants to hook up with her, he does this anyway.
The irony is that this type of behavior is NOT attractive, and she will likely NEVER hook up with him anyway as a result of these kinds of ass-kissing behaviors.
So, rather, he should "BREAK RAPPORT", not because it is a "tactic", but because HE VALUES HIMSELF enough to not embrace INDIGNITY upon himself, EVER.
So at most, he could offer her to meet up half way, or offer other locations to meet up. Or, use her OWN logic on her, which is for her to meet HIM at a place of HIS total convenience.
And what is CRUCIAL to realize, is that NOW MORE THAN EVER, women who are hot are SO USED TO HAVING GUYS KISS UP TO THEM, that a guy MUST ABSOLUTELY not kiss up, or she will WALK ALL OVER HIM, SHE WILL TRAMPLE HIM, and she will do it without even THINKING, as it's SO NORMAL FOR HER TO DO TO MOST GUYS IN EVERYDAY LIFE FOR HER!!
So, instead of trying to look for ways to ENGINEER "BREAKING RAPPORT", you should rather view this is BREAKING RAPPORT is something you should not be AFRAID of doing, if it is the result of you BEING YOURSELF WITH DIGNITY. If you being yourself with absolute and full and total and complete (have I made myself clear?) dignity ends up causing MASSIVE BREAKING OF RAPPORT, THEN BY ALL MEANS, DO IT!!
It's important to understand the idea of breaking rapport, because growing up in a society that worships women who are hot, you might forget that it's OKAY to break rapport, and it's even GOOD for attraction, but there is no need to FAKE it, when there will plenty of GENUINE situations that your NATURAL and appropriate behavior would be a very effective breaking of rapport. So you end up simply being YOURSELF and simultaneously breaking rapport and showing that you are superior in status and value and that in fact makes her ATTRACTED to you as she seeks YOUR approval.
It's interesting, because in the ultimate sense of not seeking approval, you can NOT just imitate this, you must FEEL it.
In some ways, my behavior is like that of a woman who is hot, because it's not enough for a woman to be good looking to impress me.
This is for REAL, this is not a "tactic". Just as a woman may act this way toward guys, not as a tactic but for REAL since it's NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL FOR THEM to get a "hot" guy, so too must YOU adopt this way of thinking and feeling.
If the only reason you are doing something is because in fact you ARE needy for a woman, you are still in the wrong headspace.
And with regards to playfully teasing a woman, I don't need a major REASON to do it, as the vibe is about having a good time. At the same time, it's important to realize that part of what makes any of this work is the AUTHORITY and DOMINANCE you exude when doing this stuff. The thing is, that with this as well, this should not be viewed as a tactic to artificially tack on to your interaction, but a product of who you ARE.
As men in our current society, we are being attacked for being MASCULINE, even though women WANT guys who are masculine. A client of mine recently sent me an article from the newspaper that made a whole big deal about men LOOKING at women!!!!!!!
And it went on and on, saying what is wrong about it, and how one must be very careful to do it in the right way.
This kind of thing in the paper only makes it even MORE difficult for a guy to feel confident about actually APPROACHING a woman to talk to her! I mean, now he's not even allowed to LOOK at her!!!!!!!
And it's all B.S!
I remember in university for my first degree, in political science, one of my courses was on feminist theory, and at the time, I was very impressionable, and I remember thinking to myself "Man, us men are MEAN, apparently we haven't done ANYTHING good for women, ever!" This course was so messed up, it even hinted that the ACT of sex was somehow wrong, because the "woman must be submissive since she opens her legs for the guy, and the guy is the aggressor"! So what's a guy supposed to do??? Act like a friggin WUSS little girl so he can be less "aggressive"???
This is the CRAZY INSANE STUFF going on in "official" education!
And the IRONY OF IRONIES is that women actually WANT men who are masculine and assertive.
Just the other day, this woman who was very attractive, about 22, was getting a chocolate milk from the fridge at the back of the convenience store. She was right in front of me, and as she turns around, I tell her "What, you didn't get ME one???" She AUTOMATICALLY got me one, and apologized for not asking me lol, and she took them both to the counter as was going to pay for them both, and I playfully told her that I didn't want her to pay for me as I didn't want to feel pressured to put out just because of it and that I was old fashioned and liked to be in charge.
So not only was she not "put off" by the dominance and masculinity, but she TOTALLY WENT WITH IT, she totally "got it"
Can you imagine if I followed the stuff they tried to brainwash me with in school? The stuff that is still published in the newspaper, where you are supposed to feel anxiety now for merely LOOKING
at a woman?? I suppose pretty soon you will have to wear earplugs as well as you might be committing a sin by HEARING a woman's voice!
So it's IMPORTANT that you DUMP all that B.S. and you assert your masculinity and dominance in a natural, enjoyable way - you are not trying to be an a**hole, you simply are being DOMINANT, you are making decisions where to go, you are initiating the conversation, you are leading the show during the "courtship", you are not seeking her guidance or approval.
That is part of what I mean by being dominant in a natural, non-manipulative way. There is a TON more to the dimensions of being dominant in your behavior with women, but that's beyond the scope of this article. Similarly, there is a natural way to build the kind of social circle that enhances your attractiveness, and there is a natural way to be unpredictable and keep things exciting for a woman. There is a natural way to escalate physically without having to memorize 14,000 steps. And there is a natural way to develop a powerful, attractive sense of humor as well that actually WORKS to spark attraction in women.
There is a natural way to BECOME the kind of guy who IS attractive to women, who women WANT to be with.
What you have read in this article is the TIP of the ICEBERG, and if you want to get the FULL PICTURE, I seriously suggest you SOAK IN all the information in my Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program CD Set.
his Program has integrated the most ADVANCED insights, strategies, and principles on attraction so that you can have it all at your fingertips at ANY time.
It will show you in FULL DEPTH, exactly how to go from A to Z, from seeing her to getting under the covers, AND it will also cover ATTRACTION as a WHOLE, on the most ADVANCED levels, including all the details on inner game as well as outer game. This means you can use what you learn from this Program well BEYOND just the initial pick-up, so that you can keep a woman attracted to you for as long as you desire.
You owe it to yourself to get this Program, and it's here.
And if you are reading this right now, and would like to take YOUR results with women to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL, then you ought to download my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, IMMEDIATELY.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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