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"It’s critical to understand what mistakes most guys make, and how to avoid them like the plague, especially during the initial pickup."
In doing tons of Workshops and Bootcamps, I have noticed that there are certain COMMON YET DEVASTATING MISTAKES that guys make ALL THE TIME in their interactions with women. These mistakes are TOXIC to attraction. Because I know what to look for, I can detect these errors as soon as they happen and thus immediately begin the “detox” phase.
It’s CRITICAL to understand what these mistakes are, and to AVOID them like the plague, ESPECIALLY in the INITIAL PICKUP.
Here are some crucial detox principles:
**PLAYFUL DOES NOT MEAN GOOFY**
There is a fine line between PLAYFUL and FUN and being GOOFY. Goofy is NOT COOL. And the reason goofy is not cool is because goofy shows a LACK OF UNDERSTANDING of the social fabric of the situation, and it shows A LACK OF WIT, as well as a LACK OF CONFIDENCE.
Being goofy is also too EASY. Anyone can do it. And it’s like saying “I’m going to be extremely stupid on purpose so that it’s obvious I’m not trying to be smart, so that way, no one can accuse me of being an idiot, since I’m OBVIOUSLY being an idiot.”
But this is actually a sign of INSECURITY, because it’s giving yourself an EXCUSE to tell everyone for why you are not making a powerful impact.
So it becomes an escape tactic, or as a comedian I know says, “It’s a back door”.
In other words, the women (and in fact everyone in the group, if they are there) can see you are AFRAID of screwing up, by the very fact you are making it so clear that you are intentionally screwing up.
That’s the difference between goofy humor and humor that shows confidence, value, talent, or wit.
**A PLAYFUL TEASE IS DESTROYED BY INCONGRUENT BODY LANGUAGE**
For example, if you think you are being funny by teasing a waitress by pretending to be giving her the menu back and then yanking it away etc., but you are not making eye contact, or you are facing away from her because you are secretly afraid of her reaction, OR if your expression looks goofy and over smiley OR if you are too serious, instead of either just being laid back or calm smile, the waitress will then just think you are weird and it will also make her uncomfortable or irritable.
Which is the opposite of what you want.
You have to realize that any of those mistakes will screw up your tease big time and backfire. Which is not to put you off making teases, just to let you know that there is a STANDARD and if you don’t reach it, you will come across as pathetic.
Incongruent and weak body language makes your tease seem like you are saying, ““Ain’t I cute, I can do this stupid sh*8 to you”, while the SAME tease with the RIGHT body language comes across as a guy who is SEXY and relaxed AND not seeking approval, AND in a good playful mood AND funny AND witty.
It really helps to be self-aware of this until you change your habits instinctively, and of course, it helps to have an expert monitor you and eliminate any problem areas in your game in this regard.
**THE WAY YOU DRESS COUNTS**
You here all these systems out there telling you hogwash like, “I’m a total slob and I eat nothing but lard and I wear garage sale smelly crap and I’m UNBEATABLE with women thanks to the magic secret I learned from x system”.
This is the kind of crap that can really screw up a guy because he THINKS he’s cool and then one day he finally realizes he’s been TOTALLY LIED TO.
Look, I’ve been “in the game now” for a while, and I STILL like to push the envelope for myself in terms of experimenting with different styles, accessories, fits, etc. In fact, last weekend, I had a student on workshop who had strengths in this area, and it gave me an idea for applying a certain element of style for myself. I used it that night, and it honestly in my opinion made my game one notch even BETTER, damn this game is fun! It’s actually FUN to play around with style, seriously, it’s like bringing fantasy into reality. And I have no qualms about learning from EVERYONE, including my own students.
Dressing cool means a hell of a lot more than not having holes in your shirt or wearing jeans and sneakers, and taking a shower. There’s a TON to be said about accessories, shoes, learning about how to make your age work for you in terms of style, no matter what your age.
This is ESPECIALLY true when you go out “on the town” to have fun. In the REAL WORLD, not the world of make believe b.s. advice or the world of internet ads, in the REAL WORLD where beautiful girls really live, you can bet your butt that this stuff MATTERS.
It’s not EVERYTHING, but it counts.
As it should, if you think about it.
It’s all about IMPACT.
It’s all about FEELING THE EMOTIONS.
What kind of impact does a BORING outfit have?
And there is a way to do this RIGHT, so that you are EXCITING, yet exciting with class. You don’t want to come across as the male version of a ho.
This is a huge topic but for now, let me say that next time you go shopping for clothes, try thinking about the IMPACT YOU ARE MAKING.
Does it make you yawn, or does it make you go “cooooooool”.
**DOMINATING THE FRAME**
Not only do women want a guy who can LEAD the interaction, and who is masculine and dominant in this sense, but women will SPIT YOU OUT if you are not this way, and you will not even get out of the STARTING GATES otherwise.
Nowhere is this more clear than in a club. Now I know that not all guys go to clubs, but they serve as an excellent training ground because there are so many distractions, that you MUST GROW IN DOMINANCE in order to OUTWEIGH them all.
For example, your VOICE:
If you are going to talk in a namby-pamby, quiet, unsure voice, you will not even get HEARD in the massive volume of the music.
Also, as you engage in the conversation, she might get interrupted by her friend. In a situation like this, many guys will just figure it’s over and LEAVE. Or they will kind of shrink and make it clear they are on “hold” and willing to wait for her forever, or they will pander up too much to the friends in a clearly submissive manner.
ALL THAT LEADS TO NOWHERESVILLE.
You have to make sure that you TAKE CARE of those friends. For example, the situation might call for you to say a couple of fun or intriguing things to them to kind of show them that you are not DISSING them, but your facial expression also shows that you have no intention of kissing up to them or giving in on the girl you are with either.
You have to GET HER AWAY FROM HER FRIENDS in a way that is smooth and playful, yet decisive and confident.
You can’t start ASKING HER if she will go with you away from her friends to another part of the club, or SHE WILL FEEL that if she AGREES, she feels that you will then think she is a "slut" and "cheap", since she was “so easy” to go with you because she actually SAID "yes" when wussilly ASKED by you.
As a guy, you have to take just about ALL the action in the beginning, it has to do with our culture and it’s sexual rituals.
And if you show that you are clueless about this fact, or that you are too scared to do this, that will make her feel you are pathetic, or at least it will make her feel the situation is a NO-go.
You have to understand that SHE will not ACTIVELY do the pick-up FOR YOU, she can only play her part, which is to go along with your leadership if she desires you.
But if you don’t show leadership, then even if she somehow miraculously DOES feel attraction to you in spite of your lack of leadership in the pickup, she will NOT make the pick up happen.
See? As a guy, you hold tremendous power, because only YOU can make it happen.
Remember, you are THE MAN, as I have been saying since DAY ONE.
Being a man, you must lead her.
That doesn’t mean being A CAVEMAN.
It just means being A MAN.
Think Bond, not Neanderthal. Because you sure as heck cannot just DRAG her away (I suppose that doesn’t apply to all the guys who go for these really drunk girls which I don’t really understand, but hey it’s a free country.)
But if I, for example, have a playful game I want to play with a woman, it serves as a fun reason to separate her from her friends. BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT, it’s not just the game, it’s the DOMINANCE and the congruence behind the very way I suggest to play the game. I don’t NEED to make it a game, I could use any of a thousand pretexts DEPENDING on the situation. For example, it could be that it’s too noisy and we need to move “over there”.
And there are about a thousand other obstacles that could come between you and the girl, including anything from her friends saying “We’re are all going to dance”, to her cell phone going off, to the fact that she and her friends are all leaving at the moment.
You HAVE TO OVER-RIDE all of this, in a CALM demeanor, while MAINTAINING the fun vibe, and the DOMINANT frame.
And in many ways, dominance, done RIGHT, and NOT in a controlling obsessive manner, is critical throughout any interaction or relationship you will have with women.
Many times, I’ll be in a conversation with a girl that I just met, and her girlfriends will be doing their job of taking her away, and by handling the situation right, they will go away, and when they come back the second time for a repeat attempt at stealing their girlfriend back, (which is kinda funny) the girl herself will actually tell her friends, “No, it’s okay, it’s good”, and that of course is the best way to take care of her friends, when she herself tells her friends that all is well and that any more interference is no longer desired. (This also is partially due to cognitive dissonance, which I explain in my book in great detail.)
**INNER GAME RULES OVER EVERYTHING**
Now, the amazing thing is that if you have the right STATE OF MIND, which means not only confidence, but also a state of mind that is playful, fun, has energy, is curious, and a state of mind that can tap into all the wonders of your creativity—well, this overall state of mind, this inner game TRULY can do wonders.
Your INNER GAME affects REALITY, it affects the outer world, because your INNER game will be PROJECTED onto reality. You are what you THINK you are, and it’s not a cliché, the only reason people think it’s a cliché is because the folks they heard the cliché from weren’t practicing what they preach. So it seemed to not hold truth. But trust me, inner game is HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE.
For example, most people truly prefer BRAND NAMES when it comes to things, like food for example. They actually say it TASTES BETTER. But in a recent survey in a supermarket, in blind taste tests, for TONS of products, people actually said the GENERIC brand tasted just as good, if not better!!!!!
They actually PREFERRED THE TASTE OF THE GENERIC BRAND THAT THEY PREVIOUSLY SWORE TASTED WORSE.
As long as they DIDN’T know which brand was which.
But yet every day, billions of people all over the world, due to the power of PROJECTION, prefer to choose the brand that more effectively PROJECTS better taste, even if it is not better, in fact even if it is worse, i.e. the NAME BRAND.
This is the power of projection and BELIEF.
Because of the superior projection of the name brand, the people BELIEVE it tastes better, so it DOES to them.
So you can really start to see that your reality is not so static, a LOT depends on your own self perception and what you project.
So, inner game, your inner vibe, the emotions you feel inside of you, are a MAJOR factor. Avoid negative self concepts and negative emotions like the plague, and learn to avoid or bounce back from the negative forces of people around you.
You will project what you believe, and if you believe you don’t have what it takes to attract the kind of women you want, women will then feel it’s true, but if your inner game is TIGHT, and you believe you DO have what it takes, you will project THAT reality and it will seem OBVIOUS to everyone that you indeed are the sh(*!
But alas, the BEST WAY, the most SOLID way, to get your inner game right is to GET RESULTS in the real world. The results don’t have to be dramatic at first, they don’t have to go from zero to one hundred, not at all, but you do have to notice THE POSITIVE DIFFERENCE in women’s reactions to you. This will get the wheels moving in the right direction and build momentum.
Getting real results tends to happen with a COMBINATION of doing your best with whatever inner game you already have, AND applying the RIGHT information about outer game, i.e. your style, your knowledge of body language, the things you say, your understanding of how culture affects women’s sense of sexuality, etc.
THAT way, you can actually start to see RESULTS, and start to see better reactions with the women you are interacting with.
And THAT of course leads to better inner game, which leads to smoother application of your outer game, in a never-ending cycle of improvement.
If you haven’t yet downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then do it IMMEDIATELY.
This book is NOT like other books, it’s about SOLVING THE ROOT CAUSE of the problem, which has less to do with learning to be funny, and far more to do with reclaiming your masculinity and your power.
It’s about how to take ACTION with women, from A to Z, in the way that women deep down WISH you would, but simply can’t admit because of the anti-masculine crusade.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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