The greatest thing about actually doing this stuff for REAL is that I know EXACTLY what works and what doesn’t, especially since I not only do it myself, but I also get to observe guys learning this art week after week in my bootcamps and my workshops.
Reality is the litmus test, it can’t be argued with, it’s right there in front of you.
I’d like to start things off today with two letters each that I value greatly, and for different reasons.
***Letter From A Reader***
I know I thank you repeatedly for your highly informative newsletters, but the one about Rebirth: Rising from the Ashes really hit home for me.
You see, after constantly failing w/women after moving here to San Diego, I became extremely bitter. I blamed ALL women here for being "bitches" who didn't know a good thing when they saw it. My approaching them with little or no skill at all was honestly very novice of me & understandably not well received. Using your book's analogy, my fast ball wasn't fast enough for the big leagues.
Yet, even when I was able to attract attention, I found comfort in shutting down women because I was, quite simply, out for revenge.
Sounds pathetic, but it's the cold-hard truth. It felt better to hate them rather than accept personal responsibility for my own lackings.
Yet there was always hope; coming from a great upbringing by a single parent mother, I was taught the power of forgiving & forgetting (in a slightly religious sense). Even when other women were wrong about me &/or treated me poorly in the past, I had to let that past experience go because it was holding down my present progress.
More importantly, I had to forgive myself for being such a jerk to those good, quality women who I mistreated out of spite. There's no room for anger or vengeance for a virtuous man who is doing his best to improve himself & his circumstances - that's the bottom line.
Reading your book, you newsletters & practicing your methods has gone way beyond just mentally & physically conducting myself as THE MAN. I've had to do some deep soul searching to reach a point in which I can be comfortable with myself so that I can convey my SIV honestly and appropriately.
Please feel free to post this in your newsletter - it may help another guy out there trying to let go of his anger/bitterness.
***My Comments To This Awesome Letter***
Just like attraction is about so much more than just the words you say, so too if you read between the lines of this letter you can see PROFOUND TRUTHS ABOUT WHAT IS NECESSARY FOR REAL SUCCESS WITH WOMEN AND EVEN LIFE ITSELF.
I try not to get overly philosophical, but the truth is that the quickest route to SUPERIORITY is humility in the sense of having the attitude of being willing TO LEARN what is required to move ahead, and not just getting pissed off when it doesn’t fall into our laps.
Humility enables us to LEARN and not be afraid of WORKING at something new.
Humility enables us to accept ideas like PRACTICE makes perfect.
And it enables us to live in the PRESENT and to LEARN from the past without being made a SLAVE to the past.
And women can tell when you have these SUPERIOR traits that enable a man to move from bitterness to being triumphant internally and externally.
Thanks for your letter, it’s inspiring.
***Letter From A Reader***
This email has to do with what you have been trying to tell us about spoiled chicks. This Story is based on the NICE GUY VS THE JERK
Well one day my sister was shopping at the mall and decided to sit down at the food court in ******* mall and when she was eating...A nice guy came over to my sister and started giving her compliment on top of compliment. Oh yah the nice guy was pouring on the syrup. he did get her phone number but that's all he got.
When my sister got home from the mall she told me and my mother she met a NICE GUY... Then I said what's his personality like? My sister told me he's nice and passive.
Wasting no time at all the Nice Guy called my sister the very next day and they set up a date.
So my sister and the Nice Guy went out on a date. He bought her chocolate and a dozen Roses and he bought her anything she asked for. And after the date my Mom And I asked My sister how did the date go?
My sister told me Mr. Nice Guy picked her up in a Limo and then blew all kinds of cash on my sister. Then my sister said "Oh he is such NICE GUY in fact he's like a girlfriend to me". Mr. Nice guy Blew it!! He does not have a snowballs chance in hell now.
Well the following day my sister went to the Casino...
This is where the Jerk comes into play !!!
My sister told me she went to the casino and met a cool guy.. then I asked how did that happen? She looked at me and said "I was sitting at the pulling machines and she saw the cool guy a.k.a jerk approach her THE JERK said to my sister "HEY WOMAN WHAT'S YOUR NAME". Then my sister started to giggle. Then they had a little chat and exchanged phone numbers and went on there merry way
My sister was waiting for the Jerk to call for three whole days Oh no!! not just any kind of waiting she was sitting on the edge of her seat waiting for Mr.Jerk to call. Eventually the Jerk called my sister then they went on a date. And he was not spending any money on my sister what so ever in fact she was buy the jerk the best of everything.
By this time My sister had two men to pick from....
THE NICE GUY or MR JERKOFF.
After a while My sister lost interest in MR.NICE GUY. My family never heard from MR.NICE GUY again... It's like MR NICE GUY fell off the face of the earth!!!.
Then my sister started to date the Jerk every day after work. My whole family hated the JERK because he was not nice at all.
After a year of dating the jerk my sister moved in with MR JERKOFF at first the relationship was good and all was well.
Then after two months of living with the jerk my sister started to see a different side to MR.Jerk. He had a habit of going to the casino and spending hundreds of dollars a day.
Then the jerk's spending habit at the casino started to get really bad. And then my sister started to dip into her bank account to support the jerk's bad gambling habit's until he cleaned out all her savings.
Then the jerk was asking for my sister's pay cheque every two weeks. Oh yah my sister was forking over all her hard earned money to the jerk then one day my sister thought the cool guy a.k.a jerk was taking advantage of her. So one day my sister started to get sick and tired of handing over her pay cheques to the jerk and left him.
And when she split up with the jerk, my sister moved back home.. when my sister moved back home all she ever did was talk about the jerk all day long.
It was so bad she could not go a whole day without saying his name. Then my sister could not take being without the jerk in her life. She went back to waiting on the edge of her seat waiting for the jerkoff to call her. After a while the jerk decided to call my sister and started to talk about the relationship between the two of them.
So my sister did not know what to do? She was was puzzled she asked me what should I do. She told me she loves the jerk.
I told my sister to think with logic and emotion because he is most likely your ex boyfriend for a reason. then I said " going back to your ex boyfriend wouldn't be the logical thing to do"
then my sister started to make excuses for the jerk's actions and tried to convince herself that she is the one to blame it's because of her they split up. I said to my sister "why do you want to go back to him"?? Then she said to me he gives me emotional ups and downs. Then my sister said" this guy a.k.a THE JERK gives me an emotional rush I never know what to expect"
As of now she went back to the jerk and they are still fighting over money and my sister is still handing over her hard earned pay to cool guy a.k.a THE JERK that gives her an emotional rush I told my sister if she picked MR.NICE GUY she wouldn't have these troubles OH WELL!! "BEHOLD I PREACH THE GOSPEL OF MIKE W"
***My Comments To This Wake-Up Call***
Thank you for this incredibly powerful and vivid email that should serve as a wake-up call to any good guys sitting on the fence on this issue, and of course thanks for the fantastic plug for my material.
The type of “woman on the edge of her seat for the jerk” phenomenon is the kind of thing I have personally observed happening over and over again for YEARS.
REALITY IS THE LITMUS TEST.
And though I never kissed up like that guy, I found that even just being a good, reliable person who shows sensitivity to a woman, and shows her that he doesn’t take her for granted is a formula for ATTRACTION SUICIDE!!!!!!!!
I mean, of course, doing these things BEFORE a woman has EARNED that respect from you- it will get you classified as an undesirable desperate guy and that will get you taken advantage of.
THERE IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING GOING ON BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN, AND IT HAS BECOME ESPECIALLY EXTREME IN THE PAST FEW DECADES BECAUSE OF THE WAY MEN HAVE BEEN CONDITIONED TO TREAT WOMEN BY SOCIETY.
A LARGE PART OF THIS IS THE FACT THAT MEN ARE STILL TREATING WOMEN AS “LADIES” FROM LEAVE IT TO BEAVER A LA 1950’S WHEN IN REALITY THOSE LADIES CERTAINLY DON’T EXIST TODAY, IF THEY EVEN EXISTED AT ALL EVEN BACK IN 1951.
A long time ago women had no power, so it was possible, if not necessarily the best move, for a man to show his generous side first, because he had so much leverage OVER her.
That era is EXTINCT. For better or for worse, it’s OVER.
BUT YET MEN ARE ACTING LIKE IT’S STILL LEAVE IT TO BEAVER.
Wait, not all men are acting like this. Only the GOOD GUYS!!!!!!!!
Here’s what I say:
If a total JERK OFF is good enough for a woman, then if you’re a good guy, why the hell aren’t YOU good enough?????????????????
So, good guys have a choice:
Give women over to all the jerk-offs, or learn how to outdo the jerk-offs.
On one hand, that email says it all. Yet on the other hand, there is sooo much to comment on in that email, that I could probably write a book on it. Oh wait, I did. There are so many things happening, so many psychological forces this guy was using at once, from cognitive dissonance to intermittent reward to playing off socialized icons of being the “bad boy” and so on and so forth it’s fascinating. And he probably wasn’t even aware of all of the forces he was using.
I think that what a lot of guys need to understand as well before they decide to just “become jerks” is that the jerk starts off NOT being a total jerk, he starts off just being kind of confident, ballsy, and laid back not needy...but then the jerk keeps pulling back giving less and less, and taking more and more, and evolves into full scale jerk-off mode.
For most girls, if a guy starts off TOTALLY JERKY, then the girl will not go for it, but if he starts off with the other stuff, then he can easily transition into jerk mode. And it's so easy too, it's EASIER to be a jerk than to be a good guy, you just don't do anything!!!!!! Of course, EVENTUALLY the girl wakes up and it's over but he doesn't care since he usually has already moved on, etc. So I think that good guys need to learn a LOT from jerks, but also need to create just the right amount of challenge and not overdo it either, because most jerks in the end DON’T know how to keep a relationship even if they wanted one- they are too scared of losing complete control and so they would rather just go full out abuse and figure to themselves that when the woman leaves, it’s because they MADE them leave and thus it was their choice, so in effect the jerk gets to fantasize that he has the power even though he actually is too afraid to give over any power at all and hence the destruction of the relationship.
***And Now Some Lessons From The Field***
After those letters, I feel this a good time to point out, directly, some HARD CORE TRUTHS that are ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL to success when it comes to pick-up and overall success with dating and relationships.
1. Timing And Location
This is a HUGE issue.
The fact of the matter is that the time of day or week you are trying to meet women and the location you are trying to meet women can make a serious difference.
For example, a location such as a café or a bookstore or a mall that has tons of women on the weekend might be absolutely QUIET with almost no women during the week. Or it might be busy during the afternoon, even smack in middle of the week, yet dead at night.
The guy who decides to resign at the first sign of difficulty, such as saying “well there are no women here ever” without actually TESTING different times, will simply lose out on what might have been a perfect place for meeting women.
Secondly, timing ALSO affects the MOOD of the women you want to meet. Now, again, as you get better and better at this game, you are able to CREATE THE MOOD and spark the right mood with your skill, but for a guy starting out, it only makes sense for him to get as much success as possible in the beginning to boost his confidence. So for example, the attitude of a woman if she is just browsing through the mall on a weekend vs. if she is in a rush to get her studying or work done during the week. Again, skill can compensate for this issue, but it does make a big difference.
I’m not a huge fan of clubs even though I teach guys how to work a club, but again, imagine comparing the attitude of a bunch of girls in a good mood on the weekend walking on the sidewalk to a club or leaving a club, compare that to going up to a group of girls late at night or even worse, a lone woman by herself on a deserted street in middle of the week.
I’m giving extreme examples to clarify my point:
LOCATION AND TIMING ARE PART OF THE VARIABLES THAT INFLUENCE THE SITUATION.
Not only that, but the CATEGORY of woman Can also change depending on the time. So for example a lot more young SINGLE women might be out on the weekend in a public place than they would be during the middle of the week, middle of the day, at a bookstore.
This might sound obvious, but I have seen a lot of guys who basically discard many locations as possible opportunities simply because the time that THEY visit a location, it isn’t busy with women.
2. I f You Get Women Into A Good State Of Mind, They Will Probably Think Your Friends Are Cool Too.
I have seen this happen in workshops so many times it’s not even funny. If a guy goes into a set of women and makes them feel creeped out or that he isn’t cool, then the whole group can become labeled as weird, but if anyone RESCUES the situation and gets the women into a good frame of mind again, then all of a sudden everyone’s great again.
This is really far out stuff, honestly. Of course, if your friend is acting like a MAJOR DORK, it might be unsalvageable. But you wouldn’t believe how much dorkiness women will forget about if someone can just change their emotional focus for them.
So if a guy is falling or stalling or stumbling during the pick-up, and if I am able to rescue it, and get the girls back into a good state of mind, it’s as if the guy is cool again and nothing uncool ever happened. THIS IS THE POWER OF STATE, nobody cares what they WERE feeling, they only care about what they ARE feeling. Of course, THINKING about what you WERE feeling can affect the way you feel in the present, which is why of course I make sure to get everyone focused on just feeling good NOW. Logic goes out the window and emotions are all I care about accomplishing at the moment that counts. Logic will get you very very very little when it comes to dating and attraction, because these forces are really not much about logic but rather all about what FEELS good.
So always always always be focusing on the EMOTIONS you are creating. Do you want a girl to be all SERIOUS when you first chat to her? Is THAT the emotion you want her to feel? Or do you want her in a more happy mood? What emotion EXACTLY do you want her to be in?
Personally, I want a woman to be in a good mood, yet I also want her to be in some control of her thoughts, because if I go too far and get a woman laughing too hysterically or getting her too emotional, I feel that she won’t even have ANY LOGICAL UNDERSTANDING of me, and I actually enjoy knowing that a girl has SOME logical reasons to be with me as well. It’s a personal thing, really, it’s not necessary, it’s just that personally I like having a conversation once in a while too, and if she has NO UNDERSTANDING of you logically, she will ONLY be able to call you ten times a day but have nothing to actually talk about that you can both enjoy, since she really knows nothing except that she wants to be with you.
Having ONLY that would get boring for me, so I like to create attraction PLUS have some interesting conversation.
3. Realize That When Women Are Showing Off To You They Are Usually Trying To Impress You.
And that means they LIKE you and are feeling INSECURE around you.
This was a strange thing for me to realize. But it actually makes sense, if you think about it, since this is EXACTLY what insecure guys do to women they are attracted to.
Guys often try to IMMEDIATELY let a woman know that they are WORTHY of the woman, by telling her about what they do for a living, what they WILL be accomplishing in the future, what awesome connections they have, what cool friends they have, what great education they have, what cool title they have etc.
As a guy, instead of getting PISSED at women who are showing off to you, you should ask yourself if you’ve done anything to make her feel so attracted or so insecure or is she just insecure? If I sense a girl is actually a good girl and trying to impress me, I will try to make her feel good about her accomplishments.
If I sense she is just a sick person who is so insecure that she needs to go on and on trying to prove her worth, I know she is going to be trouble and not worth my patience listening to her. But trust me, it’s ALWAYS an insecurity when a woman does this. You just have to find out if it’s the non-dangerous cute kind of insecurity that will go away once she sees that you actually have an interest in her, or is it the kind of psycho insecurity that will require endless patience on your part. I remember being at a club once, and this girl went on for at least fifteen minutes telling me about all her accomplishments, during which time I made sure to not even mention one of mine. In fact, I went so far, just to test this theory, that I kept on telling her how much respect she deserved for all her accomplishments, but I said it in a tone of voice where it was clear that I was not kissing up, I was in fact VALIDATING her in the sense that I was NOT EASILY impressed. Anyway, I was getting really bored by that point, I thought this is really pushing it, no way on earth could she REALLY feel THIS insecure that she had to go on showing off for THAT LONG.
So I told her I had to go find my friend, and then WHAMM!!!! She had the most distraught look on her face, she just stood there looking like a zombie, as if she were just through trauma, abandoned, and then it hit me:
ALL THAT TIME SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO GET IN MY GOOD BOOKS AND ALL THAT EFFORT ONLY MADE HER WANT TO CASH IN ON HER HARD EARNED PRIZE.
Any guy who FULLY understands what is really going on here will NEVER get UPSET when a woman shows off.
It’s really something to feel sorry for her for. Just walk away, because even though it’s very easy to get such a woman by simply making her feel worthy, low self esteem people are bottomless pits that will constantly be trying to play jealousy games or show off games in their desperate effort to convince themselves that you believe they have worth.
It’s ironic, because you would actually value them more if they just stopped being such a pain and stopped the showing off.
Now think about that before the next time YOU try to show off to a woman, especially a confident high self-esteem woman who has no need or patience for b.s. games like that. Simply put, she can’t RELATE to such b.s. since it isn’t in her OWN life.
Which leads me to my next point:
4. Don't Say Or Do Anything To Try To Show Your Superiority.
The way to really show your superiority is NOT to TRY to show anything.
And the best way to do THAT is to work on yourself to become SELF-VALIDATED so that you really DON’T feel this aching need to PROVE anything to women.
Now, I don’t think anyone on earth is COMPLETELY self-validated, at least not anyone who lives in a context of having human beings in their lives. We all would like to have harmony with others, but that doesn’t mean you become obsessed with it.
Most guys are OBSESSED with getting a woman or women to FEEL a certain way about them, in fact most guys care more about what WOMEN think of them than how they feel themselves. In other words, most guys are so focused on what women think, that they make themselves SICK over it.
Start to be your own best friend and care about how YOU feel more than what women feel about you.
And ironically, that is the way women will feel a lot more of that thing called attraction for you.
A woman will feel that you are superior from your complete comfort in NOT trying to prove anything. This does not mean that you should not be the best YOU can be, it means be the best you can be, but don’t be focused on the OUTCOME or what women think.
5. Start Right
Sooooo much happens in the first few seconds of an interaction that I can pretty much tell how the interaction will end from the first few seconds.
What that means is start RIGHT. You HAVE to get a woman in the RIGHT frame IMMEDIATELY.
If the frame you’re giving her from the get go is that you’re too serious, or that you’re an ass-kisser, or that you’re weird, or that you’re bitter, or that you’re just a clown, it’s gonna be WAYYYY harder than if you just started things RIGHT.
Now, of course, doing things RIGHT is a huge topic, but for example, if the first words and facial expression out of your mouth is playful, confident, and challenging, i.e. a woman reading a Cosmo magazine near me might get “Don’t tell me you take those articles SERIOUSLY!!!” in a playful accusation.
This is PLAYFUL.
This is challenging.
This is the language of attraction.
Women UNDERSTAND this stuff. They GET what is going on.
Doing things RIGHT means also keeping the conversation flowing and not running for the hills at the first stall. You have to have a bit of GUTS to not listen to any doubts that might be inside you.
With practice, you learn to do this and get quicker on your feet.
6. Know What Your Values Really Are
This is really important, because once you get GOOD at this game, you start to realize that just because you CAN attract a woman doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
Mr. Miyagi might say it this way:
"Never put passion before principle- even if you win, you lose". (I'm not sure if he ever really did say this, but it seems the kind of thing he'd say).
So if you value the feelings you get from being with a woman who is high self-esteem and honest and attractive, you have to sort out which values come first. You WILL be able to attract women, but if the women you are attracting are causing you more problems than being single, then you know you are doing something wrong and you need to either change your values, or more likely change the woman/women you are dating. Personally, although I care about looks obviously, the truth is that honesty and integrity are worth infinitely more to me than any supposed “supermodel” and in my opinion are far more rare.
On any given day I estimate a guy with skills can meet about five attractive women in a couple of hours and get numbers, etc, but chances are only 1 in 100 will actually be free of drugs, smoking, drinking, dishonesty, games stemming from insecurity and psychological issues, and will have high self-esteem, and be playful, fun, responsible, and intelligent enough to have a real conversation with about a vast array of topics and be health-conscious. Add to this mix a certain understanding of what I call “LONG TERM relationship intelligence” and not just the 3 month chemical release that bonds most couples together artificially, and the ratio goes to probably 1 in 300. Of course, this is a completely unscientific calculation, based loosely on observation and totally up to revision.
The point is that if you don’t have your own values determined, you will be torn in opposite directions as you pursue women that are attractive but bad choices for you.
Know What You Really Want So That You Can Avoid What You Don't Want.
And if you want to get the MOST EFFICIENT PATH to being able to attract the woman you DO want, here is the roadmap for getting that done:
The first step is to downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women. I was just re-reading this book today, and it STILL helps remind me of so many important points to keep me on top of my game.
You will learn how to approach women and attract them, and there is even a special section on relationships with info that I believe is not in any eBook out there today.
Download it now at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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