When it comes to being successful to picking up a woman, it's REALLY important that you understand the BIG PICTURE of the interaction. One of the biggest mistakes that guys make is that they take a concept and either beat it to death, or use it at the wrong TIME.
This occurs because the guy is too focused on a SPECIFIC detail or tactic as opposed to the PURPOSE of the tactic. So, similar to language, the point of learning the rules is to create MORE IMPACT. That means that sometimes you can break a rule in order to create the right EFFECT.
For example, being PLAYFUL is an excellent general concept to use with women, it works because it says "hey, let's have some fun and PLAY" - it gives a woman license to suspend her normal reality and enjoy some play time.
It also allows her a license to be more sexual (of course, not crazy sexual at first) because it is just "play".
The thing is, let's say you are doing this, and the woman LIKES you, she's enjoying it, but she now wants to get to know MORE about you. Meanwhile, let's say you keep on playing and playing and playing.
Like let's say you are being playful, and you jokingly respond to all her questions, about who you are, your name, your job, etc., etc.
But you HAVE TO KNOW the difference whether she is asking you these questions simply to "fill the void", (i.e. her socially conditioned response to just blurt out boring programmed questions) or because she is AUTHENTICALLY INTERESTED IN YOU.
So if a woman is asking you questions about yourself after you've been chatting her up for 20 minutes, and you keep on avoiding any serious answer, she'll just think you're slightly PSYCHO, or at least a bit weird, and not in a very good way.
If a woman is already interested in you, and seriously showing you that she is interested, and you keep playing the "smartass' type, it's downright WEIRD.
Think of it this way:
Imagine a SUPER HOT girl came up to you, because for whatever reason she knows or thinks you THE MAN, and you know you are THE MAN too.
She starts joking with you and seems pretty cool. After 20 minutes, you ask her for her number. Then, she starts joking to you that she's not that easy.
You laugh for a bit, but you don't really understand what the heck she wants from your life, since after all, she came over to you.
Then, she CONTINUES to joke around with you.
You kind of laugh, because it's a bit funny, but at the same time, you're wondering what she's all about.
So you ask her some questions, like if she goes to school around here, what her name is, what her hobbies are, and to each question, she just clowns around.
Now, you're probably thinking: hey, I'm THE MAN, I don't need this weird Sh**.
Then, she asks YOU for your number, she suddenly gets "serious". Now, you're thinking "I dunno, she's kind of WEIRD".
Well, that's exactly what chicks feel if you don't know when to act normal.
This is just ONE example of paying ATTENTION to the situation- to what she is thinking and feeling, and to what YOU are doing to cause that effect.
This is why no technique exists in a vacuum.
Everything is part of a CONTEXT.
Here's another example:
After approaching many women, you might actually start to find that you are so smooth, that women are instantly attracted to your confidence, but also SUSPICIOUS of your smoothness.
The fact that you are funny, laid back, and able to go on and on about hilarious stuff or interesting stuff can be TOO MUCH.
You'll notice that the women will be INSTANTLY attracted, they will be making strong eye contact, touching you, laughing, and then they might suddenly say something like "hey, are we on TV or something? Are you part of some show? Is there a camera somewhere?"
All because they've never had someone so smooth relaxed and laid back and having TOO MANY interesting things to say.
You might actually have to remember how to CHILL and slow it down.
There are SUBTLE things going on in every interaction, and you need to be aware of them for maximum success. Don't get all nervous thinking you should be overly ANALYTICAL while chatting to a woman, just don't make the mistake that some guys do, where they are like a robot talking without an off switch.
This is why I say to try to NOT memorize any more material than you feel you absolutely have to. Guys that memorize stuff too much tend to have that problem of just spitting out endless stuff because they don't feel comfortable TRULY ping-ponging the energy back and forth with some real dialogue with her.
But that kind of real vibing is essential.
Sometimes you'll notice that a woman is ALREADY interested in you, she might tell you something like "Would you like to go for a walk?" and if a guy doesn't realize she is already interested, he might RUIN everything by making jokes like "hehehe.no way, I'm not that easy!! once she in fact has already moved into SERIOUS mode.
Now she is getting a feeling of REJECTION, of ridicule, of fearing you are just playing with her.
My point here is to help you become AWARE of the subtleties.
I recently received a great email that illustrates a SUBTLE yet powerful action:
You really got this one down. What you said about validation is very true. I am sure you have several stories about this concept but here are two more.
I am about 23 years at the time. I am in this bar in Wash DC. This southern mouth-watering babe (you know the type) who is a regular at the bar is flirting and teasing a bunch of idiots.
You can tell she is playing them to the max getting them to buy her drinks etc. My buddy is over by the bar telling her how beautiful she is and asking her for a date. She is laughing at him, not with him. She is in her glory. The intoxication you talk about in a bar scene.
I am appalled at how she is playing him for a sucker and probably a little pissed. I have been using techniques like yours for years but not to the level of sophistication you have designed. I was lucky to have an older brother show me the ropes.
I am Italian/Sicilian and we are not known for kissing up to women. Anyway. My brother had shown me the "Lookup" which is where you look some girl up and down and watch her reaction. You can really work that validation stand with this, because she is expecting you to approve of her and the way she looks.
This is very powerful because you have her at a disadvantage. You are now the judge. It is like you said. She is so used to approval that disapproval or no approval can knock her off her pedestal.
Well anyway, I was a little pissed the way she was making my friend look like a fool, so I strut up to her, give her the "lookup" and laughed and shook my head and walked away. She expected me to fall on my knees and when I didn't, she flipped.
She immediately grabbed my arm and pulled me in front of her and asked my what my name was. She smiled and showed all kinds of smiling, warm behavior to get me to like her.
I acted nonchalant and acted like she was just another girl and teased her to the max as I was leaving the bar. She ran over and stuffed her number in my pocket and made me promise to call her. Short story long.... we closed the deal at the next date.
Story two...This happened in my office, I am in sales and the office manager hired this unbelievably hot babe as a receptionist. She was a beauty contest winner and liked to talk about how she would enter these competitions and win all the time. She was hot. Well all the guys, single and married, were all over her.
I wanted to get up with her but, I knew I had to do something different. I at first, ignored her a little, but then introduced myself, threw a little charm and humor her way, and after 5 minutes told her I had to get back to work.
She was surprised that I would not try to hang around her all day, because when I told her I was going back to work, she had this shocked look on her face. Well I started a pattern of ignoring then paying attention to her around the office. When I ignored her, she would get in front of me and say something like "Hi ____, and start chatting with me. Sometimes I would engage her sometime not.
Once, when chatting, I did the "lookup" up and down her body, with no response (that was difficult) and just continued talking. I would sometime, give her a "smile, wink and a wave" a technique my brother taught me. When you see a babe across the room and you don't want to go up to her like all the other chumps, you just smile, wink and wave. It makes her think you are being friendly but are too busy to talk to her. It drove her crazy. It got so intense overtime that she would pass me and touch me in some way.
Sometimes she would grab my hand. Or touch my shoulder and one time, real aggressive. I was friendly, but acted not that interested. She could not handle it. I would enter my office and she would be there in my chair or sitting seductively on my desk. She would bend over in front of me or flip her hair.
Well, eventually I though it was time to close the deal and one day she asked me to lunch, we went and then, when we left the restaurant, she asked if I wanted to play hooky and not go back to work. I said OK, so we called our bosses and spent the rest of the afternoon in a nearby park.... you can guess the rest.
Note here I am not a good looking guy, at best, average height, average looks and in decent shape. This was not hard to do, if you know the rules and follow them. I was always pretty good at this. But, your books have helped me get even better at this because you really understand the psychology of how women think and react.
I have read a lot of dating books like yours and they have good pointers, but you are closer to the unvarnished truth then any of the others. Keep up the good work.
First off, thanks for the props for my eBook.
And thanks for sharing "the lookup" - it's GOLD.
Your two experiences help show that you obviously understand how the game works, and the stories also demonstrate to guys how to use the principles. The "lookup" and your stories illustrate the power of holding back full VALIDATION.
And finally, props to your brother, for being a cool brother who helps his brother.
I also want to point out to readers that there is no ABUSE going on here. Being THE MAN is not about being some PSYCHO or being abusive in any way. It's a special combination of GIVING GREAT EMOTIONS while NOT kissing up, and about withholding just the RIGHT amount of validation so that a woman ENJOYS EARNING that validation from you!
Yes, women ENJOY it.
So it really is a sum-sum situation.
I remember doing something similar to the "lookup" several times without being CONSCIOUS of it. I had met this damn fine woman a while ago, and on our first meeting, as she stood up from the coffee table, I sat back relaxed, and was looking her slowly up and down, just sizing her up, not making an actual visible judgment from my expression. Weeks later, she told me she saw me sizing her up on that first meeting, and that it turned her on BIG TIME.
What I also like about your letter is that you GET it - that this stuff is not about being MEAN.
Guys need to understand that there are DEFINITELY times when it's OKAY to do stuff like "smile, wink and wave" if the OVERALL message is that you are still TOTALLY feeling confident and totally in control.
But for so many guys, they have been ONLY doing the smiling thing toward women from a point of submissiveness and NOT from a position of strength.
I'll say it again, it's not about being MEAN. It's about keeping things FUN and a little edgy, so that there is that simmering sexual tension keeps getting hotter and hotter until it explodes at the RIGHT time.
You are not withholding ALL validation permanently, you are just withholding the RIGHT amount for the particular situation you are in, with the particular woman you are dealing with.
You want to be incorporating lots of actions that embody this principle. Of course, you HAVE to deliver a pay-off once in a while, you have to give SOME validation or the tension will be too much and it will backfire- and then she'll run.
What you do then is then create NEW fun tension at just the right amount.
That's the TRUTH.
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Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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