When boiled down to its essence, one of the most popular questions I receive from guys is “Can I be nice to women or is that a formula for disaster?”
The answer is that you SHOULD be good to women, but you MUST understand women well enough to know the difference between when you are treating a woman WELL and when you are being taken advantage of, i.e. WALKED ALL OVER.
And although that may seem simple enough, it’s actually quite difficult for most guys to know the difference between being good and being a doormat since society tends to have a DOUBLE STANDARD when it comes to men and women.
What is this double standard?
The double standard is that there is this MYTH that somehow a woman’s affection is worth more than a man’s. As if men enjoyed women but women did not enjoy men. Why do I say this? Simple: Most men go OUT OF THEIR WAY to get a woman’s attention and affection, buying endless dinners, doing favors, giving compliments, endless respect, even if the woman is NOT interested! Or worse, even if the woman is MIStreating them.
Do women do this for men? Of course not.
If you are a guy who grew up observing this phenomenon, it would be easy to get the wrong idea and think that women need to be persuaded, tricked, impressed, appeased, or bribed in order to be sexual with a man.
Of course, the reality is that doing these things is a perfect way to DESTROY any attraction a woman may feel for a man. Any of those above behaviors indicate a lack of intrinsic value, implying that outside measures need to be taken in order to attract a woman.
It’s become even more confusing for men today because at least when a few generations ago, a man dated a woman, it was usually with marriage in mind (a mutual immediate goal for both the woman and the man) so the dinner, flowers, etc, could be seen as a token of respect for a woman and her commitment to a future family and children.
There was also this image of women as being more innocent and moral than men. Society has changed since then, big time. The family unit has changed for most people as well. Women’s traditional roles have changed.
Why are men still treating women as if it’s 1951? What exactly are those chocolates and flowers for?
Today, to a woman, these things either mean the guy has no clue about modern dating, or is desperate. Either way, it signals to her that it’s a guy who isn’t a winner. But chocolates and flowers are just the TIP OF THE ICEBERG when it comes to double standards.
Most guys, if out with a woman, will cater to her EVERY WHIM, including things that make no
sense. For example, you may be out with a woman at a café, and she’ll ask you to get her the straw, the magazine at the rack to read, the plastic fork, ask you to bring her order, etc, etc. Now, if it was a guy, you’d probably tell him, “Hey dude, get it yourself”.
But since it’s a woman, you say “SURE.”
I’m not saying to be paranoid and question everything a woman asks you to do for her, but be aware of what is going on.
MOST MEN KISS UP TO WOMEN, THUS MAKING WOMEN FEEL SUPERIOR TO MEN.
Women then expect every man to let them get away with less than stellar behavior, and women will actually get a bit UPSET when they encounter a man who does NOT let them get away with this. HOWEVER, attraction has NOTHING to do with preventing a woman from getting a bit upset. As a matter of fact, it’s the OPPOSITE.
You see, women take most guys for granted. It’s NOT women’s fault that most guys kiss up to them and thereby give women the impression that men are inferior and women are superior. However, it is YOUR responsibility to let women know that actually your worth is just as high as hers. And the way to do this is NOT by talking about it, but by SHOWING that you won’t take any abuse.
Not only will women then REASSESS their impression of you, and value you MORE, and hence be more attracted to you, but also… YOUR SELF-ESTEEM will SKYROCKET since you are delivering the message to your brain that you are WORTH BEING RESPECTED and that you therefore will not tolerate disrespect or abusive behavior from ANYONE.
Including the sweet girl you’ve invited to tea, who now sits in front of you, her gorgeous face shimmering, and in her feminine voice, innocently asks you to get up and bring her x, y, z, and who knows what else.
Ever been there? Yeah I know, me neither.
Now get this - When your SELF-ESTEEM skyrockets, you set in force a massive chain reaction of events:
You stop doing things that go against your inner core values. Things like accepting abuse. This makes women value you more, and makes them treat you better. Of course, this in turn makes you even MORE confident in yourself, which shows through infinite subtleties in your body language, voice intonation, and behavior. And these physical changes not only make you appear sexier, they also actually reinforce your inner sense of self-esteem. The body affects the mind and vice-versa. The two are inextricably bound.
So make yourself this promise: “I will not accept any behavior that doesn’t feel right and I will not crawl for a woman just because she is a woman. I will not stay with a woman who is mistreating me no matter how difficult I may feel it is to break away from her.”
The INSTANT you agree to accept one DROP of abusive behavior, your self-esteem will begin to chip away. And the INSTANT you DUMP a woman who is not treating you right, your self-esteem skyrockets. Both choices, and both consequences, are up to YOU. YOU have the power.
What will your decision be?
As long as you are with a woman who is treating you with respect and not playing games, it’s AWESOME to be a GOOD GUY. And when a woman is treating you well, being a good guy should come NATURALLY. If a woman is mistreating you, the answer is not to become a “jerk”, the answer is to DUMP her. If you try to play the same “game” by becoming a “jerk”, even if you WIN, you actually LOSE.
The reason you lose is because when you decide to “win” someone who is clearly not good for you, you are telling yourself that there is no other superior option for you. And that takes you back to negativity and low self-esteem, which only leads down a path of darkness. When you put passion before principle, you always lose, one way or another. But when you put principle before passion, you always win, no matter how hard it seems. Because your self-esteem is nothing but you living in harmony with your own principles.
Stay focused and remember that an exceptional woman is just as rare as an exceptional guy.
Just remember one thing:
Most women today have this notion given to them by our culture that somehow they have some “freebies” coming to them- i.e. that you should do a,b, c for them just because they are women, while you get nothing in the meantime.
Don’t get angry when this happens. It’s not their fault. Society keeps telling them that they’re superior to men. What you should do is use a little humor to get the message across. So for example, if a woman tells you she expects to be taken to “only the best and the finest”, tell her that’s great- because you yourself make it a point to ENSURE that before you make ANY sort of commitment to a woman, you must find out if she is the best and the finest herself.
See, women do it to us all the time. It’s only shocking when WE adopt the SAME standards… No matter how alien this concept seems, it’s the ONLY way to get respect. By insisting on only the best, you can then be a good guy, naturally.
And if you’re reading this right now and want to know the nitty-gritty about how to meet and interact with women so that you will be respected and desired, I recommend you download my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women.
It is the CORE FOUNDATION for your success with women, and the blueprint for what I do. It explains how to meet women anywhere, how to get contact info, and how to “get physical”. There’s even an important section on relationships in case you meet a really special woman.
You can go download the book at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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