The best pick-ups don't seem like pickups at all. Important, this.
There's a reason: A woman who is attractive is not looking to get "picked-up", with all the negative implications of that word. And besides, if you are REALLY the “PRIZE”, then you shouldn’t be so keen on “picking up” a woman till you KNOW more about her.
Makes sense, doesn’t it?
YOUR reality should be just as AWESOME as HER reality.
And let me tell you one thing about an attractive woman’s reality:
Women who are attractive ALREADY HAVE TOO MANY numbers, too many guys who won't stop calling, etc., etc.
If all YOU have to offer is that are willing to "pick her up", in many cases you're not going to get very far. You must do everything in your power to NOT look like you are trying to "pick up" a woman. The best way to not LOOK like you are trying to pick up a woman is to actually NOT be trying to pick her up.
You should instead by INTERACTING with her. Some people call this SOCIALIZING.
The only time to “pickup” is when the interaction is going along SO WELL, so smoothly, that it just seems NATURAL to take it to the "next level", whether it's to chat for some more, go for a coffee or a walk, kiss her, or to arrange to meet up later if you have no time at the moment.
There are actually three things going wrong when a guy is trying too hard to “pick up” a woman:
1. She already has many guys to choose from and doesn't feel needy for any more.
2. It makes her feel slutty if she goes along with a guy's attempts to "pick her up" without even knowing her. This makes her feel guilty and cheap thus she will ignore the attempt to pick her up.
3. She also figures that if you were as desirable as HER, you wouldn't be so quick to want someone for sex. And let's face it, if you don't know a thing about her, and you still want her number or to take her for a coffee, what else can she possibly think you're interested in her for?
Don't get me wrong- I'm not saying to act as if you have no sexuality. And I'm not saying to go on for hours in conversation before getting sexual at all. What I am saying is that you have to have timing, and you have to have more than JUST sexuality.
You can't SKIP that stage called "getting to KNOW someone". Otherwise your "sexuality" comes across as "desperation".
It's funny actually, when you think about it, because once you raise your OWN standards, all this becomes OBVIOUS.
But most guys really have way-too-low standards. Any chick that LOOKS attractive and WHAMMO, it's like "Oh man, gotta have her". Not good. That’s scarcity thinking.
There's an interesting irony:
As guys get more successful with women, they stop being CONSCIOUS of all the strategies and yet they only get more and more successful.
The reason why is because in many ways, all that has happened is that they have naturally adopted the attitude of not actively SEARCHING for women, because they ALREADY HAVE more than they can handle. Plus, their new-found confidence often translates into a more fun personality, more humor, more good natured teasing, more challenge, more excitement. And about a bazillion other subtle things in body language and tonality that are beyond the scope of this one newsletter.
This is why a guy who is REALLY good-natured, confident, funny, etc, can get away with what SEEMS on the surface to be FAR OUT ways to start a conversation with a woman. It works for him because the SUBTLETIES of his tonality, his expression on his face, all say "I'M A FUN AND DESIRABLE PERSON AND I AIN'T NEEDY ONE BIT".
Who WOULDN'T enjoy being in the presence of THE MAN?
Guys who are successful with women are not even thinking so much about “picking up” a woman they happen to meet – rather, their attitude is that they won't mind a FUN conversation and FINDING OUT WHAT SHE'S ABOUT.
And then, if she seems like she is a person they might like to get to know better, THEN they might decide to move things to the next stage and go for a coffee or get her number, etc.
Now these guys are finally thinking the way an attractive woman thinks, they are finally thinking the way they SHOULD have been thinking all along!
That attitude solves all three problems mentioned at the start:
1. The fact that she has lots of guys is no longer an obstacle because by your slower approach, by your attitude and mannerisms, and not skipping the "getting to know you" stage, YOU imply to her that you are not necessarily GOING to pick her up. Instead you are just going to SOCIALIZE.
SOCIALIZING is the great excuse for just about anything in this society.
I actually believe this is a dangerous thing, but hey you have to deal with reality as it is to have any effect on that reality.
Once you are socializing, you might FIND OUT that you do want to get to know her. BOTH of you are OPEN to the idea of getting to KNOW a potentially really cool person. A cool person doesn't skip stages, and you are not rushing things. You're just there to socialize and find out if she MIGHT be a good overall match, and you are there of course to also convey a bit about yourself.
2. The second problem, the "slut factor" is taken care of as well. Since you are first just chatting and getting to know each other, she doesn't feel slutty if, after this stage, you decide to move things to the next level.
By the way, this is why if you do get an email or phone number after just a couple of minutes, you should think of it as just a stepping stone to your real conversation which will happen later. Nothing is sealed yet. You can't skip stages. (unless you're with a really strange girl or a party girl who really could care less about anything besides having fun NOW.)
3. By slowing things down and not getting to the "pick up" part so fast, you are implying that YOU have choices as well and that therefore you are not needy either. Notice how simply having the attitude that you are THE MAN who ALREADY has everything, and who has high standards, solves everything.
Everything traces back to superiority.
I believe one of the reasons teasing a girl in a good-natured way works is because it implies that you are not taking the initial interaction too seriously and that you are not so quick to think she is so great. You are putting her on an equal playing field where she has to prove herself to you.
In other words, you are demonstrating that you are pretty cool and superior yourself. But if you go too far and act mean, you then are coming across as either having a psychological DEFECT, or having social attitude problems, both of which are signs of inferiority and not attractive.
Let's end off with a practical example:
You're at the 7-Eleven. A girl in front of you is buying a Coke. You're a bit sly and say to her, "Hey, if you want to get high, you don't need to resort to Coke. You should try natural alternatives, like talking to me, for instance."
You could play with this one in a million ways, everything from being a "Coke dealer" who deals with Natural Coke and Diet Coke, to telling her that you don't trust her because she's probably a caffeine junkie. Notice how NONE of this is actually "picking her up" or touching her, or kissing up to her, etc.
It's MUTUALLY ENJOYING a social interaction. So that you can eventually move on to "getting to know someone" if you desire to do so. And eventually move on to "getting sexual", etc.
You might decide after a few minutes of this, if you are enjoying the interaction, to say "hey, it's a hot day outside, let's take a stroll to the Slurpee section" or "let's discuss this some more with a stroll around the block".
At first the idea of taking things to the next stage might seem like a "conscious" thought to you, as if you are PUSHING your comfort limits, but after a while, you'll realize that it actually makes sense and you will not even THINK about it anymore.
Also, pushing your comfort limits is a HUGE part of becoming THE MAN.
Let me give you a secret:
The best guys in anything all pushed their comfort limits a LOT.
And if you haven't yet downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then do that immediately. This book lays the roadmap that you need for taking things all the way from how to meet women to getting physical and relationships. This book is where it all begins, your foundation to your incredible future with women.
Download it now at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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