***A READER'S QUESTION***
I read your book and newsletters and I think the information you give is right and very effective. My question is about first dates, I can get first dates but I notice that I don't do very well in dates.
When I first meet a woman I give a good first impression, I get the e-mail and I get the date, but during the date the interest I had created seems to disappear.
I use the information that I learned from your book, not kissing her ass and try to find things to tease her and have an interesting conversation, but I think I am not a good conversationalist yet, and I know I have to give her the right emotion ( since women are all about emotions,) turn up the sexual tension, be more natural with all the things I learn from your book, etc etc
I do not get discouraged I know it takes practice and constant review of the e-book, but I would appreciate it if you send me some advice about first dates, so I can amplify the attraction a woman felt for me when we first met, create sexual tension, etc, etc.
I also have another question and is about persistence, I read an article called confident persistence, and it was very interesting, it talks about how in the beginning a woman might not seem interested but if you persist in the right way you can create the attraction for you. I have seen this, some guys persist pursuing a woman and eventually the woman becomes attracted to the guy even tough in the beginning she did not seem interested in him in a romantic way, how can this be?
And how can you be persistent without appearing needy and infatuated with her? when should I "next a woman" and when should I be persistent?
This information would be helpful since my first dates don't seem to go well, I need to know if I should continue pursuing these women. thank you in advance for your advice,
This is a great letter, about a big issue. Regarding your first question, first of all, congratulations on being able to get the dates in the first place. In terms of the date itself, there is a solution to the problem.
First of all, I want to say that teasing is only part of the whole game. It's part of creating the overall "FLOW". I call it FLOW because when a date is going the way it should be, things just flow and it feels pretty natural.
Teasing should never be cruel, and it delivers the message that you already know that you are worthy and that you don't need to kiss up, so it shows you are comfortable, not needy for her, and if you make it funny as well, it also says you are a fun person to hang around.
There are also many other ways to show that you are high value and totally comfortable with her- for example, your body language should not be leaning into her, no signs of nervousness, (i.e. no tapping your fingers on the table, tapping your foot, etc).
The other thing to realize is that women are not robots, and it just makes sense to try to genuinely create a sense of connection. However, there's no point in trying to create a genuine connection if she doesn't already think you are a cool guy.
And so once you've got her INTERESTED in you, it THEN and ONLY THEN makes sense to try to find commonalties between the two of you.
Not silly commonalties, but commonalties to do with a deeper level- the way you both look at the world, the experiences you may have gone through as a child, even something like your favourite movies.... all this stuff is something she can feel.
Okay, so how do you do all this?
Eventually, you will be able to do this on the spot, but for now it may be a very good idea to actually think about several topics that women can relate to, and then use those topics in a specific way to show in a subtle non aggressive way that you are THE MAN- and then WRITE this stuff down and memorize it.
Think of a comedian.
When he goes up on stage, he seems so smooth, so funny, and he just goes on and on, about different things. No one realizes that he actually FIGURED this stuff out way beforehand. That does not mean that he isn't AUTHENTICALLY funny, or that he couldn't be funny on the spot regarding things at any particular time.
Here's another analogy:
Think of a magician.
He's on stage, he seems so smooth, but it's only because he practiced it and memorized it, and he even figured out what to do if things go WRONG. That doesn't mean that he doesn't have a magician's mind, or that he couldn't make up a magic trick on the spot even when not on stage.
So here too, with women, you have the luxury of preparing all kinds of cool stuff beforehand. (By the way, this is one reason why you can be so powerful with online dating, because it gives you the chance to really think about what you say before you say it. Guys who are successful in "real life" encounters are often actually doing the exact same thing- they have written things out, but the women don't know it.)
You can think of cool things to say about topics that everyone can relate to, basically POPULAR CULTURE or ANYTHING that people tend to know well. I'm not saying to become a comedian or magician, I'm saying instead to PREPARE yourself for YOUR event - meeting women - as well as other professionals prepare for THEIR events.
So for example, I might bring up the way actresses dress at the Oscars, and how they have only ONE night to get the award, and if they look screwed up, it's just too bad, and then you can bust on all the actresses that looked like they had too much time in the fake'n'bake sun tan the night before, etc.
You can actually figure this stuff out beforehand. Your mind is free, and you can go on and on and on about all kinds of topics, the point though is to make it clear that YOU are this super confident guy that is not too impressed with celebrities, and if you do it in a funny way, it gives off the aura that you are SUPERIOR.
Attraction is all about Superior Intrinsic Value. And as far as building up a sense of connection, (which makes sense once she is attracted to you) you can learn to listen carefully to what she says, or even ask questions, and find out things about her and discover either things that you truly find interesting about her, or find out about commonalties that you both have.
This does not have to be a deceitful process, it can be genuine. I recommend that guys in general learn about different things and have different interests, because it gives you more to talk about and share with another person. The idea of building a connection is a huge topic, so I can't fully explain it one email, but the more you know, the more you can relate to in another person. And it's not just about sharing things in common, it's about simply her enjoying being with you and feeling relaxed about it- so this includes having a sense of humor, being a relaxed guy, being upbeat, never kissing up, and not letting her games "get" to you.
There is a lot of overlap here, as you can see. Regarding your second question, although I have not heard the term, the point is that there is a fine line between persistence, insanity, and
desperation. If you keep on trying something that is not working, then it is insanity.
If you keep on trying for a girl who is really no different from other girls, then it is desperation. The irony is that usually the problem is the very obsession itself.
The chick can tell that the guy is obsessed with her, and this makes him seem undesirable. NO amount of arguing or logic will convince her otherwise.
So most of the time, "confident persistence" is an OXYMORON, it's more like ignorance, because the guy would not keep after the same chick if he knew there were better girls out there who would actually appreciate him more as well!!!
I like the idea of "confident persistence" in the sense of treating ALL YOUR INTERACTIONS with women as learning lessons. So when you go up to women, or go on dates, be less focused on the outcome, and more on the skills you are learning. Because this kind of persistence leads to great skills and great success.
The kind where you can finally abandon all pre-memorized stuff and rely on your ability to FLOW with it.
And if you're reading this right now and want to gain a deeper understanding of the dynamics involved from meeting a woman to getting physical, consider the power of a one-on-one consultation in person or by phone.
And if you haven't yet read my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then I suggest you download it first- it's the core foundation for everything else I do.
Download it now at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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