One of the biggest things that will ramp up attraction and make an immediate improvement in your pick-ups is if you take on the attitude of embracing any obstacles that women present to you when talking to them.
It doesn't matter if it's an obstacle presented by the environment, such as the fact that it's loud or busy or hard to talk, or whether it's an obstacle thrown by her such as "I can't kiss you yet because I don't know you" or "My friends are waiting for me" or whatever.
You see, usually what happens is a guy is already having his heart pounding just from approaching the woman. So for him, that itself is a kind of victory, and definitely, you should give yourself awards for taking action. And yes, I know what it feels like and how big of a hurdle in the beginning this can seem to be.
But the thing is, because of the massive heart-pounding, or for some guys it's actually a real wrenching feeling, it's enough pressure already, so the first thing the girl does that does not seem to be positive feedback is enough to obliterate the guy's inner game.
He feels almost as if "Great, whew, I can go back and leave this crazy situation now, man I can't believe I really did it and went up to her! I'm not crazy to stay in the "heat of battle" if it's not going well!!! Retreat, retreat, retreat!"
But you see, very early on, I took a very different perspective to all this. Yes, my heart was pounding. But the thing is, this was exciting stuff to me! It was like walking into another universe! I could actually approach the women that I liked! For a guy who grew up as a kid being told to not even look at girls, this was awesome!
This was way more fun than video games! This was like the ultimate 3-D hologram video game where chicks who were hot were not just part of the scenery - instead, here they were the main event!
I was like "Man, this is really happening, what the heck happens next??? I gotta try to see how far I can take this!
In the beginning, I sometimes had to think fast on my feet because I didn't always have something "smooth" to say, but that just helped me learn the power of congruity, sexuality, and dominance and also just plain enjoying the interaction. Not only did this work, but it also made me real. I wasn't saying "lines". I wasn't a "pick up artist with lines", I was just a man who was attracted to women, the way it is naturally.
And when women would say things to me like "umm, I have to get going" I would tease them, and then I would give them excuses to talk to me, as opposed to the other way around. They could tell from my tonality. So if I gave them the excuse of showing me how to get somewhere so they could walk with me, they understood that I was being tactful for them, not that I was too afraid to be direct.
Being too direct can be unclassy. You don't go to a girl and tell her "I want to **** you but also hang out as well because you seem balanced".
That's too direct, it's ridiculous in most circumstances. It might work when congruently done as playful, in some situations.
What I knew even then was that women simply don't make it overly easy on guys, it's just not the way they are cultured or wired to act. And I also knew it was not necessarily because they don't like guys, but that it was simply not "classy" for a girl to be "easy".
No matter what excuse a girl gives you, if you are just meeting her for the first time it's hard to know if it's real attraction or if she's just being her version of hard to get! So you have to embrace her "hard to get" stuff as something awesome to interact with!
Because in fact her playing hard to get and giving you excuses is the first thing that needs to happen before she gets with you! It's step one!
Bravo! Be happy about it, it means you are a contender!
Trust me, if a girl really doesn't like you, she won't give you any hints, she'll let you know clearly. And even that is laughable, because there's another girl right around the corner! Wish her a good day and move on! Seriously, you might even find that the original girl wants to chase you as she sees you getting a great response from another girl! Happens more often than you think.
On a related note, if you don't embrace the obstacles and smoothly take the interaction further, she will figure you are too afraid, or at the very least you are depriving her of the joy and excitement of being wanted by a cool guy who does go after what he wants and has faith in himself that he is worth it and isn't afraid of what she might say! If she thinks you are the kind of guy who would get internally crushed by what some anonymous woman thinks, a woman that you don't even know, then she doesn't even want to chat with you!
Her being hard to get is also part of the "dance", the sexual dance that begins with this tension. This tension makes the whole thing more fun.
Women "get" this, and so should you! This stuff, when done right, is fun! It's a combo of sexy, fun, and playful, with simmering anticipation.
Don't think for a second that a woman does not enjoy getting picked up, no matter what she acts like.
The critical factor is how it's done, what type of guy is doing it. When done wrong, yes, women don't love it, but even then, most women are not mean about it. They just have their polite methods of efficiently dealing with the throngs of clueless guys out there. Such as wearing headphones a lot.
Yup, headphones are a great way to keep clueless guys out. Because if you aren't clueless, she figures you'll work your way easily around that.
So, on this topic of not allowing any obstacle or excuse she gives to stand in your way of escalating your interactions, let me print a fresh letter that just came in today.
I read your eBook almost every day to reinforce everything, and it changes my attitude immediately. You are awesome. I had a question I wanted to ask you and you can print it too.
There's a hot actress girl that I was interested in, but she's a total gamer (of course). I stopped pursuing her, then she sees me at a club dancing with 2 hot women and she calls me the next day to ask a totally irrelevant question, because now I am more attractive to her.
So we end up going out a few nights later, great time, I can tell she's totally into me. I wait for her to text me the next day to thank me, and she does. But then I make a huge mistake and invite her over for dinner (showing to much interest).
She says she's busy, of course, because I have shown interest, and I now look inferior to her and less powerful.
She games a little more, and I meet her for lunch a few days later. Then she plays some more games, not calling back etc.
Anyways Saturday I text her to see what she's doing. She says she's having coffee with a girlfriend and invites me to join. Since I read your book, I did not do what she told me to do and told her that I was looking at homes with my realtor and couldn't make it. I did ask her what she was doing later. She said she's going out with friends and asked what I was doing.
I said I was also, and asked if she wanted to meet earlier like 7/8 o'clock. She doesn't text back, instead calls me a little later (and she rarely calls, just texts). I was at a party and told her so, because she was curious where I was. She asked to what club we were going, I told her, and then asked again if she wanted to meet earlier.
She said she couldn't cuz she had to get ready etc. I said ok, we'll talk later. She texts me 1 hour later to confirm that she and her friends were going to the same club I was. I wrote back that I was going to another huge party and probably going to the same club but wasn't sure. I never ended up going to the club to meet her, thinking that would make me more desirable because she now knows that I had something better to do and now I'm the man again.
I text her the next day and said "Sorry I missed u last night. We ended up staying at the party late. Hope u had fun." And for the first time she did not write back.
I think she knows I'm putting the reverse game on her, and that I'm now the man, and she's wondering how in the world I could have somewhere better to be than with her.
Did I do the right thing, as far as your strategy goes, and if I run into her in a club tonight, what should I say (I may see her tonight at our local happening club).
Thanks for the props on the book, you are definitely getting closer, and at least you are actually getting these hotties out with you, and you are warming up, but what's happening is you are fumbling the ball.
That's okay, because you are wanting to learn and you seriously want to get this stuff down! I can tell, or you wouldn't have had the drive to get this far with her.
So now that I've given you due props, prepare for the learning:
What's happening is you are not seeing the big picture here.
The big picture is that you had several chances to escalate early when the iron was hot and you were clearly coming across in her mind as superior. So she was then attracted.
But, since you didn't escalate then, she feels you are internally weak. Cooler than most guys she meets, who don't even get in her front gate, but still, compared to where things need to be with a hottie, she feels your internal frames are weak. Whether it's subconscious or conscious, she feels it.
I'm willing to bet she knows exactly where your inner game is at as a result of all this.
Also, by continuing to focus on this one girl now, it's playing with your mind and making you obsess with her and that is ruining your inner game, which affects all the critical subtleties in your communication with her, from your voice, to your sense of humor, to your messages.
But it's helpful to see the details as well, so you can be aware of what to do next time with another girl. I'm not saying you can't still get this girl, but it's a bad move for your inner game now. Just start fresh with a new girl and get it right the first time. That way you aren't having cognitive dissonance work against you, as I explain in the book.
If you focus on this girl, you will start to elevate her status above yours in your own mind, and then no matter what you do, she will feel that from the incongruities in your behavior and sense of humor, etc, etc.
The good thing is there are lots of girls, so you can practice getting good at doing the whole beginning part right.
Here are the specific lessons to learn from this situation:
First of all, you mention that you "stopped pursuing her" and that you already knew her from before.
This is the first lesson:
Forget about all chicks you met in your past life, until you get really good at this stuff.
Girls from the past know the old version of you, before you developed yourself. So you are in the damage control zone because you have to be tighter now than you need for new girls, in order to obliterate her old great to you, when there are a ton of other girls out there, plays games on your mind too, it says you believe in scarcity, etc. All bad stuff for your inner game.
But, once you get great at this stuff, you can then get these girls, but why would you want to then? You won't want to then! You'll have a choice of so many other girls who are just as attractive, and there was certainly nothing about the first girl character wise that you were interested in. Of course, this kind of thing just makes you more attractive to her, but hey that's how things work in life. Feast or famine.
"Then she sees me at a club dancing with 2 hotties and she calls me the next day to ask a totally irrelevant question, because now I am more attractive to her."
One of the biggest kickers to attraction.
People have very weak minds and so if they see someone else believing something, they will adopt the same belief. People also just want to know what role they should take on in life so that they can do less thinking.
So they take on the roles that they are "supposed" to take on, based on what they see other people doing.
So, if a girl sees another girl liking you, she figures the normal thing to do is like you, and she then takes on the role of being submissive to you. If a girl sees another girl not liking you, she will feel she should also have nothing to do with you. Feast or famine, again.
This is why, although I believe you should not try to make a woman jealous, it's awesome if a woman knows that other women like you but that you have chosen to be with her because of how she treats you and because you feel that she is better than all the rest. That is the most massive self esteem boost on earth for her.
By the way, that's also part of the reason women act hard to get, they are simply acting out a role that they have done so many times, that it feels natural to them. And of course, most guys accept that their role is to kiss up to women! Because that's the "role" they were told/brainwashed is "appropriate" and "correct" and "wise".
And by the way, that's why playing with roles, i.e. "reversing the roles" of who is supposed to be chasing who, is so powerful, even if only done playfully! For example, last week, on the bus, a girl was looking in my direction, and she was all the way on the other side, and I walked up to her, and told her "Hi, ummm, I would appreciate it if you stopped looking at me." Before she finishes her next sentence, I tell her with a mischievous grin, "I feel like a piece of meat". And the funny thing is that girls seem to always respond in good nature, and with playful comments like "Is there something wrong with that?" similar to the stereotypical role that a guy would take! (but actually in real life most guys don't act that way--it's a stereotype of a role).
This sets up a great dynamic where she is chasing you. It's a role play, but the power of this stuff even as play is insanely potent. In fact, I would venture to say that within minutes of playing these roles, the girl temporarily forgets she is playing a role and simply is the role she is performing.
So now she is the guy who is all obsessed with sex, and you are the girl who is just trying to keep all the guys at bay. Except for one thing: She is the girl chasing you, and you are the guy keeping her at bay! This is fun for a girl because it allows her to be sexually aggressive without being a slut in her own mind, since she has stepped out of her old "role".
I could go on in massive detail on this, but that's not the point of this article, definitely get my mastery program for the full details on that and other awesome stuff.
But back to our other lesson:
She saw you with other girls, and that was great social proof. (And it changed the roles between you and her rather fast, as she now pursued you).
This was the time to escalate the interaction. And you did, at first, as you wrote in the next part, which I will quote:
Next lesson from your experience:
"So we end up going out a few nights later, great time, I can tell she's totally into me. I wait for her to text me the next day to"
What? Oh man. What happened was she was into you, but the moment wasn't "perfect" for escalation, or you would have escalated physically.
Screw the "perfect" moment, or make the moment perfect.
You haven't mentioned what it was, but something here prevented you from escalating with a girl who was totally into you.
You get her out with you, she initiated it, so for sure she figures you knows where it's at with her, and she is now chasing you, and she is actually expecting that you might be the "man" and lead this to where you would both like it to go!
But it sounds like things did not physically escalate at all.
You wrote that she was totally into you. When she's totally into you, you must take it to a physical level.
Otherwise she gets confused, or worse, figures you are afraid of escalation.
Waiting for the next day for her to thank you is waiting for someone you disappointed to thank you.
You had the ball there, man!
She was chasing you.
She was showing you she was into you.
The green light was on.
The net was clear.
Then you trade all that so that you can wait for a text message? Do you see now strange that seems? I know at the time it didn't seem strange, but hopefully now it's very clear.
I'm not trying to be overly harsh, just trying to be clear.
Her "thank you" was actually her way of saying, "Thanks for being another friend who I can put into the friend slot and not the other slot".
And then you invite her over for dinner. She declines because there is no point for dinner. She now feels weird about this being a sexual thing, and she knows that you want it to be a sexual thing, so dinner would be very weird indeed to her. Not that you can't turn this around, but in your current
inner state with this girl, it's not the most likely.
However, the reality again is, if you meet another chick, and you haven't done the cardinal sins of being inferior, and she then brings up some excuse for why she can't meet up, you overpower that
excuse. You stay playful and laid back and tease her and then arrange for the time you will meet, if she says she can't come at that time because of x, you tell her she can come because of Y. All done playfully yet massively charismatic and confident.
The reality is that she wasn't even playing games at that point anymore, where she turned down the dinner. At that point you need to chill out from the whole thing and move on and maybe come back later or if she contacts you at that point.
When she texted you for the coffee, with her girlfriend, yeah, it's not the best, but the truth is she is still giving you some last gasps of potential attraction here.
Again, control the frame, obliterate and vaporize the obstacles. So her friend will be there, if you can't get her to meet you alone before or after, which is what you should try to arrange first, then fine, meet her with her friend there, attract them both, make the chick that you want now want you even more, and find a good excuse to isolate her after you all were hanging out.
It's up to you, my man. But you have to embrace these obstacles and excuses and realize they were meant to be vaporized!
You could have theoretically turned it around still at that point if your inner game was tight, but at this point there is so much of her going on in your head that she's now become a big deal to you, all the drama has actually made her more important in your mind, and this will ruin your inner game.
You see, the truth is that when I say in the book "don't pursue a girl who is giving you problems" and "don't pursue after girls from the past" it's because of the damage it does to your inner game. You need to build up some inner game from external world real interactions with women, and this isn't the way to do it.
So, technically, you could have gone to the club and overpowered all the mistakes, even though the club was her idea, but because you had so much drama with her in your own mind, you would not be smooth with her.
When I write in the book about being more desirable because she now knows you have something to do, that applies before you commit the cardinal sins of acting inferior, of not escalating when you have the chance, etc.
When you write in your letter that you texted her the "Sorry" note, which is bad enough on it's own, (sorry???!!) It's actually amazing that it lasted as long as it did. She wasn't wondering too much about what you were doing without her, but at least you were not acting needy. Until a hottie is seriously INTO a guy, she is not wondering about him. So this is not personal against you, it's just the way it is.
If you run into her at a club or anywhere, the best thing right now for her to see is to see you with other girls who are crazy about you. And the best thing for you to do is to actually do that, for your own inner game development. And the best way to do that is to forget about her for now so you can get back your own identity, because right now she is slowly becoming the total sum of your identity, you are taking on the role of a guy who is obsessed with a girl, you've seen this role in movies, you've seen other guys play this role in real life, but you must realize this is just a role and you can get out of it now and take on a new role.
A role that is actually far closer to what nature really intended for you - to be resilient, empowered, and not wasting time on one chick when you can be not only getting other girls but also improving your skills at the same time so that you reach a level internally where you would never even think or want to waste time on one particular random girl again because you know you can get tons of girls.
And if you are reading this right now and are the kind of guy that is a go getter and likes results, and you're sick of people telling you what you can't do with women, then do yourself a favor and get a copy of my Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program CD Set.
This program is for guys that step away from the crowd of guys that make excuses for doing nothing. It's for action-oriented guys.
With this Program, you will have at your fingertips,24/7, the most advanced resource on the planet for meeting and attracting women anywhere. You will get the most in-depth development of inner game and you will also learn the most powerful way to pick up women anywhere.
And if you haven't already downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then definitely do that immediately. It's the foundation, where the journey begins.
I have spent literally YEARS learning these skills the hard way, trying just about EVERYTHING until I broke through to what really works. And the great news is that it CAN be taught, it CAN be learned.
And you can start to understand and learn by downloading my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, here:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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