Absolutely nothing to me is cooler than real life happenings that is actually relevant for attracting and picking up women. So let's talk reality here and take some great questions and great comments, as well as some real success stories.
Michael, very good DVD! Here's a question for you on what the naked girl commented on. Everyone in the community will say attractive women get hit on ALL THE TIME! Dozens of times a day. Yet, I've heard attractive women time and time again say they never get hit on. What gives?
Thanks, and cool question. The answer is that guys are constantly CHECKING OUT women who are attractive. And sometimes they may even blurt out SOMETHING. But to a woman, none of this counts as REAL pick-up. But what it DOES achieve is immediately show the girl that the guy feels he LACKS the worth to be with her naturally.
Plus, by checking her out, he is giving her VALIDATION, but it's not the kind of validation that is really meaningful to her, since the way he is behaving makes her feel that his desire is just desperation.
There is no element of excitement or sexual tension to the dynamic, it's ONE sided -- he is MAKING it one sided since he is not doing anything BESIDES looking at her, or speaking in a way that clearly shows he feels he has NO leverage/worth/power/value himself.
So the line goes SLACK.
No sexual TENSION.
She's GOT him, totally, and she knows it.
He is not giving her any charismatic vocal tonality, he is not giving her any element of challenge, he is not showing social finesse or wit, not getting her laughing, not showing playfulness, or dominance, etc. Not giving her anything to wonder or imagine.
He is just seeming like an empty, needy vacuum that is going to TAKE-- even if he wants to KISS HER BUTT, he actually is coming across as more of a TAKER. In fact, this kissing butt is a form of saying "YOU the CHICK have the greater value in our dynamic", so of course the chick is not happy, as she wants to also get something. It's already clear the guy feels he is getting a TON just from her mere presence!
In her emotions now she feels only a guy who is so LOW could possibly be benefiting from kissing her butt. He makes her feel as if ANYTHING she was willing to give him of herself would be acceptable to him.
Which sadly enough, is usually actually the CASE!
So she feels she is still the one GIVING more to him than he is giving to her. He is TAKING more. If he REALLY had the value, he would be far more relaxed, upbeat, confident, dominant, and would show it through a myriad of subtleties from his sense of humor to the content in his words to the way he dresses to the way he lives his life.
And her feelings on this stuff happen usually in a MICRO second. So it's really important to get it right immediately as opposed to trying to do "damage control" later.
So to a woman, none of the typical stuff that GUYS consider "hitting on women" is really considered as "being hit on". It's being OGLED. And also, even when a guy does try to do a pickup, if it's done in a sucky way, she BLANKS IT OUT of her experience and it's not even considered an approach or pick-up. The same way you don't remember most of the mundane things that happen around you or to you every day.
So to be the guy that "hit" on her in a way that COUNTS, you've got to have the PRESENCE that ATTRACTS her, and that sparks her emotions and her imagination. And of course I honestly believe the best way for a guy to get started on that is to go to:
I am the typical nice guy and everything you write is true. I am not a bad looking guy yet every woman I date or have a relationship with leaves me. As soon as I start doing things for them they start to lose respect for me, then I push (for more of their interest) and they pull (away from me).
Just here recently I started dating my neighbor. She would leave notes on my door, send me texts and such, and as soon as I started to do the same, BLAM she dumped me almost instantly.
One day she was so into me and the next day it was like I made her sick. I am almost 36 and after reading your article I finally feel like there could still be some hope for me. Thank you, if there is anymore info or books on this subject please let me know.
Yes, yes, I know and remember this kind of thing all too well. And although I like to point out that not ALL women are like this, the fact is ATTRACTIVE WOMEN in our society are BORED when it comes to the way most guys interact with them.
So in the case you mentioned, she was THRIVING off the ADRENALINE of NOT KNOWING if she had you, off the fact you were NOT kissing up like every other guy, off the fact you could HOLD BACK from turning into a wuss.
She was thriving off the EXCITEMENT from feeling that YOU were THE MAN!
And you took that interest and attraction from her as a signal that you should now become all MUSHY, like SHE was doing for YOU. Instead of her feeling GOOD about your new mushyness, she felt DISAPPOINTED that you were now just like every other guy.
Yes, yes, I think every guy reading this is nodding his head right now, as it's practically UNIVERSAL.
I'm not saying you can NEVER do "sweet" things, but only when she's BEGGING for it - this applies especially to the BEGINNING stages of the "courtship". That is, if she's hot.
And you have to then calibrate it later on, as once you are in a real relationship, you have to know how much tension she can take in a good way, and how much validation she needs.
For now, though, you must FORGET this woman as the more time you spend on her, the more you brainwash yourself that she is better than she really is - honestly, there are ton of complex psychological forces at work here, from cognitive dissonance, to self-fulfilling prophecies, to eroding your own self-esteem, to the polarity of the masculine and sexual identities.
You need to get a firm grasp on ALL these things, and you need to meet and attract other women immediately. Only then will you be able to get this woman back, but the irony is that you won't even care or desire her then, for a multitude of reasons. You'll be too happy with the other women you've met to even want to go back to her.
And for getting a firm grasp on these CRITICAL topics, DEFINITELY get my Secrets to Success with Women Book and my Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program CD Set. I guarantee you that not only will you never make this mistake again, and you'll learn a TON of things that you CAN do that WORK to INTENSIFY a woman's attraction. And also, be careful of the "diet" you feed your mind - so instead of watching crap movies like "Charlie's Angels" (the original show was fun, but the movie is b.s.) where every guy is a moron and only the CHICKS have GUTS, PERSONALITY, BRAINS, and SELF-ESTEEM, find movies where the guy is intelligent, a good person, cool, and who will not hand over his self-esteem to any woman, no matter how much he likes her, even if she is a GOOD woman. How much MORE so NEVER to hand it over to a woman who is not even TREATING you well!!!!
One great line from Rocky II:
"I never asked you to stop being a woman, so please don't ask me to stop being a man."
So get my materials and programs, and also watch what you feed your mind.
***A DIALOGUE WITH A CLIENT***
Firstly, I wanted to say wow what a fantastic book you've put together, many of the big no no's in dating are things I've done so many times in the past.
To give you a brief history, and I promise I'll make it as quick as I can, I'm 39, Married at 20 in 1988, separated from my wife Sept 05.
January 06 I started to go down the road of internet dating and to be honest with you I had loads of dates, some good some not so good.
Went out on a date with a woman called ********* mid January, gorgeous looking, great body but I felt very much out of my depth, yes I know big mistake. So I didn't take it any further, anyway a month or so later she got back in contact with me, so we went out on another date, and again I felt out of my depth, why the hell would this gorgeous woman want to go out on a date with me ?
Anyway over the coming months we kept drifting back to each other until towards the end of last year we started seeing each other on a regular basis, then Christmas came, emotional time for anyone separated so we ended things just before. I met someone over the Christmas holidays, she was ok but she wasn't ********* and it was then that I realized I actually loved her and it was her I wanted to be with.
So after a month I ended it with this other woman, the opportunity arose and me and ******** started dating again in February this year. The thing is during the last 9 months or so we've had contact nearly every day, mostly via text messaging, some days it was only a quick "Hi hope you're ok blah blah blah".
Anyway, it has always been me that makes the effort and sacrifices. We both have children but on separate weekends, When it was my free weekend without my boys I'd spend my spare time with her and her boys, who are very young, * & *, but when it was her free weekend without her boys I wouldn't see her for dust, she was always off doing her thing with her friends.
It always seemed that she was saying sub-consciously "It's my way or the high way, you know where the door is if you're not happy". This made me quite unhappy, but the flip side to this was when I was with her she made me feel like a million dollars.
I would tell her I loved her, would tell her that she was gorgeous, yes I know I know big mistake (wish I had got your book a long time ago ).
Anyway, some big, big changes have happened in my life over the last month or so. Me and my ex have amicably sorted out finances, the marital home has been sold, which means I've cleared £**k of debt and have a further £**k sat in the bank, and the icing on the cake is I've just joined and become a partner in a dedicated home search and property management company.
Things really are starting to come together, in a big big way, and because of your book I feel more confident than I have for many years.
One slight problem. The thorn in my side was me not feeling happy about how ******* was treating me. I'm no longer needy or desperate but I do love this woman. Anyway last weekend I told her things can't carry on like this, and that she had a week to decide if she wanted me in her life or not because I'd rather be with nobody than with someone who didn't want to be with me.
Tonight I get the e-mail from her that I was expecting, saying that it was over, we both wanted different things etc. I replied very cool and calm, I kept it short and instead of asking her to reconsider etc., I told her I agreed with her decision and just said look after yourself.
I know ********* very well and I know after a couple of days she will drop me a text or e-mail because we've had daily contact for such a long time.
My line of thinking is, "I am in a win win situation. If she had said "ok lets work this out", then great I've got the woman I wanted but if it ended then also great because I'm not in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with me".
My main concern is, although I know in the back of my mind it is the right thing, I actually feel pretty shit, I feel very deflated, my god this gorgeous woman has been in the forefront of my life since my marriage broke up.
Anyway I appreciate you may be inundated with e-mails, but I look forward to your response.
Thanks for the "props" about the eBook, I appreciate it. Regarding your situation with this woman you mentioned, DEFINITELY you are doing the right thing by NOT pursuing her, and DEFINITELY you should be using your newly developing skills as THE MAN to find other women, and use those skills to get these women chasing you, right from the very beginning.
There's also a couple of things that you should know about the situation that was going on in the dynamic between you and that woman. You see, the very fact you even MENTIONED to me that (and I paraphrase here) "She never had time for me, which meant that when she DID have time for me, it was AMAZING - LIKE A MILLION BUCKS!" actually to me is PROOF that in fact SHE was using these concepts to AFFECT YOUR PERSPECTIVE of HER.
Whether she used them intentionally or not is not the point, the point is that had she NOT done this, you may have NOT felt that she was AS AMAZING, clearly, right? You said so yourself.
So my point is that she was in effect "gaming" YOU. The "game" affects our PERCEPTION, it affects our EMOTIONS. It makes you feel ATTRACTION.
So for SURE you should not be chasing this woman at this point. I mean, even if she acted like a SAINT you shouldn't chase her at this point, but even MORE so now that it's clear that part of your whole attraction to her was actually her using the "game", it means that she's not even a very great person, you were just attracted to her "game"!
She seems to you better than she really is, and you will realize this not only on a logical level as you probably already do, but also on an EMOTIONAL level (you will simply not feel attraction for her) once you start meeting OTHER women who are chasing you and you get your self esteem back.
So, for sure, forget about her, and even if she calls you or contacts you, forget about her. At least forget about her till you have found a FEW other great women that are CHASING YOU. Then I'm willing to bet that even if she calls you a billion times, you will realize that you don't want anything to do with her.
I have no problems with a woman using "game" and making me more attracted if she is already a good person, but when a woman is so selfish as to expect you to do all the work in a relationship, that's just plain messed up values and you want nothing to do with such a person.
Of course, this is just my opinion, and you are welcome to do whatever you want. ;)
>>>RESPONSE FROM ANDREW TO MY ABOVE FEEDBACK<<<
Well what can I say? If there wasn't already a St Michael I'd write off to the pope and tell him that you should become the new St Michael.
As predicted I received a text message from ********* but this time things were very very different.
In the past I would have instantly replied, telling her that I missed her and that we should try and sort things out, but instead I just deleted the message without replying.
2 days later I received another message from her, again she was asking if we could talk and try and repair our relationship, and again I ignored her message.
And finally yesterday I received another message from her, pleading for me to talk to her. I must say, I power and control I felt was awesome. So, being the now cool guy "The Man" that I am, I decided to ring her.
She picked up the phone instantly, she said how lovely it was for me to ring and she joked that she knew I wouldn't be able to stay away, to which I started laughing.
I let her waffle on for a couple of minutes, her saying how much she missed me.
So after a couple of minutes I thought I'd put her out of her misery. I was very cool, very calm, I was the Man and I told her that she had to let go because I had and I was already moving on. in a very calm voice I told her that I was a little disappointed with the way she treated people, but I told her instead of being cross or even annoyed I felt sorry for her naive female attitude.
Because of her stunning looks she obviously hadn't been spoken to like that before, I could hear the gasp and picture her jaw dropping as she heard the words. Also speaking very calmly I told her that if she wanted someone or something that would be grateful for the slightest bit of attention then she should go and buy herself a dog.
Finally, I told her that I hope she gets everything she deserves in life, I let her read into that what she will.
Anyway, it gets better. This last week I have been on a training course with work, in a roomful of gorgeous woman, one woman catching my eye in particular.
Playing it very cool, for the 1st couple of days we had a bit of banter between us, of course now that I was The Man, I was in control of how things were going to go.
As the week went on, I was starting to have a bit of banter with the other women on the course, which as predicted made the other woman fight more and more for my attention. Then came Thursday evening!!
Because it was the end of the course we all decided to go out for a few drinks and a meal. 2 of the woman, one of them being the one who wanted me, were staying in an apartments for the week, so when we finished work we went back to their place so they could get change.
When ***** walked out I thought wow, but my response was "Actually Julie you scrub up quite well," to which she gasped as if to say I can't believe you just said that, and she called me an arrogant bastard, to which I just smiled at.
The 3 of us left for the bar where we were meeting other people -- my next comment to her was, "You do realize that most women would pay good money to walk down the street with me, so you should feel honoured." And her reply was, "My god I can't believe you just said that, you are so up yourself."
I looked at her with a straight face and said nothing, apart from giving her a little wink.
As the evening went on she was over me like a rash, then when the evening ended I said that it was about time I got going, she looked like she was going to cry and asked if I would like to come back to her apartment for a coffee, of course I declined at first, saying what sort of guy do you think I am, I'm not that easy darling.
After the 3rd time of her asking me to come back for coffee, I thought to myself, well.....I suppose it is my duty as The Man.
The rest as they as is history, apart from saying that having a woman beg you for certain things whilst in bed is fantastic.
My new found confidence and coolness is all down to you and your book. I know that from now on life is going to be pretty damn good.
Cheers for now
Fantastic stuff, seriously, fantastic all around. You pulled yourself together and applied the material and the coaching diligently!
Also, you KEPT IT UP under "pressure" when she gave you the look of "I can't believe you just said that".
So I'm honoured to have you featured here.
And I loved your SPONTANEITY with this stuff, as you have gotten to the point that this is now a PART of you, instead of it being about "canned lines". i.e. The comment to her of, "Actually Julie you scrub up quite well" was GOLDEN, perfect for the situation.
And, it looks like we might have time to answer a brief email that just came in recently:
***QUESTION FROM A READER***
Well I'm a regular reader of your column for quite some while an I must admit that you do have some great insights. I do however have a question regarding your stuff.
The movements of dominance, congruency and 'the frame' normally works when you go ahead looking a woman. How about if a girl is flirting with you. I mean a girl that really likes you flirting with you?
I know this girl. she works at my workplace and like always flirting about how she wants me to be with her etc. my reply is always 'WHY YOU FLIRTING' where she would reply "I LIKE YOU THAT'S WHY I FLIRT WITH YOU"
The thing is, if I capitalize, she puts on her anti-slut defence of not being too easy by just ignoring me.
Tell me what you think.
Yup, this is a funny situation, and easy to solve. The whole problem is that SHE doesn't want to be the one who is OBVIOUSLY responsible for it all happening. A woman wants THE MAN to do the approaching, the pick-up, the physical escalation, he has to SMOOTHLY MAKE IT ALL HAPPEN. This is just the way it is, women don't want to be the ones to have to ACTIVELY make the pick-up happen.
So every time you OBVIOUSLY capitalize on her OBVIOUS signals, it will trigger her "Anti-Slut Defence Shield" and she will be hard to get. The solution is for you to pick HER up, not wait for her to pick YOU up. So when she is not initiating such obvious signals, strike up a chat and make her EARN your attention through her actually having to show you her personality and not just jump you for sex.
Get some solid rapport (which I explain how to in depth in my materials) and go for coffee, dessert, or for a walk in the park! Chill out and then ESCALATE by giving her a reason to hang out in private back at your place or hers, as she clearly WANTS to, she just wants the whole vibe to have some CLASS. She doesn't want to feel cheap that she was so easy.
And when you're in happy times land, make sure you let me know about it!
If you're reading this right now, and would like to get the FULL PICTURE, to learn ALL you need to know for success in the REAL world with women just like the guys you've read about in this newsletter, then I seriously suggest you IMMEDIATELY get my:
SEDUCTION MASTERY APPRENTICESHIP PROGRAM CD Set.
This is the ADVANCED LEVEL for UNLEASHING ALL of the CRUCIAL emotions involved in attraction.
AND it will explain how to keep things PUMPED emotionally so that she will be ADDICTED to you for as long as you want. AND it will show you how to develop the skills in a way that becomes very natural for you and requires no memorization.
And much, MUCH more.
And if you haven't yet read my eBook, definitely do that FIRST. This is where the journey begins, where you will learn the DNA of attraction to form your FOUNDATION.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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