Today’s article is a little different, because I’d like to make a point about relationships. Though many dating gurus would pretend that all anyone wants is just to get laid by different partners every day, the reality is that most people deep down would like to eventually feel the awesome emotions that come from a good relationship.
When I decided to devote my life to being “The Dating Wizard”, it wasn’t something that just happened overnight. It was the result of being PUSHED TO THE BRINK where I literally felt I would explode if I didn’t DO something about it.
What was it that pushed me to the brink? Guess what – it wasn’t sexual frustration. In fact, the GREATEST IRONY THAT HIT ME was that sex is DAMN EASY TO GET and GOOD RELATIONSHIPS are the real rare commodity.
One of the reasons sex was easy to get was because women KNEW I wasn’t pushing it, I wasn’t desperate, and in fact they knew that I was assessing them as to their worth for a long term relationship. Suddenly, when they knew I wasn’t a sure thing like every other guy, I had them pursuing me. And what’s interesting, is that my conversations were always intriguing because I was always passionate about many things, including human behavior, the way women and men behave, creative writing, world issues, etc. I didn’t KNOW that most guys were acting like complete dumbasses with girls and that I was doing anything special.
However, what I didn’t know as well was just how much butt-kissing women get from guys, so I had no idea how women could not appreciate good guys in relationships. This led to a lot of problems, obviously.
The reality that I have known for a long time is that society, for both men and women, but especially for women, has basically shifted its values in such a way as to ANNIHILATE relationships from lasting long term UNLESS the parties involved REJECT society’s norms.
It’s not like some conspiracy or anything like that, it’s simply selfishness to the enth degree, and relationships cannot survive in such selfish norms. We are living in an era of the complete abandonment of anything other than self.
Get ready for just a GLIMPSE:
What is the PRIMARY LOCATION for socializing and leisure for young people and even many older people?
Where is the place where you can find the HIGHEST mix of men and women in a social mood?
Where do people tend to meet the opposite sex?
You guessed it – CLUBS AND BARS.
Okay, so that is a given.
It’s a FACT.
It’s NOT the “church social”.
It’s NOT the grocery store.
It’s NOT any of this stuff.
Take ONE LOOK at what is going on in clubs. Okay, MOST GUYS are doing nothing but drinking with other guys. But the fact is, they COME to socialize and HOPE to meet women. But WHAT do you see as the MODEL of a “good time”?
Drinking, smoking, ass grinding, people making out, blinding lights, deafening music. Sex infused in everything from the club name to the image, to the way people dress, to the lyrics in the pounding music. There is nothing “wrong” with this EXCEPT for the fact that this is more than just what is going on in CLUBS per se. It is basically the FOUNDATION of what is considered “cool” by the masses.
And don’t get me started by saying “well many people meet outside of clubs”. Of course they do. But the over-riding culture of what is considered “cool” is the same regardless of whether you met her at a club, or whether you met her at your local 7-11, or whether you met her anywhere else.
The hot chick you see in the grocery store doesn’t change her perception ONE IOTA of what is cool just because she is not in the club. It’s not like there is “club culture” and ALSO some kind of “competing culture” that is ALSO considered cool.
As of this writing, CLUB CULTURE RULES AND DEVOURS ALL COMPETING PHILOSOPHIES for 99 percent of people. Even many “geeks” still WISH they could be this “cool”. Things weren’t always like this in human history. Never before has there been such a giant emphasis on sex, self, and instant gratification.
The creed of this “club culture”is:
Focus only on INSTANT FUN and stimulation and to hell with LONG TERM consequences. In fact, the new values are so entrenched, that you are considered crazy for challenging them, or uncool, or what have you.
The facts that the divorce rate is 50%, that women are no happier than in the past even with all their supposed “progress” and sexual liberation and screwing around, that depression and prozac are considered almost normal, STILL hasn’t made anyone even DARE to SUGGEST that MAYBE this MIGHT have SOMETHING to do with our NEW CULTURAL NORMS.
Sure, people SAY they want a long term relationship, but what are they willing to DO for it, I ask?
Pick up a typical woman’s magazine and read the advice given to women regarding relationships:
Basically, the advice is focused on sex, manipulation, and “freedom”. As if “freedom” means the joy of endless breakups, prozac, confusion, lies, and lack of trust. That is what “freedom” has resulted in these days. But to challenge this is “uncool”. So we go on, maintaining the status quo.
In fact, it has become so accepted, that we don’t even REALIZE how bizarre it is that basically people get drunk, meet someone in a half dazed state, have sex, form some quasi type of bond, focus most of their energy on their career, and then WONDER why their relationships SUCK. Look, the PRIMARY ingredient for relationship success, beyond mutual attraction, is COMMITMENT. Everything ELSE worthy in life takes commitment-whether it’s getting top marks, being successful in your career, or working out, yet for some reason when it comes to relationships, the word commitment
vanishes these days.
That’s because the focus has shifted today on the SELF.
You can be purely selfish in your quest for your degree or career or your workout, but hell it just ain’t gonna work when it comes to relationships. This is where NICE GUYS GET REALLY SCREWED. Let’s assume that both men and women are equally naturally selfish. But the fact remains, that the structure of society sets guys up to LOSE in a relationship.
Because in a relationship, a guy is not supposed to “hit” on other women. And truth is, if he loves her, he won’t.
But women, even in a relationship, still will get “hit on”, and yet they are purely innocent, see? Because in fact, they are passive, since society says that men are supposed to be doing the active part of picking up. So you have a good guy who is faithful to his wife or girlfriend and makes sure to not hit on any women. Meanwhile his wife or girlfriend is getting hit on all the time.
Does anyone think this does not spoil women? Does anyone think for a moment that if women had the situation REVERSED they would stand for it? Does anyone wonder why guys are refusing to marry these days?
Most people WANT to get married, women included. A friend of mine entered a statistic into an online dating site, and found that in his area were over 1000 women over 35 who had never been married. And 1000 was the limit in terms of how many results the computer system would allow, which means that there were in fact most likely FAR MORE than 1000.
To put it simply, some men are getting smarter and catching on. Slowly. If a guy goes to a dance club with friends for a birthday party, and he happens to have a girlfriend at home, as long as he doesn’t ACTIVELY pursue any women, chances are no women will pursue him. If a woman does the same, she will be pursued simply because women are supposed to be passive and guys active in picking up.
And of course she is “innocent”. Anyone really think this does not make women feel superior, that it does not spoil women? That women do not take advantage of this?
Trust me, women think TWICE about acting this way when they don’t want to LOSE their guy to some other woman at a club, and the ONLY way they will consider this is if they know you have the skills to pull girls at a club. It’s like nuclear deterrence, nobody wants to bomb anyone when they know they can get bombed back.
Ever hear this one?
It goes like this:
“Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely”. That is what is going on today with women.
And of course, guys are then labeled as CONTROLLING and EVIL if they point out any of this. Guys are supposed to just eat this crap and smile in order to be labeled “good”.
If that’s the case, then I’m probably the most evil guy by now since Satan.
Most guys would rather be thought of as evil than to be treated like crap, and that’s why men are thinking twice before getting married. If you try to get somewhere with women by trying to "BE" what they say they want, you will NEVER get to the point where they say "okay, that is good now". You are dealing with a BLACK HOLE, a bottomless pit, whether it is matter of money, emotion, or anything else. INSTEAD, you must BE THE MAN and instill a sense of value RIGHT OFF THE BAT.
Ever notice how women don't have to show AN OUNCE OF VALUE, but guys feel the need to try to sell themselves?
The REAL TRUTH is that if there is any “EVIL” INEQUALITY these days, it’s against men. That’s just a fact. Hey, when was the last time you heard that more women than men are enrolled in university? I don’t hear anyone rallying to the cause of educating men and helping men. No one gives a damn.
The reality is clear, even though NO ONE wants to spell it out. Well, here I am, spelling it out:
For guys, relationships are DOOMED unless you meet a woman who is intelligent enough to see the double standard working against men.
You see, jerks see right away when a woman is taking them for a ride and dump her immediately. But GOOD GUYS cannot fathom how someone can be so “not good” and get turned into punching bags. So the reason I am here is mostly to PREVENT good guys from getting abused and to show them how to make the BEST of life in the crazy society that exists today.
There’s only one way to SURVIVE in today’s world with women, honestly. Unless you are willing to move to a completely different culture, the only way to survive is to INCREASE YOUR VALUE. I call this SUPERIOR INTRINSIC VALUE.
If most guys just knew how they appeared to women, it would be a HUGE learning lesson.
Most guys give off the impression of being desperate, boring, sex-starved underlings, willing to take any crumbs a woman will throw them. They focus on trying to get a woman all horny, as if she had no one to get horny with besides him. Can you imagine a hot woman meeting a guy and trying to impress him by immediately trying to get him horny? You don’t even imagine this because it DOESN’T HAPPEN.
When you KNOW YOU HAVE VALUE, you don’t PUSH yourself on someone.
Whereas women might be intimidated to approach a group of guys because the guys seem desperate and would swarm them uncomfortably, most guys are intimidated to approach a group of women because they feel the women are OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE.
And guys act as if they are out of their league-they try so hard to show off, or they kiss up, trying to get approval. THESE ARE SIGNS OF INFERIORITY. Guys also give women too much of an ego boost when women ALREADY HAVE HUGE EGOS, by revealing their intent so fast. Women NEVER REVEAL their emotions so fast, even if they LOVE you. They play their cards right.
And guys act way too serious around women, as if each individual woman has so much significance, making HER feel SUPERIOR.
ATTRACTION IS NOTHING BUT THE FEELING THAT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IS SUPERIOR.
WOMEN THESE DAYS FEEL SUPERIOR NOT BECAUSE THEY INHERENTLY ARE, BUT BECAUSE GUYS HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED INTO BELIEVING THIS ILLUSION THEMSELVES.
Now, I am not waiting for society to change. I’m not holding my breath. Instead, I have made it my LIFE’S WORK to give POWER BACK TO GOOD GUYS.
I have actually analyzed the current culture and devised a way for you to use it to your advantage. Instead of surrendering to the system, I have learned to ADAPT. This is what SURVIVAL is all about.
You see, the PROBLEM is also THE CURE. The whole problem is built on the illusion that it is men’s destiny to be punching bags for women. Well, to borrow a line from the Karate Kid, “best block, no be there”. This is a huge step for most good guys. They have been BRAINWASHED to think that they NEED a woman’s approval so badly that they will continue to take a punching in a vain hope to get it.
It actually is PAINFUL at first for guys to STOP what they are doing because it feels like at least it is better than doing nothing. But once they BREAK AWAY from it for a while, suddenly they realize ‘HOLY SH*&^!” I really don’t NEED that crap! I feel great!
It is THEN, and ONLY THEN, that you can begin to dictate your terms, because you really have NO NEED for approval, so either you are going to get a fair deal or it will be nothing at all.
It’s amazing how good it feels to NOT be a sitting duck and to instead create your OWN destiny with women.
I may not change society, but I can help you change your life. I can’t promise you that you will find the woman of your dreams tomorrow, but you will have far more choices of women and far more respect from them.
This article has pointed out some very real issues that are fundamental to understand. The problem is not some superficial problem, it is deeply embedded. Society is not going to fix the problem, so unless you are going to help yourself, no one will.
I explain all of this stuff in detail in my book, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women. it’s jam packed not only with the specifics of what to do to approach women and bridge into getting physical, but also with how to get into the right mind frame and keep your mind that way. Remember, the greatest gift you can give a woman is the feeling of POWER that you will resonate as THE MAN. And that’s all in the brain, so watch what you feed it.
You can download the book right now and be reading it in just a few minutes.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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