It's important to balance out the "deep" stuff with the more "foundation and basic" stuff when it comes to dating, pick-up, and relationship success.
I'm more fascinated with the deep stuff because it applies to both the initial pick-up and for forever beyond that point.
However, I'm reminded of a guy I met once at the gym. He told me he was taking a Karate class and the instructor made the mistake that a lot of teachers make: They tend to focus on the students who are ALREADY getting it, but who may have some questions.
It's easy to RELATE to the students who are doing better, because they are closer to the level of the instructor in that way.
The key though in teaching is to teach not only the people who seem to be able to get it, but to those who DON'T GET IT.
The guy at the gym was half joking but saying he wished he could open a Karate school that was only for students who could not touch their toes! That way, the instructor would actually be helping guys who are really committed but who are just STARTING OUT.
Similarly, ALL good teachers must never forget their goal is to REACH ALL the students.
What does that mean to me?
It reminds me that before GETTING to the deep stuff, you have to first GET some initial success in the first contact with the girl, right?
He has to get the initial PICK UP done right.
Over the years, there have been many golden nuggets of wisdom that I was lucky enough to get from experience, so you know that what you are about to read is FIELD-TESTED and not just dreamed up in the back of my mind. Keep in mind though, that I still believe that pick-up is not an end in itself, it's just about using it as a method to find a woman of quality.
Also, I still believe that clubs and bars are usually not great places to meet the woman of your dreams, however I notice that often guys can use an initial brief BOMBARDMENT of practicing in this atmosphere, because it forces them to get a quick and useful education in things like style, quick reaction speed in recreational social settings, effectively dealing with this type of social pressure, getting a feel for vibe, etc.
These are things that most girls understand without ever going to a club. But a lot of good guys will never know what I'm talking about unless they experience it. In fact, if a woman tells you that she hates clubs, you will at least fully know WHY, rather than guessing.
Once you get the feel for this, you don't have to ever go to clubs, you can instead meet women in better places.
So, on that note, here are some TRULY APPLICABLE insights that I have found are CRUCIAL for ACTUALLY GETTING THE GIRL.
#1. FORGET BEING AN ENTERTAINER FOR THE GROUP, GO FOR THE GIRL!
When it comes to dealing with groups, always GO DIRECTLY FOR THE GIRL THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN, unless opening the group is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.
Sometimes, it IS necessary to open up the group, i.e. to find out if the girl is the girlfriend of the guy, or if she is just there with a bunch of friends.
So I'm not saying that the idea of opening up the group is wrong.
What I AM saying is that ONLY do this when it's clearly REQUIRED.
You have OPTIONS when you see that a woman is in a group, and it's not always the right thing to do to open the entire group of her friends.
I see so many times that guys will preach about the need to open up the group as matter of "THEORY/PRINCIPLE" when in reality it's often NOT necessary and in fact can RUIN your entire pick-up.
It can RUIN your entire pick-up, because by opening yourself up to the WHOLE group, you are inviting the girl who is the most OUTGOING to JUMP on you, and if this outgoing chick happens to NOT be the chick you are interested in, you can have a serious problem on your hand.
In fact, the other women will either feel BAD to RUIN her "chance" with you and will try to help her out by leaving the two of you alone. Which only ends up hurting everyone.
So even if they want to talk to you, they will be willing to forego it for the benefit of their friend- if nothing else to preserve their friendship, even if deep down inside they HATE her for hogging up the conversation and jumping you, when they wanted to talk to you instead!
So they will IMMEDIATELY leave the scene to give you two time to get all alone together and intimate and cozy.
That's just the way it goes.
You have to make it CLEAR who the heck you are speaking to, because otherwise one of THEM will do the choosing FOR you.
Now, this does not mean you are "giving all the power" over to the woman you are interested in speaking to, just because you are TALKING TO HER.
All you are doing is TALKING to her, and if you have solid game, it's clear that YOU have value as well as her. So TALKING to her as opposed to talking to all her friends does not have to mean you are "kissing up" to her in any way.
So, the rule of thumb should be always AIM for talking directly to the girl you are interested in, and if the logistics of the situation TRULY REQUIRE you to talk to the whole group, then chat to the whole group, but for as LITTLE as possible (I'm talking like 35 seconds!), just enough to show some class when the specific situation requires it.
#2. SOMETIMES, YOU HAVE THINK FAST
When it comes to DECIDING which woman you want to talk to, sometimes you must think FAST.
There's not much point spending three hours talking to three different sets of women all of whom you were NOT interested in, when there was ANOTHER group or another woman that you WOULD have been interested in on the next floor, or the next club, or the next room, etc, but you were too EXHAUSTED emotionally or physically to do the leg work of FINDING her.
If you learn to think FASTER, then you will have MORE energy because you won't have wasted 3 hours on women you had no interest in!
So you have to think fast, because often you will only see a group of girls at a club or lounge or whatever for about 3 seconds before they are gone from view, and even if they are NOT, even if they stay there, you will look like creepy staring at them for an hour trying to figure out who want to chat to.
So, with practice, you'll learn to actually FIGURE OUT INSTANTLY which girl you are interested in on the surface, and then you can find out if she has the personality as well, within a few minutes, and if she has a pathetic personality, you can move on to the NEXT right away.
But you can't stand there staring and thinking, as it will creep them out, it will also make YOU feel weird, and it will rob your interaction of the spontaneity that is so important for your natural vibe to be right.
And if talking to a girl, you see her personality is not what you are into, do NOT keep on talking to her just because everyone else thinks you're cool for running a pick-up.
It's your time, and you will be the one who wasted it. So move on to someone who is worth your time.
#3. Related to number two: KEEP MOVING TILL YOU STRIKE GOLD!
Just because one location is "comfortable and familiar" to you, doesn't mean it has the women you are interested in, yet human nature is often afraid of CHANGE.
But the fact is, if a certain location does not have what you are looking for in terms of women, CHANGE location!
Try a DIFFERENT mall, bookstore, café, pub, club, library, bus, train, street, whatever it is, you have to keep changing till you FIND it.
The world will NOT change itself for US, BUT we can CHANGE our location so that we are aligned in the RIGHT PATH for success.
Sometimes, it's also a matter of experimenting with different TIMES at the same location, but more often it's the location itself.
#4.YOU MUST KEEP UP THE RIGHT STATE, even as you may feel EXHAUSTED from the moving around from place to place!
It's easy to be in state when everything is going great, but when you've been going from place to place and NOT finding what you are looking for, you have to STILL be in state when you go the NEXT place, because THAT location may very well be where the woman that is exactly what you want just happens to be.
And now that you've finally found her, if you are out of state, your game won't be too great.
This is why taking care of yourself, your diet, fitness, rest, etc, is IMPORTANT, because meeting the woman or women you want sometimes takes ENERGY.
It's funny, as guys will spend a lot of time HOURS choosing a TV set, a movie to go to, or even what to eat for dinner. And certainly, they will spend a lot of time on finding the job they want. But yet isn't finding a QUALITY woman JUST as important if not WAY MORE IMPORTANT?????
So take care of your physical and emotional self so that you CAN be in AWESOME state.
#5. ADJUST THE EMOTIONAL "GRAPHIC EQUALIZER" PROPERLY
Awesome state does not just mean "positive state", It's many states in COMBINATION with each other, much like a GRAPHIC EQUALIZER has many different options that all affect the sound, and how for different types of music, or even different parts of the same SONG you might wish to adjust that equalizer to bring out the specific instruments or voice that you want to hear most.
So, your state must be dominant, playful, sexual, upbeat, and sometimes more laid back, and sometimes more energetic at different stages of the pick-up. This topic is covered in depth in my programs and materials.
#6. WORK THE LOGISTICS IN YOUR FAVOR
Allow logistics to work in your favor, and always try to IMPROVE the logistics if possible.
Doing a pickup on a woman who is leaving the store and spinning through the revolving door is obviously not the BEST logistics, so sometimes you have no choice but to WAIT until the logistics improve a bit, i.e. she is out of the store, or in the store, and has settled her gaze on something as she has stopped walking.
If you are both sitting down, it's better than both standing up, as you can sit for an hour and be comfortable while chatting. This is why if you meet a woman at a bookstore, you should take advantage of the coffee shop inside so that you can chat there seated.
And it's not just at a bookstore. If you're at a club, try to get yourselves both seated on a sofa. If you meet a woman at the park, try to get both of you a bench, etc.
There's also a way of doing this smoothly without ruining the vibe of the conversation or the flow, even when it seems complex, but it's beyond the scope of this article.
This doesn't mean you can't do pick-up when the logistics are crap, but it's more difficult, makes you look NEEDIER for feeling the NEED to try to pick her up in such an obviously strange situation (so she's thinking, "Does this guy have NO GIRLS in his life so that he has to go for these ridiculous situations?")
So you want to make the pick-up look like it's NO WORK at all, like it's NOT a strange situation at all.
The EASIER it seems for you, the MORE status you preserve. The more it looks like you are bending over backward to make the pick-up happen, the more INFERIOR your status becomes.
This is NOT an excuse though for anyone to NOT do pick-up! Too often guys will be looking for the PERFECT situation, which never exists. The reality is that in my own life the best girls that I ever met all came from situations where the logistics were not the BEST.
You must be so committed that you no INTERNAL problem doing pick-up in the craziest of situations, it's just that there is no point in trying to meet a woman by making things as INEFFICIENT as possible. Rather, apply what you learn from my programs to make things as EFFICIENT as possible.
If you have an internal block about doing pick-up in "weird situations" with rough logistics, you would be surprised how much GETTING OVER this internal problem will actually HELP YOU with ALL your pick-ups, including the ones where the logistics are GREAT.
The reason for this is because your INNER GAME takes off to new heights when you are TOTALLY cool internally with even the weirdest of situations. You become totally SELF-VALIDATED, so this vibe will now show in all your interactions, including the "better logistics" ones.
#7. IN THE INITIAL PICK-UP, DON'T GIVE UP SO FAST
Even when a woman is not giving you really great signals of interest at the VERY beginning of a pick-up, don't give up so fast.
This is different than being needy or "not getting the hint".
This is ESPECIALLY important if she is around her friends who may be feeling JEALOUS or left out, so, sometimes, SHE may want to show her friends she is not all into you, etc., etc.
So KEEP UP the pick-up, even if she is not giving you much to go on. They KEY here though is to keep up the pick-up using MINIMUM GAME. Minimum game is always important but even MORE so here, as if you start doing anything THAT IS TOO "BIG ENERGY" when the girl is NOT responding, it will make you look like a TOOL.
So, what you want to do here is just keep things WARM, don't even go for HOT yet, as it's too much of a jump from where she is willing to go in front of her friends.
So keep up the interaction, while STILL being laid back and relaxed, and try to help HER qualify HERSELF so that she sees you have standards. Genuinely point out things about her that ARE respectable to you, whether it's her lifestyle, hobbies, attitude, values, and many other areas of her personality.
These things must be things that matter to you, so she can see this is not some slutty style pick-up, but rather a genuine connection, so that she can now elaborate about herself in this way to you. The point here is that she now wants to talk to you since this is not some "game".
Therefore the anti-slut defense shield of hers that normally would shut down an interaction, now has no need to be activated.
This is where being genuine once AGAIN is the key, whereas a lot of guys who are "pick up artists" can only FAKE this and it's super easy for most intelligent quality girls to spot the fakeness.
#8. DROP THE "MEMORIZED" MATERIAL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
When starting out, it's easy to get OVERWHELMED when trying to do pick-up. So much so, that it can be hard to say ANYTHING, never mind BRILLIANT, FUNNY, OR COOL stuff.
This is where, in the beginning, for a lot of guys, it can be useful to have something BRIEF memorized as their "universal" conversation starter for all situations, so that they don't have an excuse to not start the interaction.
In my programs, I give out golden material for this, and in my one on one programs, I create customized "material" for guys that is congruent with the guy's personality so that he is not "faking" who he is.
This material will get a guy some initial positive warm reception and confirming feedback from the woman, which feels good and will bolster your state.
However, I ALSO believe that it's crucial to NOT RELY on this stuff. As soon as you feel you can, you want to WEAN YOURSELF OFF of memorized material.
Once you UNDERSTAND WHY the material is golden, once you understand why it works, once you understand how the whole attraction dynamics work on a deep level, and once you are also super comfortable, you will NEVER need ANY material from anyone again. And you don't have to wait till you are even close to perfect in any of these areas in order to get away from the memorized material.
The reason I'm so adamant about weaning guys off of memorized material is because by relying on material you are sending the message to your brain that you are not worthy on your own, that you are not capable on your own, of handling the dynamics of conversation that is started from scratch, with a total stranger.
Also, not only are you sending the wrong message to your brain on a subtle yet powerful level, you are also never giving yourself a CHANCE to practice so that you don't need material. It becomes a never-ending loop where the guy uses material, gets SOME benefit from it, which feels good, and so therefore this can be ADDICTIVE. A guy will never want to venture away from the memorized material, which QUICKLY actually ends up making the guy seem somehow weird.
I've been teaching guys this stuff for REAL in the sense of getting them RESULTS in the real world, for about five years now, and it was none other than yours truly who got the entire "seduction community" to not only move away from relying on material, but to ALSO replace that with MEANINGFUL conversation, with EMOTIONALLY RELEVANT conversation, rather than just going up to girls and saying "Hi I like you" and hoping the girls will do the rest.
The relying on material comes also partially from the belief that women are not to be trusted at all to like the real you. So it fosters the feeling that you must wear a mask over your real identity, as if your real identity can't be improved, so instead it must be masked.
It also comes from thinking that women are robots who can be programmed.
All this stuff is negative, weird, or creepy stuff.
This was just one of the major points I spoke about to the "seduction community". (One of the other major points was my battle against the lies spread by gurus who are brainwashing guys into believing that all women have the same personalities and values. If a good guy is taught that all women are evil, then he will ultimately end up destroying a perfectly good situation with even the most perfect of women. And that's why I'm so adamant about teaching the TRUTH.)
When half my clients ended up being guys who were coming to me who had been taught by other "experts" and were dissatisfied with their results, I noticed that most of these guys were relying on NON STOP material like broken radios with all this "cool" memorized material, which initially would grab the woman's interest, but then quickly turn her off, because the guy clearly had no authentic social skills.
Due to no fault of their own, (As Mr. Miyagi would say, "no bad student, only bad teacher") the guys were turned into robots, who could not respond effectively to anything the girl would say unless it matched up to something that he had already memorized.
And it gave off a weird vibe to women, that was hard to Fix until I started the guys all over from scratch, building their foundation back properly again and then building on top of that.
As human beings, we already HAVE the raw materials for this, it's in our brains. The trick is to UNLEASH it, and it must be EXERCISED, it must be used in the RIGHT way to be developed. But relying on memorized material is the WRONG way to develop the skills for pick-up. It's only good as an INITIAL boost when you are stalling for something effective to say to get the ball rolling.
So, material CAN be a tool to use in the beginning, but use it SPARINGLY. Learn to develop your REAL skill at pick-up, rather than memorizing robotic routines.
#9. DO PICK UP WITHOUT A WINGMAN
I have nothing against the CONCEPT of a wingman. If you're going out with the boys, it's probably less scary than going out on your own to meet women.
HOWEVER, a lot of guys use a wingman as a crutch, they expect their wingman to open the set, to motivate, and they end up also wasting precious time talking to their wingman ABOUT PICK-UP rather than DOING it!
You need to have these skills on your OWN.
Also, all too often, the "wingman" is actually WORSE at pickup than the guy who is with the wingman, so what happens is that the wingman ends up RUINING the vibe by saying or doing something that is out of whack.
Doing pick-up alone also allows you to MANEUVER any which way you want, allows you to shift gears on a dime if necessary, and forces you to learn to deal with the friends of a girl quickly so that you can get on to picking HER up, rather than on relying on a wingman to take care of this. All this means that ALL your skills get sharper, as you have no one else taking care of any of the elements for you.
When you do pick-up alone, you have no one else to BLAME either, so you are more motivated to be FOCUSED and not make silly mistakes. You also have no choice but to pick-up girls, as you can't stand around talking to your wingman and wasting time which you might do if you are not comfortable yet at this "game".
THEN, once you BOTH HAVE the skills, THEN you can BOTH be far better wingmen to each other.
And even then, I STILL recommend doing pick-up alone sometimes to keep you from stagnating or getting lazy by depending on another dude to open up a conversation with a girl or group of girls for you, or to say good things about you, etc.
And if you'd like to get the FULL PICTURE on PICK-UP, ATTRACTION, and KEEPING a woman attracted, then it's time I mentioned exactly what my materials and programs can do for you:
My SEDUCTION MASTERY APPRENTICESHIP PROGRAM CD Set.
This program is EXPLODING with so much power and insight that to be walking around without its knowledge is robbing yourself of the best life you could have with the woman or women of your choice. What you read in these newsletters is just the TIP of the ICEBERG compared to what you will learn from this special CD Set.
And if you haven't already downloaded my eBook, "The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women", then definitely do that NOW. This book is packed with insights that will develop your FOUNDATION and you can start using it to meet women IMMEDIATELY. It's at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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