One of the most popular questions I get through emails is, "What do I say when I approach a girl? Please let me know exactly everything I should say, etc."
The first problem with this question is that the question implies the wrong focus:
On words rather than on understanding the goal of the interaction, which is to get a woman into the right state for being picked up. And accomplishing that itself requires you to get into the right states as well.
Secondly, the question also implies that there is some mystery about women, as if there are certain words that need to be said, words that we as men would never be able to come up with naturally.
It can create a negative perception of women as bizarre, and that can harm your inner game.
The truth is, when you understand why women act the way they do, i.e. why they test you during the pick up, or why being sexual is important, you then can figure out the right thing to "say" and do.
And they don't seem weird or bizarre or crazy.
By the way, when I say "state", I don't just mean confident. Her state should be sexual, playful, mischievous, feminine, your state should be sexual, playful, dominant, upbeat/secure.
So the real answer to the question of what to do or say, is to first get into state and then gently but firmly lead the interaction, knowing exactly where you are going.
At that point, it could help some guys to "Know what to say". But I promise you, even if you are one of those guys, with practice, you will learn to come up with the right stuff right on the spot, and perhaps re-use some of the coolest stuff you know gets great reactions.
But from practicing, you will develop new things to say on the spot that is even better, so your stash of cool things to say gets bigger and bigger and it becomes part of your new "vocabulary".
And in fact, you get to the point you have so much to say, that you are not worried at all about that, and then you realize that you never needed any of it, because in fact every interaction with every girl you have will already have all the built in opportunities for conversation already there.
Whether it's the situation you are in, she is in, the location, etc, it doesn't matter!
"Game" is not about having memorized things to say. It's about insight into women, and it's about the skill of getting women into the right states.
My programs will speed up your learning curve, because they focus on instilling those insights and skills in you, and you are getting the benefit of experience instead of having to learn it all by trial and error.
In order to get women into states, you must know the states you are trying to create in her first. Sounds obvious, but actually most guys don't think about this and lose the pick up. They will do anything to just get some reaction, which is usually a mistake.
So, the states that you want her to be in are HAPPY, EXCITED, TURNED ON, and WILLING TO "SUBMIT" to your role as the MASCULINE and her role as the FEMININE.
Yup, THAT'S the goal.
And very often, it's even in that order, although it doesn't HAVE to be.
It makes sense:
i.e. Let's say you meet a girl at the bookstore. She doesn't know a THING about you. She can't just JUMP IMMEDIATELY to getting TURNED ON.
So it's not so much about MAGIC WORDS. It's about what will get her into a GOOD STATE right away.
So if you can get her LAUGHING, it's a good START. You can't FINISH on just her laughing, or you are just a clown.
This is why TEASING is often very effective, because if you know how to tease RIGHT, in a way that is both FUNNY and DOMINANT, and yet NOT MEAN, you have gotten her into a good state that is now RECEPTIVE to further action from you. AND, the dominance in it makes it clear you are not just a clown.
You have to be dominant, or how can she feel FEMININE about being submitting to you? Think about it- a woman has to SPREAD HER LEGS to have sex with you. She wants to do that with someone who she feels is WORTHY, otherwise it makes HER feel low. But if she submits to a guy who is dominant, then it all makes sense. How can she submit to a guy who acts submissive?
AND, and this is important, the tease and ALL your behavior with her can't be MALICIOUS. In my experience for over three years coaching guys in person at bootcamps, I've noticed a common problem is guys start out the interaction CONSTANTLY misusing the tease and saying MEAN things.
Not only is this not even effective with the SUPER HOTTIES, but often the chick the guy is talking to is not even ULTRA HOT, so she's not that secure in the first place, AND the guy was being MEAN!!!
The first thing I need to do is go over and practice non-stop teases with guys, until they get into the right zone of funny, playful and UPBEAT vibes, not JERKY vibes.
So let me give an example of something that is RIGHT:
First of all, let's talk a bit about being in the RIGHT STATE.
One of the best things about having a great friend is helping each other be in the right state.
Sending funny video clips over the net, or inspiring videos, or just keeping in touch and trading good honest vibes.
VERY AWESOME for your state.
I mean, sometimes I think that guys like Robin Williams should be paid TEN TIMES as much, because they help get people into FUN STATES.
Also, any type of inspirational art is also great.
So anyway, let's say you are IN this good state.
And now, you waltz into a bookstore.
In the bookstore, in this aisle where this brunette cutie is, there is a huge book with photographs, all about WHISKEY, and the author's name was Michael Jackson! So it's a perfect set up - you're looking for a gift, asking the chick beside you for any ideas. Then, you happen to pull out the book on Whiskey, and mention, "NOW THIS is at least HONEST! A book on WHISKEY by Michael Jackson, isn't that what the kids drank at Never Land? I mean they CALLED it Kool-Aid..."
Now, the point of this is simple:
IT'S TO CREATE A BETTER STATE IN HER.
She will probably LAUGH, especially if YOU SAY IT WITH CONGRUENCY and not as if you are thinking it's a crappy line.
As she laughs, you can THEN tease her.
"Hey, don't laugh! You seem to WANT this book! I can tell the look in your eyes. All glazed. Let me see you walk a straight line."
If you say this congruently, she will "GET IT" that this is flirtation and fun in ACTION and she will play along with something like:
"Haaa, no, I don't wanna prove I'm drunk!"
"Nooo, I can CONTROL myself!"
"I'm not a big drinker, honestly!"
(To which you can say, "Denial is the first step!")
Either way, it's a FUN response, not an angry one.
So now, you've falsely accused her (playfully) about something that SHE KNOWS YOU DON'T MEAN TO BE TRUE, so she can't take it the wrong way.
In all my years of teasing, I don't think I've ever seriously hurt a girl's feelings. That's because I CARE about people, and I don't think it's necessary to BURN people in the name of LEARNING a skill. In fact, that's PART OF THE ART! ANY GUY CAN GO AROUND ACTING LIKE A MORON.
By the way, if there was no Michael Jackson Whiskey book, (there really is, of course it's not the same MJ though) I would find something ELSE--I would make fun of the way she's searching forever for a book, as if it's the decision of a lifetime, vocal tonality for example saying teasingly: "Decisions, decisions".
You DON'T have to be a comedian to succeed at this stuff, but you do you have to UNDERSTAND WHAT VIBE YOU ARE TRYING TO ACHIEVE.
Back to the example:
The VOICE TONALITY carries just the right amount of AUTHORITY along with the playfulness so that you are not being a CLOWN and you're also not being uptight with a pickle up your butt. Your voice also has some SEXUALITY in it. What does that mean? It means the way you might talk to your girlfriend when she is almost totally naked and you are slowly taking off her bra and you are VERY TURNED ON and yet feeling GOOD and masculine.
Feelin "MEAN", if you know what I mean. That's "mean" in a GOOD WAY for those who don't understand that context. Mean, like lean mean machine kind of mean. Like a MAN.
Now, what do MOST GUYS do?
They act like IDIOTS.
I remember walking to a club one night, with a buddy. There were these five or six hotties all dressed to the nines, way ahead of us on the sidewalk, and this group of guys about half-way between us and the girls. We were chilling, it was early in the evening, and I was going over a few pointers, when we noticed the chicks.
The guys of course are all talking amongst themselves looking at the girls and they were laughing, surely making typical dorky jokes about how they would have sex with the girls in all kinds of positions, and acting all fake "cool". They do nothing. Talk some more amongst themselves.
But, in the words of Britney Spears, If you like then:
WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?
And then, the girls turn to their CAR, so the guys pull out an "AWESOME TACTIC":
They start WHISTLING at the girls.
That's sarcasm there, by the way.
So the girls turn around, and they of course are now on ANTI-SLUT DEFENSE MODE.
Because WHISTLING as a form of pick up SUCKS. It makes the girls feel CHEAP if they respond to it. CHEAP feels BAD. Cheap RUINS self-esteem.
FEELING BAD IS BAD FOR PICK-UP.
Most of the girls just look annoyed, and ONE of the girls says something like "Do you think that's going to make us TALK to you?".
Now, the thing is, these guys were probably NOT BAD GUYS. They were all so busy trying to act COOL to EACH OTHER that no one wanted to RISK rejection by actually putting themselves out there and actually going for the kind of interaction that works. I mean, even if they don't know how to do proper pickup, ANYTHING is better than that whistling sh*t. Even just "keeping it real" and being straight forward with something like "hey girls, what's up" is STILL better than that!
Unless of course, you whistle ON PURPOSE and then follow it up with something FUNNY like, when the girls turn around, saying "oh no not you guys, I'm looking for my DOG!"
THAT is at least FUNNY!
And the truth is, you don't have to be a COMEDIAN to do this, you just have to know what the MOOD is supposed to be, both internally in yourself and the mood you want the chicks in.
Also, I hardly HAD any friends growing up except a few CLOSE friends, so I really don't CARE what GUYS think of me! In fact, I don't really care what GIRLS think of me! So for sure I don't care what GUYS think. I don't mean that in a MEAN way, I just mean that I'm out to have a good time, and mingle with LIKE MINDED people.
And by the way, this just happens to be the attitude of the girls who are smoking hot.
Do you think that it's a coincidence?
These attitudes are born from the way we THINK.
Around the same time, I mentioned to my client the following words:
"GUYS do a lot of our work FOR us. By acting so BAD, the standard is not HIGH. So when you go in and do it all RIGHT, you RULE! THERE IS PLENTY OF SUPPLY, plenty of women, there just aren't enough COOL guys who GET IT."
In fact, this is why even beginners sometimes get lucky with a girl, then they think they are SO LUCKY and they kiss up or get needy out of insecurity, or they act MEAN out of insecurity, and it ruins all the fun. Which makes the girl pull away, which makes the guy MORE insecure and needy and pushes her farther away.
The craziest part of it all is that these girls GO SO OUT OF THEIR WAY to TRY to be attractive, working out, watching their diet, dressing sexy or funky and fun, TO GET GUYS! And yet guys act in ways that should be OBVIOUS would make girls feel bad, but guys do it anyway because they are too afraid to get REJECTED, so they would rather that they act like DORKS or jerks or they act super fake extra nice out of insecurity. It's all fake.
It was a great motivator for the night, but that's a different story. Let's get back to the bookstore case:
So she's LAUGHING now, because of your PLAYFUL tease that was said in the right combination of states (playful, sexual, dominant) evident through your vocal tonality etc.
She can FEEL that you have LIFE and FUN in you. And she can feel that ultimately this CAN lead to sex if she LETS IT. Because you clearly are MASSIVELY confident and you are in control and you are giving off the sexual vibe and you seem to "GET IT". And every guy she's EVER had sex with so far in her life that she LIKED has "gotten it". He "gets" how it all works.
So she may very well SH*T TEST you now. This way, she can be HARD to get, and NOT feel like a tramp for sleeping with you.
EVERY GIRL I have ever met, where things got physical, has thrown the test at me. It's not them being MEAN, it's them being CLASSY in their own minds!
So you have to simultaneously show respect and yet of course DEAL WITH IT AND PUT IT BEHIND YOU ASAP.
So as you chat with her some more, CLOSING IN the physical proximity so that it's more intimate. Perhaps you are now talking about what she is there for, and talking about some cool subject matter like human nature or even human sexuality (COOL with chicks IS NOT CEREBRAL BORING STUFF OR VIDEO GAMES TALK) books.
Then, you might suggest going for a coffee in the store to continue the conversation. She might shit test you here and say she is busy, she is not the type to do this, etc etc. She might say to you "You were awfully smooth there, are you a player?" Or she might TEASE YOU even, like "so is this what you do? Stay at the bookstore and pick up girls?"
By the way, sometimes this is not a shit test, and is just a real question. You have to pay attention to her body language and face, if she seems genuine and not mean, she might just be worried that she is going to be disrespected as a human being. If you sense that, you address it and just give her more time to just chat where you already both are (instead of moving to the coffee shop if she isn't comfortable with that yet) etc etc.
Then you escalate later, in a few minutes, when she is comfortable.
YOU have to push the interaction, but you don't do it completely blind. You naturally take into account what's going on.
You also need to have a plan. If you meet during daytime, chances are you will need to take her number because she has to go to work or wherever, and you probably do too.
But then, when you call her, if you haven't chatted with her much in person, you'll need to build up more connection on the phone. But when you DO meet, meet close to your place or her place or WHEREVER it is you plan to get physical. Don't rely on HER for this.
When you do get back to her place or your place, you MUST escalate again, with CONVICTION. If she's not ready, you chill out and escalate again later, etc.
And if you met at a club to begin with, you could run the interaction way longer as she's in no rush to leave. But again, you must LEAD the interaction. It's up to you to get her to leave the club with you to go to another club or for a bite to eat. If you have to bring her friends, that's fine, you adjust for the situation. But it's up to YOU.
An important point to remember about ESTABLISHING even introductory physical contact like touching her shoulder or holding her hand is to do it with TOTAL CONVICTION.
Trust me, this is SO important. If you hold her hand weakly, she will RESIST it more.
Don't crush her hand of course, what I mean is to do it as if you MEAN it.
If you have DOUBTS, she will feel you are weak. She will also feel GUILTY AND SLUTTY since it will be HER fault for having sex with you, since after all you were so weak about it, it means that she made it happen.
YOU must take control and give her the "excuse" to herself that YOU made it happen. Even though of course she WANTS you to make it happen.
Also, if you are incongruent/WEAK/lacking conviction in the early physical contact, it will make her feel that you will NOT be assertive in bed either.
The reason why it's SO important to be assertive in bed is that GIRLS love absolutely love having sex when it's hot passionate and kinda freaky too. Not that that's the ONLY kind they like but they damn well LOVE it just as much as you.
Sex is SATURATING their mind but they aren't getting the fun kind of combo: passionate playful raunchy intimate all at the same time.
THEY WANT IT:
But they will feel WEIRD AND GUILTY if YOU feel weird/guilty/incongruent about it.
You HAVE to be dominant about what you want or she will feel UNCOMFORTABLE and not able to let loose.
This is part of the reason why the sexual dimension to the interaction needs to be there in the pickup as well, it can't just happen when it's time for sex, or it will never GET to the sex part!
And if you want the girl to STICK with you, you have to KEEP on being this guy, but let me ask you a question:
Why WOULDN'T you want to be this guy?
A guy who is SEXUAL, who is COMFORTABLE with himself, a guy who makes women feel GREAT, a guy who knows how to prevent her anti-slut-defense shield from activating, a guy who knows how to connect with women? A guy who knows how to reflect his identity not only through his interactions and personality, but also through the details of his sense of style?
This all feels GOOD anyway!
And if you haven't already downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then definitely do that immediately. It's the foundation, where the journey begins.
I have spent literally YEARS learning these skills the hard way, trying just about EVERYTHING until I broke through to what really works. And the great news is that it CAN be taught, it CAN be learned.
And you can start to understand and learn by downloading my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, here:
One more thing about me- I don't just know this stuff, I know how to teach different types of people. I'm a professional and certified teacher, a graduate of one of the most vigorous teacher education programs in the world.
The way I look at it, if you are serious about improving your skills in any area, it's about getting an education in that area. With me, you are learning from someone who has BOTH the practical experience and yet also understands the best pedagogical practices for learning and teaching. This becomes even more powerful in my live coaching programs where I can meet you and get feedback from you to make sure that I explain and demonstrate things in a way you understand. And in my one-on-one programs such as my bootcamps and consultations, I will gear every SECOND of the program to suit your particular learning style.
It's a WIN-WIN situation.
Download this special book right now at:
nside, you'll learn:
-How to trigger attraction instantly.
-How to approach women and create "instant dates."
-How to get physical.
-How to handle tests.
-How to create a powerful sense of connection.
-And much, much more.
And you can now benefit from all that in my insanely powerful CD Series also known as The Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program. This program is the MOTHER of all programs in this field. It's at:
This program is DEVASTATINGLY effective for pick up, and is ALSO CRITICAL to your success with women LONG TERM. And you can OWN it and have it express-delivered right to you from here:
To enrich your life with the caliber of women you deserve, visit the Dating Wizard Website:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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