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I would like to share with you ten critical points for success with women that I believe are UNIVERSAL. In other words, no matter what your goal is, no matter what kind of woman, the following “commandments” are crucial.
#1. THOU SHALT HAVE A GREAT STATE OF MIND
Everything you do flows from your state of mind. Your most subtle behaviors will reflect your state, and women will pick up on this more than you can possibly imagine.
The problem is that a lot of guys think that having the right state of mind means having a militaristic state of mind toward meeting women. As if it meant “I AM THE BOSS, AND YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND THAT”. This kind of philosophy works only on some low self esteem women, and is usually the result of bitterness and anger and generalizing about all women from a few negative experiences. All this stuff is the dark side of the force. Stay away from it. It is REPELLING.
How can you expect a woman to want to be with a guy who despises her or feels over-riding bitterness towards her? If you feel this way about a PARTICULAR woman, there is probably a good reason for it, so just stay away from HER.
Having a great state of mind is a complex topic which I deal with in greater depth in my book and my live seminars and workshops, but if I had to describe it in brief, I would say that it is more like “I know I have what it takes to make any woman insanely happy, and I enjoy giving of my personality to the right woman, and only the right woman”.
Other parts of this state of mind might be described as, “I am not just a taker, I am also a giver, and I attract others with this attitude. I also am smart enough to not get taken advantage of without having to be angry or have my guard up so high that no woman can reach me.”
Finally, another element of this state of mind might be described as “I learn from EACH experience and from every woman that I meet” as opposed to being all caught up on the final result. In other words, if you take every woman that you meet as a learning experience, you will learn VERY FAST, and you will find that you enjoy the learning experience.
Ironically, this will ease the pressure and help you actually do better and get better results. You will achieve greater insight and skills than if you were too focused on how the date went. Just focus on what you are learning. Become a human learning machine.
#2. LEAD THE SHOW/KNOW WHAT YOUR GOAL IS
I think a lot of guys confuse being a CONTROLLING PRICK with leadership and dominance and having a sense of direction of where they want to take things with a woman.
I have to be more blunt and harsh to get the point across, it’s not as easy as when in person when I can explain and demonstrate. So let me just say here that there is a HUGE difference between being a leader and dominant and being an overly aggressive prick, and though it might SEEM obvious, it actually ISN’T in real life.
I see this all the time in my workshops, so it’s become very clear to me this is a huge problem.
It’s one of the main things I focus on with guys who are serious about success with women.
A lot of times, a guy will actually be doing well in a conversation with a woman he has just met, he could have easily turned it into an instant date, or at least get her number, but he won’t do it, because he really wasn’t sure if “he should” or not. The answer is he SHOULD. THIS is progressing things, this is leadership. THIS is what women mean when they say they want a guy who will be a man. They don’t want to have to be the man, they want the man to be the man.
Sometimes, you need to know what your goal is fast. If you see a woman and you’re not sure if you should go up and speak to her and you spend ten minutes thinking about whether you should go up to her or not, you need to accelerate your decision making abilities or she will likely be gone.
If a woman feels that she is with a guy who is namby-pamby about what to do with her, where to go, when to kiss, etc, etc, she will NOT feel “what a cool guy who is not desperate” but she WILL feel very uncomfortable and that she is with a female girlfriend, and a very pathetic one at that.
At the same time, there is WAY to make decisions, to progress the romance, to progress the attraction, to escalate to the physical if you so desire, without being AGGRESSIVE about it, and yet still be dominant and lead the show.
The art of attraction is a very FINE art. It’s not about SMASHING a nail with a HAMMER. It’s more like driving in the Indy 500 or Formula One- you have to be able to SMOOTHLY CONTROL all that power called BEING THE MAN.
This requires tactfulness, for example, the tone of your voice when mentioning to a woman that you should talk more over a coffee right then and there should be confident, but not domineering. Think of how James Bond might offer a woman the chance to chat with him. Not aggressive, yet very smooth and very confident. It’s not just the words, it’s the tonality, the relaxed demeanor, and several other non-verbal cues.
A lot of guys will want a one word answer to how to do all this, but the truth is that it involves many subtleties. There is no one-size fits all genie bottle magic, it takes experience and insight to get it all down just right.
#3 THOU SHALT HAVE A SENSE OF CONFIDENT HUMOR
Most people lose sight of perspective. They get overly serious about everything and they forget that the truth is they could be laughing a lot more. When you have this attitude, especially if it is a CONFIDENT sense of humor, you make not only yourself feel better, but you also make those around you WANT to CONTINUE to be around you. It is simply evolution here: By conveying confidence and the feeling that everyone can laugh and things are okay, on a very primal level you instill feelings of deep security in others, who will do anything to continue to be around you for the awesome emotions you are providing. Again, this is operating on an evolutionary level, it’s not like people think about this consciously.
Think about the effect of having this sense of humor compared to the other negative angry bitter guys she meets all the time. What makes it DOUBLY POWERFUL is if you have this without resorting to mind altering substances, because it becomes clear that it is indeed YOU who feels this way, and not just the drugs or alcohol that you are using.
#4 THOU SHALT CREATE A SENSE OF INTRIGUE
Most guys give all their cards away immediately, out of a desire to do everything they can to impress a woman, or out of insecurity. When you try reveal too much too soon, you rob a woman of the joy of WONDER. She wants to WONDER about you. Women LOVE this stuff. They are not like guys who just want no headaches. Women LOVE this “wonder” stuff.
Besides, there is no way on earth that you could truly reveal all the infinite things that have made you who you are, and what you are, in only a few hours or days, so don’t even try.
Instead, reveal an awesome and cool PERSONALITY, and let her wonder about the details.
When you do this, you let a woman paint her fantasy of you, and then once she lets this gel in her mind, nothing you can do can get RID of that fantasy of who you are, since it has already SOLIDIFIED IN HER MIND.
Don’t answer her every question on the first date. Don’t have the usual boring formal conversations. If you need to, pretend you are Bond (no, not to HER, but to yourself, so that you remind yourself that you must keep some secrets for now).
Let her paint the fantasy on the canvass of her mind.
#5 SHAKE IT UP A BIT
Wherever possible, don’t do things the routine way. Don’t go to “movies” on the first date. Don’t ask “typical date” questions like how many brothers and sisters she has and what you both do for a living. Don’t let her predict your behaviours. If you typically send her a text message or an email in the morning, then send her a message at night.
You see, the more we know something is going to happen, the more our mind adapts and doesn’t pay attention to it.
It’s the way our brains evolved so we can handle new things and focus on those things instead of things that are already pretty much figured out.
DON’T BE THAT GUY. DON’T BE “FIGURED OUT”.
Again, you will be giving her the excitement and joy by NOT allowing her to figure you out completely.
#6 THOU SHALL MAXIMIZE YOUR ENERGY OR STAY HOME
A long time ago, I once wrote about how most guys have jittery movements from their over-excitement around women. I explained how once when I was really tired, I saw how powerful my results were with women, simply because I wasn’t doing all the hyper movements and behaviors.
Being calm is WAY BETTER than being nervous and erratic.
But being both CALM and ALSO being ENERGIZED is the ULTIMATE.
If you are really exhausted, you are not going to be at your best and it will far more difficult for you to convey all the cool qualities that are attractive.
It will be too easy to give off the impression that you really aren’t interested in her, and the truth is that women DO want guys who are interested in them, they just don’t want guys who are DESPERATE for them. When you are exhausted, it’s easy to make dumb mistakes and come across as a guy who is just chatting because he is either weird or has nothing better to do.
When you are energized, you can focus your intent, your voice tone, your expressions, NATURALLY, and come across as THE MAN.
#7 DRESS WITH FLAIR
When you go to a festive event, what do you do? You dress up, right?
Do you know why?
Because it is FESTIVE!!!!!
A time to be HAPPY, to CELEBRATE, etc. Well, if you want women to get in the mood, it sure as heck helps if you lead by EXAMPLE.
Besides, women already KNOW THIS and dress with a bit of flair already.
When you dress with some original style, you help make your own mind congruent with being outgoing and playful, and you help bring women into your psychological frame as well.
In other words, instead of having to convert you into a cool fun playful person, women can see that you are already that way, or at least will give you that first impression unless you mess it up by acting like a bitter or negative person.
Dressing cool means more than just dishing out money on clothes, and it doesn’t mean you have to be dress in a way that prevents you from living a normal life. I spend a great deal of time on explaining what this means in my workshop and seminars, but in the meantime I recommend going slightly BEYOND what the trendy styles are and also being original and congruent to your own self.
Think about it- who would you rather play with - a woman who seems bland and bitter, or a woman who seems happy?
Again, your clothes will never make up for your “inner game”- you must take care of your internal game first and foremost, but the right clothes will help you a lot.
#8 THOU SHALT CREATE A GENUINE CONNECTION
Most guys would like the whole process to consist of “Hi, attractive woman. I think you are hot. How about you give me no headaches and we enjoy sex and a happy life together?”
For most guys, if a woman would agree to that, it would be a pretty good connection as far as the guy is concerned.
Look, for most women, they want a greater sense of connection than that. And as a guy, I recommend that most guys should be thinking about raising their own standards and looking for a woman whom they indeed DO feel a strong connection with.
It really helps if you are GENUINELY interested in a woman, that way you don’t have to act. Also, the more you enrich yourself in learning different things, you will find the greater your ability to relate to others will be.
Creating a sense of connection is a vast and complex topic, but I can tell you that it is not limited to just sharing things in common, although that is one element of connection.
It is also the ability to relate to her, for her to feel she is with a guy who is not just an ape. To a large extent, this is a skill which really should not be limited to just your interactions with women, but rather to everyone. I think that the more you care about people in general, the better you will be able to form connections with women.
And a decent dosage of intelligence and culture doesn’t hurt either, because most women enjoy speaking about things other than how to pass gas and Beavis and Butthead. The crazy thing is that for some reason many intelligent guys suddenly act dumb around women, I think it might be all the bad role models we have on TV- the guys are either wuss bags, or they are relationship-incompetent.
#9 CREATE A LIFE THAT YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT
This is a huge one.
If your whole life is about a woman, you are allowing yourself to turn into a void, which is completely unnecessary and counter-productive.
The more passionate you are about your life and goals, the more you will have a wider perspective on the whole topic of women, you will not feel as much pressure for validation from women, and of course this will make you more confident with women.
Also, it’s far sexier to a woman to be with a guy who has goals and is excited about life, and has balance in his life, than to be with a guy who is looking to a woman to be the answer to all his problems.
The irony is, that the self-validation you will get from doing your own thing will make you both less needy for validation from women, and also sexier to women. Moreover, when you don’t need a woman’s validation so much, you will be better able to focus on whether a woman is REALLY right for you or not. You will be able to focus on whether she has the right values, the right personality, etc. This is what quality relationships are made of.
#10 THOUGH SHALT NOT BE A PRICK
I hate having to repeat this, but it’s SO important, because it’s just too easy to misinterpret that being the man is about being a jerk.
Although there are a few women who respond to total jerks, those are low self esteem women with issues ranging from dishonesty to sadistic tendencies who are not worth THE MAN’s time. Regarding the quality women, they can tell pretty fast if you are the kind of guy who is just out to use them, or if you reek of bitterness or any other negative trait.
I recommend that you err on the side of enjoying people and liking people and looking for the good in people rather than the opposite.
A huge part of being successful with women is about being successful with socializing, and negative attitude, negative traits, etc, really look pathetic, ESPECIALLY in a social setting.
In fact, even if a guy is a model, he will look like crap if he acts like a prick in a social setting. And trust me, most women are more aware of socially appropriate behavior than most guys are, and will walk away faster than you can say “no sex” from a guy who doesn’t “get” this aspect of life.
Again, there is a HUGE difference between having self-respect and being a jerk.
I’ll end this with a little secret - even though I’m not a fan of starting conversations with women with compliments, the truth is that as long as your voice tonality indicates that you are confident that she will APPRECIATE it, you are WAY BETTER OFF than coming in as a royal jerk-off.
That being said, I believe the ultimate way to attraction is to go BEYOND the obvious compliment, and communicate to her in a SUBTLE yet POWERFUL way that you are interested in her, and yet that you are also the coolest guy she has ever met.
If you would like to learn more about this, I suggest you download and read my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women. Inside, you will find the most powerful ways to trigger attraction in women. And it won’t even require “lines”, and it will work ANYWHERE, from streets to malls to clubs to your local bus stop. It also shows you how to take things from first meeting her all the way to getting physical, and there is an important section on relationships as well that I believe is nowhere else to be found.
Download it now:Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
- Evolution of Inner Game
- Turn Flaws Into Strengths
- Not Wanting Women
- Experience and Mindset
- One Special Girl
- Nice Guys Vs Bad Boys
- Ten Dangerous Mistakes
- Secret From A Frog
- Being The Prize
- 5 Myths
- Different Types of Guys
- Social Conditioning
- Pick Up Artist Mindsets
- Why Intelligent Men Fail
- Why Nice Guys Suck
- Get Girl To Like You
- Short? Attract Girls
- Dealing With Jealousy Envy Bad Emotions
- Raise The Bar
- Confidence & Leadership
- Out of Your Head
- They Want To Be Porn Stars
- Chosen By Women
- Having Fun
- Implementing A Habit
- Higher State
- Skill Building Activity
- The Creed
- Statement Of Affirmations
- 7 Power Attitudes
- Ten Commandments For Attraction
- Philosophy of Happiness
- Larger Than Life
- Having High Standards
- What Are You Worth?
- Golden Calf
- Risk Taker
- Refuse Victim
- Alpha Attitude
- Winning Attitudes Impress Women