One of the major hurdles that guys need to overcome in order to succeed with women is to CHANGE THEIR VERY CORE concept of how they PERCEIVE women. The concept that most guys have is fundamentally NOT TRUE.
This is a huge point.
Because, when a person perceives the world a certain way, that person will do everything in his power to hold on to that long-held concept, even if he is shown TONS of evidence that his concept of the world is not true.
We hold on to our old concepts because it’s actually quite SCARY at first to think that maybe we’ve been fooled all these years.
But I ask you what’s worse:
Suffering a lifetime of ignorance, or waking up from the ignorance and learning the truth, and learning how to DEAL with that reality and even THRIVE in that reality?
A MAJOR portion of guys misunderstandings about women are the result of how most guys interpret our current popular culture. What happens is that in the movies, it seems that women really want romance, and that they really want a nice guy, and that love is really the most important thing to a woman. And what really seems to be the reinforcing point is that chicks LOVE these movies, be it Titanic, or any modern version of Romeo and Juliet.
For a long period, I used to get ANGRY from the messages being sent out by popular culture- because the lessons that guys learn are the exact OPPOSITE of what they need to know for REAL LIFE success with women:
The reality is that men need to learn to show and feel INDEPENDENCE, a bit of arrogance, tons of self-esteem, and an absolute aura that says “I don’t need one bit of anything or anyone and I am totally happy and content in this world”.
The WORST thing men should do is try to appeal to the “nice” loving side of women, or to make her think you want affection or that you want to give affection. Actually you should do MORE than just make sure she doesn’t THINK you are a wuss, you must make sure you AREN’T a wuss!
We were BRAINWASHED into being needy.
As guys, we are not NATURALLY needy. The idea that we are naturally needy is absurd. You must actually develop a strong sense of self-esteem that is independent of whether a woman likes you or not.
THAT is the way to success with women.
For example, if I am chatting with a buddy, and some chick is trying to get my attention, I will NOT stop my buddy and start to kiss up to the chick just because she’s a chick, no matter how hot. She is not superior to him.
Now how many guys are willing to do that?
The thing is, I really mean it, I’m not just doing it because I know it triggers attraction. It’s a result of not needing the approval of a chick simply because she is a chick. If she has earned my respect as a person, that’s something else.
So I used to be ANGRY at the movies and at all the romantic crap because the truth is, that I had wasted years LOVING those movies and pop music and I had felt BETRAYED when I had learned the TRUTH. However, in my journey to truly understanding women, I came to realize that actually there was a lot of TRUTH in popular culture, but I simply didn’t “get it”, and neither did most of the other billions of men out there.
The TRUTH was there, but it was INVISIBLE to me.
You see, the reality is that if you observe closely, you’ll see that the movies and other forms of popular culture actually teach you a LOT about success with women, IF you ALREADY know what works, and what the truth is:
In almost ANY romantic movie of quality, you’ll notice that the woman ONLY feels those strong emotions and all that “niceness” for the guy AFTER he displays that he is THE MAN. He shows her tons of self-confidence, cockyness, aloofness, independence, and charisma.
But most guys watch the movie and come out IGNORING this, and come to only the wrong conclusion:
Guys walk out of these movies thinking that women want romance and niceness and love and all that, but they FORGET that the chick ONLY wants all this with a guy who is BEYOND THEIR CONTROL in every sense of the word!
i.e. A guy who is so strong emotionally, so full of self-esteem, and so emotionally independent, that NOTHING she could offer could make him MELT into an ass-kisser. And that’s not it, either, there’s more, as an awesome friend of mine pointed out to me. (And for guys who make it to the seminar, this guy is gonna be a guest speaker!)
Notice that the entire kissing and mushyness tends to last about a total of 5 minutes, and it’s mostly in THE LAST REEL of the flick!
Do you know what that means?
IT MEANS THAT THE PASSION, THE MOMENT THE WOMAN HAS BEEN WAITING FOR…HAS BEEN DELAYED TILL THE VERY LAST SECOND!!! For MOST of the flick, the woman is NOT GETTING the guy!!!!!
She is NOT getting the love!!!
She is NOT getting the romance!!!
Instead, she is DREAMING and CRAVING it because she is NOT getting it.
You see, most guys, at the first sign of a little interest from a woman, totally melt and give her LOTS of what she wants, and give it to her right away. This leads to BOREDOM and in fact RESENTMENT on the woman’s part. So NO MATTER WHAT WOMEN SAY, if they tell you too EARLY to melt down and soften up, or when they tell you they love you really fast and too early, don’t go for the bait…because deep down, they DON’T WANT YOU TO! They want PASSION, give them the greatest gift of all by knowing the secrets to building TRUE PASSION.
Remember, those romance movies that the chicks love consist mostly of the guy NOT giving the woman what she wants!
You want to KEEP this attitude throughout your relationship- now of COURSE at some point, you have to pay off the anticipation…with delivery of passion… but remember, the value of something is directly related to it’s preciousness and scarcity. So the trick is to MAKE IT COUNT when you DO DELIVER the goods, be it affection, romance, etc.
And then, after delivering MASSIVE POSITIVE EMOTIONALLY IMPACT, let her WONDER after it, and let her wonder if it’s ever coming again…
You’ll notice this is what the male romantic lead does in EVERY, I mean EVERY solid romance movie. As a matter of fact, you’ll notice it even in guys’ type action movies, where there isn’t all this mushy stuff, but still, the woman falls for the hero only after seeing that he is impervious emotionally. And she is unsure of when he will return, she is unsure of her future with him, whether that uncertainty is a result of circumstance (ie danger) or whether it’s because he simply can’t commit.
This point is especially timely now with Valentine’s Day coming up. If you’ve just recently met a girl, or are about to approach a woman, DO NOT make a big deal about Valentine’s Day. Don’t go buying flowers and chocolates for a girl you hardly know. DO NOT become a melted man, and do not suddenly hand over all your affection and all your commitment etc. Don’t fall for the bait all around you trying to brainwash you.
She’ll RESENT you for it if you do become a melted man.
Go have yourself some fun, and next time you go out to see a movie, or rent a movie, ANALYZE what the hell the hero is doing when interacting with the chick. Do yourself a favor and try to watch the the quality stuff- think Brosnan here rather than some guy who can’t even read the script. Forget about the guys’ “looks”- there are plenty of celebrities out there who ain’t really that good looking but because of their charisma, they seem to be very good looking to women.
Certain rock stars may come to mind. There are tons of others as well.
Now before you go thinking that this is just fantasy, let me remind you that art imitates reality. And to be honest with you, I’m not suggesting that you just ACT. I’m suggesting that you actually BECOME so strong emotionally that you really are independent of requiring a woman’s approval in order for you to feel good about yourself.
It’s in that moment, that your success will skyrocket.
Women DO want all those “mushy” emotions, and they DO want to feel all passionate and romantic about someone, but the irony is that it takes a guy who understands that the strongest way to trigger all those feelings in a woman is to actually NOT NEED any of it!
Your self-esteem should NOT depend on ANY woman’s approval.
If you ever feel that it does, go slap yourself and do 50 pushups. Go out with your buddies and do nothing but bust on chicks all night, don’t even go for numbers. Learn to just have FUN and NOT care what they think. When you really feel this way, then just through this alone, you will see marked improvement in your body language, voice tone, and in better subtle natural behaviors and expressions that will IGNITE a woman’s attraction to you.
That being said, there are also ways to ACCELERATE your development of that frame of mind with women. First, it involves understanding the complete truth to how your concepts and emotions regarding this topic were formed, so that you can CLEAR all that crap out of your head once you are TRULY CONVINCED that those old ideas really are hogwash.
To give one example, did you know that women are actually BORED SICK of guys who WANT relationships? Women may want relationships, but they NEVER said they wanted relationships with guys who WANTED relationships.
If you need an aspirin now, I understand. It’s all part of the invisible reality.
And that’s just ONE of the hundreds of invisible realities you need to know.
Success with women ALSO involves a thorough understanding of what IS the way to communicate with women, through your words, your sense of humor, your clothing, your body and your body language, so that you project the reality that you indeed ARE a guy who doesn’t need anyone or anything to feel good about himself, and projecting that actually TONS of women DO want you anyway.
If you want to get the best foundation for becoming awesome with women, then don’t waste any time- download my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, now. This book forms the core foundation for everything else I do.
Of course, like everything else I do, it comes with a guarantee.
Download it now at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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