One of the great ironies today is that for most women, good guys are interpreted as unsexy and unattractive, while bad guys are interpreted as good catches. This is because we are living in a very SMASHED SOCIETY.
Smashed, as in NOT SOBER. Other words to describe things might be: Frivolous. Trifling. Petty.
Where do many women go as soon as they get the chance? Clubs.
If you've ever been to a club, you'll notice that everything is designed to get you OUT of your logical mind, to get you overwhelmed with sensory impact. Music blasting so loud so that you can't think straight, alcohol to get tipsy or inebriated, lights flashing to stimulate your visual senses, etc.
Someone once said that thinking is the hardest work on earth, which is why so few people engage in it. We are a very anti-thinking culture. As humans, it's so much EASIER to surrender to emotion.
Public figures know this, and use emotion to manipulate people all the time.
Think of the play Julius Caesar, and how Antony gets the crowd riled up so that they quickly go from loving Brutus to wanting to lynch Brutus. Antony accomplishes this by evoking images of the blood soaked, dagger-ripped robe that Caesar was wearing when he was assassinated and using language rich with sensory impact.
We get caught up in popular culture, popular trends that promote the belief that happiness and solutions to problems are all based an quick fix, EXTERNAL factors and not internal attitudes.
In other words, nothing that requires effort from ourselves. Nothing that requires real mental EFFORT. So the answers to everything never have to do with ourselves, we are told, but instead we just need to "be more popular", or take the right drug, or change your lover, etc. Or "Get rich quick or die trying".
With such an attitude being promoted, it's no wonder so many people have such low self-esteem. And low self-esteem is the seed that triggers OBSESSION with needing the approval of others.
This is because attraction is based on the feeling that someone is superior.
Since most guys have had their self-esteem beaten to a pulp by women, they believe that women are superior and so they chase after women in a way that only makes women feel even MORE superior. A way that makes the men seem more INFERIOR to women.
No wonder we're in such a mess.
The greater you feel about yourself, the less power any woman will have over you. This is because since you already feel good about yourself, you don't feel needy. It takes more than T+A to get your attention.
However, what is superior can seem like a very subjective thing.
For example, people often want what they can't have. They will feel that what they CAN'T have is superior. This is why a woman will often want a guy when he is hardly available and when he seems taken by another woman.
Take the same guy, make him easily available and single, with no women seeming to be in his life, and for many women he will now seem unattractive. This is why in many ways some women are indirectly encouraging men to become womanizers these days. For that is the only way to attract some women, by proving that you have the attraction of other women.
However, to a woman who comes from a background where people are more SOBER and where people value faithfulness and a long-term connection, she may value a man who avoids hanging out with many women, a man who avoids the whole party scene, as a SUPERIOR catch.
And so the purpose of this newsletter is to help point out a few REALITIES and I will let you make your own conclusions about what is superior. Ultimately, it seems that most people eventually want to meet someone to build a lasting connection. And that wanting this has nothing to do with being needy or lacking choices or power.
It doesn't matter if you're a rockstar or Hugh Hefner. Yes, even the biggest rockstars, and even the greatest playboys on earth, it seems, want to get married or at least meet “the one” for them. Certainly, it has nothing to do with desperation, but rather it is their choice.
In fact, I would go so far as to say that many, if not MOST of the guys who are the MOST famous for having "desirable" women all around them were driven by the fact that they felt either repressed, or felt unsuccessful with women originally, or suffered greatly from being BETRAYED by a woman or not having their affection reciprocated, or a COMBINATION of all the above. And even after they reached “super sexy status” they still desired to meet an awesome woman for an exclusive relationship.
If you don't believe me, check out the biographies of people like Hugh Hefner or actors like Sylvester Stallone. Before Hugh became the greatest Playboy on earth, before he created Playboy and was just working in a regular publishing company, his first wife had an affair. Before Stallone went on to become the very image of masculinity, he was made fun of as a kid and called Sylvester the Cat (a la tweety bird) and was awkward with girls.
The NEED for women's approval becomes STRONGER when you are unsure of your worth. But if that’s the case, then what happens when you KNOW you are worthy, when you know you can get practically any woman on earth?
Well, at first, it's like a kid in a candy store.
When students of mine first put the concepts I teach and show into action, they usually can't get enough. They will go up to endless girls just because of the thrill of seeing that it works. But what happens after you already KNOW for sure you "have" what it takes?
Well, two things can happen:
First, you keep on UPPING the stakes. You want women of greater and greater beauty, and you want more and more of them. This is what is happening to most women who are attractive today, with men.
Since guys are so easy to get, since guys kiss up to women, women keep upping the stakes, they want harder to get guys, and more of them. Again, it's the APPROVAL of guys, the self-esteem boost, that is JUST as critical as sex, if not FAR MORE.
So women hang out in clubs, etc.
Then they try to see how much money they can get the guy to spend on them, etc. There is NO LIMIT to the human ego's selfishness unless it is PUT IN CHECK by self-discipline OR by external forces beyond the individual's control.
These days, women tend to have so many choices, and so many easy guys, that they don't know how to CONTROL that power. Instead, the power controls THEM.
This wasn't always the case.
For example, if we go back to the time, say, after World War II, many people appreciated basic things a little more than they do today. And there was less confusion about what to do or when to do it. People got married earlier, that was just what people did. I'm not saying it worked for everybody, but certainly, it avoided confusion and maintained some BALANCE. People had families earlier and men NEEDED to work to support the family and it was normal for women to help out the family by raising the children.
Everyone had a role, and everyone had a responsibility. Men would COURT women to show that they were good candidates for marriage, able to support a family and be faithful, and women in return would do their best to impress men by showing their modesty, their ability to raise a family, etc.
Less chaos, more order and balance. Far from a perfect society, but far from being some type of "caveman" existence either.
Today, most guys make women feel that women have ABSOLUTE power and that therefore women basically have to do NOTHING, just sit there and look pretty. Power is self-consuming, it's addictive. And so what happens is that more and more becomes necessary to get the same RUSH of feeling that you are POWERFUL.
This is why so many people that have wealth, fame, and the approval of others, whether it's a woman who is attractive or a guy who is a big movie star, end up turning to DRUGS to get the FEELING of power and feeling that everything is GREAT.
People kissing up to them is not enough. Mansions and cars are not enough. Being bitchy while people take the abuse is not enough. The need something ELSE to give them the feeling of power.
If you are a good guy, you might have very little concept of how many women who you think are "attractive" take serious drugs. If you knew, you might not find these women as desirable as you once thought.
And what happens is that very often, the drug use gets OUT OF HAND, (again, more and more becomes necessary to get the same effect) the addiction forms, whether it is alcohol or drugs, and pretty soon, there is a need for rehab and detox.
I always find it LUDICROUS how people worship celebrities, who are addicted to substances, whose lives are totally out of control, when in reality, many of these "desirable, beautiful people" WISH to only be able to live without the "monkey on their back" and who in their hearts wish they could have what the AVERAGE DUDE takes for GRANTED.
And then, when the "beautiful person" ends up sober and out of rehab, and is now FINALLY at the level where everyone else has already been forever, everyone CLAPS.
Who are REALLY the superiors in all this?
My point is this:
Not every woman out there who seems attractive is actually as superior as you might think.
To be honest, when I discovered all this for myself, it was the beginning of my journey. Instead of pursuing women and kissing up, I started dropping women and started qualifying the women who I did allow into my life. I would look for values in a woman, and if she didn't have the values I sought, I would smoothly and tactfully end the date right then and there. No need to be all rude when you really feel sorry for people.
And the greatest irony of it all is that this actually made women chase ME. I found it ironic that after years of being nice to a woman and being treated like dirt in response for that, suddenly after indirectly implying to women that they were not good enough for me, they would try to convince me that in fact they WERE good enough, and would call me, and chase me, and visit me.
I assure you though that I was playing NO "GAME".
I MEANT it.
And women KNEW that I meant it.
But back to my original point:
What happens ULTIMATELY to people who can have practically anyone they desire?
What happens to these folks, after they become all sober and everyone's clapping for them?
What do these guys REALLY want then?
They want to meet someone for a REAL relationship. Yes, it’s true.
So in other words, when you can have whatever you want, when you have all the power, ultimately most guys (and girls) STILL want a relationship. Now, I'm not saying that there are NO exceptions to this, but so far I have not found even ONE.
So in that case, it makes a LOT of sense to CHOOSE wisely the women you deal with.
And it makes a LOT of sense to become mature yourself.
If that means taking the time to search out the attitudes from women of different cultures, so be it. If that means learning to be more selective about which women you date, so be it.
If you are looking for a real relationship, beware of red flags like a woman who tells you that almost all her friends are guys because "she gets along so well with guys", or a woman who is an avid clubber (it's far more women than you think), etc, etc. And for crying out loud, don't listen to women's rationalizations for their behavior- i.e. "I love dancing" or "I just don't get along with women as well as I do guys" (well, it's true that she does "DO guys"!)
The reality is that in many ways, attracting these types of women involves REGRESSING in your standards and behaviors and attitudes.
And that is bad news for your own self-esteem.
So have high standards and don't let popular culture mess with your self-esteem and dictate what you believe is superior. Those who are supposedly "superior" are often wishing they could be just like YOU.
They're just too scared to show it. But hey, you might be embarrassed too if people were clapping for you just because you were sober.
And if you'd like to know more about the realities of meeting women, from first approach, to getting physical, to relationships, to working out the psychological dimensions of "inner game", I recommend you download my eBook- The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, immediately.
It's jam packed with tons of immediately applicable concepts and info on how to approach women, how to get numbers and emails, how to get physical, and how to smoothly handle the tests that every woman will throw at you.
Download it now at:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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