In my never-ending quest to unlock the secrets to attraction, I spend a LOT of time not only observing, testing and practicing, but also thinking deeply about this stuff. I’d like to share something with you today.
The most powerful force that affects the human race, the force behind almost every problem and also every good thing, if you search long enough, you will see that most of it traces back to the way people are CONDITIONED to behave by their ENVIRONMENT.
Whether on a macro scale or a sub-cultural scale, the influence of your human environment is HUGE.
This all gets back to attraction and women, (and actually just about everything else too) so just hang in there.
Ever wonder why the FIRST thing any cult or religion or any social group, including even your own social group, the FIRST thing that they tend to establish is: WHO IS IN and who is OUT. This may not be done consciously, but the fact is, anyone who doesn’t conform to the VALUES or STANDARDS is out.
Why is this SOOOOOO important?
There is a movie that came out a little while ago, called MEAN GIRLS. Besides the fact that I recommend watching this movie to get a good laugh, it actually shows you to a certain degree the power of this idea of WHO IS IN and WHO IS OUT.
And although not all women are like the girls in this movie, it’s still a good look at how social forces control behavior and even control people’s EMOTIONS.
I mean, EVERYTHING in this movie is about what is necessary in terms of behavior to fit into the ELITE group, and how tough the rules are, to ensure that only a few get in. And how people will start really FEELING GOOD about whatever the group is doing, even if at first they HATE what the group is doing.
Ever have a substitute teacher in school and the whole class made trouble and went into chaos? That’s because not only did the group mentality took over, no one individual had to be responsible, but also because the desire to CONFORM to the majority was huge.
You see, that saying that “no man is an island” is kind of true. It really is hard to be totally a hermit. It’s not easy.
So people have an internal NEED to interact. This NEED for people is natural. This is NOT an excuse to do anything immoral. It just means that people tend to need people on a basic emotional level.
Now, as every religion, every cult, every group of “mean girls”, and in fact just about any group, good or bad, already knows, is that, in a world full of uncertainty, you need to make some order out of the chaos. This often involves creating a set of RULES, VALUES, and BELIEFS to GOVERN the society or group of people.
And of course, it only makes sense that you would create RULES that were in line with YOUR particular beliefs, or that you would only sign up to a group that seemed to share your beliefs, or you might have had no choice and taken the only group you COULD be with, and thus accepted their values. And because of survival, you would probably even start to BELIEVE in those values after a while.
And, because everyone wants to feel great about themselves, everyone tries to go to the group that will best serve them, or at least accept them. Makes sense.
The internal NEED for human interaction, to belong to the group, to belong to society in general, is very powerful. This is why people often get brainwashed easily, whether it’s by something as seemingly harmless as television or Hollywood, or whether it is a dictator or anything else. The bottom line is that folks give in to peer pressure most of the time, in order to fit in.
It takes MASSIVE SELF-CONFIDENCE and AWARENESS to RESIST a social force that is not logical.
This social force exists on many levels, for example, on a micro level, it might be the pressure to drink when everyone else is drinking, on a macro level it might be the pressure to hate a certain group of people just because everyone else does.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT MOST PEOPLE WILL DO ANYTHING TO RETAIN THEIR MEMBERSHIP IN THEIR “REAL” SOCIETY and they will really feel attraction to those who seem superior in their real society or group.
I say “real” society, because there are many SUBCULTURES within the dominant culture, and so for example, you might be really into Goth and all your friends are Goth, and so THAT is your real society, at least in that particular context, and your real society would NOT be the mainstream one.
Now, this is a HUUUUUUGE topic that I delve into detail in my workshops and seminars, but a fundamental point is that if you behave as if you are the coolest thing since sliced bread, if you are totally CONGRUENT to it, then it’s only NATURAL that most women will JUMP on you.
This is because you are EXERTING a force called “as you can see, I am obviously the sh%t, and since it’s so obvious, you’d be NUTS not to be with me, because you’d be REJECTING your own chosen culture’s concept of what is good, and that is plain old goin against nature”.
Of course, it’s not a LOGICAL process. I’m just putting it into words, the way EVOLUTION has designed the brain, to feel the emotion of ATTRACTION when it seems from an evolutionary perspective to be a good idea to feel attraction. This is MORE than just being confident. It’s understanding the very FOUNDATION of why confidence works to spark attraction.
If you really understand it, then you don’t have to just rely on FAITH. And it’s easier to have confidence when you UNDERSTAND something as opposed to just having to take someone’s word on it.
Getting the approval of others in whatever our “real” society is, is so emotionally important, that we will follow that society’s rules in order to not be rejected. Ahhhh, so what is the FIRST rule of most groups? It’s about who is not allowed into the group. It’s about who is superior and who is inferior.
Of course, it’s usually all bull%$it, it’s all arbitrary USUALLY. I mean, if the only rule was “only those who hurt others are not allowed in” then it would be cool. THOSE would be cool values, to have only those who don’t believe in causing problems.
But no, the rules are waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more arbitrary usually.
And WHY do groups, whether it’s the “Mean Girls” or whether it’s a cult, WHY do they “OUTLAW” contact with those outside the group?
BECAUSE THEY DON’T SHARE THE SAME VALUES and BELIEFS.
And there is nothing quite so DISTURBING to your reality as the idea that you may not be right. In fact, the most disturbing way to shake up a reality is to have OTHER PEOPLE challenging it. This is because as humans, we base SO MUCH of our own value on what others think.
So, if you are running a cult or running a group of mean girls like the head ice queen in that movie, you must make sure that the BELIEF in their reality is never shaken, and that is why they must not associate with others.
Because OTHER HUMAN BEINGS have POWER. The power of giving or NOT giving confirmation.
I just want to illustrate how powerful this confirmation stuff is. Even if you were to say “good morning” to your friend, and he or she were to say something back like “what’s so good about it” it would be a bit unpleasant, right? It would be even worse if he or she said NOTHING.
Think about it:
“Hi, what’s up?”
And you get back NOTHING.
This is called DISCONFIRMING FEEDBACK.
As human beings, we DON’T LIKE THIS! It makes us feel as if we are not worthy! So we tend to do what we can to be worthy, to try to make people appreciate us.
The irony is that when you try to make a jerk or a woman who is stuck up appreciate you, they only think LESS of you, because they see you TRYING to win THEIR approval, which tells them that THEY are the ones with worth.
Of course, good friends don’t do this to each other, they already VALUE each other and make sure to show they value them.
So you see, because ultimately SOOO MUCH of what we think is superior or inferior is in fact completely arbitrary, based on these behavioural cues, whoever has a stronger BELIEF and CONGRUENT BEHAVIOUR that shows they are in fact desirable will CREATE the feeling in the other person that they are.
This is why I also emphasize the importance of SUBTLETIES, because the line between acting superior and acting like you are trying too hard is very fine.
And this is why when you do well with a few women, you tend to do well with MANY, because you start to NATURALLY show the behavioural cues of a guy who is WANTED.
Let me give you an example from a letter I recently received:
I just want to congratulate you for all the newsletters you have written. Along with your eBook, it really has helped me.
Physically, I am fit and handsome enough. Emotionally, I have very stable and balanced. I don't have trouble with girls. But last January, a 1 1/2 year relationship that was mutually broken off absolutely gutted me because she absolutely walked all over me (I didn't realise it until the end - I'll spare you the details). She was stunning, intelligent - all that crap, and for the first time in my life, I lost control of my emotions with a girl - which really put me in a rut, thinking about her in my life and incorporating her into my future. I've never done that with previous girls. God, I am only 20 years old!
Worst of all, the sex life was pathetic, and I am sure my behaviour as a sensitive male trying to accommodate her massive insecurities is the reason she lost attraction in me (but she stayed with me because I was able to satisfy the provider need in abundance).
I was too good for her and did everything for her, but she treated me like shit. Her mother even said when we broke up I need to be more bad with her! I was trying to be a nice guy, to help her, and all it did was make my relationship with her painful.
Over the year, I've seen plenty of other chicks and had some fun, but it wasn't until I read your eBook that I really woke up. Everything you say makes so much sense, and your ideas are always at the back of my mind. I make an effort to never hesitate; I always act dominate (and you're right about the distinction about aggressiveness - I was confused about that as well). And the results?
My confidence is restored, and my affect on women is so much stronger. Today for example, I have had three (!) separate girls message me out of the blue. The first one I have only seen three times, and I ignored her advances on the first date (invite to room and all that...I remember what you said in the e-book), and she went gaga the next week. She just got back today, from a two week trip, saying how much she misses me and can't wait to see me!
The second is some chick that came to Sydney for a week's holiday with her friends. She's messaged me a month later, from her home city, saying how much she wants to see me again after that one night! And this third chick - whose friends and herself seemed like man eaters - and whom I picked up last week on my holiday...has just messaged me saying how upset she is she didn't get to see me again (she was meant to visit Sydney with her girlfriends for a holiday).
I have modified my behavour a bit to seem like a 'higher intrinsic male" (a problem I have is where is the line, to not be arrogant?), and these three girls since I read your book have lost it for me!
You've given me a different perspective on those crazy creatures, and help rebuilt my confidence. And that was all I needed. Thank you!
Name Withheld Upon Request.
Yup, this is THE WAY HUMANS ARE. Doesn’t matter even if you are good looking, because what happened is a chick starts walking all over a guy, the guy cannot comprehend what is going on, he only comprehends that SHE is basically saying “you’re not worthy of good treatment” and THIS has a MASSIVE BLOW to the unprepared man. (which was all of us at one point, so I ain’t criticizing.)
It is, in Human Communications terms, DISCONFIRMING FEEDBACK.
So THAT begins to affect a guy’s SELF-CONCEPT.
Basically, he starts to think LOWER of himself.
And the crazy part is, as humans, we usually SHOW IT. We basically SHOW THROUGH OUR BEHAVIOURS that we think we are NOT WORTHY.
So guess what?
The chick goes in for the kill. Or more accurately, decides the guy is worth LESS than even she thought the day before.
And treats him WORSE.
And then the guy feels worse and SHOWS IT.
If he’s lucky, someone WAKES HIM OUT OF THIS NIGHTMARE and shows him the way. Or, he hits rock bottom and goes nuts like me, and simply says ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN TAKING THIS CRAP AND I BELIEVE I AM WORTH MORE THAN ANY WOMAN’S APPROVAL OR DISAPPROVAL.
And then, SUDDENLY, we start to SHOW our RISING value through our NATURAL behaviors. And one woman, then another, then another, take NOTICE and can’t help but FEEL attraction. And of course, this raises your self-concept, which shows through your behaviours.
So you can see the ENDLESS LOOP of social forces, self-worth, and attraction here.
We don’t just live by instinct, we also are affected by the people around us, by CULTURE, the values and beliefs of the people around us. Their feelings about us.
In fact, it is INSTINCT for us to be affected by culture and society.
Ever wonder why the suicide rate is higher right around the holidays? Or in spring?
It’s because of the feeling that everyone ELSE is having a great time, and we feel like we are somehow inferior, because we judge ourselves so often by what everyone ELSE thinks.
This is why it really sucks to stay in on the weekend when you know everyone else is going out. As opposed to staying in during the week when most people must do the same.
Now, THIS is why I stress so often the importance of being THE MAN, and learning how to OVERRIDE these forces with SUPER HIGH SELF ESTEEM so that you can in fact become self-validated. So that you can not have to RELY on others for feeling good if you ever happen to be in a situation where you are NOT being treated well. You have to have the SELF-ESTEEM to BELIEVE in yourself that you are worth more than what any abusive woman or anyone abusive is telling you.
At the same time, there is no need to become an island, for in fact it is EASY to attract women. ESPECIALLY when you aren’t desperate for approval of others, because in fact NOT being desperate for approval is a sign of SUPERIORITY within society. And ta-da, that’s why attraction is sparked by this, as well as by tons of other forces that I teach in explicit detail in my book and in my other services.
If you think MEN are affected by these forces, well trust me WOMEN are affected EVEN MORE.
Women are EXTREMELY INFLUENCED, in general, by what their friends think, etc.
This is why if a girl has BAD FRIENDS, then even if she feels attraction for you, and even if she treats you GREAT, she will be TORN apart by the pressure she feels from her friends to fit in, and either she will eventually dump her friends or dump you. Or try to convert you to be like her friends or vice versa.
All to maintain a smooth social environment.
I’ve spend a lot of time figuring out just how to come across as a guy who really is desired, and you can take advantage of that time and effort and knowledge. You can learn how to use the force of your own SELF. You POSSESS THIS POWER RIGHT NOW, YOU JUST HAVEN’T LEARNED HOW TO UNLEASH IT!!!!!
If you can make it to my next seminar, workshop or bootcamp, I believe the experience will be one that will last you for the rest of your life. Not only will you learn all the technical aspects you need to know, not only will you get to do this stuff for REAL, but by being in THE RIGHT ENVIRONMENT, so you will be affected in a POSITIVE way.
You will be taking advantage of the social influence that I will be having on you.
One thing I demand from myself and all my instructors is SUPERB HUMAN SKILLS. Because ultimately, if you don’t feel good while you are learning, you won’t learn a THING. You will be rejecting it internally. So I make it a TOP PRIORITY to make the experience ENJOYABLE
even as I push you to your limits.
Another thing is that my personal beliefs fall in line with the majority of guys out there- in other words, personally, I really don’t feel some kind of pressure to have sex with every attractive girl that comes my way. I USED to feel this pressure, because of the GROUP OF PEOPLE I used to hang out with. Sex became like a religion in itself, another ARBITRARY thing. It became the end all and be all of everything. I felt a tremendous PRESSURE that if a hot girl was hitting on me, I had to have sex with her, even though I didn’t really like her.
Then I realized what was happening to me, and I didn’t like it. I wasn’t being THE MAN. So I changed my social group. My friends are all cool guys, but they are not robots, and they are not POP- prisoners of p**sy.
For the most part, I enjoy having a great girlfriend, FOR REAL, and being faithful. At the same time, when single, I also can enjoy the process of MEETING women and creating ATTRACTION in the process and then deciding if I would like to take things further.
I believe this attitude of mine is crucial for long term success with women, and also that it is compatible with the goals of most guys.
Basically, if you want to learn how to attract women, how to escalate to getting physical, without having to become a sleezeball, without having to sacrifice your joy of relationships, without having to resort to women of low moral caliber, and without having to shut down your emotions and turn into a robot, then I believe I truly am the best one on earth to come to.
To find out more, go to:
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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