For many things in life, the genius behind them, the greatness behind them, rests in the details. When it comes to attraction, it's no different. Any guy can say "Hey, I'm cool" and perhaps remember a few lines. If it was that easy, every guy would have all the success he wants with women. The reality is that the details matter.
The subtle difference in YOUR thoughts and beliefs from the other guy's thoughts.
The subtle difference in YOUR body language and vocal tonality from the other guys out there.
The subtle difference in how you perceive women.
The subtle difference in timing, i.e. the best moment when to go in for the kiss, when to go into rapport, when to increase the tension, when to release it, when to tease, when to keep it real, when to go more sexual, etc.
Sometimes the solution to a problem rests in a subtle yet important distinction.
On this note, let's get to a fresh letter that lends itself to this topic.
Ok Mike, your stuff works like a dream. I got the cd's read the ebook. Now I can pickup the women in the pubs and clubs, my problem is I'm finding it a bit embarrassing the next time I bump into them as this is the first time I've had this problem. I was wondering what would be a good way to deal with this problem.
I haven't seen this issue addressed in the seduction community.
Derek T., UK
Hey man, thanks for the props and for writing in. And congrats for having what is known as a "quality problem"!
A lot of guys would love to have this problem, but I totally understand the uncomfortable emotions you are talking about.
There's a great solution though:
The answer to your question is simply to set up the right dynamic to begin with so that there are no false expectations and so that it's all good vibes no matter where you see the girls again and no matter how often you see them again.
This goes back to the section on congruency and the section early on explaining how there are different kinds of girls, or sometime girls in different stages of their life -- the bottom line being that there are girls out there that want the exact same thing as you and even more girls who are at the very least cool with it.
What happens is that you have to be totally congruent to what you really want and not be apologetic for it, as there is no need to be apologetic for it.
In fact, you should embrace what you want and let it ooze out of your soul so that women can totally sense your aura of what you are about without you hardly having to say a word about it. This is done through the subtleties in your behaviour.
There is only a problem with being deceptive and with lies, even little lies. But when you are oozing your personality and values from your pores, there is zero deception involved.
We are so conditioned to thinking that we need to provide "compensation" to women for anything we enjoy with women. Whether it be paying for dinners, or paying with guilt emotions, or whatever.
So what happens is that as guys we often give off partial vibes of "exclusivity" even if we are not really interested in exclusivity.
But you can just as easily give off the vibes of non-exclusivity and have many women be cool with that.
These vibes come across in the tone of the conversations you have, the jokes you make, the highly flirty sexual tonality of your voice, the fact of whether or not you try to hide the fact that other girls call you, etc.
If you are interested in seeing many women, there's a way for her to know without you being insensitive to her about it. In fact, women do this as well, they let a guy know if they are not exclusive, but they do it in a way that's still not insensitive. In other words, it's not revealed in a way that is done for manipulative or cruel effect.
Just like you can indirectly show you are viewing the dynamic between you two as serious by going out several times a week and in general acting like a boyfriend, so too you can show the other dynamic of wanting to be with many women as well.
If she sees a bunch of phone numbers on your desk, and she playfully calls you a heartbreaker, you can just playfully agree and kiss her instead of having a useless and long discussion about it.
It's the truth, you do see other girls but you also really enjoy the time you spend with her.
This way, she knows what the situation is, and if she doesn't like it, she has the choice to leave. But if she stays, it's because she wants to.
So this way, the vibes are all good, and in fact, when you do see her again anywhere, you can give her a great big kiss. She will be happy to see you. And you will be happy to see her. And any other girls with you will see that clearly you are not the kind of guy that goes around hurting women, yet you are also the kind of guy that women want.
This leads me to a slightly different, yet related issue that other guys might find very helpful as well. It has to do with how being congruent and having true self-esteem adds a subtle yet insanely powerful touch to your aura and to your instincts.
As I often say, attraction is about superiority and you liking her. I know the word "superior" doesn't sound good, but it's just the way it works. Think about it this way, if it wasn't for the fact that most guys feel totally inferior to women, there wouldn't be a mass problem like there is today. So that just proves that indeed attraction is about superiority. Men kiss up to women way more than vice versa. Why? Because men feel that they are inferior.
However, it's always a careful balance between creating the tension that proves your superiority and also paying off that tension with the reward to her by showing that you actually genuinely like her.
A lot of guys get so caught up in being hard to get, or in increasing their value in all kinds of ways from their job to their personality to their style of dress, that they forget that all this superiority is worthless if you don't also give her a sense that you seriously like her. In other words, having amazing rapport skills is also important.
Otherwise, it's like being in a restaurant and being starving and seeing how great the food smells that you can almost taste it, but also being told you can't have any, ever. That would suck!
So you need both: you need to be slightly superior, and you need to also show you seriously like her. Otherwise she feels like the person in that restaurant who is being tortured with tease.
So you need to be both. Superior and also show that you seriously like her.
That's just the way it is being a man. And believe me, being superior isn't easy. It's far easier to be inferior.
And the number one sign of superior value, as I explain in far greater depth and super high level detail in the CDs, is:
But get this also:
The number one proof a guy does not have self-esteem is if he is incongruent.
I never said that self-esteem is always the sign of righteousness. Plenty of famous evil people were very congruent because they had brainwashed themselves to believe all kinds of nonsense.
But the fact remains that as far as attraction goes, (attraction which boils down to superiority) the number one cue that a woman subconsciously detects that makes her feel attraction to you is your Impenetrable Self-Esteem.
And if a guy is incongruent, i.e. he says he wants a relationship, but really is just saying that to get a girl in bed, or he says he just wants sex because he thinks that that is impressive, when really he is looking for something more than that in a non-needy way, well then a woman will be able to tell soon enough that he is not congruent. And therefore, that he is not man enough to just go for what he wants and not be apologetic about it and not be deceptive about it.
She senses he feels the need to sneak around what he really wants, as if he really does not have the self-value to get it otherwise. He doesn't have what it takes to get it, so he has to "steal" it or "sneakily" get it without her realizing what's going on. As if she would never want to be with him for what he wants.
This doesn't mean all women will go for a guy that is just looking for sex as long as he is congruent with it. And it doesn't mean that all women will go for a guy that is just looking for a relationship as long as he is congruent with it.
But what it does mean is that the women who are cool with just sex, or with just relationships, or with either, will only feel attraction if the guy is congruent to what he wants.
Anything less than congruency means the guy feels unworthy of his own desires.
This is why it's so important to really know what you want with women. And to TOTALLY LOVE THE FACT that you want it. EMBRACE it!
So for example, when I am in a relationship, it's because I REALLY want that. It's not neediness, it's not some kind of "tactic" to keep her. Sometimes a woman can't BELIEVE it at first that I am really serious because the only guys that they meet that are fun and not needy tend to be "players". But as soon as a girl senses "player", she gets CREEPED out and dumps him if she is interested in anything serious and is the kind of woman who has OPTIONS.
But if I am not in a relationship, then I'm congruent with that as well. It's not because I'm trying to "get" her into a relationship by using some "player" tactic.
Quite simply, I do what I want and I don't lie about it to myself or to women on any level, not even the most subtle of levels. (And the subtle levels are actually the most powerful levels.)
Besides getting you INSANELY better RESULTS, it's also way more fun for you AND for the women this way. Because when you are congruent, you FEEL THE EMOTION more intensely, and that itself SUCKS HER INTO YOUR REALITY, it makes your reality far more COMPELLING to her than if you were only "halfway" into it.
Getting further into this concept, when you are aligned properly and congruent to your own beliefs, you then KNOW when to say WHAT, because your instincts are based on at least one complete map of ONE person's world - yours, whereas most men and most women don't even know what they themselves are about! So you can't rely on trying to figure them out, but you can at least have YOUR map figured out. And if you have YOUR map figured out, and you know what direction you believe is the right way to go, well let me tell you that most people will GO with the person who has SOME map. Again, because most people have NO map.
But if you are just trying to adopt the values and beliefs of the women you meet in order to have sex with them, then you are going to totally lack congruency. You will be internally shifting in every direction.
You will say one thing in words, but your body language will give you away, no matter how many body language "tricks" you know.
Similarly, when you really know what you want and you EMBRACE it, and you are true to yourself, you will know the difference between her being playful, her testing you, and her behaving badly. But if your only value is "scoring" you have no internal barometer of what is good behaviour and what is bad behaviour, you have no internal barometer of when to go into rapport, because your ONLY value is scoring.
If you have no internal map, then EVERYTHING she does is okay as long as you think it might lead to scoring. And the irony is that is very UNATTRACTIVE.
So you have no internal boundaries, no values, no nothing. On a subconscious level to her, you have totally cheapened your value to her. It will make you more inferior than anything you could possibly imagine. She will sense that HER value is WAY superior to yours, since in fact you would do ANYTHING just to score, since in fact that is your only value that you are congruent to!
When a guy ONLY cares about scoring, he's not even congruent to the kind of guy HE deep down really wants, because in fact any guy who is so obsessed with getting girls at ANY cost is clearly a guy who has lost his own self-esteem and whose "game" is NOT as tight as he claims.
The problem today is that guys don't know WHAT to believe or what they are because there is a terrible lack of role models around. The irony is that most of the guys giving advice on women are not congruent either. Today they tell you one thing, tomorrow something completely contradictory.
On top of that, as a culture in general, we are losing touch with the most important thing that has bonded man and woman together since the beginning of civilization:
The distinction between masculine and feminine.
In my book that sets the foundation, I constantly, (and I do mean CONSTANTLY!) bombard you with how being THE MAN is so important.
I didn't choose that phrase "The Man" by accident.
"The Man" sums up excellence and MASCULINITY and dominance and quiet confidence all at once.
Listen, if you look at our culture, in fact if you look at ANY culture that has stood the test of TIME, you will see that there has ALWAYS been a distinction between MASCULINE and FEMININE.
Never mind that it was "important".
It was more than "important".
It was something that IF VIOLATED, was considered "EVIL".
I'm certainly not a religious person, but I sure as heck am not ignorant about history either. If you don't believe me, check out the history on this subject.
So it was always important that men and women dressed differently, behaved differently, etc. This PRESERVED the masculine and the feminine.
There was NO confusion about gender ROLES.
For the first time in history, these social roles are CRUMBLING, and it's up to YOU to REINSTATE these roles in your own interactions with women. It will make THEM feel more feminine and sexual with you, so you are really doing THEM a service as well.
If you don't assert your masculinity, then you will have what most men have today:
Women who act like men, while men often act like WOMEN!
And then we wonder why there is such a huge problem today with attraction between men and women?
This is all HUGE stuff that's CRITICAL to understand if you are going to have the kind of success with women that you really want.
If you want the most ADVANCED EDUCATION that you can apply in the REAL world to get you you RESULTS with women, I seriously recommend you get my:
It's revolutionary. No one else on the PLANET was ever speaking about the connection between superiority and EVERY human emotion, and I have been CONSISTENT since day ONE on this.
Attraction and in fact EVERY emotion gets right back to properly harnessing the power of superiority for survival. Even LAUGHTER is triggered by feelings of enhanced superiority- for example, if you were going broke but then you won a million dollars, you would start LAUGHING. Similarly, if a woman feels you are SUPERIOR and that you LIKE her, she then feels that HER situation has improved, and she will start laughing.
She can't HELP IT.
This is the kind of laughter that TRULY is her feeling giddy about being with you that has NOTHING to do with you telling "jokes" or being "funny".
You can learn to TRIGGER these emotions in her.
And when on TOP of that you ALSO develop a RAZOR sharp sense of confident HUMOR, you are making her feel even BETTER and also enhancing your OWN superiority, forming a never-ending loop that makes her feel greater and greater attraction to you.
I promise you this is just the tip of the iceberg, as there are MANY MORE things you can do to enhance a woman's attraction to you so that it skyrockets higher and higher.
And if you want to learn how to make women feel ALL the awesome emotions that are CRITICAL for picking-up women anywhere, so that she will be NUTS about you, for as long as you want, then you owe it to yourself to get this special program.
To get your FOUNDATION for these skills, get my eBook NOW. This is where the journey starts. It will set you straight on the path to attracting women by reviving the natural instincts in you so that you can be the man you were BORN to be. The kind of man that attracts women NATURALLY.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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