When it comes to being successful with women, the highest level of skill comes when you understand exactly:
WHAT a woman is feeling and thinking about you during each SECOND of your interaction with her;
WHY she is feeling whatever she is feeling;
WHAT IT IS that YOU are DOING to give her that feeling.
WHAT you can do to CHANGE your game plan to CHANGE the way she is feeling if necessary. Let's call all the above your ability to GAUGE a woman's reaction to your methods of communication.
This is a HUGE element to being successful with women. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that of all the techniques, tactics, and concepts, this is the MISSING LINK. The piece that makes everything ELSE fit together. When you understand THIS, you are able to use all the other tools PROPERLY.
If all this sounds a little too complicated, or "manipulative", it's not. It's simply about making sure your DESIRED message i.e. that you are THE MAN- gets across.
One of the biggest mistakes that guys make is that they take a concept and either beat it to death, or use it at the wrong TIME.
For example, being PLAYFUL is an excellent general concept to use with women, it works because it says "hey, let's have some fun and PLAY" - it gives a woman license to suspend her normal reality and enjoy some play time.
The thing is, let's say you are doing this, and the woman LIKES you, she's enjoying it, but she now wants to get to know MORE about you. Meanwhile, let's say you keep on playing and playing and playing.
Like let's say you are being playful, and you jokingly respond to all her questions, about who you are, your name, your job, etc., etc. But you HAVE TO KNOW the difference whether she is asking you these questions simply to "fill the void", (i.e. her socially conditioned response to just blurt out boring programmed questions) or because she is AUTHENTICALLY INTERESTED IN YOU.
So if a woman is asking you questions about yourself after you've been chatting her up for 20 minutes, and you keep on avoiding any serious answer, she'll just think you're slightly PSYCHO, or at least a bit weird, and not in a very good way.
If a woman is already interested in you, and seriously showing you that she is interested, and you keep playing the "smartass' type, it's downright WEIRD.
Think of it this way:
Imagine a SUPER HOT girl came up to you, because for whatever reason she knows or thinks you THE MAN, and you know you are THE MAN too.
She starts joking with you and seems pretty cool. After 20 minutes, you ask her for her number. Then, she starts joking to you that she's not that easy.
You laugh for a bit, but you don't really understand what the heck she wants from your life, since after all, she came over to you.
Then, she CONTINUES to joke around with you.
You kind of laugh, because it's a bit funny, but at the same time, you're wondering what she's all about.
So you ask her some questions, like if she goes to school around here, what her name is, what her hobbies are, and to each question, she just clowns around. Now, you're probably thinking: hey, I'm THE MAN, I don't need this weird Sh**.
Then, she asks YOU for your number, she suddenly gets "serious". Now, you're thinking "I dunno, she's kind of WEIRD". Well, that's exactly what chicks feel if you don't know when to act normal.
This is just ONE example of paying ATTENTION to the situation- to what she is thinking and feeling, and to what YOU are doing to cause that effect.
This is why no technique exists in a vacuum. Everything is part of a giant CONTEXT.
Here's another example:
After approaching many women, you might actually start to find that you are so smooth, that women are instantly attracted to your confidence, but also SUSPICIOUS of your insane smoothness. The fact that you are funny, laid back, and able to go on and on about hilarious stuff or interesting stuff can be TOO MUCH.
You'll notice that the women will be INSTANTLY attracted, they will be making strong eye contact, touching you, laughing, and then they might suddenly say "hey, are we on TV or something? Are you part of some show? Is there a camera somewhere?"
All because they've never had someone so smooth relaxed and laid back. You might actually have to remember how to throw in a bit of normal stuff, like PAUSING lol!!!!
Yup, one of the things I've learned about myself from students, is that they tell me "I notice you pause suddenly while you are chatting with women". And yet the students know all the
material that I'm about to say, so they know for sure that I know it, and that the pause must be DELIBERATE.
It's to make things more REAL.
The thing is, I am so used to doing that, that I don't even THINK about it anymore.
My point is that there are SUBTLE things going on in every interaction, and you need to be aware of them for maximum success. Sometimes you'll notice that a woman is ALREADY interested in you, she might tell you something like "Would you like to go for a walk?" and if a guy doesn't realize she is already interested, he might RUIN everything by making jokes like "hehehe.no way, I'm not that easy!! once she in fact has already moved into SERIOUS mode. Now she is getting a feeling of REJECTION of ridicule of fearing you are just playing with her.
My point here is just to help you become more AWARE of the subtleties.
I recently received a great email that illustrates a SUBTLE yet powerful action:
***LETTER FROM A READER OF THE BOOK***
You really got this one down. What you said about validation is very true. I am sure have several stories about this concept but here are two more.
I am about 23 years at the time. I am in this bar in Wash DC. This southern mouth-watering babe (you know the type) who is a regular at the bar is flirting and teasing a bunch of idiots.
You can tell she is playing them to the max getting them to buy her drinks etc. My buddy is over by the bar telling her how beautiful she is and asking her for a date. She is laughing at him, not with him. She is in her glory. The intoxication you talk about in a bar scene.
I am appalled at to how she is playing him for a sucker and probably a little pissed. I have been using techniques like yours for years but to the level of sophistication you have designed. I was lucky to have an older brother show me the ropes.
I am Italian/Sicilian and we are not known for kissing up to women. Anyway. My brother had shown me the "Lookup" which is where you look some girl up and down and watch her reaction. You can really work that validation stand with this, because she is expecting you to approve of her and the way she looks.
This is very powerful because you have her at a disadvantage. You are now the judge. It is like you said. She is so use to approval that disapproval or no approval can knock her off her pedestal. Well anyway, I was a little pissed the way she was making my friend look like a fool, so I strut up to her, give her the "lookup" and laughed and shook my head and walked away. She expected me to fall on my knees and when I didn't, she flipped.
She immediately grabbed my arm and pulled me in front of her and asked my what my name was. She smiled and showed all kinds of smiling, warm behavior to get me to like her. I acted nonchalant and acted like she was just another girl and teased her to the max. as I was leaving the bar. She ran over and stuffed her number in my pocket and made me promise to call her. Short story long.... we closed the deal at a the next date.
Story two...This happened in my office, I am in sales and the office manager hired this unbelievably hot babe as a receptionist. She was a beauty contest winner and liked to talk about how she would enter these competitions and win all the time. She was hot. Well all the guys , single and married, were all over her. I wanted to get up with her but, I knew I had to do something different. I at first, ignored her a little, but then introduced myself, threw a little charm and humor her way, and after 5 minutes told her I had to get back to work.
She was surprised that I would not try to hang around her all day, because when I told her I was going back to work, she had this shocked look on her face. Well I started a pattern of ignoring then paying attention to her around the office. When I ignored her, she would get in front of me and say something like "Hi ____, and start chatting with me. Sometimes I would engage her sometime not.
Once, when chatting, I did the "lookup" up and down her body, with no response (that was difficult) and just continued talking. I would sometime, give her a "smile, wink and a wave" a technique my brother taught me. When you see a babe across the room and you don't want to go up to her like all the other chumps, you just smile, wink and wave. It make her think you are being friendly, but are too busy to talk to her. It drove her crazy. It got so intense overtime that she would pass me and touch me in some way.
Sometimes she would grab my hand. or touch my shoulder and one time. Real aggressive. I was friendly, but acted not that interested. She could not handle it. I would enter my office and she would be there in my chair or sitting seductively on my desk. She would bend over in front of me or flip her hair.
Well, eventually I though it was time to close the deal and one day she asked me to lunch, we went and then, when we left the restaurant, she asked if I wanted to play hooky and not go back to work. I said OK, so we called our bosses and spent the rest of the afternoon in a nearby park.... you can guess the rest.
Note here I am not a good looking guy, at best, average height, average looks and in decent shape. This was not hard to do, if you know the rules and follow them. I was always pretty good at this. But, your books have helped me get even better at this because you really understand the psychology of how women think and react. I have read a lot of dating books like yours and they have good pointers, but you are closer to the unvarnished truth then any of the others. Keep up the good work.
First off, thanks for the props for my eBook. And thanks for sharing "the lookup" - it's GOLD. Your two experiences help show that you obviously understand how the game works, and the stories also demonstrate to guys how to use the principles. The "lookup" and your stories illustrate the power of holding back full VALIDATION.
And finally, props to your brother, for being a cool brother who helps his brother.
I also want to point out to readers that there is no ABUSE going on here. Being THE MAN is not about being some PSYCHO or being abusive in any way. It's about not kissing up, and it's about withholding just the right amount of validation so that a woman ENJOYS earning that validation from you!
Yes, women ENJOY it.
So it really is a sum-sum situation.
I remember doing something similar to the "lookup" several times without being CONSCIOUS of it. I had met this damn fine woman a while ago, and on our first meeting, as she stood up from the coffee table, I sat back relaxed, and was looking her slowly up and down, just sizing her up, not making an actual visible judgment from my expression. Weeks later, she told me she saw me sizing her up on that first meeting, and that it turned her on BIG TIME.
Guys, remember the PRINCIPLE:
You are withholding full validation.
You want to be incorporating lots of actions that embody this principle. Of course, you ALSO have to deliver a pay-off once in a while, you have to give SOME validation or the tension will be too much and it will explode- and then she'll run.
And that about wraps things up for now.
If you enjoy learning the TRUTH about how to attract women, then I suggest you download my eBook- The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women.
It's PACKED with rock-solid ideas for approaching women, taking things to a physical level, and important concepts for keeping a woman attracted to you long-term.
Download it now at:
Till next time...
From someone who's been there,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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